Avery

I swallow hard, trying to force the ball of nerves that seem to be sitting right inside of my throat down before I vomit.

Literally, I feel like I could throw up, right now.

It can’t be true...it just can’t.

Yet deep down in my heart, I totally know that it is.

I can just feel it.

When Eric first went away to school, everything between us stayed the same. I’d fall asleep on the phone with him every night, letting my eyes close as his voice would wash over me, telling me how damn much he loved me.

Things stayed like that for months. Even though we were miles apart, I still felt like I was a huge part of his world.

He put in so much effort, letting me know that I was always on his mind.

I don’t even know that I can pinpoint exactly when things began to change. It was more of a slow progression until suddenly...things began to fall apart.

One morning, he didn’t call me to tell me that he loved me. And then, the next night? Same thing. Ever so slowly, he began to call me less and less...

Until I received a phone call this morning that completely stopped my heart from beating.

It was pretty ballsy of that girl to call me...damn ballsy if you ask me. And while I appreciate the fact that she had enough character to let me know that she had slept with my boyfriend, still.

It doesn’t ease the pain in my chest.

I swear to God...I can’t even believe that I’m in this position. I have no idea how we got here...to this place, and the feeling that it gives me is so damn awful that I can barely breathe.

I can actually feel my heart breaking in my chest, and with each deep breath that I take, I feel the shards spread throughout my body.

The pain is so real...so harsh, that I almost can’t stand it.

My heart is so broken that I truly feel physical pain.

And it’s pretty much the worst feeling ever.

I’m trying to give him the benefit of the doubt here. I totally am.

During the entire eight-hour drive here, I’ve gone back and forth so many times, through every conversation that we’ve had, to every time that he’s told me how much he loved me.

Has it all been a lie?

Not even a full month ago, I had heard a rumor that he was cheating on me. I had immediately called him on it, and he had sworn up and down that it wasn’t true.

I had tried so hard to believe him, and I had even decided that if he had, I could maybe give him another chance.

Call me young and stupid, that’s fine. But good lord...I just love this man so much.

But this...again?

Is this how the rest of my life will play out? Me constantly hearing rumors, and him always having to defend himself?

And really. How many times can you hear the same story and not believe it?

I park my car outside of his house, the same house that he shares with the rest of the guys on the baseball team.

It takes me a full minute to calm down and stop the shaking in my hand enough to open my door and climb out of my car.

I walk slowly, on wobbly legs up the sidewalk until I am standing at his front door. I hesitate, with my hand on the doorknob, before taking a deep breath and walking inside.

I am strong enough to handle this, I tell myself, even though in this moment, I’m not feeling very strong at all.

I continue my pep talk until I’m standing right outside of Eric’s door.

“Ah, oh shit.” One of the other baseball players nearly runs into me in the hallway, his eyes widening as I reach for the door.

“Avery, oh, huh.” He tries to quickly jump in front of me.

“Eric isn’t here.”

“No?” My eyes fly to his, and he nods furiously, trying to grab my hand away from the door handle.

“Nope. He’s at practice. You know, if you head to the field right now, you might be able to catch him.”

My intuition kicks into overdrive at the panicked look on his face.

“Really?” My hand pauses on the knob. “If I left right now?”

“Yeah.” He tries to force himself in front of the door, and, if I didn’t already know, this move just completely gave it away.

“Bullshit,” I mutter, before pushing past him and turning the knob. I step inside of the room, and if my heart hadn’t already been shattered?

Well, the sight before me would be enough to do it.

I can’t even cry...can’t really do a damn thing except stand here, watching the scene in front of me play out, almost as if it were in slow motion.

My hand flies to my mouth, as a strangled scream leaves me, and both heads snap in my direction.

The woman’s legs drops from around Eric’s shoulders, and he flies backward, his now limp dick falling out of her, as his eyes widen.

“Avery. Oh, fuck.”

“You asshole.” It barely comes out as any sound at all, getting stuck behind the huge lump in my throat. I spin on one heel, running as fast as my legs will carry me, down the steps and out the front door of his house.

“Avery, baby! Wait. Please.” He’s running after me, a pair of gym shorts hastily pulled up over his just a second ago naked body.

“Don’t,” I scream, jerking my arm away as he reaches out for me. “Do not touch me!”

“Baby.” His voice is broken, pleading, as I continue towards my car. “I am so sorry. So fucking sorry.” He continues, still following me. “Please let me explain.”

“No.” I spin around, shoving my finger into his chest. “You don’t get to explain shit to me, Eric. You lost that right the second that you decided to sleep with someone else. And don’t try to give me some bullshit excuse. You promised me, Eric. You promised me.”

With my last words, the sob that I had been holding in slips out, and every other word inside of me dies. I’m crying so hard, tears streaming down my face, completely blurring my vision that I can barely see in front of me.  But even so, I continue to move as fast as I can away from him.

“I have no excuse, Ave’s. I... I don’t even know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. There is nothing left to say anyway. And frankly, I don’t give a fuck about anything right now except getting far away from you.”

“I’m so sorry, baby. I love you. Please...don’t leave like this.”

He tries to reach for me again but I’m already wrenching open my car door.

“Fuck you, Eric. We’re over. So, fucking over. I hope to god that I never have to see your fucking face again. May you rot in hell.”