It’d been twelve days since I stormed out of Thatcher’s store. Twelve days since I told him that I hated him. That was so far from the truth, I bet even he knew it was a lie. I’d felt guilty the second the words were out of my mouth. I’ve never in my life told anyone I hated them. The one man I was head over boots in love with, I managed to say that to. It’d been eating me up ever since.

This morning was like any other morning. I felt like crap after a not-so-great of a night’s sleep. The wind howled and howled all night long; it was a wonder Thayer hadn’t woken up. We’d been staying at the Lone Star Inn, just a few blocks away from Thayer’s school. I hadn’t gotten around to buying a new car, so it was convenient enough to walk him to school and pick him up once the day was over.

My life was crap. Starting with the divorce, then the fire, then the other fire and finding out Thatcher had been lying to me all along, what was going to happen to me next? I was officially out of a job and I was back to going through the motions of life – letting life live me instead of the other way around.

I missed Thatcher. Madly. I was hopelessly in love with him and I wanted to believe him that he wasn’t trying to take Thayer away from me. But the paperwork was right there. I read it myself. How could I dispel that fact? It was this loneliness that was making me second-guess Thatcher’s motives. Had to be the loneliness.

What I don’t understand is why Thatcher’s grandpa would want Thatcher to do that to me? He knew Thayer was Thatcher’s son and I thought the old man liked me. Why would he try to get Thatcher to take Thayer from me? And for that chunk of change? Geesh. No wonder Thatcher didn’t mind. One thing that didn’t make sense was why he closed his Deer Creek store. He was obviously gunning for the money, which he himself said he needed for Deer Creek, so why did he take me with him that day to shut it down? Well, he must be sitting fat and happy now.

With Thayer dropped off at school already, I considered my options. I could shower. Go look for a job. Or I could crawl back into bed like I’d been doing every day once I took Thayer to school. I kicked off my flip-flops and burrowed back underneath the covers. I was not dealing with anything today. At least not until I had to pick up Thayer. My heart was still aching over Thatcher – would it ever go away? I managed to get comfortable when there was a knock on my door.

Shoot. I sat up in the bed with the comforter clutched to my chest. Who knew I was here? Mama was sworn to secrecy. Who could it be? Maybe they’ll go away. I relaxed back onto the bed and another sharp knock. Fine.

I got up and threw the door open. I went to shut it just as quickly but Thatcher’s foot shot out preventing the door from slamming shut.

“Go away.”

“I’m not going anywhere. Not until you hear me out.”

“I don’t have anything to say to you.”

“Fine. Just sit and listen to me then.”

I warred with my mind and my heart. He looked so damn sexy and so sad standing there. His normally kept mustache and beard was long and scraggly reminding me of my own appearance. Had I put deodorant on this morning? At least I brushed my hair before I took Thayer to school. Couldn’t be sure about the deodorant. Or if I’d brushed my teeth.

“Fine. You have five minutes. No. Three.” I made a show of looking at the clock on the nightstand.

I let him in and I went back to my nest on the bed. This was tough. I wanted to jump into his arms and tell him how much I’d missed him but then that damn paperwork with the glaring yellow marker popped into my mind.

“I miss you, Abigail. I need you back into my life. Both of you. I will do whatever it takes.”

No. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. I knew he would say all the right things if I gave him the chance.

“How’d you find me? My mama was sworn to secrecy.”

“Daisy. She always had a crush on me in high school and when she came into the feed store, it didn’t take long to sweet talk it out of her. Course I had to promise to take her for coffee.”

I didn’t like how jealous I felt about him taking another woman out for coffee. Especially since right now I wasn’t in any position to claim him for myself.

“Great. Is she going to be another one of your women that you’re going to lie to?”

He sat next to me on the bed and I scooted up toward the headboard making sure my feet didn’t try to tuck themselves underneath his leg.

“No, she’s not another woman I’m doing anything with except coffee. You’ve ruined that for me.”

“How rude-”

“I meant that you ruined any other woman for me, Abigail, cause you’re it for me. There will never be another woman I want more than you.” He pulled some papers from his back pocket and set them in his lap.

“My grandfather knew about Thayer all along, which come to find out, you knew he knew. I was the only one left in the dark on that. Anyhow, he was trying to play matchmaker with his will. That is what you read that day that you screamed you hated me.”

His voice broke when he said the word hate and a chunk of my heart burnt away. Oh, gosh, how could I have been so horrible?

“He thought by dangling money in front of my face, it would get me to pull my head out of my ass where you two were concerned. And he was right. God, Abigail, I’ve been in love with you for so long, it fucking hurts. It’s always hurt me to watch you with Adrian. To see the two of you together raising Thayer; it killed me. I knew I had to live with the consequences of my choice though.”

“I never loved him that way,” I said.

“I know that now. I didn’t know it at the time. When there would be a party or something, and I had to see you two together. Why do you think I acted like an asshole to everyone half the time? Back to Grandpa though. My Deer Creek store was failing. That you already know. I figured if I could get his money, I could figure out how to make it break even, at least. And my feelings for you never went away, I figured it would be like a two-for-one deal where I would finally be able to get the girl and save my store.”

“Your three minutes are up.” Although neither of us made any move to put an end to the conversation.

“The guilt clawed at me every time I bonded with you or Thayer. Then after we made love in my bed that first time, I knew I couldn’t go through with it. I couldn’t take the money. So, I closed the shop up there and I wanted to tell you, please believe me, I did.”

I rolled my eyes at him even though my heart was turning soft. I had to look tough, right?

“There was never a great moment to say it. I was afraid you would say, I told you so, about all your worries of placing your trust in me, would be true. I know it looks like that on the outside, but I promise you Abby, you can trust me.”

He raked his hand through his chestnut hair and my hand itched to do the same. He was a wreck, like I was. Two weeks and we both looked like we’d been starved to death.

“I don’t know if I can trust you, Thatcher. You had my whole heart once, and you blew it. I gave it to you a second time and you blew it again. What happens the third time?”

“Third times a charm?” he gave me that boyish grin of his.

“I have Thayer to think about in all of this. He’s asked about seeing you every single day since we moved out. He wonders why you and Adrian can’t volunteer to be the sidewalk crossing guards like his friend’s parents. I don’t want him to get hurt. It’s bad enough he’s been on the periphery of all this. And what about your daddy issues? Did that magically disappear?”

“I don’t have daddy issues.” He let out a deep breath, “Okay, I have some issues. Here. I want you to read this letter I got in the mail from my grandpa.”

“He sent you a letter?” I cocked my head in surprise. “How?”

“He wrote it before his death. He had the trustees of his estate send it once the deadline had passed where I couldn’t obtain the money.”

I didn’t realize I was shaking until I reached for the papers and my fingers pulsed against them. Thatcher’s warm hand unexpectedly gripped mine and he brought my hand up to his mouth. His warm breath flowed over my skin gentle as a baby’s touch. He mumbled against them and it sounded a lot like, let me love you. I couldn’t be sure.

I opened the paper and started to read his grandfather’s letter.

“Thatcher,

If you are reading this, my time has long passed. The first order of business I must say, is thank you for being my grandson. I’ve never gotten around to thanking you for all the hard work you’re always doing for me around the hardware store. Even at my place. I’ve appreciated you for a long time. I instructed my trustees to mail this letter to you if you failed to meet the terms of the will. I wrote two letters you see. One, in the event you met the terms and this one, if you didn’t.

I suppose it came as a shock to you to find out I knew about your son. You might know by now that I got to visit with him a few times. Once he came in to the hardware store when he was about two. Abby let me show him around. She also brought him to see me when I was in the hospital. She was a nice lady to have done that. Of course, neither one of us ever talked about Thayer being my great-grandson. We had an unspoken agreement.”

This was true. I’d always wanted Thatcher and a part of me knew it was the right thing to do to take Thayer to see his great-grandfather while he was still alive because I knew how much he’d meant to Thatcher. More than his dad ever could. My earlier anger about why his grandfather would do this to me dissipated as I read the rest of the letter.

I hadn’t realized I was crying until Thatcher’s big thumb swiped at the corner of my eye.

“Don’t cry. I hate seeing you cry, Baby.”

All the anger and resentment left my body as I struggled with the truth that Thatcher’s father royally messed him up. His grandfather knew and agreed with me that Thatcher was a good man. That he could be a great father.

“This doesn’t change things, Thatcher. I’ve been doing my darnedest to get you to see how amazing you are and what a great father you’ve been to Thayer.”

“What can I do to change your mind? Tell me and I’ll do it.”

“Prove to me that you want us full-time – that you want me. Prove to me that you are worthy enough for me to tell Thayer you are his biological father. Prove to me that you won’t run away the second Thayer needs discipline.”

“So I’m just supposed to walk out of here and figure out a way to prove I love you?”

“Yeah. Cause my heart hurts, Thatcher. You hurt me. You lied to me.”

“I’m sorry, Abby. You see why I did what I did.” He pulled the papers off my lap and folded them, stuffing them into his pocket. “I’m not fucking proud of it Abby but I just want to live the rest of my life with you guys.”

He leaned into me and kissed my mouth. Slow and teasing at first. Then he dipped his tongue in and fire shot straight to my belly. A heaviness settled in my breasts and my nipples ached for his touch. The apex of my thighs cried for the familiarity of his fingers. Oh, what was I doing? My mind knew I needed Thatcher to believe in himself before he could be fully committed to us but my heart and my body second-guessed my brain.

He groaned as he ended our kiss and I was certain he could see the desire in my eyes. The gut-wrenching need to have him fill my body with love. My body screamed for him to take the comforter off me and please me with his mouth, his tongue. I knew if he tried anything sexual, despite how hurt I still was, I would let him. I sent a silent prayer up as we battled it out by staring into each other’s eyes, that he wouldn’t. I couldn’t show him the truth. If I did, he wouldn’t find the confidence in himself to realize how amazing of a man and father he was.

I had to put space between us for him to figure it out on his own.

“I will do whatever I need to prove to you how serious I am about all of this.”

“I have no doubt you will, Thatcher.”

Then he was gone.

He was gone but his presence gave me a second wind. I knew what I needed to do. For myself. Not my baby and not Thatcher, but for me. There was something I wanted to do – start grabbing life by the balls. I unfolded myself from the hotel blankets and jumped in the shower. I quickly got ready, swiped some lip gloss on my lips and walked the few blocks to Assisted Living Residences at Lone Star.

I was going to apply for a job.