Well, now here’s where the friendship / romance experiment got complicated. Honest to God, I was ready to forget Amelia and just appreciate the fact that I had a beautiful woman in my life. I mean, when I got out of high school I dreamed of getting a girl as hot as Crystal. She was like the girl you see in the movies, the kind of girl that marries a complete dork like yours truly, and you wonder, what could she possibly see in him?
Whenever I asked Crystal that, she always said the same thing. “You have a good heart, a rocking body and a superior intellect.” I mean that right there, told me she was the one!
So why do I still get breathless every time I hear Amelia’s voice? Why, when I was in her presence, did I feel like I was in heaven? Why do I see her in her quaint purple dresses and want to undress her and make love to her, instead of appreciating someone like Crystal who could easily appear on the cover of Maxim on any given month and loves stripping for me?
It has to be lust and that’s what I told myself, even down to the last minute, when I unfortunately let one slip at the worst time possible.
“David!” Crystal called out to me. “Why do you always jump out of bed in the morning? It’s like, programmed into your male brain or something. Gotta’ go hunt. Gotta go kill something.”
She laughed, as always, piquing my mind right after I first wake up in the morning. The fact that Crystal and I had a pretty good sex life was all the more confusing, since when I was thinking about Amelia I still felt as horny as a virgin on prom night.
“I don’t know, I guess I do want to kill something and eat,” I said with a laugh.
“Silly, don’t you know that lying in bed talking to your woman is the best part of married life? This is where you make your true confessions and share your real feelings.”
God, when Crystal called me “Silly” I got weak at the knees all over again. It reminded me of Amelia. And I felt guilty just as much as I felt joy.
“Come on. Share with me something new. A new potent thought. I want to listen to your resonating mind.”
I giggled. “Okay. Well…in the interest of conversation and, you know, holding nothing back, I have something on my mind.”
“Yeah you have been very distracted lately. I’ve noticed that.”
“Well…the thing is. I’ve been feeling guilty. Because I really like you. But I’ve been distracted because…well, this girl that I knew before I ever met you…she became single again recently. She was a girl I grew up with. And I sometimes think about her.”
“Oh really?” Crystal said, suddenly losing her smile and staring a hole through me.
“I’m sorry…” I quickly replied, losing my smile. Apparently, pillow talk was not as intimate as Crystal made it sound. “I didn’t mean to imply anything. Just admitting…”
“Are you fucking her?” Crystal said, hopping out of bed and assuming fighting position.
“No, no! I just…wanted to be upfront and honest.”
“Well why are you thinking about her? Are you in love with her?” As the moments passed, her tone became more caustic and unforgiving. This didn’t seem like the kind of honest marital communication I heard about from Doctor Ruth.”
“I’m sorry, I was just saying…you know, so it wouldn’t be a big secret.”
“Well maybe you should have kept that a secret!” Crystal roared back. “That’s not pillow talk, that’s being an asshole!”
“I’m sorry,” I said, folding my arms and suddenly feeling like I was back in the first grade.
“What, you think you’re so special, David? Because what, you sell steroids or something?”
“Vitamins, mainly. Not steroids.”
“Big fucking deal,” she said, making a pissy face and tearing me up with her enflamed eyes. “You’re not all that, you know.”
“I know, baby. You’re the cheerleader. You’re the hottest girl I’ve ever met.”
“No, don’t baby me, you cheating bastard.”
“What? I didn’t cheat!”
“Yes you did. Jesus said if you keep on looking and fapping to a woman that’s like adultery. So you did cheat on me. You screwed that chick in your head.”
“I’m sorry, that didn’t come out like I planned.”
“Oh what, you want a threesome with Amelia? You want us both to suck your dick or something? What kind of a chauvinistic pig are you?”
“No! That’s not what I said…”
I shook my head and sighed. Well, so much for honesty. “I can’t even talk to you. It always ends like this, you know.”
“Ohhh, ohhh!” she shouted back. “Now you’re putting it on me! Like it’s my fault? Yeah pretty boy, I don’t ever hear no complaining when I’m pounding your dick like a porn star. Don’t even go there, pretending like I don’t love you good.”
“I’m sorry, Crystal.”
“Don’t use my name! Don’t try to score points with me. You basically just said you’re in love with somebody else. Some trash bag hoe! How am I supposed to react to that?”
Tell her right now. Tell her you’re in love with somebody else. She deserves the truth. But…look at her. She’s so upset. She’s feeling hurt. I can’t keep adding insult to injury. Just lie to her. No, tell the truth. No, LIE! Dammit…
I took a deep gulp and replied as honestly and safely as I could at that moment.
“I have…feelings for her.”
She shook her head in rage, like the fucking Exorcist kid or something.
“BUT…” I added quickly. “I am willing to forget that. I am willing to let all that go to be with you.”
I reached out and tried to touch her but she slapped away my hands.
“Yeah well who says I want to stay with you? You know, you arrogant asshole, I have had many different offers. I’ve had all kinds of rich men hit on me.”
“I have no doubt,” I said. “You’re a gorgeous woman.”
“Shut the fuck up!” she snapped. “I have a rolodex of six big buff guys I could call right now and rock their world. I could make them scream for their mommy, bitch! How does that make YOU feel?”
“I guess…it makes me feel…”
Sadly, I feel nothing at all. I almost want you to just leave me. I know that’s terrible but if you’re so unhappy, Crystal, then just go. Let’s stop this before we dedicate our entire lives to THIS.
“Feel bad. I feel bad.” I frowned and looked her in the eyes. “I’ll never speak of her again.”
Because obviously, I wandered into that very special relationship that demanded I never look at another woman, or heaven forbid talk about someone else. It was a huge contrast to Amelia. Amelia and I could talk about other people we liked or crushed on or whatever, because there was no “us” there was no jealousy among friends. We were just like bros, like drinking buddies.
“You’re just lucky I even give you the time of day,” she pouted, right before going back to bed.
“I am a lucky guy,” I replied softly.
“Well mister lucky guy,” she said, still lying on the bed not bothering to give me a full turn.“Maybe you should do some serious thinking and decide if you really want to get hitched or not. Because I don’t want to be no fool, looking the other way while you’re banging your secretary.”
“You know, you’re right. I should. I’m sorry I hurt your feelings.”
“You didn’t. You could never hurt me. Dickhead.”
I smiled and saw myself out.