Chapter 3:Connor
The rest of the weekend had me in shivers. It was that special kind of feeling, what I can only call sexual chills. When you think about someone so deeply, so obsessively, that you literally start shivering with anticipation. The kiss I enjoyed with Dana, my sister’s best friend—just came out of nowhere. I don’t exactly know why I reached out and kissed her.
Maybe it was because of the high emotion or maybe I was rebounding from Karen…who was actually a rebound of someone else. All I know is, in that moment I really wanted her. I wanted to connect with her. I wanted to know who she really was. It was like always knowing someone in the back of your mind, like they’re in black and white, but then suddenly you see them in full color, right in front of you. New dimensions to that person, new colors, shapes and strokes of a painting you never knew were there.
I know I told her that we could forget about it. I told her that for her benefit, or it could have been that I naively believed it. But once you kiss a person so honestly, so uninhibitedly, it awakens buried passions. Not just passions for a woman, but passions for life. You breathe deeper. Your blood boils. And she is the image burnt into your mind, constantly reappearing to torment you.
I determined that I had to speak to Dana again. If nothing else speak to her. I could lie and say that I needed to see her to apologize and call it off, but my emotions were out of control and I knew damn well what I wanted. I wanted her…in whatever way I could have her.
The next time I saw her was at Cammie’s house. She had been trying to avoid me but this time Cammie inadvertently made sure we had to deal with each other—no matter our reservations or out of control passions.
It didn’t help that Dana was wearing a very smoking hot black business wrap dress that ended so elegantly at her thighs and silhouetted her figure beautifully. I was almost out of breath looking at what she had on; and she wasn’t even dressed for me…she was just naturally gorgeous.
“Hey, Conn, can you take Dana downtown for a meeting? I’m swamped.”
I looked at Dana and she looked back at me in speechless thought. We were both a bit scandalized. I was happy of course, since I wanted nothing more than to talk to Dana and find out what happened between us. She seemed reluctant to talk to me at first, but since I was giving her a ride, she finally broke down and chatted in a true moment of honesty.
“I think what we did together was a mistake,” she said, staring cautiously into my eyes.
“I agree,” I said, though I couldn’t help but smile. I actually didn’t feel anything about it, except that I wanted more. “I just got caught up in the moment.”
“Right. I mean, we’re friends, right? We can’t be doing that…” She laughed nervously. “Behind Cammie’s back, that’s terrible.”
“Of course, we’re good friends.”
“Of course we are, Dana,” I said. Her name…her name never seemed tastier as it buzzed and swished pass my lips. “I would never do anything to make you uncomfortable.”
Just then we stopped at a red light in traffic.
“I know you wouldn’t,” she said, this time finding my eyes and waiting there, hoping to solve a mystery or find a gleam of doubt.
I looked at her with curiosity…slowly…shaking my head. We were lying to ourselves. Whatever this was, if it was wrong, or right or a disaster waiting to happen, we were both in it…or to be specific…it was all over us. The feeling of want, of curiosity. Maybe even destiny.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked.
“Because I feel like kissing you again.” My heart sung at the idea. My blood was rushing and my heart pounding at the thought. If I kissed her again it couldn’t be called an accident. Her stare back to me was electric, her eyes clinging to mine, begging me to come closer and tempt fate.
I reached over slowly and waited, her face trembling and her lips puckering up in expectation. This was it…a point of no return, and for the first time in my life, I felt something powerful, something larger than life.
I kissed her with passion, touching her delicate neck and then tracing the curves and angles of her flawless face. Our lips locked and a fire set, both our hearts set aflame. She grabbed me and took me in closer, letting me feel her, deeper, entranced in a moment that shouldn’t be—a scene that never should have taken place in my “perfect world”…
Beep.
Wow. We were kissing so recklessly we forgot about the traffic.
“I think we better go,” she said softly, blushing and pushing her falling hair to the side.
“Yeah, probably a good idea,” I said, waving to the other impatient honking drivers behind me.
“This is going to happen, isn’t it?” she said, already stressing and grabbing her face.
“Nothing has to happen.”
“But I want it to.”
“Me too.”
“Yeah but…you know!”
“I know,” I said, turning down a service road and looking ahead. “Or …we could just try it once. And never speak of it again.”
I looked at her and her whole face perked up.
“Yeah…maybe. Like just a one-time thing.”
“Cammie doesn’t have to know.”
“No! Definitely not.”
“I really want to kiss you now.”
“I do too…but road!”
“Right!” Connor said, not driving particularly well since his mind was definitely elsewhere. “We could go to my place…”
“No, no, I really have to get downtown. Your place is like an hour away. My place is even farther. Maybe we should wait…”
“…Or we could pull into a park. Hope it’s empty.”
“Yeah let’s try that!”
I zoomed down the road until I hit a patch of connected streets which made up Riverside Park. I figured since school was still going, not many people would be walking around. I drove past the first acre and parking lot and saw one parked car. Then another…empty, but a bag on the picnic table. Finally, we drove to the next parking lot and empty range, and it looked clear.
I put the car in park and like a fireman on duty, reached over and continued my impassioned kiss. Dana and I surrendered to the mood, edgy and with insatiable hunger. When I kissed her my skin quickly warmed up and seemed to magnetically draw her closer to me. She rubbed her skin over mine as we continued kissing, moistening our lips and necks as reckless as teenagers. The car was still parked and running and we were definitely feeling rushed, since we would have to speed out of there if any police officer spotted us.
But the free feeling of following our wild hearts was exhilarating. I scooted over to the middle of my car and hugged Dana’s back as she mounted me.
“I’m sorry, Connor, I wish our first time could have been at some nice hotel somewhere…but I really have to get to that meeting downtown.”
I listened in wide-eyed nodding agreement. “I know. You’re a career woman. Makes sense.”
I watched in breathless anticipation as she spread her legs and lifted her skirt. The way she moved was so graceful, so uninhibited and all for me. I was so enthralled, for a brief moment, I slacked behind, forgetting to unzip my pants.
Finally, I got the hint and went digging for my erection like mad. She was smiling at me, giddy at the risk-taking and the life-altering course we had chosen. I usually wasn’t one for quickies, but since this was an accidental affair that exploded from out of nowhere, it felt right. It wasn’t perfect…but it felt more intense and more soul-stirring than any encounter I ever had.
“It’s okay,” I said, holding her by the back with my hand and then by the neck with my other hand. “It’s just our secret…”
“Yes…I won’t tell anyone.
“Won’t tell a soul.” I groaned, feeling myself slip into her wetness, unprotected, reckless as Hell all this was, and we had no chance of slowing down.She straddled me hard, probably thinking like I was…the longer we took to think about this…how crazy it was…how risky…or even how wrong…the more we might wise up and change our minds.
But neither of us wanted this to end. This madness. This accidental mad daylight fucking, which is the only polite thing I can call what happened.
“Connor…”
“What?”
I looked into her eyes and just about imploded mentally and physically. She was riding me but I was pushing myself deeper into her, and rubbing my face into her cleavage eager to tastes her breasts. How could this be a one night stand? Or one-day stand, technically speaking. How can I be satisfied touching her, knowing her like this…
And then walk away from it?
I would have to learn. We both made the rules. We both agreed. And above all, no one could ever know what happened.
“Oh Connor!” she screamed, kissing me deeply, just as I began bucking. We ravaged each other partly out of our need to hurry it up and leave the crime scene. But partly too because we were just that mad about each other. This couldn’t even be called love…this was sex, and that fire so hot it burns kind of sex.
Felt it before with stewardesses and bar girls and the like. This was no different…right?
I stared at Dana in disbelief; in grunting, tired disbelief. We both came. A little mini-orgasm but still damned good. The best kind is when you have no idea it’s coming…a spontaneous urge that is quenched by any means.
She looked at me in awe…then embarrassment…then something bordering on terror. I felt the same. Hell yes it felt good but it was out of nowhere…like we just robbed a bank and had to destroy all the evidence as soon as possible.
After situating and cleaning ourselves up, we sped back down the freeway until we hit the downtown plaza.
“So…taking the bus home or getting a ride?”
She looked at me in concern.
“I’m getting a ride. It’s going to be several hours.”
“Do you want me to pick you up?”
“Why?” she said with a shake of her head. “There’s no good reason…I can just as easily go home…”
“So we can do it right this time. In my house…all night long. No rush…just hours and hours of…catching up.”
She shook her head and turned away, ready to say no. It was definitely the sane thing to do. But thank god, she was second-guessing it. She knew she felt something, just as I did. One was never enough…and if this was our accidental affair, our mistake…I had to have more. I wanted the full experience.
“Okay…” she muttered, not proud of herself but feeling the same raw attraction and conflagration I was. She couldn’t bear to look at me. But that night, I knew where she would be.
The long drive back to my house was intense. We didn’t have much to say each other but our feelings were spiking out of control. I tasted her on me and she could only stare at me and ponder what went wrong in this strange science experiment of a relationship. We were friends all of our life and suddenly we became friends with benefits. All under the nose of Cammie, which was kind of lowdown.
So yeah, maybe it was a mistake. But if you have to make a mistake, give it your all. Learn something dammit!
“Oh God!” she screamed as she clutched the covers over her body. Under those covers I lay in hiding, destroying our friendship with my eager tongue and ambitious desire to drench my face with her juices. She couldn’t believe how greatly I lost all control, nor could I.
The moment I had her in my arms I felt more power, and boy she smelled good and tasted even better. She wasn’t sure this was a good idea but she wanted to make the same obscene mistake I did. I ate her out so hard, sword-spinning my tongue faster than I ever thought I could go! I clenched her hands tight just as she was starting to come. The more Dana squirmed, the more she would give my mouth and tongue, making me the dirtiest, happiest boy in the damned world.
Her orgasm so was loud and so vulgar…I loved every syllable. I could feel her entire body shaking, her voice panting and her heart pumping away at the forbidden energy we created. When I emerged from under the covers, I made sure to look at her and share our new bond. She was almost embarrassed to look at me, but once our eyes met there was an unmistakable comfort we shared.
“Oh my God…” she sighed, “What did we do?”
“Hey,” I said, rubbing her face. “It wasn’t a mistake. We’re just friends…and sometimes friends do that, you know.”
“Do that?”
“Sometimes.”
“Okay,” she said in duress. “God.,. Connor…”
“Well, some have called me that...”
She laughed. “No I mean, Connor…we have to keep a tight lid on this.”
“Right.”
“And it can’t happen again. For real this time.”
“Hmmm…just once? And never again?”
“Yeah…I mean, it’s not you. You’re really good. And I like you, I mean, I’ve always liked you. But you know we both care about Cammie. And it’s not right to be keeping secrets from her.”
“I know.”
“So maybe you know…we’ll cool it for a while.”
“Sounds good to me.”
“Okay…” she nodded.
“Although…if this is technically our last time and was, you know, a big mistake and all, maybe we should do it one more time. Just so we can get everything out of the way. You know.”
She folded her arms and smirked.
I smiled. “Better not to live with that curiosity. It killed the cat, you know.”
“Well okay…I guess there are a few things we haven’t done yet. And it’s better not to have that hanging over us.”
With that I embraced Dana and we jumped under the covers again, our bodies yearning for each other, just a few more hours. A few more times. Surely that would cure us of our romantic notions…
**
We ended up having sex at least four more times, although I counted six more times. Not sure how that happened. Point being, it was good and hopefully, naively, we figured that would be enough to get the desire out of our system.
It had to be an accident, that’s what we thought. Although I admit forgetting Dana after doing all those unmentionably sexy things was no easy feat.
We did meet a few times with Cammie, and tried our best to pretend as if we didn’t just mesh our bodies in naked writhing sex. I don’t know if Cammie bought our act or not. I know she was staring at me for a long time, as if trying to figure something out.
I also realized, as I watched Dana from a distance, she really cared about Cammie. Whenever Cammie was depressed or angry about work, Dana was always there to lend an ear. I also knew Dana felt guilty for “betraying” Cammie and keeping our rendezvous a secret.
**
Over the next couple of weeks, I took a lot of flights. I tried to forget everything that happened, ultimately realizing that this had to be a doomed relationship. Dana said it and she meant it. I wanted to agree with her, I really did and maybe at first I did…
But the longer time I spent away from her, the more I began to miss everything about her. Not just the sex. Not just our kisses. But the way her eyes looked at me, so involved in the moment, so focused on me.
I’ve always desired to fly away, for most of my life.For the first time in my life, I felt sad to fly away, even if I knew it was temporary.
But when I was with Dana I felt like I was grounded, maybe for the first time in a long time. Maybe even for the first time ever. I didn’t feel like flying away to a faraway place where no one knew me. When I was cradled with Dana in bed, even though I didn’t “belong” there, I felt at home. I liked her company and wanted her presence in my life…a lot more than I ever thought I would.
I could only imagine what Dana was thinking. But as I read her face, every so often, when Cammie wasn’t looking of course…I was very sure I saw her genuine thoughts. It was all in her eyes. And when she smiled at me I could feel her heart in every glance she sent me…
Oh Dana, are you feeling this strange new sensation too?