Loretta liked to say Grandma Betty held on to see her granddaughters graduate from high school because just a few weeks after they did she died. I’d never say it out loud, but I was pretty sure mentally she was gone long before then. She’d lost both legs up to her thighs near the end there, but the people at the hospice ultimately just made her comfortable, ignoring any other pointless surgeries she might still need. The last time I’d seen her, which was days before she passed, she wasn’t even talking anymore. She was so lethargic. Only good thing about it was, as close as Madeline was to her, she had time to process and accept the fact that she was losing her. By the time she did go, as sad as my peanut had been, she was more relieved her grandma was no longer suffering.
Madeline having to work such long hours as she continued with her temporary promotion also helped. It kept her too busy during those first few weeks of mourning to think too much about it.
It wasn’t until near the end of that same summer that they finally find a replacement for the store manager who’d left so abruptly, making Madeline step up. After training him on all the ins and outs of the store for about a week, Madeline was relieved of her full-time shifts. She’d finally be able to enjoy the summer days at the river and lake without being so pooped out.
Madeline would be continuing most of her education online, but Maggie would be attending a nursing school a few towns away and staying in a dorm all week. So they were making the most of the rest of the summer. We’d gotten together already twice this past week where we closed out the lake in the evening while we sat around the bonfires, smoking out for a bit before heading home. The summer was still warm enough for lake and river outings, and with just a few weeks to spare before Maggie left town, Madeline was adamant about spending as much time with her as possible.
“Peanut, she’ll be less than two hours away,” I said when she started sounding down about it again. “She’ll be home every weekend.”
“I know,” Madeline protested. “But we’ve never been separated like this. We’ve slept in the same room every single night all our lives. Even when one of us falls asleep on the sofa, the other will just as soon grab a pillow and blanket and squeeze in rather than go to sleep in the bedroom alone. I’m gonna miss my baby boo.” She pouted, her eyes welling up again as they did every time we talked about this. “My sugar plum.”
“Alright.” I smiled, pulling her to me and kissing the top of her head. “Maybe we can make a few trips out to see her in the middle of the week when we have the time.”
She glanced up at me with a big smile. “Mama said the same thing. She’s already dreading it too.”
Since Maddie had officially resigned from her job at Little Caesars and Maggie quit from hers weeks ago too, they now had way more time than I did to hang at the river all day. And it was good that way. As close as they were and as much as they were clearly going to miss their time together, I didn’t even feel bad about not being able to spend every day out there with them. It was their sister time. Though Shelby was usually with them.
I’d spent most of the weekend with Madeline anyway, so when the weekdays rolled around, she was understanding of the fact that I couldn’t be there every day to close out the summer.
Today was another one of their days out at the river, and I’d been busy at the shop with the new equipment that arrived yesterday, but we’d yet to figure it out exactly. Madeline had been out at the river since about eleven this morning. She called just before three to let me know they were getting ready to wrap it up.
“We’re starving. Oh my God, I could go for a big fat cheeseburger,” she said in that tone where I could actually hear her smile, and it had me smiling too. “So we’re gonna grab something to eat, and unless we see Terry and her sisters, who were out at the lake this morning with their jet skis, we’ll head straight home. Otherwise, we might stop and take a few spins on the jet skis before calling it a day.”
“Sounds good to me,” I said, taking a swig of my water bottle. “I’ll be here a little longer. We’re still working on figuring out this new machine, but so far, it’s pretty bad ass.”
I told her more about it, and as usual, she sounded as excited about it as my brothers and I were. “You’re coming over for dinner tonight, right?” she asked before we hung up. “Mama’s frying up some catfish, and Maggie’s making her famous burgoo from last night’s leftovers.”
I chuckled because she’d just said she was going to grab a big fat cheeseburger and already she sounded excited about dinner.
“Yeah, we should have this wrapped up by then.”
“K,” she said, and I could hear the giddy smile in that one syllable. “I love you, Nico.”
“I love you too, baby.” I took a few steps away from where I was standing to spare myself some of the ribbing I’d get if my brothers heard me. “It’s been less than a day, and I miss my peanut already.”
“I always miss you when you’re not around,” she countered immediately. “Be there early tonight.”
“I will.”
Less than an hour after getting off the phone with her, my phone rang, and I was surprised to see it was Loretta. I knew Madeline had given her my number since we were always together, in case she couldn’t get a hold of her, but it was the first time she’d used it.
As soon as I answered and she started speaking, her tone unnerved me. I’d never heard her sound so frantic. “Have you talked to her, Nicolas?”
“Madeline? Yes,” I said, walking away from the machine, my heart rate speeding up a little. “Yeah, she called about an hour ago. Said they were grabbing something to eat.”
“Where?”
“I don’t know. She didn’t say. Why? What’s wrong?”
“I’ve called both her and Maggie several times, even called Shelby, but no one’s responding. It’s just freaking me out because they always at least text me back, especially Maggie. This just isn’t like them, and I have a bad feeling.”
I exhaled when I remembered about the jet skis. “She did say they were gonna stop at the lake. The Webber girls were there this morning with their jet skis. If they’re out on the lake, they wouldn’t take their phones with them.”
She was quiet for a moment, and I was feeling relieved already. “All three of them out on the lake at once?”
“The Webber girls have two jet skis, so, yeah, it’s possible all three are out there.”
Convinced now that that was what was going on, I breathed in a little easier. Even I knew how not like them it was to just ignore their mother’s calls or texts. Especially Maggie who had always been more mindful about everything.
“Alright, hon,” she said, but she didn’t sound too convinced. “If you hear from her before I do, tell her to call me ASAP. I hate when I get a bad feeling, and I won’t relax until I hear from them.”
After promising I’d pass the word along, I hung up, but even I was feeling a little rattled now, so I dialed Madeline. It rang several times before going to voicemail. Hanging up without leaving a message, I texted her instead.
Call your mother as soon as you get a chance. She’s worried. Then call me. I’m worried now too.
I went back to working on the machine as Quino explained something new he figured out in the short time I was on the phone. I was distracted by what Quino showed us but not entirely. It’d been at least a half hour if not longer since I texted Madeline and still nothing. I even checked a few times on the off chance I missed it but nothing.
Dad walked into the shop, shaking his head with a frown. “What happened?” Xavier asked first. “Changed your mind?”
“No, I didn’t change my mind. I’ve been sitting on that damn highway for over twenty minutes straight. It’s a parking lot. I figured something was going on, stalled car or accident, so I waited it out all this time. Then I finally heard on the radio it’s closed both ways because of an accident.”
It took a second for what he just said to register, and my stomach dropped. “Which highway? The sixty-eight?” I asked, already dialing Madeline again.
“Yeah.” He pulled off his ball cap and slapped it on the counter. “Guy down at the gas station said it’s blocked both ways now. Ain’t no one getting in or out of town anytime soon going that route.”
Madeline didn’t answer again, and it was only then that I noticed the ongoing sirens in the distance. “Accident, Dad?”
“Yeah.” He nodded with a frown. “Radio’s reporting one fatality so far, but there could be more. People need to slow down.”
The horrid feeling at the pit of my stomach was an ugly reminder of the night I heard Ama crying in her room when my mom died. I tried not to think so negatively, but Madeline still not returning my calls or texts only panicked me further. “Hey, Nolan, you heard from Maggie recently?”
He shook his head. “Not since this morning.”
“Call her. See if you can get a hold of her.” He nodded, but continued to bite into the burrito he was eating. “Do it now.”
That had him furrowing his brows as he turned to me again, but he pulled his phone from his pocket. I didn’t have the patience to stand there and just wait, so I tried Madeline again then her mother. No answer from either. What the fuck?”
“She didn’t answer,” Nolan said, only making my already beating wildly heart, thump harder.
“Fuck!” I said, running my fingers through my hair, and tried Madeline again. “Come on, Maddie,” I said, lowering my voice. “Answer your phone, baby.”
“Why?” Nolan asked; then his eyes went wide as he watched me pace with the phone at my ear. “You think maybe . . .”
“Check that local news group on Facebook,” Xavier suggested, and Nolan got right on it.
I walked over to Nolan because at this point I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. I wouldn’t be able to concentrate now on anything until I heard from Madeline. “Did they say anything else about the accident, Dad?” I asked as Nolan scrolled through his screen.
“No, Hijo. The guy just said he heard it was a bad accident.”
“Here it is,” Nolan said, and everyone’s attention was on him now.
He skimmed quickly, reading out loud through the post about it, skipping over everything that didn’t give us any facts.
“A single-car accident involving a flipped-over vehicle resulting in two confirmed fatalities now has closed both the southbound and northbound lanes of highway sixty-eight.”
I swallowed hard, shaking my head because I refused to even think it, but I listened as he continued.
“Traffic’s backed up for miles both ways. A third victim is now being airlifted to a trauma center, and a fourth has been transferred by ground to the local ER.” Nolan looked up at me with a wince. “Only other thing it mentions is the highway will be closed until further notice while they investigate, and then it talks about detours.”
“Read the comments,” Xavier suggested, glancing at me and then Nolan. “Someone always knows something or maybe witnessed it.”
With both hands at my head now and a boulder lodged in my throat, Xavier shook his head. “Was she anywhere in that area?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said, my voice straining because I felt ready to fall apart. “On the fucking river.”
“Okay,” he said in a calming voice, but both Quino and my dad were staring at me like maybe they were thinking the same thing I was. “Maybe she’s stuck in that mess.”
“She’s not answering her phone. None of them are. She went out with Maddie and Shelby, and her mom called me earlier. She never calls me, but she said she had a bad feeling because she’d been trying to get a hold of them for a while.”
Quino, who was closest to Nolan, leaned in to look at something Nolan was showing him on his phone screen. It was subtle, but I caught the moment Quino’s eyes widened. “What?” I asked, taking a few steps closer to them. “What is it?”
“It’s not part of the article,” Quino said quickly—too quickly. “It’s just a comment.”
“What’s it say?” I asked, but neither responded. “What the fuck does it say?”
“They think it’s a Volkswagen.”
My jaw dropped just as I could swear my heart stopped. “What?”
I flinched when someone’s hand touched my shoulder and turned to see my dad’s somber face. But I turned back to Nolan when he added, almost as panicked as I sounded, “Look, look, look, here’s someone else saying it’s a truck. See? No one knows yet. It’s just speculation right now.”
I rushed behind the counter to get my keys. “Where you going?” Xavier asked.
“I need to go find her.”
“But where?” Quino asked now. “You’re not gonna get anywhere on the sixty-eight. It’s closed both ways.”
“Yeah, Nico, it’s a parking lot,” my dad reminded me. “They’re probably turning people around now.”
“I’ll get as far as I can go then walk if I have to,” I said, rushing out the door.
I heard my dad tell one or all of them to go with me. “Nico,” Quino called out. “Let’s take the van.”
“I’ll get farther on this.” I jumped on my motorcycle and revved it up as I prayed under my breath, even as something squeezed at my windpipe. “Please, God. Please don’t let this be happening.”
Before I took off, I tried Loretta one last time, but again, it went to voicemail. Fuck! It wasn’t even until I pulled out of the shop’s driveway that I realized all three of my brothers were on their bikes as well and following me.
We didn’t get very far at all. With the main highway blocked, traffic was being diverted in every other direction, and all the side roads were a fucking mess. I went through parking lots and split lanes, narrowly missing a few cars several times. Xavier was behind me, and I was pretty sure I heard him yell out for me to slow the fuck down.
As I slowly got closer to where I could see the cop car barricades in the distance, my heart got heavier, and I was beginning to feel like I might lose my mind. I tried desperately to think of what Quino suggested. That she might just be stuck in this mess. But I couldn’t imagine why she wouldn’t, why any of them wouldn’t, answer or return their calls. My only hope now was, like when she broke down, she was stuck in an area where the signal was spotty. But I continued to pray under my breath just as well.
Finally, I gave up trying to go any farther on my bike and found a place I could park it on the side of the road. I knew I risked it getting towed, but at this point, I didn’t give a fuck. My heart was pounding through my chest now, and I could barely hold it together. Glancing around, I was surprised to feel the warm tear slide down my face, and I swatted at it. I prayed I’d see her bug sitting somewhere in this mess of a traffic jam. The backup was so bad people were sitting on their hoods or standing outside their cars. Many, like my brothers and I, who were now on foot, were walking around. So at least we didn’t stand out too bad walking through the lined-up cars.
I made no attempt to hide what I was feeling anymore because, the closer we got, the worse my gut feeling about this was, and I was ready to lose it. “C’mon, Nico,” Xavier said, clapping his hand on my shoulder since I stopped trying to swat the tears. “Think positive, man.”
Slowing as we reach the barricaded area, I was suddenly terrified to find out. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” I said, bringing my hands to my head, walking around in a circle, and looking up at the sky.
“Relax,” Xavier said, putting his hand on my shoulder again.
Nolan and Quino were talking to the crowd of people on the side. I turned when I heard the words “blue” and “bug.” “What?” I asked, bringing my hand to my chest when I felt my heart thud so hard it hurt.
Quino rushed to me, hands up in front of him. “It’s a blue bug, but—”
“No, no, no!” I cried, shaking my head and grabbing my hair again with both hands before trying to get past him toward the taped-off area. “No, no, no, no! Madeline!”
“There’s two dead,” Quino said, grabbing me by the shirt as Xavier and Nolan tried to hold me back. “But there’s two still alive, one of them transported by ambulance. She might be one of them, but we don’t even know if it’s her bug, man.”
The struggle went on as my brothers tried to calm me and hold me back. I just have a bad feeling. Loretta’s words assaulted me over and over as my own gut roiled, making me sick, and I stopped struggling with my brothers for a moment so I could bend over and puke my guts out.
When I finally stopped puking, I caught my breath and straightened out. “Let’s get out of here,” Xavier said, standing in front of me.
“I can’t.” I shook my head. “I can’t leave.”
Not too far from us, a news crew was covering the story. The woman reporting the accident in front of the camera was loud enough that I could partially hear what she was saying, something about no one wearing seatbelts, and the knife in my heart went even deeper as it reminded me of all the times I’d had to tell Madeline to put on her seatbelt.
Quino and Nolan were now standing side by side next to Xavier in front of me. “We’ll go wait at her house,” Quino said.
I noticed the big fire truck that was there when we arrived had moved out of the way. The crowd had gotten louder, and I glanced around to see the direction they were all gawking in, horrified. My brothers were blocking me from seeing what that truck was concealing, and then I saw it and fell to my knees.
What was left of Madeline’s little bug was crumpled off the side of the road, and two tarps were covering bodies in two completely separate directions. At that very moment, I heard what else the newscaster confirmed, “The driver and one passenger are confirmed dead. One other has been airlifted . . .
“No!” I cried out as my throat began to constrict, and it got harder to breathe suddenly. “God, no!”
My brothers held me up from going down any further. I could see their panic-stricken faces saying stuff to me, but I couldn’t hear anything. There was no sound anymore. I couldn’t even hear my own voice, but I knew I was crying out louder than I ever had because my throat was on fire now. I couldn’t breathe, and I clutched my chest, still trying to cry out in spite of it all.
I was surrounded by paramedics suddenly and other unfamiliar faces saying stuff I couldn’t hear either. But I struggled to fight them too until, like the sound, all my other senses gave out and everything went white.