Chapter 19
ASE breathed, stood staring at himself in the mirror. He realized he probably looked ridiculous, but he didn’t care. Two drinks in after the three he’d had at the bar, and he didn’t really have much of an edge left.
He saw, after his final song, Jase that wasn’t in the crowd, and Dustin was sitting, arms crossed and scowling. He’d played the part, entertaining, losing himself in his other persona. He didn’t get to let her out often. Hell, it’d taken long enough to take back that part of his life after shit hit the fan with his parents. He wasn’t going to let Jase’s being a self-hater ruin it.
Though, after Dustin’s strongly worded “You shouldn’t have surprised him” speech, he would have to admit anyone would have reacted the same way as Jase. Hell, Anthony had known from the start Ase liked to perform as Ariel, and it’d ultimately been their undoing as his macho Latino bullshit couldn’t handle Ase’s “silly hobby.”
Ase obviously had a fucking type. Assholes who couldn’t deal with their sexuality, whose masculinity was threatened by knowing they’d been topped by a dude who liked to wear skirts and heels every once in a while.
He glanced back at himself in the mirror and smiled to himself. He’d removed most of his face and dressed in his street clothes to drive home after begging off more time with his friends. But once he’d gotten home and had a drink, he’d needed to feel good for five more minutes.
The reflected him looked like a hot mess; his hair was slicked back, only make-up left being the too-thick black eyeliner and mascara that he’d have to scrub for ten minutes to remove because no matter what trick you used, this much eye makeup did not just come off. Music played in the background as he sipped his vodka and cranberry, swaying to the beat, running a hand over his bare chest then the smooth fabric of the short black skirt he’d donned about two drinks back.
“Hot mess is right, babe,” he said to his reflection. Drunk, in a skirt and heels, dancing on his own, trying to be anyone but Ase for a few minutes. Trying to be that free, wild motherfucker he’d fooled himself into thinking he was just four or five years ago.
Ase was startled by a knock on his front door. When he noticed the time was close to midnight, he thought it was probably Dustin, because really no one else visited, and Dustin probably had more strong words for him.
But dancing alone wasn’t having its usual effect; it wasn’t cheering him up, as only those moments had been able to do for years now. Even if he was going to get lectured, he’d open the door because Ase was tired of being alone.
He swung the door open, realizing in that moment if it wasn’t Dustin, Lucy would have some ‘splainin’ to do. He chuckled to himself. Which is how he appeared when Jase saw him—laughing at nothing, holding a cocktail, dressed in only a skirt and four-inch black heels.
Jase blinked for a second. Seemed to be the usual response from the man lately. So Ase sighed and walked back into the apartment. Again, better to be around someone who wanted to bitch than to be alone again. And it was Jase’s fault he felt alone anyways. He’d not needed someone in so long. Not until Jase.
“Really?”
He turned and looked at Jase who stood in his doorway, hands in his pockets.
Mierda. He must have said that out loud. He wasn’t even really that drunk, but he was clearly starting to crack.
“Ase.”
Ase sighed and turned back to the mirror, setting his glass down on the vanity. “Yeah, Jase?”
Jase walked up behind Ase, and their eyes met in the mirror. Then Ase’s heart stopped. Jase stepped up to his back, the hard-on trapped in his jeans, easily felt through the thin cotton of Ase’s skirt, and wrapped his arms around Ase’s naked torso. Ase’s whole body shivered.
“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Jase whispered in Ase’s ear. And fuck, he wanted to fold, fall to his knees, and weep at the conviction in Jase’s voice.
“You left.”
“No, I didn’t. I came back but they said it was your last set. Then I lost you when you came out to—what’d Dustin call it?”
“Work the crowd? C’mon, Jase, that’s not even the gayest thing you heard tonight,” Ase said, trying for levity.
“Hey,” Jase said, nudging Ase’s cheek with his chin. “I tried.”
“You did,” Ase said, a little breathlessly.
“I came right here when that Chance guy said you’d left.” Ase didn’t know Chance terribly well, had only met him once or twice, but right then he was eternally grateful to the guy.
“You were great tonight.”
“Really?” Ase was floating somewhere, some of it the buzz of alcohol, some of it thinking he was dreaming, the rest affection for the man wrapped around him, swaying to the music with him in the mirror. If this wasn’t the sappiest moment of Ase’s life, he didn’t know what was, but he couldn’t help thinking, then saying… “This is the first time someone has danced with me.” The real me, seeing me. The way Jase looked at Ase, there was no doubt Jase knew what Ase meant.
Jase turned Ase in his arms, both their hard-ons pushing together as Jase kissed Ase’s lips. Soft and sweet at first, the kiss turned desperate and dirty after a moment.
Ase pulled back, looking at the lust-drunk way Jase stared at him. God, this was a bad idea in so many ways. But Jase was here. He was looking at Ase like he was a prize. And it’d been so long since anyone had thought that.
“Oh, sorry about the lip gloss.”
Jase’s lips ticked up in a smile. “I like both, remember? I’ve definitely tasted my share of glossed lips.”
Ase narrowed his gaze. The jealousy at the statement was ridiculous. He’d rubbed that he was fucking Dustin in Jase’s face just months ago. But he didn’t like thinking about the people Jase had been with since him. And he really had no right to go there.
“I’m sorry if you thought I left. I did need a minute. But it was mostly because I realized what my issues—what my issues made me sound like. I will admit I was surprised. But, I don’t think less of you for dressing like a woman.”
“How gracious of you,” Ase said, drily.
“No. I just mean...” Jase shook his head, looking at Ase with eyes full of wonder. “You are so fucking brave. When I first met you, I thought that. With your tattoos and not giving a fuck. I wanted to be more like you. Then when I saw you here, you were out and weren’t afraid to be out publicly.
“Then I saw you like this and, at first, I was shocked. Then I realized; why wouldn’t you do this? It’s so you, to just be you and fuck the norm.” Ase choked up at those words because that’s how he’d felt the first time he’d put on a dress and gone on stage. Fuck the world, I’m me. I’m free. Not so much the latter any more. But he’d like to think he may have that again one day.
But he didn’t deserve Jase’s pride. He had made so many mistakes, denied himself. He’d given Jase shit, but he hadn’t been any better for a while there. “Jase….”
“No, I’m serious. You’re so strong. And aside from that, you’re so fucking sexy.” Jase’s voice was practically a growl when he said the last word. A full-body shudder went through Jase, proving to Ase just how turned on Jase was.
“You don’t want me to, like, stick a heel up your ass or something, do you?”
Jase’s eyes bulged comically. “Uh, no. Is that really a thing? Because, I’d rather not.”
Ase laughed, the first honest laugh he’d laughed in years. But, this wasn’t his only secret. He couldn’t let Jase with his good heart, Jase who could look at Ase and see beauty, get wrapped up in his mess. A good man like Jase deserved love. Good, pure love like the kind he was trying to give to Ase.
“Jase….”
“No. Stop it. Get out of your fucking head.” Jase punctuated that thought with a heady kiss to Ase’s lips. “Just let’s be this tonight. Let’s be us. Like we’re in a hotel in Germany, only better because this time we know each other. We’re not perfect. But, can’t we have at least one night?” Ase wanted to mention their night in the truck, how that’d been “just a night.”
“Wait. Jase,” Ase said, surprised by his ability to stop himself. “I don’t expect you to stick around afterwards, but tomorrow there’re things to be said.”
Jase chewed his plush bottom lip nervously. Then he gave a nod and leaned his head back up for a kiss. Ase thought briefly he was going to hell for taking this night, but he wanted it too badly. So he dipped his head and started eating at Jase’s mouth like a starving man. Regrets could wait for tomorrow. It may be the last time he ever looks at you like he is tonight. He was lost to this man, anyway.
****
Jase meant it when he’d said he looked for Ase after his set. He’d been most shaken by the other thing he’d meant—he’d been so fucking turned on by Ase in drag he’d not been sure how to react.
He’d had a few stupid seconds where he’d thought how pervy he’d seem to Ase, wanting to be fucked by a man in girl clothes. But when Ase’d opened the door, looking a bit crazed, wearing a tight skirt on his trim waist, his eyes made up but looking… like Ase in a skirt, he realized the truth. What the fuck did it matter? He was turned on by Ase. No matter what package Ase came in.
“I’ve never been fucked by a guy in a skirt,” Jase said, huskily.
Ase chuckled. “Is that your kink? Been watching cross-dressing porn?”
Ase nipped Jase’s jawline. “For the record, not all the girls like being sex objects, so don’t go asking random queens for blowjobs when they’re in their girl bodies. It might get you a black eye.”
Jase snarled at the idea of being with anyone else, regardless of how they were dressed, so he shut Ase up with his tongue in Ase’s mouth. Ase rumbled a sexy laugh from deep in his chest.
He stopped, though, taking in Ase’s words. “Wait. You can change if you want. I didn’t mean to imply…”
“Jase. Shut up. You’re the one who said to get out of my head. Now, you too.”
“Gladly,” Jase said, gasping when Ase did that sexy move where he carded his fingers through Jase’s hair and pulled his head back. Jase groaned.
“You like it when I’m forceful with you, huh?”
“Fuck yes,” Jase admitted, unabashedly. He liked not being in control, coming apart at the seams and letting Ase put him back together.
“Grab my cock, Jase,” Ase said, in Jase’s ear. Jase reached down and had only to pull the skirt up an inch or so before his hand wrapped around hot, hard cock. It was a strange sensation, but letting go of the shit he usually worried about, not being afraid to just be with Ase, made him feel fucking giddy. His own cock tensed in his jeans as he stroked Ase.
“That’s right, stroke me.” Ase pulled Jase’s shirt off and unbuttoned Jase’s jeans. Within short order he’d pulled out Jase’s cock and started stroking. They bucked into each other’s fists, grunting into each other’s mouths as they made out with abandon. Jase liked how undone he made Ase.
Ase broke the kiss and pushed Jase back onto the bed, yanking at Jase’s boots, then his jeans. Once Jase was completely naked, he watched Ase hike his skirt up enough to fully expose himself, stroking himself. “You want me to fuck you?”
“A million times since the first time.”
Ase’s eyes heated, the dilated black irises looking much larger with the way Ase’s make up accentuated his eyes.
Ase fumbled in a drawer beside the bed before dropping to his knees and taking Jase into his perfect, hot mouth. Jase stared at the way his cock disappeared between those shiny, pouty, full lips. Two things happened, then. Ase’s lubed finger slid into Jase’s hole, and Jase’s cockhead slid into Ase’s throat.
Jase’s head fell back at the insane overstimulation and he groaned loudly. Ase soon inserted a second finger and kept noisily slurping around Jase’s cock. Jase didn’t remember ever feeling this hard, his whole body quaking like he’d never been touched before.
After making sure Jase was well-lubed, Ase rose back up to plant a sloppy, pre-cum flavored kiss on Jase’s lips. Jase heard the sounds of the rubber, a zipper coming undone and fabric rustling to the floor.
Ase then opened Jase’s legs, and stood naked before him, stroking both their cocks with lube, looking like he didn’t know what to do first.
“Fuck me, Ase. Please.”
Ase didn’t have to be told twice, because he moved between Jase’s legs and pushed his head against Jase’s hole and began to slowly enter him. They both hissed as Ase pushed in and moved deeper inside Jase’s body with small thrusts. When Ase was all the way inside, Jase leaned up on his elbows, grappling for Ase’s shoulders, pulling him down for a kiss. Then Ase started fucking him, long and slow, for what felt like hours. They huffed and grunted, Jase eventually slamming his ass down onto Ase’s thrusting cock.
He’d nearly forgotten what it was like to be filled, full of Ase and wanting more, more, more.
Then Ase’s cock started pegging him right, and his body started jolting with pleasure. He took his own cock in his hand and Ase started thrusting harder. “That’s right, Jase. Cum for me. Bust all over us.”
And Jase did. With a wild grunt, then two, Jase fell back on the bed, body convulsing and tightening as his cock erupted between them. Ase laughed, a free, happy sound peppered with his own grunts as he orgasmed, filling the condom inside Jase.
When they looked at each other, Ase was still smiling, his eyes shining with so much… Ase. It was like that old spark was there again, even if just for now, and Jase loved seeing it.
“That. Was. Awesome,” Ase said, pulling out of Jase and flopping down on the bed next to him.
“Fuck yes. I didn’t even know you could laugh and cum at the same time.”
“You should try it. It’s like I was so happy to empty my balls in you, I couldn’t contain it,” Ase said, a smile in his voice.
Jase rolled toward Ase, giving into his desire to be a little clingy. He’d waited four long years and had to remove his own head from his ass, followed by getting through some pretty serious walls Ase had around him to get to this night. He damn well earned a little skin on skin contact.
Ase pulled the condom off with a snap and leaned up just long enough to toss it into a wastebasket Jase’d seen beside the bed. Then he lay back down and wrapped an arm around Jase’s shoulders as they lay silently, just breathing each other in for a few minutes.
Jase knew there was shit to be said, as Ase had mentioned. But it could surely wait until morning. So he thought of a neutral topic. Well, he hoped neutral.
“So. Drag, huh?”
Ase huffed a laugh. “Yep. Drag.”
“You started in Munich?”
“Yeah,” Ase confirmed. “Remember the night we went out?”
“I’m not likely to forget, Ase.” He put feeling behind the words, earning a gentle squeeze from Ase.
“Me either. Anyway, when you walked up I was talking to a queen?”
Jase thought back on it, remembering what Ase was talking about, another drag queen who dressed in the same style as Ase had tonight, though decidedly with a less Latin flare. “Yeah, I remember.”
“She was my… I guess you’d call her a drag mother, even though I don’t see her much anymore. But it influenced my style a lot. I don’t pad like the girls here. It drives some of them crazy I use so much boy body, but I like to think I’m a modern queen, not a pageant queen.”
“That’s cool?” Jase was assuming.
That earned him another amused huff. “Depends on who you ask. It’s a crazy world, drag. But I love performing. You were right. It was my way of, not really expressing my gender, but more being queer. I like feeling pretty and fierce. I also like showing I’m not ashamed of who I am, and entertaining the fuck out of people.”
Jase didn’t miss the sad note in Ase’s voice. He hated to ask, but “Did you stop in Munich?”
It took Ase a minute to answer. “No. Not really. I mean, I came home and was a good little Catholic boy, told my parents my cousins were mistaken, said my Hail Marys and all. But, uh, let’s just say I started being a bad boy again, and they found out.” He sighed, sadly. “And it was ugly.”
“Bad?”
“Can we not, tonight?” Ase sounded so stricken, in so much pain, Jase couldn’t deny him.
“When you’re ready.” Though, he hoped it was sooner rather than later. He wanted to talk more, hopefully about a future, but there was something holding Ase back. It’s like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop since the moment they’d met again, and it made Jase think it would happen sooner rather than later if Ase didn’t out with it, already. But he’d had to come around in his own time, still had some work to do, so the least he could do was give Ase some time.