Tara
As I walk along the sidewalk I clutch my phone against my ear as it rings.
“Hey, baby,” he answers in an upbeat tone.
“Hey, so I have something to tell you.”
“Should I be worried?”
“No.” I burst out laughing. “Just that, I, uh, have an appointment tomorrow. At the hospital and wanted to make sure you’re free to come with me.”
“Of course. Absolutely,” he speaks with a giddiness to his voice. I tip my head back a little as a wide smile spreads across my face. Knowing he’ll be there, knowing I’m not alone makes the thought of the appointment bearable.
“Thank you.”
“So, I heard from Hunter today.”
“Really?” I shriek, snapping my eyes open and stopping in my tracks. I step over to the wall, my heart hammering in my chest. I press my back against the wall of the building, crossing one arm across my chest. “You explained the situation?”
“Yes,” he replies simply.
“And he believes me? He’s willing to meet up?”
My body is tense as I wait for his reply.
“We’re going to set a date.”
“Oh, thank God,” I say with a sigh, my body visibly relaxing as relief washes over me. I had been worrying about his reaction, about whether he’d even believe what is a pretty unbelievable story.
“In fact, he’ll be at the opening of the club tomorrow. You should come along. See what we’ve done with the place.”
“Okay.”
I wouldn’t normally want to spend my time at a whorehouse, but if meeting with Hunter is in the cards, who am I to say no.
* * *
The next day I’m a bundle of nervous energy. I have my appointment this afternoon and the meeting with Hunter later. I’ve never really thought what it would be like to have a sibling, but right now, those thoughts dominate my mind. Wondering if we look alike, or have similar mannerisms. Will we get along and will he want me in his life? All questions I feel like I need answers to. But right now, finding out the paternity of this life growing inside of me is the most terrifying thought. Just when I think I’ve wrapped my head around it being Nate’s, something happens that throws doubt on it. Setting the wheels in motion to finally get the answer I need is a huge step. My stomach rolls and the feeling of dread hasn’t left me since I made the appointment.
I rush around, cleaning the house until every surface shines as bright as a diamond. I know Nate will be here any minute, but the minutes feel like hours when you’re on edge. Opening the door, I sit on the step with my purse on my lap as I wait for Nate to pick me up. The cool breeze wisps around my hair, and is a welcome feeling to my overheated skin. I tap my leg, waiting for him to arrive. My stomach rolls and I’m not sure if it’s the nerves, or lack of food.
But it doesn’t take long before I hear the rumble of his engine as he approaches the house. Pulling up at the end of the driveway, I jump up from the step, pulling the door shut behind me and race over to him.
“Hey, you,” he says with a smile that lights up his whole face. Holding out his arm, I walk into him, his arm securing around me.
“Hey.” I lean down, kissing him on the lips. My body shakes, a mixture of nerves and fear. His hand snakes around my head, working into my hair.
“Ride with me, baby.” As the words fall from his lips, I can’t stop the instinctive smile that spreads. Hs words, his tone, it does crazy things to me. Turns my coiled, tense body into mush. He wants me to ride with him because he doesn’t want me to worry about driving. But riding with him is something I’ve grown to love about us. The feel of pressing my body against his and feeling completely secure in his hands. Riding a bike is something that I never wanted to do. But riding with Nate is something that I never want to miss. It’s Nate that makes the ride, not the bike.
“With pleasure,” I say, my smile not fading.
He removes his hold on my head, patting the seat behind him. “Milady,” he quips in some sort of terrible English accent.
Throwing my head back, I can’t control the laughter that falls so freely from my mouth. “Seriously, Nate. That’s the best accent you got?”
“I think I do a really good English accent.”
“Is that right?” I ask, shaking my head from side to side as I lift my leg and mount the bike. I love the lighter side of Nate, the one that never fails to make me forget. Pulling on the helmet he offers me, I wrap my arms around his waist, holding onto him tightly. “Let’s do this.” Shuddering, I close my eyes and lean into his back. The sense of importance at today’s appointment hits me hard. I know we won’t find out right away, but today is the first step in finding out whether this baby is Nate’s. But whatever the outcome, I know I couldn’t do this without him. We’re in this together.
Within thirty minutes I’m sitting waiting to see the doctor, Nate by my side. I squeeze his hand so tightly needing the connection to settle my nerves. I’m like a goddamn child holding onto my favorite blanket, fearing how it will feel if I let go.
The sudden feel of his arm against mine and his breath against my ear sends a shiver down my spine. “Everything will be fine, baby.”
Lifting my gaze from the floor, I slowly turn my head, meeting his intense gaze. Emotion takes over me and the most I have to offer him is a smile. I’m not sure I can control the tears if I open my mouth to speak. Quickly breaking his gaze, I allow my eyes to wander around the room. There are women there chatting with their partners, smiles radiating across their faces. And for the first time I feel a pang of jealousy. I want to feel happy and excited, not scared and ashamed.
“Tara Mellano.” The nurse calls out my name and I take a glance at Nate, suddenly frozen to the spot.
Stepping up from his seat but not breaking the hold he has on my hand, he tugs a little, his eyes wide and brows lifted as he tries to encourage me out of my seat. My body suddenly feels clammy as anxiety grows within.
In a low voice Nate leans in and says, “I got you, T.”
Swallowing the ball of emotion in my throat, I force my weakened body up from the seat. “Uh, yeah, that’s me,” I blurt out and the nurse offers me a kind smile.
“Hi, Tara. This way, please.” She holds out here arm, instructing me to step inside the room. Nate’s hand rests gently on my back as he coaxes me to step toward the room.
As I get closer to the nurse, she tilts her head, eyes narrowing on me. “I’m going to be assisting Dr. Howard today, come on in.” She stands, holding the door open for us and I warily walk inside. Shit, this place is so scary. The white walls and sterile smell do nothing to calm my nerves.
“Thank you,” Nate replies to the nurse, answering where I fail to respond.
“I’m going to need you to change into the gown. It’s all set out for you behind this curtain.” She points to the corner of the room and I nod, making my way over.
“And you must be Dad?” The nurse addresses Nate and my eyes flutter shut, a little of me feeling mortified.
“I am,” he replies in an upbeat tone.
“Please take a seat here,” I hear the nurse tell him.
Walking around the curtain, I slip off my clothes and pull on the ghastly-looking gown. As soon as I’m ready, I reach for the curtain, pulling it round enough until Nate’s face is in my line of sight. He’s perched on a chair, his hands clasped together in front of him, his leg tapping rapidly.
He mouths, “okay,” to me, concern in his eyes. I nod in response, placing my hand to my chest. My heart is thudding so hard I’m sure it’s about to break out.
The door opens and I whip my head to see who enters. “Ah, Tara Mellano, I’m Doctor Howard and I will be taking care of you today. I believe you already met the nurse, Whitney.”
“Yes,” I croak.
“Okay, good. And Dad is here today.” He glances to Nate and then back to me, his large white teeth revealed as he smiles so wide. I glare at Nate, wondering if now is the right time to let the doctor know about the paternity test.
“Actually,” I say, clearing my throat. “Here’s the thing. I was raped, and although Nate has been my only sexual partner, the whole rape has thrown doubt over the paternity of the baby.”
“I see,” he says, stepping closer and placing a gentle hand against my wrist.
“I, uh, spoke to a doc who told me there was a test. A noninvasive test that will confirm paternity,” Nate adds, looking at the doctor.
“Absolutely. And I can make all the arrangements needed for that to happen. But first, let’s see what's happening with the baby.”
The nurse instructs for me to lie back on the bed and I quickly lay my arm under my head. Nate scrapes the chair until he’s positioned right beside my bed, grabbing my hand in his.
“So the notes here suggest you’re around eight weeks pregnant.”
“Uh-huh.”
“So that means we will need to do an internal exam. You’re a little early for an abdominal one.”
“Shit,” I mumble under my breath.
“It sounds worse than it is,” the nurse reassures me with a smile. “But first I’m going to take your blood pressure.”
I offer out my arm and the nurse takes my blood pressure.
“Right, now let's take a look at the baby,” the doctor says, as he sets up the ultrasound machine. The nurse quickly runs through the process of the internal exam. I take a deep breath, dreading the whole damn thing.
Closing my eyes, I let the doctor do what is needed. Trying to stay relaxed, I let my head drop to the side, focusing on nothing but Nate.
I swallow down the lump in my throat as seconds turn into minutes and the doctor doesn’t say anything.
“Is everything okay?” Nate asks, as if he senses how I’m feeling.
“Fine, everything appears good. Just as we thought, you are around the eight-week mark. If you look at the screen you can see right here, that’s the baby’s heartbeat.” I whip my head in the direction of the screen, focusing where his finger is pointing.
Pressing my lips together, I feel totally overwhelmed at the blob on the screen. Although it doesn’t resemble anything at all, seeing the heart beating gives me an overwhelming realization that this is a life growing inside me.
“Shit, that’s amazing,” Nate exclaims. Leaning over me, he peers to get a closer look at the screen. I snap my eyes away from the image, no longer able to look. I’m scared to get too emotionally attached to this baby.
Nate squeezes my hand, shooting me a wide smile. “That’s our baby. Isn’t it incredible, T?”
Glancing at the screen once again, the sound of thudding from the screen becomes all I can hear.
“Are we done now?” I ask, looking at the doctor, tears pooling in my eyes. He nods, removing the probe and turning the screen away.
“I can only imagine how hard this is for you, Tara. Have you thought about speaking to someone, maybe look at therapy? I can certainly refer you.”
“I don’t need therapy; I need the truth.” I shoot him a sad smile.
“Of course. And we will help you get the answers you need.”
* * *
An hour later we’re leaving the hospital.
“So we just wait.” I reach for Nate’s hand as we make our way out of the main entrance, intertwining my fingers with his.
“That’s all we can do. Wait for the call when the doc gets our results.”
“I just hope it isn’t weeks. I feel like we need to know. But I’m prepared for bad news.”
“Don’t,” he says in a low raspy voice. He pulls me to a stop, guiding me into him until I hit his chest. “We have to be positive. Get through this together, no matter what. Don’t give up on us, on this baby.” Dipping his head until his mouth meets mine, he presses a tender kiss against my quivering lips.
Looking up, I meet his eyes. And in that moment I see an unspoken promise, one I have to return. “I won’t,” I croak. My hands reach down, my fingers snaking between both of his as I hold onto him tightly, like the dream of this baby being his.