Chapter Six
After three outfit changes and two panicked drive-bys, Hailey parked her car in front of Mangiarelli’s. It was better if no one knew she was meeting Spencer. She grabbed her purse off the passenger-side seat and scanned the parking lot. There were no other cars. She looked down at the clock on the dashboard.
Five minutes late.
And he’s not here.
There was a slim chance he was inside. Mangiarelli’s was within walking distance of their old college. Would he have parked there? Perhaps re-creating even that part of their old visits.
Dressed in a navy pantsuit, Hailey stepped out of her car and entered the restaurant with her head held high. If he doesn’t show, that will be a different kind of closure. I’ll know that despite what he says, he really doesn’t care.
Lunch had always been a busy time at the pizzeria, and it still was. Most of the tables were occupied by what looked like college students. She scanned the crowd. Groups of friends. Men. Women. Mixed tables. Some were laughing. Some looked hungover. One couple caught her attention. In the corner booth where she’d spent so many evenings cuddled up to Spencer’s side while they both studied was a young woman doing exactly the same with a young man. They looked so comfortable with each other, so blissfully unaware of how little it would take to destroy what they had.
“Sorry I’m late,” Spencer said from beside her while his hand came to rest on her lower back.
Hailey gasped and spun, confused by the mix of the past with the present. “Let me guess, you were working on something and almost forgot.”
He frowned.
They stood there, looking into each other’s eyes without speaking. She waited for him to back down or apologize again.
Instead, he brought a hand up to caress her cheek. “I couldn’t sleep last night. This morning dragged on and on. All I could think about was this—” He brushed his lips tenderly over hers.
Whoosh. The crowd around them disappeared until there was only Spencer and the way he made her body hum with need. Her lips parted, and their kiss deepened. He tasted like—coming home.
“Get a room,” a female voice called out.
“Or don’t,” a male voice chimed in. “It might be interesting to see how old people do it.”
Spencer raised his head, but his gaze didn’t waver from her face. “We’re old?”
“To them.” The smile that spread across her face felt as natural as breathing. She told herself to keep her defenses up. This was one last, cathartic meeting. Her hand went to her lips. Goodbye shouldn’t feel this good.
His breath was a hot caress on her cheek. “Are you hungry?”
Oh yes, but not for anything I could have with an audience. Her stomach was churning from nerves rather than hunger. “Not really.”
“Me, either.” He turned and began to guide her out of the restaurant. “Let’s go for a walk.”
“Don’t go,” a male voice called out. “We didn’t mean to scare you off.”
Spencer turned slowly and Hailey tensed. The Spencer she’d known didn’t have a temper, but she realized she didn’t know this new Spencer at all. The room quieted as he looked around. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it without saying a word. A twitch of a smile pulled at his lips before he turned away and began to walk out of the restaurant with her again. Oddly, he looked pleased with himself.
It wasn’t until they were walking beneath the shade of the trees of their old campus that Hailey said, “I thought you were going to cut those kids down.”
“I almost did. A couple of really good zingers came to mind.”
The light humor in his voice put Hailey at ease. They walked, matching their steps naturally. “Really? What was your best?”
He shot her a quick sidelong look. “You shouldn’t encourage me.”
That’s what I keep telling myself, but so far I’m not taking my own advice. “Was it something like: ‘I’ve beaten men twice your size with one hand tied behind my back’?”
He laughed. “Although that’s an impressive claim, it probably would have gotten my ass kicked. Boys that age have more testosterone than brains. It wouldn’t have scared them.”
“Really? Then tell me, wise old Spencer, what did you almost say?”
His chest puffed with pride, and he cleared his throat. “‘Funny thing about old people—we own shit. When you apply for your next internship, do yourself a favor and don’t attach your photo to your résumé. I have a very good memory for faces.’ I debated whether or not to mention that I owned my own company, but I thought a vague threat left more to fear.”
“Oh, you’re good,” she said with a chuckle. They walked a little more before she asked, “Why didn’t you say it?”
He shrugged. “They were just being stupid.” He stopped and turned toward her. There was a look in his eyes that set her heart racing. “And I didn’t want you to think I hadn’t changed at all.”
It was too easy to get lost in those beautiful eyes of his. She struggled to focus on the conversation and not raise herself on tiptoes to kiss him with all the boldness he’d kissed her with. “You wouldn’t have threatened them when you were younger, either. You never cared what anyone thought of you.”
“That’s not true,” he said huskily. “I cared what you thought.” He looped his arms around her waist and pulled her forward to rest against him. “I still do.”
The temptation to give herself over to the heat that sizzled between them was almost too much to resist, but Hailey reminded herself that Skye was more important than how he made her feel. It’s too risky.
Instead of making her feel better, seeing him again was making the acute loneliness of her present life that much more painful. She pulled herself out of his arms. “I can’t do this.”
“Talk to me, Hailey.”
The irony of his timing was not lost on her. There was a time when she would have given anything for him to utter that request. It was too late, though. “I came for closure.”
“Closure?” He ground the word out. “That’s what you want?”
She took a step back. “Especially considering what you thought I’d done. I thought we needed it.”
He took a step toward her. “So you met me today because you wanted to talk before moving on?”
“Yes,” she said, licking her bottom lip as she retreated another step.
“Bullshit.” He advanced again.
She tripped over the raised root of a tree and would have fallen backward, but he caught her by her upper arms. He steadied her, but continued to hold her there. Her skin was on fire beneath the strength of his touch, but she tried to sound unaffected. “It’s true.”
His hands tightened briefly on her arms. “There’s only one thing stopping me from believing you.” He nipped her bottom lip lightly, and all resolve left Hailey. She melted against him. His arms went around her waist; hers encircled his neck. She arched against him, opening her mouth to the soul-rocking kiss only he could deliver. Other men had tried, but only this man connected with her on a level so intense that circumstance and location ceased to matter. Beneath his touch, there was only hot, all-consuming desire. He raised his head and said huskily, “I don’t care about the mistakes we made in the past. We’re here now, and we both want the same thing.”
She shook her head back and forth slightly. She would have accused him of thinking about only one thing, but she had a hard time imagining much else when he was around. “It’s not that easy.”
He kissed her again, running his hands up and down her back as he did. Coherent thought scattered. Her hands sought the buttons of his dress shirt even though they were in public. He chuckled, then cupped her face between his hands. “Let’s get out of here.”
“No.” Her refusal sounded half-hearted even to her own ears.
“Whatever you think is more important than this—it’s not.”
His words seared through the passion. Panicking, she ripped herself out of his arms for a second time. “That’s not true. She is.”
“She? Who is she?”
Hailey covered her eyes briefly with one hand. The urge to lean on him emotionally was almost as strong as their passion had been. Her friends had fallen to the wayside after Ryan had died. Some had been work friends, and their friendships had dissolved once she no longer had anything in common with them. Others had been put on hold while Hailey reeled beneath the responsibility of becoming an instant parent. Then there’d been the guilt. When her schedule had finally settled somewhat, Hailey had often felt overwhelmed, but admitting it to anyone would have felt like a betrayal—as if she would have been saying she didn’t want Skye, when that couldn’t be more wrong. Skye was everything she had left in the world. She wiped tears away from her eyes and said, “Coming here was a bad idea. I don’t want to make things worse.”
“Come here,” he said gently and pulled her to his chest. The passion from before took second seat to the comfort she found in his strong arms. “Don’t cry.”
More tears rolled down her cheeks, wetting the front of his shirt. “I’m sorry, Spencer. I didn’t think this through. I just wanted to see you again.”
“Shh,” he murmured against her hair. “Is seeing me again so bad?”
She sniffed. “You think this is going well?”
He tipped her face up so she’d meet his eyes. Very gently he wiped her tears away with his thumbs. “What’s wrong, Hailey?”
Fresh tears poured down her cheeks. She used to believe in happy endings and love being able to conquer all, but then she’d lost and lost again. “It’s not just me anymore. I have to make decisions that are best for Skye as well.”
“Skye?”
“Ryan’s daughter.” There was a question in Spencer’s eyes that she answered before he voiced it. “My brother. He and his wife died in a car crash.”
Spencer’s face tightened. “I’m sorry. I know you were very close. When did it happen?”
“About a year ago now.”
He wrapped his arms around her again and held her close. “I wish I had known. I would have—”
He stopped, perhaps because he didn’t know what he would have done.
Did all old lovers feel a mix of euphoria and heartbreak when they met again? I can’t imagine they do. She’d run into men she’d slept with before, and none had ever left her feeling gutted and confused. Part of her wanted to run far away from the feelings he brought to the surface. Another part of her wanted to stay right where she was and pretend that being with him was possible.
Spencer breathed in the scent of her, lust battling with compassion as he held her. He hadn’t expected to feel as much for her as he did. Hearing about her brother brought out a protectiveness in him. He wanted to hold her in his arms forever and shelter her from any more loss.
No wonder she looks lost.
Here I am, coming on to her like some horny college student when she needs more than that.
Step up to the plate or go home. He’d never been one to hesitate or second-guess. Closure or a fresh start. What do I want? “I’m sorry for your loss. Do you need anything?” He stepped back and took her by the hand.
“No. We’re doing okay.”
“So you’re raising your niece.”
“Yes. She’s the only family I have left. Ryan entrusted her to me because he knew I would do anything and everything I could for her. I’m not going to lie—seeing you again is confusing, but I’m not in a place where I can do anything about it.”
“I like kids.” In theory.
She dipped her head. “It’s not that. It’s complicated.”
He moved to stand in front of her. “Hailey, whatever this is between us—I’ve never found it with anyone else. You wouldn’t be here if that wasn’t true for you as well. Do you really want to walk away a second time?”
“What do you want me to say? That I’ll fall into your bed as easily as I did the first time?”
“I don’t think we ever did it in my bed. No, wait, there was that one time.”
She swatted at him and, for a second, looked as if she might smile. “Everything is still a joke with you.”
He ran a hand down one of her arms and took her hand in his. “Not everything. Not you.”
She studied their linked hands. She waved her other hand at him. “I know what I should do, but it’s so easy to forget when you’re around.”
“What does that tell you?” He raised her hand to his lips.
“That seeing you is dangerous. I don’t have room in my life for another mistake. What I need is a good friend. Someone I could talk to about what I’m doing right and what I’m not. Seeing you again is exciting, but I have responsibilities now. I’m sorry if that’s not what you were hoping to hear.”
From another woman, the request for friendship might have been the kiss of death for his chance to be with her, but it didn’t feel that way with Hailey. He thought about his mother and how many times she’d put what she wanted above the welfare of her children. Hailey’s devotion to her niece made her even more beautiful to him, and he hadn’t thought that was possible.
“I’ve been told I’m a good friend.” He tipped his head. “But Jordan says I’m a real dick lately.”
“Poor Jordan. I doubt you’re that bad.” Hailey laughed and expelled a shaky breath. “I lost most of my friends after Ryan died. It really shook me when they said I stopped being any fun. One of them told me she would have handled the death of any of her family members better than I did.”
“Now that’s a dick.”
“Yeah,” Hailey said with a small smile. “I didn’t blame her for jumping ship. My whole life changed in a heartbeat. It went from carefree to all about Skye. Sometimes I still wonder if I’ve done any of it right. I’ve done my best, but I don’t know if it’s good enough.”
Spencer didn’t know enough about what she’d been through to be able to reassure her with more than platitudes, so he didn’t. He caressed her lower back and urged her to walk beside him. “What do you say we go back into Mangiarelli’s and show those kids how old people pack in pizza?”
She nodded. “I’d like that.”
“And if they start shit with me again, I’ll give them the intimidating look I perfected in the boardroom. It shuts down all arguments.” He narrowed his eyes, drew his brows together, and waited for her to be impressed.
“That’s quite a look you have there.”
He arched one eyebrow, maintaining his scowl the best he could. “It says I’m holding in a rage that if unleashed would demolish all around me.”
Humor lit her eyes. “Like holding back a bodily function?”
He threw back his head and laughed. “It’s effective, anyway.”
She laughed, too, leaning against him as she did. “You’re still funny.”
“You, too.” He almost hugged her then, but a hug would lead to kissing, and then perhaps to a place she’d said she wasn’t yet ready for. He wanted her in his bed, but he also wanted her in his life. If having both meant waiting, then he’d try not to remember how soft her inner thighs felt against his cheeks or the way she called out his name when she came.
They reentered the pizzeria with less fanfare than expected. He noticed the corner booth was empty and said, “Hey, our old table is free.”
She hesitated, then took the seat across from him. “This brings back so many memories.”
“We had fun together.”
She smoothed her hands over the plastic menu. “In the end it wasn’t enough.”
He took one of her hands in his. “I don’t know if I’m a better man now than I was then, but I want to be.”
She laced her fingers through his. “I’d like to think I’ve become a better person, but betting on me is a gamble, too.”
He’d spent the last year hightailing it away from emotional situations, but it was different with Hailey. Jordan had said he hadn’t thought Hailey was the type to cheat, and Spencer felt like an ass for ever thinking she had. Hailey had never lied to him.
Trust was something he’d lost in people lately, but he didn’t want to be that person. Meeting Hailey again felt like a sign that it was time to let go and start over. “So tell me what you’re doing right and what you’re doing wrong.” There had to be a way to return the smile to her eyes. He waved the waitress over. “And then let’s eat. Pizza?”
“Perfect,” Hailey said with a warm smile that made him think the second time around might be even better than the first.