Tara
Shaking my head from side to side, my hair moves like silk and my reflection looks more like that of a movie star than someone like me.
“Oh, I love it. I can’t believe that’s really me.”
Eddie stands in front of me, both hands clutching the mirror smiling like a crazed lunatic.
“Didn’t I tell you he was the best?” Izzy adds as she stands looking at me with admiration for my new bangs.
My hair falls longer at the front and shapes my face. Turning my head, I see that my hair is tapered at the back and the whole bob look really suits me.
My feet meet the floor and I step up, hugging the hairdresser. “I can’t tell you what a difference this will make.” I pull back, looking him in the eye. “Thank you.”
“Never doubted for a second that this was the cut for you. It’s perfect.” Pushing the mirror back in his bag, he collects his things, ready to make his way out.
As we head over to the door, the familiar rumble of the bike engine makes me glance through the window. I see Nate kicking out the stand of the bike and dismounting.
“Is that, uh, the hot guy with all the tattoos that was here this morning?” Eddie asks.
“Nate,” I say holding back a chuckle. “Yeah, he’s my boyfriend.”
Waving his hand in front of his face he flutters his eyelashes dramatically. “I have a huge appreciation for the male form. Particularly the hot biker kind.”
“Hands off, bitch,” I tease, pointing my finger at him.
“You are a lucky woman waking up to that every morning.” Placing his fist in his mouth he lets out a moan, his eyes rolling and I can barely breathe. I hold my stomach as I laugh at him. The door opens and we are both suddenly silenced. Nate’s eyes flick between me and Eddie, a puzzled look on his face.
“Hey,” he says breaking the awkward silence.
I let out a laugh I can no longer control.
“Shit, what did I miss?”
Eddie glares at me in warning. “Oh nothing,” I say, wrapping my arm around his waist and pressing onto my toes, kissing him gently on the cheek. “Just seeing Eddie to his car.”
“I can do that for you,” he says, turning his head and kissing me on the lips.
“I’d love that,” Eddie purrs and I stifle another laugh, pressing my face into Nate’s shoulder. This guy is literally drooling over my man, yet I can’t help but think it’s hilarious. Dropping my hold on Nate I step back, waving a little to Eddie as he and Nate walk over to his car. I stand in the doorway, waiting for Nate to make his way back over. With bright eyes I watch as he talks with Eddie remembering that I could have lost all of this. The feeling of excitement swelling in my tummy. The feeling of my heart beating rhythmically and faster just when he’s around. Without a shadow of a doubt, I am lucky. Lucky to be alive and lucky to have Nate.
“That’s a look I won’t ever get tired of seeing,” he muses as he steps closer, his hands falling to my hips. “You look amazing.”
“He did a real good job at fixing my hair.”
“The hair looks great but I was talking about the look on your face. Baby, you look so happy, so carefree. It’s a good fucking look on you.”
Pulling me closer, I lift my legs, wrapping them around him. Nate winces as he holds me up, his shoulder still causes him pain. He doesn’t say, but I know.
Slowly, I move until our lips are touching. My eyes closed and my heart full, I sink into him, craving the comfort and healing I feel from his kiss.
“I could do this all day,” he speaks between kisses, almost murmuring.
The sound of Izzy clearing her throat makes Nate turn until we’re facing her. “I should leave you to it.”
“You have a visitor at the office. Melody is there looking for you.”
“Yeah, Brax called. He’s keeping her busy for now.”
Loosening my legs, I drop down to the floor, wincing a little. “Thank you for today. I feel like a million dollars. It was just what I needed.”
“Anytime,” she says, hugging me before heading out the door. “Call me,” she shouts back and I wave to her.
I let out a contented sigh. “Don’t know what I did to deserve her,” I say, looking up at Nate. “She’s been such a good friend to me.”
“I’m glad you have her. Have you called your mom yet?”
Grimacing, I shake my head a little. “I can’t, Nate. Not ready to face her just yet.”
“I understand,” he replies, reaching for my hand. “Are you ready?”
“Ready?” I ask in astonishment. “Ready for what?”
“Go pack an overnight bag. I have a little something planned.”
Fluttering my lashes, I stare into his bright, excited eyes. Squeezing his hand, my stomach flips. “Where are we going?”
He glances at his watch. “It’s a surprise. Go. We need to leave in precisely three minutes and forty seconds.”
Hobbling up the stairs as fast as my damaged leg allows, I make my way into the bedroom. Opening the closet, I stand there, scanning my clothes wondering what the hell I should take. I have no idea where we’re going and even less idea of what to take. I grab a few items of clothing, making sure I have something for every eventuality. Heading into the bathroom I grab my toiletries, push it all into my bag before heading back down the stairs. Nate is waiting for me with his back against the door, one leg up and his hands in the pockets of his jeans.
My heart leaps at the glorious-looking man at the door.
My man.
He’s mine and I can’t help but be excited that it would be just the two of us tonight. That together, we could forget about everything and everyone and concentrate on us. The reason this whole fucked-up mess happened in the first place.
Like we’re running away from our problems. Jumping on Nate’s bike and riding away from here and forgetting, just for one night, what has happened.
We have to make today count. And every day after.
“I’m ready,” I say, stopping in front of him, clasping the handle of the bag.
“Good.” He smirks, his lips curling at one corner and I have to admit, that shit does something to me. My stomach clenches and excitement swells between my legs.
Using his leg, he pushes himself away from his position against the door and steps a little closer.
“You going to tell me where we’re going? Like, do I need my passport?” I ask, pressing him.
“The only mode of transport I like is the bike.” He chuckles, reaching for the door and waving his arm. “Let’s go.”
Confusion swims in my mind. “Stop,” I say gently. “You have to tell me what’s happening here, Nate. We’re leaving for the night. But what about the club, the other guys? The shit that went down with the Deathseekers. It’s such a great gesture, but is it the right time? You’re prez, and I get that.”
“Some shit went down at the club making me realize what’s important. You, Tara. You’re what’s important. The fucking club can wait.”
“Baby…” I start to say, only to be cut off by his strong arm pulling me into his chest.
“We need this. No more questions, let’s go.”
Leading us outside, he hands me the helmet and pulls on his own. He works quickly to secure our bags to the back of the bike. Throwing his leg over and mounting the bike, I follow his lead. Sliding on the bike behind Nate, I wrap my arms around him tightly.
As we drive to our unknown destination, the comfort of holding Nate almost sends my weary body to sleep. The hum of the bike and the heat of his body is the perfect combination.
Slowing the bike, I lift my head to take in our surroundings. I notice that we’re driving down a track that leads to a cabin. I’m suddenly feeling more alert as my eyes scope out the area.
The engine is silenced and Nate flicks his foot out, locating the stand and kicking it out. “We’re here,” he announces to me over his shoulder. Loosening my hold, I lift my leg and drop down from the bike. I place my hand above my eyes, shielding myself from the afternoon sun as I glance past at the cabin and toward the lake.
“This place is beautiful,” I say, my ears filled with the sound of birds tweeting.
“Just like you,” he murmurs as he approaches me from behind, wrapping his arms around my torso and squeezing me gently. The cabin looks small but quaint, and completely perfect. I take in a deep breath of the fresh air and let it fill my lungs.
“I’ll grab our things.” Kissing me lightly, he releases the hold on me, turning and grabbing our things from the bike.
“Can you swim?” I shout over to him as I make my way closer to the edge of the lake.
“Sure.”
“Shame about our wounds. A late-night swim would’ve been perfect.”
“Hey, don’t,” he says suddenly appearing behind me, dropping our bags to the ground. “We can come again. Our wounds will heal, Tara.”
“I know.” Spinning on the spot I turn to face him. “You’ve been amazing. This. It’s so thoughtful.”
“You deserve the best, and I’ve given you anything but. That’s all going to change.” Bobbing his head from side to side he sucks in a sharp breath. “I should have done you better. It fucking kills me every day knowing what you’ve been through because of me. And surprisingly, you’re here with me. You didn’t turn your back on me when things got tough.”
I reach up, sliding my hand over his cheek and toward his hair. “I love you, Nate.”
He lets out a huge sigh. “I have yet to find the words that truly express how I feel for you, Tara. Because those three words, I love you, don’t seem enough.”
My eyes fall and linger on his mouth. After a moment's pause, I lift up, pressing my lips to his. He pulls me closer, my tits pressing against his chest as he deepens the kiss. His soft lips against mine feel warm and cause a tingle between my thighs. Reaching up, I lace my hands around his neck.
“I just want to take away the pain, Tara. I want to make you forget all the bad and replace it with good memories. Memories of us, of me.” Pulling back, he uses the tip of his nose, running it across my jaw. “I know it’s gonna take time to heal. But I want to be the one to heal you.”
With his hand on my ass he lifts me until my feet leave the ground.
“Your shoulder, Nate. You need to be careful.”
He smiles, pulling me toward him anyway. His heart beats against my chest and everything about him, despite his rough, rugged, tattoo-covered appearance, is gentle. His words, his touch.
“If anyone can help, it’s you,” I say with a smile.
Dipping his head, his lips meet mine once again before he sucks in my bottom lip. I can’t help the small moan that escapes as the pleasure of the moment takes over. He darts out his tongue and kisses me like he’s trying to repair all that is damaged.
And slowly, with every subtle touch, every contact of his lips I’m forgetting. Blocking out the awful memories and pain and replacing them with good ones.
Slowing the kiss, Nate parts from me, pressing his forehead against mine. “We should take our things inside,” he mumbles. “Because if we carry on, I’m not sure I’ll be able to stop at kissing you.”
I giggle. The sudden feeling of my stomach growling reminds me how hungry I feel.
“Was that you?” he asks frowning.
“Feeling kinda hungry over here.” Pressing my hand to my tummy, I look at him with wide eyes.
“I’m glad you said that.”
Striding over to the entrance to the cabin, he unlocks the door and disappears inside. Moments later, he walks out with a huge basket in one hand and a blanket in the other.
“Picnic,” he sings, walking over to me. Placing down the basket, he shakes out the blanket, placing it on the grass. “Take a seat, madam.”
With a huge smile plastered on my face, I slowly ease myself down. Tilting my face toward the sun, I soak up the heat.
“I like the silence,” I murmur. “No music, no loud voices. Just the sound of nature and us. I think you found my little piece of perfection.”
Opening my eyes, Nate’s face comes closer to mine as he’s in front of me on all fours. Kissing me, Nate makes a smacking sound on contact and I can’t help but giggle, falling back against the blanket. Reaching for his cut, I take him with me and he lands softly on top of me.
“That smile, Tara. So fucking good to see it again.”
“Yeah, but this one. It’s different, happier.”
He pushes himself up like he’s doing a push-up. Sitting back on the blanket he digs into the basket, laying the food out in front of us.
“You gotta eat,” he says, his tone suddenly more serious. “You also need to keep hydrated.” His eyes fall to my stomach and it’s like a sucker punch to my gut. The one thing I don’t want to think about, yet the one thing I can’t run from. That I can’t escape.
“Don’t,” I say, sitting upright and pulling my legs beneath me. I allow my shoulders to slump at the realization that I can’t hide from this problem.
“Don’t what?” he asks, clearly confused.
“The baby, Nate. I’m terrified. So scared that this life growing inside me is a permanent reminder of him.”
Handing me a soda, he doesn’t say anything, but I see the thought in his eyes. How he’s thinking about what to say.
“Tara, we don’t know that there’s any truth in the shit Jeffries spewed.” Taking my free hand, he pulls me closer. With his hand under my legs he drags me into his lap. “I really thought, well hoped, that you’d come to terms with the pregnancy.”
“I did… I had… but I was holding on to hope. Wishing that it’s your baby. Because I know I can love it if it’s part of you. But what he said, he made me doubt everything. I need to know. I can’t go into this blind. Having a child is life-changing.”
“And I will. I’ll get you the answers. Give me time, baby. But promise me one thing.”
“What?”
“That you won’t give up on the baby. I fucking hate what happened to you, and I see the pain that it causes you, even behind those fake smiles. But we can do this. Together.”
Placing the can down, I lean into him, wrapping my arms around his neck. “Together,” I repeat.
“Listen, I want our time together to be fun. Just for tonight, let’s forget all of our troubles.”
With a smirk, I wiggle from his hold, my ass dropping down against the blanket. Grabbing the can of soda, I shake it before pulling back the ring pull, spraying the contents at Nate. Springing up from the ground, Nate drags his hand over his face trying to remove the soda.
He laughs and lifts a brow in amusement. “You know this means war, right?”
“Shit,” I laugh, grabbing the basket. I step back, holding the basket tightly against my torso. “You gotta get it first.”
Turning on my heel, I start to sprint away. Granted, not very fast with my healing leg. I squeal, checking over my shudder to see Nate on my heels. His arms wind around my waist, lifting me from the ground.
“Uh-uh, no you don’t.”
“Okay, okay, you got me.” Dipping my hand back inside the basket, I discreetly pull out another can. Nate’s head dips to my collarbone and he starts to pepper small kisses on the sensitive skin. I feel my legs weaken and my heart beat a little harder at the contact. Lowering my hand I let the basket fall to the ground as my need to give in to him increases with every soft touch of my skin.
“That’s a dirty game you’re playing, Nate,” I joke.
“This isn’t part of the game, it’s me no longer being able to hold back. It’s me kissing you because I want to. Because I know this makes you feel something, doesn’t it?”
I feel something alright. The tingle between my thighs that are clenched together.
I reach up, placing my hand at the nape of his neck.
Shit.
The last thing I thought I wanted was to be touched. But feeling it now, that’s exactly what I need. I feel my clit swollen and pulsating as his hand grazes down my side. Anticipation of his touch causes me to shudder. Slowly, he moves his hand to my hip but inside, I’m desperate for him to touch me where I need it the most. Not so subtly, I part my legs and arch my back, urging him to feel how wet I’ve become for him.
“You want me?”
“So bad,” I reply a little breathlessly, turning on the spot until I’m facing him.
“I don’t want to rush you, baby.”
My body wants him to touch me, my mind craves it.
His strong arms scoop me up from the ground and back over to the picnic blanket.
“Shall we take this inside?”
I shake my head. “It’s so perfect here.”
Lowering me down, I recognize the look in his eyes. He wants to devour me and I want to feel it more. As he leans over me, my fingers work into his hair, tugging him closer to my lips. As they meet, my mouth parts allowing him access. Our kiss is deep and sensual and his hands work to remove me of my clothes. My skirt is lifted and my panties are around my ankles within seconds. My eyes close and my legs widen as I feel his finger trail softly on the inside of my thigh. My whole body tingles as every nerve ending in my body comes alive.
“Jesus,” I gasp, the need for him to touch me building to an unbearable level.
“Tell me how much you want this, baby.”
“Feel.” I grab his hand, leading it toward my swollen clit. “Feel how much I want this.”
“Shit,” he hisses.
With a groan, my head drops to the side as he works through my folds, back and forth, catching and teasing my needy clit. Hitting it perfectly.
“So fucking beautiful when you squirm under my touch.”
Continuing to tease me, I cry out in frustration. “Fuck.”
My skin is hot and sweaty, my heart rate rapid. Before I can process what is happening his hot mouth meets my swollen clit. I gasp, lifting my hips as his mouth covers my sweet spot.
My eyes fly open at the delicious contact.
He murmurs, swiping his tongue over my clit before making his way down to my soaking entrance. Thrusting his tongue inside, I’m barely holding on. He uses his tongue to edge me closer and closer to my release. Working against my clit, then back inside touching and tasting all of me. I reach down, grabbing his hair as he continues his assault. My hips move against him.
“I’m so fucking hard for you. Do you want to feel me?” He breathes his hot breath against me.
Dots blur my vision and I know I’m close. So damn close.
“I want you to come on my cock, baby.”
“Yes,” I rush out, desperate to find my release. Pulling on my hips he lowers his zipper, his erection springing free. Lining himself up at my entrance, I wrap my legs around him tightly, digging my heels into the flesh of his ass.
In one swift movement, he pushes himself inside of me and I press against him, wanting and needing to feel him deep. The most beautiful smile appears on his handsome face as he leans over me, kissing me softly on the forehead.
Another shudder wracks through me.
He pushes deeper.
I let out another gasp.
The pressure builds and I dig my nails into the skin of his abdomen.
This feels so damn good.
“Look at me,” he demands. “I want to see your face when you come.”
Bringing my head upright, I open my eyes to find him staring at me. Every thrust feels deeper, a little harder than before. My sex tightens around his cock and I can feel the ridges of his cock inside me.
I cry out, hugging myself around him. Nate grins widely before dropping his head until our mouths meet again. I taste myself on his lips as he kisses me as deeply as he’s fucking me. The movements of his tongue against mine matching his thrusts.
Rough.
Deep.
Delicious.
With every thrust, Nate rubs against my clit. I grow closer and closer to my much-needed orgasm.
His touch is all I need to feel.
This man is all I need.
White spots form in my eyes as I’m being pushed further to the edge. My sex clenches so tightly around his cock as I shatter into a million pieces around him.
Thrusting a few more times, I feel Nate swell inside of me, finding his own release.
“Fuck,” he growls. Collapsing on the ground beside me, I can’t help but giggle, pushing down my skirt and pulling on my panties. He straightens his jeans before pulling me into him.
“Can’t believe we just did that.” I continue to giggle, resting my head against his chest. His heart thuds against the side of my face and I love knowing that it’s for me that his heart pounds.
Somehow, this feels like the start of forever. We had faced the devil himself and come out on the other side.
“You know,” I say in an upbeat tone, pushing myself up until I’m leaning over him. “We made it, Nate. You and I fought to be here, together. I knew the first time you ever kissed me that you would be my forever. Not someone I could or would ever forget. And the fight for you has been tough. When you didn’t want me, I felt like my world was falling apart…”
“I was stupid. I thought pushing you away would keep you safe. Safe from that man.”
“I get it, really, I do. But what I’m trying to say is that against all odds and despite all of the pain we have endured, our love overcame it all.”
“You’re amazing, you know that, right.” Reaching up, he pushes a few strands of hair that have fallen forward onto my face. “I can’t promise you that things will be easy, but I can promise that no matter what, I’ll be the one by your fucking side. It’s just us, baby. That’s all that matters to me.”
The daylight starts to fade as we sit eating the food Nate has prepared, talking about everything and nothing. Nate seems lighter, like he’s carrying less weight, almost carefree. The moody biker was showing me a different side to him, a side I enjoyed. He’s warm, witty, and sweet when he’s this way.
“Do you think we will ever get married?”
“Are you fucking kidding me right now!” His laughter rumbles and echoes in the wide-open space. “You’re fucking mine, Tara Mellano, and I can’t wait to tell the world.”
Heat reaches my cheeks and I suddenly feel embarrassed, yet ecstatic about his answer.
His hand in mine, I drop each of my fingers between his, interlinking each one. “I can’t wait to be Mrs. Jeffries.” As soon as the word leaves my mouth, a lump forms in my throat. His name on my lips feels like acid. The small bubble of happiness feels like it’s burst.
“It’s just a name, baby.” He squeezes my hand, dipping his head to meet my eye.
I shake my head, clearing the thoughts of Jeffries from my mind. “I’m sorry. It’s just your dad. That was his name. And of course, I knew it was your name. But to me, you’re beautiful. You’re my Nate. The name Jeffries just holds so many bad feelings for me.”
“I keep telling you, we’re going to erase those fucking awful memories. It’s time that name held a meaning that can make you smile. Don’t let him in your head. You do, and he’s won.”
“I know you’re right.” But the truth is, I can’t help but feel this way. With a shiver, I lean into him. The cooler night air whips around me and I suddenly feel cold.
Reaching for my other hand, he gently pulls, lifting me from the ground. “Let’s go inside,” he suggests with a smile.
Nodding, I wrap my arms around him as we make our way inside the cabin.
Inside, the cabin has real rustic charm. “Wow, a real log fire. That’s amazing.” I drop my hands making my way over to it, placing my palms toward the fire. Nate grabs the cushions from the couch, placing them on the floor.
“Let’s lie here. Just us in front of the fire.”
* * *
Stretching out my stiff body, I blink rapidly, the flickering of the fire catches my attention. Shit, we had fallen asleep on the floor in front of the fire.
Lifting Nate’s heavy arm, I slowly step up from the floor, making my way over to the bathroom. I quickly pee then step out toward the counter, looking at myself in the reflection. Lifting the gauze from my neck, I look at the cuts. They appear to be healing well, but only time will tell. There’s a chance that I’ll be permanently scarred. My head constantly swings between being grateful that I’m alive, to feeling consumed by hate and upset at the person he made me become.
Not only have I been physically changed, but mentally too. The carefree, tough-as-nails girl is something of the past. I feel weak, scared, and bitter about what I’ve been through. Dropping my gaze, I no longer want to look at the mess I’ve become. Slowly making my way out of the bathroom, I grab my purse and pull out my cell phone. Looking through the ton of notifications, I see calls and texts from Mom. I glance back over to Nate who is still sleeping before slipping out of the cabin. I hit the call button and listen to the dial tone. My stomach rolls and I feel the pulse in my neck pound as my nerves run ragged. I stroll across to the lake, sitting down on the edge while I wait for her to answer.
“Tara, oh my God, are you okay?”
“Hey, Mom.”
“Don’t you ‘hey, Mom’ me, young lady. I’ve been out of my mind with worry. What the hell is going on with you?”
“I’m sorry.” I drop my head, clutching my eyes shut.
“Sorry?” she yells, letting me know just how pissed she is at me. “The last time I saw you, the unthinkable had happened. I spoke to you a few times after that, then nothing. I’ve called and called and for all I knew you could’ve been dead!”
“Mom, I’m not dead.”
“But something has happened, right?”
“I’m going to tell you everything, but you have to promise to stay calm and hear me out.”
“I’m calm,” she replies in a raised voice. She is anything but calm.
“I’ve been caught in the middle of some real shit, Mom. The man… the man that raped me was Jeffries. Nate’s father.”
“Jesus Christ…”
“He had made threats against me. He was the one Carter made the deal with.”
“Oh, baby girl,” she cries out.
“Don’t, Mom. I don’t need your pity, I just need you to listen to me.”
I hear her sniffling but she doesn’t say another word.
“After what happened with Jeffries, Nate vowed to avenge his father. But he went on the run, No one knew where he was. The club searched for him, but never came up with any serious leads. But it wasn’t long, Mom. He sent someone for me and I was kidnapped. Thrown into the trunk and delivered straight to Jeffries. He was hiding out at one of the Deathseekers’ old warehouses.”
“Did he hurt you, are you okay?” I hear the pain in her voice.
“I’m alive,” I reply vaguely.
“Clearly, but did he hurt you?”
“Cuts and bruises but nothing that won’t heal. Nate found me, got me out of there just in time.”
“Fuck, Tara. What the hell have you gotten yourself into?”
Sighing, I know I have to now tell her about the baby.
“Mom, I’m pregnant.”
The line goes silent.
“Mom?”
“I’m here,” she mumbles.
“I’m scared it’s not going to be Nate’s. I’m terrified that the baby I’m carrying is going to be Jeffries’ and that I’ll have to live with it for the rest of my life. But I can’t get an abortion. I just can’t. If there’s a chance it’s Nate’s, I can’t do it.”
“You’ll love the baby no matter what, Tara.”
“But this lifestyle. The constant danger. It’s not safe for a baby. I know Nate is working at taking the club in a new direction, but I’m not stupid. I know what risk comes with being an old lady.”
“You know I hate the MC, Tara. Not just the Savages.”
“Nate is a good guy, Mom.”
“Nothing good ever comes from the club.”
“Mom…”
“I want to see you. I need to see you, Tara.” Shit. She sounds angry. Weirdly, I thought she’d taken the news well, but maybe she’s saving the ass-kicking until she sees me in person.
“Well, I’m just at the cabin with Nate. We should be back later today. Maybe we could meet for coffee tomorrow? I’ll call you in the morning to arrange a time.”
“I’d like that. You won’t forget?”
“Of course not,” I say feeling really bad that I’d neglected to keep her updated.
“I mean it, Tara. It’s important. I have things to tell you, things that you need to know.”
“Like what?”
“You’ll find out soon enough.” Her voice is sad and my mind races at a million miles an hour wondering what she has to tell me.
“Tomorrow then. Bye, Mom.”
Ending the call, I get up, turning and heading back toward the cabin. My head is down, focused on my phone as I quickly respond to the twenty or so messages from Izzy asking me how our night away has been.
It’s been amazing. The cabin and lake are stunning.
Finally looking up from my phone I see Nate leaning against the frame of the door. My body becomes rigid and I’m pretty sure my heart stops beating. Even after just a few hours of sleep on the floor, this guy looks effortlessly gorgeous.
“Who was that?”
Holding up the phone I say, “Just my mom. She called like a million times.”
“How did that go?” he asks with a scowl.
“Better than expected. But still a hard conversation to have, considering she hates all things MC.”
Stopping right in front of him, I place the palm of my hand against his bare chest, looking up into his gorgeous blue eyes.
“I wonder why?”
I smirk. “I can’t think why.”
“No, seriously. When I came to see you at your mom’s, she made it clear that she has a deep hatred for bikers.”
“Maybe it was some poison Carter dripped in her ears about you guys.”
“Maybe,” he says rubbing his neck. “Can’t believe we fell asleep by the fire. Jesus, I’m stiff this morning.”
“Really,” I say letting my hand drift from his chest to the band of his boxers. Taking my hand in his he places it against his erection and laughs.
“Maybe we should go make the most of the bed we didn’t sleep in.”
Reaching down, he hooks his arm under my knee, lifting me into his arms. I laugh and wrap my arms around his neck as he leads us back into the cabin.
* * *
Despite being in my own bed, I can’t sleep. My mind whirls with thoughts of my mother and what is so important that she needs to speak with me face-to-face. Stepping from the bed, I make my way into the bathroom. I need to do something. Reaching for the tap I turn it on placing my hand under the stream. Cupping them I allow the water to collect in my hands before lifting them and splashing it on my face. I need to feel the cold. Just something other than the overwhelming feeling that I’m drowning. Drowning in my own thoughts, my mind playing over and over in an attempt to process everything that has happened. Trying to carry on and act like nothing has happened is damn near impossible. I’m trying to be the glass-half-full girl, but it doesn’t seem to be that easy when my thoughts keep dragging me back to the dark place. The hurt. The uncertainty.
Shaking my head, I lift my eyes and look at the girl staring back at me. I’m not sure I recognize her. Gaunt face and dark circled bruising around my eyes reflects the torment in my mind.
“Hey.” His croaky voice calls to me, startling me. My eyes dart to him as he stretches up, brushing his hand through his hair that hangs loose around his face.
“You don’t have to be so jumpy, T. There’s no one to fear now.” His eyes widen and his voice holds a genuine sound of reassurance.
“It’s not that… I uh, you just caught me unexpectedly.” He takes one step forward before inching himself between me and the counter. I look up at his effortlessly handsome face and can’t help but smile. “Well, this is a much better view than before.”
Narrowing his eyes, he looks at me with a pained expression on his face. “I’m trying to make everything okay for you, but I see just how much it still affects you, you know, what happened.”
“I just need time,” I lie. Because I’m not sure if time will be a healer.
His arms wrap around my torso, bringing me closer to his sculpted body. “Anything, you name it. Anything I can do to help you heal, then I will.”
“The truth, Nate. All I need is the truth.”
He sighs, his head drooping forward. “Today, okay? I promise I’ll go speak to some doc, the hospital, anyone who can look at giving me some answers, got it?”
Gently, I place my palm against his chest and mouth him “thank you.” I love that he gets it. That he understands my need for the truth. That he’s willing to do anything to help me.
“Thank you,” I say with a smile, my gaze meeting his. “I’m going to meet with Mom today.”
I watch as his jaw hardens and his nostrils flare. “Just putting it out there, I will have one of my men follow you.”
“What? No, why? I thought you just said before that I was safe… am I not safe?”
Sensing the panic in my voice, he reaches for my hand stopping my involuntary steps backward. “I want you safe at all times. I’m not taking the risk.”
“Risk! What risk? She’s my mom.”
“I don’t trust her. I’m sorry, I just don’t. And after everythin’ that’s happened, I’ve learned my lesson. I’m not taking any chances,” he says. His head falls forward a little as he shakes it slowly from side to side.
“My mom isn’t Carter.” I sigh, allowing my shoulders to slump.
“I know, I know,” he whispers, caressing the skin on my arm with the pad of his thumb. “I would just feel better knowing there’s someone there looking out for you. Fuck, it’s just a precaution.”
“Okay, okay.” I relax my arms a little allowing him to pull me closer. Truth is I’m dreading meeting with Mom. Seeing the hurt and disappointment on her face will be like a knife in my gut.
“Good.” He kisses the top of my head lightly. “I’m gonna go get my ass ready and head to the club, check in with them. Hopefully the club will be in one piece.” He lets out a laugh that rumbles through his chest.
“Okay,” I reply sweetly, lifting onto my tiptoes until our lips meet. I melt into him as he envelops me in his hold. I just know that this feeling of me losing myself in Nate was worth it. The fight to be with him, no matter what I’ve been through, was so worth it. And suddenly like a weight lifted, I feel lighter and happier, ready to take on whatever my mom has to say to me, because ultimately, I have Nate waiting for me, ready to make me smile, like he always does.
* * *
I stare out of the window as the rumble of the noisy engine out front gets my attention. Pulling on my sneakers, I grab my purse and keys and head out the door. The engine noise suddenly stops and I look up noticing Roach, in his cut, walking toward me.
“Hey, Tara,” he yells, greeting me with a wave of his hand.
“Oh, hi, Roach.” I press the fob on the keychain unlocking the door to my car and throw in my purse.
“How are you, honey?” His head is tilted and his voice is low.
“I’m okay,” I reply with a nod and a faint smile. Although I’m not sure I need a chaperone for coffee with my mother.
“Keeping you safe is all that matters, right?” He lifts one brow, his lip curling at the corner. “I’ll be right behind you, but don’t worry, I’ll be discreet.”
My eyes rake over his body and back up to his face. He’s covered in tattoos, wearing his club colors and screams biker. “Real discreet, Roach.” I can’t help but laugh.
Holding open his cut, he looks down then back up at me. “What?”
“Doesn’t matter.” I brush him off. “I’m going to head out,” I say, feeling a little awkward.
“Sure, you won’t even know that I’m here.” He scuffs his boots against the drive as he turns and makes his way back toward his bike. I don’t hesitate to jump inside my car, reaching for the belt and securing it in the clip. I start the engine and glance up through the windshield. I grip the wheel with my shaky hands, my underlying nerves suddenly appearing on the surface. “It’ll be okay,” I tell myself out loud. As I ease out of the driveway, I scan up and down the road, looking for Roach. True to his word, I don’t see any sign of him and continue making my way toward the coffee shop downtown. I texted my mom earlier and this was our agreed meeting point. It was also Brax and Izzy’s place, so I had some comfort in knowing they’re only a short ride away should I need either of them for support.
I pull up in the small parking lot and make my way over to the entrance. Stopping just outside the door, I notice Roach on his bike just a few feet down the road. He looks up, giving me a firm nod. Offering him a smile, I pull open the door and make my way inside. I sweep the coffee shop, looking for Mom. Sure enough, she’s seated in the corner and I make my way over to her.
“Mom,” I croak, trying to make her aware of my presence.
“Tara?” she asks like she’s not sure it’s me. “Oh, baby.” Leaping out of her seat, she opens her arms, lunging toward me and wrapping her arms around me. I reciprocate her hold, resting my hands against her back gently. Slowly easing back out of her tight hold, she lifts her hands, grabbing the ends of my hair.
“Haven’t seen your hair this short since you were just a toddler.”
“It’s, uh, nice though, right?” I ask her like I’m seeking approval.
“Sure,” she says with a shrug of her shoulders. “Your scars are healing nicely,” she points to my neck and I instantly rest my hands there. “You know, there are all types of treatments to help with scars these days... laser treatment, creams. You’ll barely notice them after a little while.” She steps back and drops down into her seat and I pull out the one opposite before lowering myself, clutching my purse in front of me. Mom lets out a huge sigh. Leaning forward, she reaches for my hands. I place them in front of me and she takes them, placing hers on top of mine.
“This is such a mess, huh? I kinda feel like history is repeating itself. Something I never wished to happen to you.”
“History?” I ask, drawing my brows together as I struggle to understand what she means.
“You need to hear me out. I will tell you everything.”
“Mom, you’re scaring me.” I pull my hands from her grasp and place them on my lap, as I nervously bounce it up and down.
“I wasn’t sure I would ever tell you the truth, but after everything, you deserve to know.”
A lump forms in my throat and I try hard to swallow down, but it doesn’t budge.
“I was like you once. Naive, young, and desperate to be loved. And just like you, I thought I’d found love in the most unexpected place. I was only eighteen when I met him. Mike was handsome, like all the girls wanted him and I was just your average eighteen-year-old with insecurities. But he made me feel priceless. Like I was the only girl in the world he ever wanted to set eyes on. I knew who he was and the bad things he did. But it didn’t matter because the heart wants what the heart wants, right?”
“This was before my dad?” I ask, still not sure where Mom was going with this.
“Let me finish.” She clears her throat before continuing. “Mike was a biker, in line to be president someday and I was in awe of the level of power the whole gang had over civilians. They were feared and in turn, respected.”
I mask a gasp holding my hand to my mouth.
“See, that fear soon became mine. I was expected to act a certain way, agree to everything he wanted and desired and I lost count of the times he would get drunk and beat the shit out of me.”
I wince at the pain I feel in my gut when Mom makes the admission. “I had no idea.”
“It was a part of my life I wanted to forget. Managing to get away from him and the club was hard. I knew too much and he was reluctant to let me go. But I had to get out. That’s when I met Jeff.”
“Dad.”
“Yes.”
The sound of an unfamiliar voice interrupts us. “Sorry, ladies, but would you like to order some coffee?”
Snapping my head, I look at the brunette and her bright white smile shining back down at me. I quickly place our order and turn my attention back to my mother. She watches as the waitress saunters away before continuing.
“Jeff was the total opposite of Mike. He was kind, he cared, and was willing to take me on and raise you as his own.”
I glare at her as my brain tries to process the words.
“Honey, Jeff wasn’t your father. I was already pregnant when I managed to get away from the club.”
Tears prickle at my eyes and I stare down at the table, unable to look at her. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to know. I broke free from the club and never wanted anything to do with them again. Telling you would bring it all back into my life. I need you to understand, Tara. I genuinely believed that he would kill me if I stayed.”
“Is he… is he… still alive?”
“I don’t want you to have anything to do with him, Tara.”
“Mom!” I shout. “Is he still alive?”
“He’s a bad man, someone you do not want to get involved with. Please, Tara, don’t push me on this.”
Gritting my teeth together, l lean over the table, my eyes full of anger. “Who. Is. He?”
“Brewer,” she responds timidly. “Mike is none other than the Deathseeker president.”
Sinking back into my seat I can’t stop my lip from trembling. “All this time. You lied to me this whole time.”
“I did it to keep you safe. To keep us both safe.”
“I had a right to know who my father was… is.”
“He’s not your father, he’s a monster. As soon as he found out about Jeff, he hunted him down and killed him. He caused the accident that killed Jeff, your real father, even if not in blood. The man that loved you so dearly as his own. There was nothing good going to come from you knowing about Brewer.”
“Siblings, Mom. This means I have a brother.”
“A boy that was born in the MC and raised with MC values. He will be a monster just like his father.”
My body shakes and bile rises in my throat. How could she? How could she keep this from me for so long?
“Why now, Mom?”
“Because you’re in so deep. You have gotten yourself into a world that I fought to escape. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes, Tara. I’m scared that if you don’t get out now, you’ll end up dead.”
“Nate is nothing like Brewer. In fact, Nate hates Brewer.”
“Well, that’s something we have in common.”
“Does he know? Know that I’m his daughter?”
“No,” she says shaking her head vehemently. “And that’s the way it has to stay. You have to promise me. Because after all this time, I don’t want him to come for me, because he will. If he finds out I kept his own child from him, he’ll kill me, no questions asked.” The panic in her voice tells me she's terrified and, although I don’t want to, I have to agree.
“Okay, okay,” I say trying to reassure her.
She exhales a tense breath, her eyes meeting mine. “I know you don’t owe me anything, but thank you.”
The waitress appears beside the table, still smiling, holding the tray in her hands. “Two coffees,” she announces in an upbeat tone.
“Are you always this nauseatingly nice?” I snap.
“Tara,” Mom warns, looking at me with wide eyes. “I’m sorry,” she says to the waitress who quickly scampers away from us. Mom adjusts herself, glaring at me. “I know this is all a shock for you, but don’t take it out on the poor girl who is paid to do a job.”
“You know nothing, Mom. My head is a mess right now and you just added a whole new level of fucked up to my whole situation. So don’t sit there and act like you know anything about the shit I’m going through.”
“I didn’t tell you this because I wanted to. I told you because I’m worried about you.”
“Well, Mom, I’m glad you finally decided to tell me the truth, but your timing sucks. After being raped and tortured by my boyfriend’s father, then finding out that the baby might be his, the rapist’s, dropping a parental bomb isn’t really what I needed.”
“Your paths are bound to cross. I heard that Nate is trying to move the deal over to the Deathseekers.”
“That’s club business, not mine.”
“Oh, darling, wake up and smell the goddamn coffee. You’re an old lady. Club business is your business. Whatever affects the club affects you. Don’t think it doesn’t because it does. You marry the prez then you’d better be able to stand by his side and run that damn club with him. Time to shape up or ship out, darlin’. You think distancing yourself from the club will keep you safe?” she scoffs. “Then you are sorely mistaken. You need to know what is happening and use that knowledge to keep yourself safe. Not knowing what is happening means you don’t know who you should fear. Be smart, Tara. I know you got it in you.”
“Wait, I can’t keep up. One minute you’re telling me to not be involved, the next you’re saying I should be more involved, I just don’t get it.”
“You love Nate, that much is obvious. Because no one would go through what you have been through and still stick around otherwise. So warning you off, trying to talk you out of it is no use. Therefore, advice on keeping you safe is all I have left to offer.”
“Keeping you safe, you mean.” I press my lips together, dropping back in my seat. The overwhelming feeling of anger and deceit eats into my thudding heart. “I really can’t believe this shit, Mom. You’ve lied to me for years. What else have you lied about, huh?”
“Tara,” she snaps in a raised voice. “I haven’t lied; I just did what I had to. It was to keep you safe.”
Shaking my head from side to side I roll my eyes. “Not buying it. Not for a second.”
“Look, I knew this news would be hard for you to hear. But you are so involved in this whole club lifestyle that I have done the right thing. My conscience is clear.”
Blowing out a huge exasperated breath I scrape my chair back, shooting up and pressing forward on my hands until I’m leaning over the table pretty much face-to-face with Mom. “I’m leaving now. Don’t call. Don’t turn up at the house and don’t you dare interfere in my life ever again. My life is complicated enough without dealing with your bullshit, you got that?”
“Tara,” she scorns, her eyes wide and her mouth hung open. “How… how dare you speak to me like that?”
“You know, at one time I would never have dreamed of it. But it’s called respect, Mom. And right now, I have zero respect for you.” My top lip curls as I spit my venom at her, my heart’s pace rapid and I know I have to get out of there before I say something I’m really going to regret.
Removing my hands, I step away from the table, head down, and barreling out of the coffee house. Tears threaten to break through and I inhale deeply, trying to control the hurt and rage that thunders through me in this moment. The feeling of a hand on my shoulder causes me to still, my head whipping to the side and my body turns a complete one-eighty.
“What the…”
“Hey, are you okay?” Roach asks me, and I press my hand to my chest willing my damn heart to calm down a little.
“No,” I rush out. “Yes, I mean, yes, I’m okay.”
“Well, what is it. Yes, or no?” He laughs a little, digging into his pocket and retrieving his packet of cigarettes. Flicking it open, he taps the bottom, offering the packet to me. Drawing my brows together I glance down at my stomach, then back to the packet he has extended to me.
“Really, Roach? I’m pregnant.”
“Shit, yeah, sorry,” he says retracting his hand and pulling one out with his teeth. “You know, doesn’t stop some women.”
“I’m good, honestly, I don’t smoke anyway.”
“Huh… so what happened in there? You kinda left in a hurry.”
“Just family shit, you know.”
“Gotcha. Hey, let me walk you to your car.”
“It’s just here.” I point over to my red Toyota. “You really don’t need to walk me.”
“I’d like to know I’ve done my part.”
With a smile, I start walking with Roach beside me. “Anytime you need someone, just give me a yell, okay?”
“That’s so kind, thank you.”
Within a few seconds I’m standing beside the car and rummaging in my purse for my keys. Finding them, I unlock the door and glance at Roach who is still standing beside me, grinning widely.
“So this is me,” I say sliding into the seat.
Holding onto the open door, he leans his head in and says, “See you back at the house.”
“You don’t need to…”
“I’ve had my orders, ma’am. I am to watch you until Nate is home.”
Letting out a sigh of defeat, I offer him a smile and nod. “See you there.”
Something tells me I need to get used to having the guys following me around.