Jude is seething mad. Of course. I lie on the bed with my eyes closed, listening to him pace back and forth across the room.

"Do you know how fucking stupid that was? Huh? Do you?" He stops his Neanderthal waltz long enough to stare at me. "Words, Tor. I want a fucking answer."

I sigh and prop up on my elbows, blowing a strand of hair out of my face. "Yes, Jude. All the words." I sigh. "I'm alive. They're dead. I'm pretty sure it's me that should be mad at you right now, so calm your shit."

His eyes pop wide and I see that tick in his jaw, the vein bulging from his temple. "Calm my..." His jaw clenches so hard he can't even finish his sentence. The next thing I know, he's charging me, grunting like an animal before his fingers wrap around my throat and he pins me to the bed. His face is right in mine, his eye twitching. "Do not patronize me."

Glaring at him, I shove at his chest. But, of course, it does nothing. "Fuck you, Jude." His grip tightens, and I rake my nails down his forearm hard enough that I hope I've drawn blood. "What the hell do you want me to do? Sit here twiddling my thumbs?" I buck my body, trying to throw him off, but he presses his body harder over me, sliding between my thighs until I'm consumed by him.

"I'll tell you what I want you to do," his grip on me tightens and I revel in it, the dominance, the anger, I let it sweep me up, because on some level I need it right now. "I want you to not be so goddamn reckless, how about? Shit, is it that hard to just let someone else handle something? For once, Tor. It's the cartel. It is the fucking cartel."

"I'm well aware! Not like I didn't spend the last three months in that cartel or anything," I say with a snarl. "You don't get to do this anymore, Jude. This isn't about me. We agreed—"

"I never agreed for you to go on a suicide mission. A fucking motorcycle, Tor. A fucking motorcycle!"

"I'm not...I'm not suicidal," I say, my voice quietening. I squeeze my eyes shut and swallow around my constricting throat. When I open my eyes again, he's staring at me. Hard, angry, desperate. "I just can't afford to be weak anymore."

He shakes his head. "When have you ever been fucking weak?"

My fingers relax, and I gently wrap them around his wrist. I became weak the moment I handed Cayla over to a stranger. "What greater failure is there than a mother who cannot protect her child?" I ask, turning my face away from him as I fight back that sense of complete helplessness.

He sighs heavily, dropping his chin to his chest and completely releasing me from his hold. "Some things are beyond our control. One thing you are not, is weak." He grabs my jaw, forcing me to look at him. "You are the best mother, and you did everything humanly possible. In that regard, Tor, you have been stronger than me."

I hate that we keep riding this rollercoaster from pain and despair to anger and revenge and back again. I hate his pain, and I hate that I've made him think that he didn't do enough. My beautiful man who has always been so unbreakably strong. Now we're both breaking, and all we can do is hold onto each other as we do. I cup his jaw, stroking my thumb over the stubble of his face. I wind my hand around the back of his neck, I pull him down until his cheek is pressed to my chest. He releases a heavy breath and winds his arms around me as I stroke my fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry," I say. Yes, all we can do is hold on and hope that we can remain whole long enough to finish this.

He lifts his face, his eyes locking with mine before he kisses me. Soft at first, then hard, desperately unsure then so certain, like a tidal wave of emotions ebbing and flowing. I allow him to bleed into me until our pain, our love, our loss, it all becomes one. He rolls over, dragging me on top of him until I’m straddling his body. His hands cup my face and he strokes over my throat almost reverently. The truth is, all we have is this, right here, right now. The path we're on, we don't know how much time we have. We could die tomorrow, and I need him to know that I love him, that he gave me a life so extraordinary, so full of love, that it was too perfect to last. And despite all of it, I would never change loving him. I couldn't. Even though being apart from Cayla is eating me alive, I don't want to waste a second that we have left fighting with him. I just need him in every sense of the word.

I sit up and reach for the hem of his shirt that I'm wearing, pulling it over my head. His eyes trace my body as he glides his palms up my stomach, pausing over the scar below my right breast. His brows pull together as he stares at it. "I thought I lost you," he whispers, his finger trailing over the scar. "And that—thinking I'd have to find a way to live without you—it destroyed me."

I take his hand and lift it to my face, kissing over his scarred knuckles, his calloused palms. "I'm right here."

He sits up and grabs my face, kissing me hard. I kiss him back, reaching for his shirt and tugging it over his head. I just want to feel him. When everything around us is going to shit, and the clock is constantly ticking in my ear, I just want to love him and to feel his love in return. It's all I have to cling onto, the only thing I can offer anymore.

The warm skin of his chest presses against me and I shiver. This is the only thing in my world that has ever been right. Him. Us. This. I wrap my arms around his neck and he grips my hips, his fingers digging into my flesh, dominating and possessive. His hand slides between my legs, brushing over my underwear. His warm lips slowly kiss down the side of my neck, and I drag desperate breaths into my lungs. He makes me burn for him with only the slightest touch until my entire body feels like it's going to explode.

"I love you, Tor," he says, his eyes locked on mine as he pushes my underwear to the side and slides two fingers inside me.

I gasp, my entire body both tightening and relaxing at the invasion. My nails dig into his back and he hisses out a breath. He presses between my legs, working his fingers deep inside me. I throw my head back, a long moan falling from my lips. No one can make me feel the way Jude does. He plays me perfectly, like a master pianist, perfecting every single note.

Within seconds, I'm falling apart, begging him for more. I just want this, to feel everything, to experience him while I still can. When you're on borrowed time, everything seems more precious. I reach for his belt, yanking it open. I undo the button of his jeans and shove them down his thighs. The moment my fingers wrap around him, his chin drops to his chest on a deep groan.

"I want you, Jude. Always."

His fingers wrap around my throat and my heart beats harder sending blood rushing through my veins, that rush of adrenaline pounding away at my eardrums in a beautiful crescendo. I feel the head of his cock press against me, and then he slides home in one thrust. My breath leaves me in a rush, and he growls against my lips. His forehead rests against mine and his fingers tighten around my throat as he drives into me. God, he feels so good, so perfect. I wrap my arms around him, trying to pull him closer. I need to touch him, to feel as much of him as possible.

He fucks me deep and slow, his fingers flinching into my neck with every thrust. It's that fine line between love and hate, need and desperation. We're both so far from the people we once were and yet, nothing has changed because we will always have this. We will always feel this burning passion, an insatiable need to connect with each other. I wrap my hand around the back of his neck, breathing him in. His lips brush across mine and I scrape my teeth over his bottom lip, pulling a growl from him.

His grip on my throat tightens so much that my vision dots and my head spins, pleasure tightens my body and I moan against his mouth. A long groan slips from his lips and he stiffens before collapsing on top of me. He releases me and I drag in a deep breath, allowing the oxygen to fill my lungs. Jude's heavy, sweat slicked body presses over me, his rapid breaths washing over my neck.

"I love you, too," I say through ragged breaths.