Cade

Always tell the truth my dad said. It’ll set you free. Crock of shit if you ask me.

The truth only hurt Ivy. And that truth came hours ago.

Hours after watching her finger fucked herself. Opening up that sweet pink pussy that had me jerking my cock until I came watching her please herself. The beauty was searching and finding what my cock should be giving her. Goddamn that was hot. Could watch her all day getting herself off. She knew I saw her too. Her cheeks turned pink when I skimmed down her body. There was no doubt she was remembering what she had done sprawled across my bed.

Haven’t seen anything sexier than her showing me she isn’t afraid to show me what she wants in my entire life.

I wanted to pounce on her. Fuck her with my fingers before sliding in with my cock.

My restraint is gone. The iron grip on my control snapped when I felt her body flush against mine. Christ, I wanted to yank that towel off her, lift her up and thrust my dick inside her body.

Swear after she sat there letting what I said sink in she turned cold as the outdoors. The woman didn’t stop asking me about that night at the club. I told her everything she did. Right down to her touching herself with crazed eyes glued to mine. Embarrassment flooded her cheeks before she ran back to my room and hasn’t come out since.

Closing the door to my office, I take a seat behind my desk. Papers from the gym are scattered all over. I’ve been working to get shit done, so I don’t have to worry about anything but Ivy for the next several days.

I’m not fucking around anymore. The only thing Ivy isn’t safe from is what she thinks she wants, and me. More me than her and that’s a goddamn scary thought.

Enough is enough though. Either she pulls her shit together, gets her ass out of my room so we can hash out whatever the fuck is happening, or I’m going to fucking blow. My stress is erupting like lava seeping out of the black crevices of a volcano in my veins.

The first full day we’ve spent together, and it’s a cluster-fuck of disasters. Making her breakdown in my room. Agreeing to answer questions. Then the minute she asks about the club, I go rock hard. Sick fuck that I am getting turned on when thinking about a woman asking me to fuck her when she was out of her head.

Not quite true, I’d been hard since she walked into that club looking like some angel that had fallen out of the sky. Testing my patience with her natural beauty. The minute I touched her I knew there’d be no letting her go. I was just too much of a chicken-shit to admit it. Still am.

This morning when she let out a sexy moan, it spoke to my instincts, pleading with me to do some very wicked things to that mouth. I wanted to stand, pull down my sweats, stroke my cock and coat her lips with my release.

I crave Ivy. I want her more than anything. I need her more than the monstrous, miserable life of blackness that looms on my doorstep once she’s gone. The problem is, I don’t think I can handle her being anywhere else than with me. And I am not going anywhere.

I rub my temples. Visuals are storming through my head. Stomping and telling me to wake the fuck up. I didn’t think my heart could beat again until I saw her curled up in my bed this morning. Her eyes pleading for me to not ask anything more about the knife or what happened to her.

Still can’t stomach it was two weeks ago when he last used it on her. I want to stab holes all over his body with it. Drain every last ounce of blood out of him. Killing him won’t ever be enough for what he’s done.

If I thought losing my family was hard, losing her again might be the end of me. Never did I think I’d see the light in my dark. The woman might be swimming in pain, but there sure as shit is light circling around her. Punching holes and seeping right in.

Years ago, I was drawn to her beauty. Now I’m drawn to her light. Her ability to walk out of my room, take a seat and laugh about knocked me on my ass. I crave her so much I don’t know what the fuck to do anymore.

The way she looked at me at the table this morning. Her eyes darkening, her nipples like hard diamonds poking through her bra and sweatshirt. Her body trembling, eyes widening, lips parting when she saw how hard I was nearly distracted me. I fought the urge to toss her over my shoulder, strip her naked and spread her legs wide. My taste buds didn’t taste my food at all. It was her I tasted, her I smelled, her I wanted to lick, eat, and fill with my cock.

“Tell me that these assholes are the ones who drugged her.” I light up my pipe, inhaling deeply as I hand Roan a glass of scotch and wait for my answer. Him coming over is the distraction I need to calm my ass down or else I’d be in my room doing God knows what to a temptress that makes me weak in the knees.

A while back Roan started digging into helping Chaz find the missing piece of his past. We didn’t have any idea Drew was involved with the notorious gang Chaz was linked to until we saw him standing next to the president of The Warriors during a press conference.

As their fucking attorney.

The Warriors are a dangerous gang in New York. Known for drugs, sex trafficking, and more. Any kind of date rape drug seems to be their drug of choice. Because of that, I had Roan dig a little deeper. I want no stone left unturned when it comes to finding the person who drugged Ivy.

“Let’s just say they make you look like the Pope. They don’t play nice. Always busting people up just because they think they can. Always trying to encroach on other’s territories. I can’t say for sure if they drugged her or not. What I can say is they left the courtroom unhappy after their men were found guilty. As far as we know there have been threats made here and there to your brother, nothing’s come of them yet. But,” he pauses, slides a photo across my desk, and shudders. “Look at that and burn it, shred it, turn it over. Don’t care what you do with it. Just get it out of my face.”

“Jesus Christ.” I take one peek, flip the thing over when everything in my stomach threatens to come up. I’ve killed a lot in my life. Not sure if I’ve ever seen a bloodier massacre than that. What makes it worse, it’s a woman. What’s left of her anyway.

“A cop on my payroll brought that to me. Apparently this woman head-butted the president’s old lady, or so the story goes. Either way, this woman was about to be sold. She fought for her freedom and they killed her.” In the few years I’ve known Roan, I’ve never heard his voice spike with pain. Sure proves the best of us are more human than I think.

I grit my teeth, close my eyes. Ivy would never survive something like this. I’d never survive if someone took her from me. It was bad enough living those years thinking she was happy with someone who wasn’t me. This though would kill us both.

How the hell Chaz has lived with what they did to him and his little sister is beyond me. Fucking Christ.

Pinching the brow of my nose, I glare at the dark computer screens in my office. I’d shut my security off after watching Ivy pace a hole in the floor. Her brain spinning out of control trying to remember the night at the club. Frustrated beyond belief, throwing things when her mind will never give the information she wants. I couldn’t stand to watch her anymore. Now I’m going batshit over not seeing her. Wondering if she’s crying.

Christ, I want to hold her as she cries and trembles in my arms instead of standing helplessly as she lets loose of all that’s swamped her mind. I want her to beat on my chest, let all that pain sink into my skin until she falls lax from pure exhaustion. I’ve failed her over and over when failure is all she’s ever had.

Ivy has lived a nightmare life, yet she’s holding herself together by a thread. Strength and courage. Sexy as all hell.

“You think even after I take out my brother, Ivy might not ever be safe?” I inhale, hold the smoke in my lungs until I can’t take it any longer.

“That’s not what I’m saying. Pretty sure you’ll fight ‘til your death to make sure she is. And, if it ever came down to that. Which, it won’t. You have my word I’ll take care of her. Honestly, Cade. I don’t think these men drugged her. They have no reason to come after Ivy. I believe if they wanted revenge, they’d have already killed your brother. It wasn’t that long ago you killed a man who tried offering up his daughter to me for payment. These men fall under those lines. They take care of the one who did them wrong. Sounds kind of messed up considering they kidnap innocent women. But it’s true.”

We both take a moment to remember that night. Roan set a meeting with the man. Had me tag along just in case the guy showed up empty-handed. When he walked in with his daughter, it made me want to feed the narc to the sharks. That young girl clung to the piece of shit, scared and crying even after he offered her up in his foreign tongue. “They usually take runaways, junkies and clean them up, only to pump them full of sex enhancers. Use those women like an assembly line to train into submission. Then again, your brother fucked up by losing a case he promised them he’d win. They have two of their men six feet under from being murdered in prison, so you tell me if she’s going to be safe.”

He doesn't have to say anything more. These men don’t want Ivy. It’s the other way around. They have someone in their possession we want. Someone Chaz has worked his own revenge to find. “I still haven’t been able to locate Chaz’s sister. I’ll get with him about it before I leave.” I nod. My finger twitching, hands craving those men's blood. Like me, my friend has suffered long enough.

“If they aren’t the ones, then it has to be someone inside my brother’s personal circle. Someone I’m missing. He’s hiding something. Whatever it is has been hidden well.” I may never find out who did this. Drew has more enemies than friends. He might be good at what he does, but he’s also lost some fairly big cases in his career. “This is why her disappearance hasn’t been reported to the cops. He knows whoever did this wanted revenge in a different way. It’s someone who works for him or someone else he’s fucked over. One of the many women he’s cheated with. Shit, I’m back at square one. Goddamnit. I feel like I’m chasing my own tail here.”

I set my pipe in the ashtray, grab the photo, slide my chair and place it in the shredder. I’ve seen plenty of blood. Nothing is worse though than seeing it drain from the ears of a woman at war. They are beaten and raped in the dirty streets repeatedly. Mutilated until all that’s left is bones. Women don’t hold any value to men over there. Ivy though, she’s worth more than any amount of money. Any other possession a man holds in his hands. Fucks a man like me up with the possibility someone drugged her out of jealousy over a bastard who didn’t value the gift he had.

“I’ll continue to help out any way I can. If I hear of anything, I’ll contain them until you take over.” I appreciate him being as loyal to me as I am to him.

“Grateful Roan.”

“There’s something else I wanted to talk about. It’s not my business. Butting my nose in whether you like it or not. I won’t sit here and go into detail about my own brother. Our stories are a lot alike, Cade. My brother and I loved the same woman. Only his love was like your brother’s. It was sick and all kinds of fucked up. That isn’t loving someone. I might sound like a pussy saying this. Have that right I suppose after being married for twenty plus years to a woman who hated what I did.”

I look him in the eye when he pauses and shifts to stand.

“Alina didn’t want a part of my world at all. My brother hurt her, put the fear of a man’s touch in my wife. I loved Alina. I wanted her, and I made her see what love was all about. Love makes you go crazy with wanting to protect. It makes you accept faults that you wish weren’t there. It's able to forget. To forgive, but it’s also one of the hardest things to accept in life. On the flip side, it’s the most beautiful goddamn thing. Right now you don’t think Ivy could love you for who you are. You’re afraid to taint her, to let her hold your face in your crime filled hands. Don’t go there with that crap. Give her the benefit of the doubt. Communicate. Fight. Play hardball, and hurt each other. But don’t you ever give up. Love is putting someone else first because they mean more to you than anything else. You and Ivy might not be the same people you were. That doesn’t mean you can’t or don’t deserve to love. Quit wasting time. You want her, then get her. I’m telling you right now if you let her go and she finds someone else. Someone who really loves her. You’re going to go through a helluva lot worse than before.” His grin slightly curves, and his eyes are a whole hell of a lot playful. Reminds me of something my dad would do and say.

I tamp my blazing temper down before I aim it at the wrong person. Roan means well.

“You going to let me walk away from this life?” I question. Knowing what he’ll say before he even says it. Just like I’ll be aware of every move Ivy makes for the rest of my life, Roan’s aware of mine. I struck a deal to remain loyal, to do what he asked with no questions. Knew when I gave him my word if I tried to walk away I was good as dead. I admire this man who cares about me. But he’d put a bullet in my head if it meant protecting those he loves.

“No. You asking to walk away?”

“Never. I gave you my word. My word is the only good thing I got.” I could have something a hell of a lot better than my word if I’d man the fuck up and go to her.

“Didn’t think so.”

“Whatever old man. I can’t believe I’m sitting here listening to fatherly advice from a man I’ve seen blow someone’s brains out. Alina was born into the mafia. She grew up around killing. Ivy hasn’t.” We shouldn’t even be having this discussion. Ivy and I may never happen.

I’ve long forgiven her for marrying Drew when I realized she didn’t do a thing but marry someone she trusted. It’s me. It’s the screwed up scared part of me that will die a thousand deaths if she looks at me in a different way once she finds out I’m a cold-blooded killer without an ounce of guilt.

“And I just told you she hated it. She took off and left her family behind after my brother raped her. She didn’t want anything to do with them, but she loved them enough not to make them choose. From what you’ve told me, Ivy hasn’t been able to choose what she wants in years. Give her a choice to make up her own mind. Don’t make it for her. If you do, it’ll be the biggest mistake you’ll ever make. Take my fatherly advice or don’t. I’m just telling you, women who love will have her man’s back the same way he does hers. They learn and adjust. They do it for love.”

I’m going to fuck this up. I can’t do it. I have to let her go. I’ve only spent one night here with her being alert, and I’m already on edge. Her lying up in my bed. Naked and so fucking tempting. She deserves more than what I can give.

“I won’t deny that I love her. I do. I have to let her go. It’s the right thing for her. I appreciate your advice, Roan. Respect you even more for it. But, sometimes love is about sacrifice. I’m sacrificing how I feel so she doesn’t have to live a life full of violence anymore. I’ll never change. Got too much shit stored up inside. Too much hate to dump that on her.”

“Yeah, well, nothing will bring your family back. I hope the beautiful thing called vengeance is enough for you. Just make sure it’s a choice you can live with.”

Ivy might be trapped in my head, but the choice to kill, it’s trapped in my blood.