Chapter 7
Four Years Later
JASE blinked awake in the still, early morning hours. He reach down and fumbled for his jeans on the floor next to the bed. And got a handful of condom. Gross. He picked it up and dropped it in the wastebasket beside the bedside table, sitting up and using his feet to search farther out for his jeans. Finally he found them, but the movement made Lacey rouse a bit and ask what time it was.
He sighed, rubbing his hand over his clean shaven face, and leaned to pick up his pants. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket, checking the time. He could have slept another hour, but he didn’t sleep all that well in someone else’s bed, even if they weren’t a cuddler, so he stood and started dressing.
“It’s still early. Four thirty in the morning. Go back to sleep.” Some people didn’t have to feed horses at the ass-crack of dawn. He had to be at the sheriff’s department by seven thirty, and he had plenty to do between now and then. Lacey didn’t have to be at work until noon.
She made a few more noises before settling back into the bed. He slipped on his shirt, zipped his pants, and stepped into his boots. He didn’t bother setting himself to rights before heading out into the pre-dawn chilliness and hopping into his truck.
Jase cranked his Ram to let it warm up for a minute as he checked his phone, calculating in his head how long each leg of his trip would take. After checking his phone for messages and letting the windows de-fog, he flicked on the headlights and pulled away from Lacey’s small rental home to made the fifteen-minute trek to his parents’ ranch.
As he drove down the long, winding driveway, he felt the same leaden weight in his chest that came every time he saw the dark windows in the big house. Knowing his mother would be awake, working in the kitchen if she were home, rather than miserable in a neurological rehab two hours away, made him miserable.
Things would never be the same, hadn’t been for three long years, but they were worse now, heavier. The ranch felt desolate. The cattle were all gone now. His brother had sold them off after their father’s death two years earlier. The only thing keeping bills paid at this point was the hay they sold, his mother’s Social Security survivor’s benefits, and money they’d had left over after his dad’s final expenses.
Guilt was a hard thing to live with, knowing his brother had tried to keep things afloat alone, but no one told him how bad things were until his mama had her stroke.
“Jase, I gotta work. We have another kid on the way.” Number three. Jesus. It’d been the first one that started part of this mess to begin with. “I need a job that pays. But Mama needs someone here taking care of things.”
“Will, I know that, but I have a job here. I can’t just leave San Antonio. Besides, Mama won’t want my help.”
“I know that whole situation was shit. And I know I wasn’t at my best. I still don’t understand it. But we need you. I need your help, and Mama needs support that me and Michelle can’t give right now.”
Jase looked around his empty apartment, feeling like a heel for acting like his life was too important to leave. He had a few regular fuck buddies and a job he liked, but he’d be no great loss for the San Antonio Police Department. He was a good officer, but not high enough on the totem pole for his absence to make a dent. But it felt like the principal behind the thing. And damn it, he’d worked hard to get past… everything. Going back to Hope Springs felt like taking steps back. Especially if he wasn’t wanted, and for such a stupid fucking reason.
“I just don’t know.”
“It’d just be for a few weeks. Two months at most.”
Oh, Jase had given in. He didn’t particularly care about the ranch. He’d never wanted it as his birthright or anything like that; his brother had a better head for ranching. He missed the solitude of it, the roots he’d had there. And he felt like he couldn’t leave his brother to deal with their mother alone. He had a family, and Jase just had himself.
Strangely enough, when Jase came back, he’d felt empty. With his parents gone and the damage done, he felt untethered again. He felt like he had when he’d first gotten out of the Army and was jobless, had left his friends in a desert, and had no one to come home to.
Finishing his final semester of college had given him some semblance of being normal, but then his family situation had gone sideways. His parents hadn’t been thrilled when he announced he couldn’t stay in Hope Springs. He wanted room to grow. His mother’s disappointment was palpable and riddled with days of silence, and his father’d had harsh words about Jase’s lack of responsibility. Jase couldn’t wrap his head around being considered immature for not wanting to live at home, wanting to continue being his own man. And he’d needed that. He’d then found his structure, some balance again when he’d joined the SAPD.
But that was done now, too. He hadn’t realized how much he’d miss that empty apartment and those fuck buddies he hadn’t realized were actual buddies. He’d be glad to get back to San Antone. Of course, now it looked like two months had turned into six, as his mother was still a few days short of coming home, and he’d already been back a little over five months. Originally he had to stay until his mother and her home health aide had gotten in the swing of things and the doc cleared her for a certain level of independence. But now he had his job to consider.
Jase shook himself from his thoughts, pulling his phone from the car charger, and made his way into the foreman’s cottage he’d been calling home since he got back. He didn’t feel welcome in the big house. It was surreal not to feel like he could walk through those doors. His brother sure felt at home, bringing the kids over to use the pool in the back. Those times were almost the worst because while his brother and his wife, Michelle, were polite, but as reticent about crossing the threshold to his home as he was to cross his parents’. That was the line.
It was fucking depressing.
Jase was no martyr, though. He had told them he’d do this no longer than six months. Not a week more. Even if he stayed close by, it’d be an apartment in Abernathy. Forty minutes away. His mother barely spoke to him when he stopped by the rehab to see her, and the stroke had most definitely not affected her speech much, based on the things he’d heard her say when Will announced he was home to help out.
But he could handle this for a while. And after two months of realizing he may be in his hometown longer than anticipated, hiding out on the ranch, and being alone with nothing but the horses, he’d gone to see if the sheriff might take him on. He’d had to agree to work there a year, but he could deal with that better than twiddling his thumbs at their graveyard of a home.
After an hour of feeding and mucking the stalls of the few horses they had left, Jase made his way back to his cottage to shower, shave and get ready for work. After three double shifts, he was glad he only had a single today. It was hard to keep a bad mood going thinking he’d actually get some sleep tonight. Last night was his own damn fault; he knew he never slept well with another person. But that’d make tonight better because he’d sleep through the night, which was rare enough on its own.
When he grabbed his phone and keys he noticed a text. Lacey. Have a great morning :)
He frowned down at that. He shook his head, mad at himself for having done this again.
Shoving the phone in his pocket, Jase made his way out to his truck and got his mind in work mode. Putting on his uniform was like stepping into his fatigues. He shut out everything but what was needed to get through his shift. Right now, he had that to worry about. One issue at a time.
The call came in around three p.m., right as Jase was preparing to leave work, that his mother’s doctor wanted a meeting with Jase and Will. He was bone-weary tired, but better to find out now than to have made it home and have to drive the fifty miles back to the rehab facility. He was definitely hoping his mother hadn’t had another setback. No matter her harsh words for him, or how much he wanted to be off the ranch, Jase hated seeing his mother suffer. Between her strokes and feeling like she was trapped in the hospital and nursing home, she was so miserable, his heart ached for her.
Talk about Mommy Issues.
Jase drove across town, the opposite direction of the two-lane highway that’d take him back home to a beer and his bed. When he got to the rehab, he barely had time to dial his brother’s number before he noticed Will’s truck pull in the parking spot beside him. Will gave a polite nod of his head. Polite, the strongest word for their relationship these days.
“Got any idea what this is about?” Will asked.
“No more than you, I ‘magine,” Jase said, opening the front door to the rehab, holding it for Will to go in first. He followed behind his brother. A woman in teddy bear scrubs with garish red lipstick and a church lady perm eyed them approvingly when both of them removed their hats out of respect. Some home training you never lost, and that went a long way with people around these parts. It’d definitely been one of the reasons Jase hadn’t had any trouble finding his place in the sheriff’s department after a couple months. The rookies still hadn’t figured it out. Transferring had its perks.
Will told the receptionist who they were there for and she told them the doctor was expecting them. They were immediately led back to an office. “She’ll be right in.”
After a beat of silence Will broke the ice with, “Must be getting good money from the insurance people.”
“Why would you think that?”
“That’s the shortest wait I’ve ever had to get in to see a doctor, even with an appointment.” Jase smiled, taking Will’s attempt for what it was—a polite peace offering. That word again.
“How’re the kids?”
That got Jase an honest smile. “Good, good. Joseph is enjoying school.”
“Ah, this was his first week, right?” Damn, how time flew. Jase couldn’t believe his oldest nephew was already in pre-school. Seemed like yesterday Jase had been sitting in a mess hall in Qatar telling his friends his kid brother was an idiot for marrying fresh outta high school, popping out their first kid at twenty. The ones who hadn’t taken that same path agreed. Even some of those who had gone that way agreed with his assessment. But Jase was genuinely happy for Will. His brother had always been more like their folks. He loved his small town life, and Jase envied him his contentment.
Jase wasn’t surprised most folks assumed Will was the older brother, even if Jase had a year on him. Jase had been the wanderer, no matter that it’d been with the military. When he’d come home with his savings and gotten his education, no one had understood his not wanting to get married. But he didn’t even want to think about that right now. The fights, the recriminations.
Will’s uncomfortable expression said he could probably tell where Jase’s thoughts had strayed. Thankfully, before they were forced to talk any more, the side door to the doctor’s office opened, and Dr. Spearman came in. She’d been his mother’s primary physician at the rehab since she’d been rolled in.
“Afternoon, gentlemen. Sorry to do this so late.”
“It was perfect timing. Was able to cut out of work a few minutes early. This close to the end of the week I’ll never complain about that,” Will said, clearly happy to have a buffer in the room.
“I’d just finished up, too. It’s not a problem.”
She sat at her desk and pushed a strand of loose black hair behind one of her ears. She was closer to forty, but still an attractive woman. She’d been great with their mother and explaining the process to them. She’d also not commented on some of the meaner things Jase’s mother had said when he’d first started coming around. Jase had liked her from the start.
“Is everything alright?” Will asked, his voice holding an edge of worry.
She looked at him questioningly, then jolted and waved a hand. “Oh, yes. Everything is fine.” She tilted her head and grimaced. “Well, as fine as it can be.” She turned her attention back to Jase. “You’ll be the primary one out on the ranch with her, correct, Deputy?”
Jase nodded. No matter how many times he told her she didn’t have to call him Deputy, she didn’t listen. Her husband was apparently an officer in the city police department. He could appreciate her respect for the titles, but it still felt weird to have his elders call him something so formal. It made him sound so adult, and he hated the way Will’s eyes glazed over when people didn’t defer to him as the one deserving respect out of the two of them.
“We will be discharging your mother home on Monday.”
Jase blinked. Not that he wanted her to stay longer but they’d said it’d probably be closer to two or three more weeks. “Oh. I thought it would be longer. I haven’t finished putting in the wheelchair ramps.”
She smiled kindly at him. “Sounds like a good project for this weekend. We’ll be bringing her by ambulance on Monday afternoon, so you may want to clear your schedule. Your Mama’s first home health aide is scheduled to come out early Tuesday morning.”
“And the aide is covered by insurance?” Will asked. Good question. Jase had been too busy figuring out how many ramps he’d need and where, feeling like a dumbass for procrastinating on the project. It hadn’t felt real that she might be coming home. The little boy in him had feared it, hoping she’d be okay. Even if he saw many quarrels in their future, he was glad she was gonna be free of what she considered her cage.
“From what I see. We’ll make sure to get you all that information again before you leave today. But her coverage with the gap insurance and her Medicaid seem to have her pretty well taken care of. Billing will discuss with you where you’ll need extra.”
“We’re good on that,” Jase assured her, earning a kind smile and a nod from Dr. Spearman.
They talked over medications and she gave him the number for a company who could bring out an alert button Mama could have in the house that would trigger an alarm in his house. He’d already gotten that taken care of, though, courtesy of the sheriff, whose own mother had heart issues. So that was one thing he’d done right.
When they walked out into the fading sunlight an hour and a half later, Jase rubbed his tired eyes. If he’d been tired before, he was fucking dragging now.
“Are we really covered for extra expenses? I know there’s some of Daddy’s life insurance left. Is there enough from selling the cattle, too?”
Jase stopped by his truck and turned to his brother. “I’ve got more savings than I know what to do with.”
“Whoa,” Will said. “We don’t expect you to do all that, now.”
“It’s really not a huge problem. I still had savings left from my time overseas, and I’ve lived pretty simply all these years. You’d think I was trying to take it with me, the way I’ve kept it all,” Jase said, attempting a joke, but falling flat because he was tired.
Will seemed distressed, though. “I don’t know, Jase. I know she’s covered, but even in her right mind she won’t feel right if you spend all your money on her.”
Jase sighed. He wondered when twenty-five had started feeling like forty-five. “Look, Will. The money has to come from somewhere. She still needs food and such. Her income before was okay, but with the ranch not making money anymore… If she needs help, I don’t mind.”
He really didn’t. No, he wouldn’t go broke helping her out, but he knew it definitely wouldn’t come to that. He wasn’t joking about having decent savings. He was boring. Even in San Antonio he’d been a bit of a homebody. He had his apartment, his cheap beer, and his cable company’s best NFL package. If he wasn’t at home, he was working ungodly hours that they throw at rookies, then beat cops. Hell, that’s why no one had wanted to date him. Even if he was a “catch with a good job” as Mama liked to say, he didn’t have time because of that job.
Even now, his schedule was more lax than he was used to since he was on a smaller force. But he still worked a lot.
“We’re good, Will. One—”
“Day at a time. Yeah, yeah.” His brother gave him one of the rare-these-days teasing grins Jase had missed these last few years. “You should get that tattooed on your ass so you don’t gotta say it all the time.”
What could Jase say? That’s how he’d made it for so long, it seemed like the best mindset to have. It’d certainly help in this situation with their mama.
“I’ll think about it,” Jase said, with a chuckle. “You get home to those babies. I gotta go make sure there’s enough lumber to build those ramps.”
“You need help with that?” Will seemed honestly willing to help, which surprised Jase.
“Nah. It’ll give me something to do.”
Will was never going to comment on Jase’s social life—or lack thereof—because that brought up awkward shit for both of them, so he gave another of his nods and made his way to his own truck.
****
Jase jumped in his truck and pulled his phone out, blissfully happy there were no messages or calls; there were no emergencies to handle or fires to put out.
It was late enough, and Jase was tired enough that he didn’t want to do anything but go home, eat, and drop into bed. He decided to pull through the little barbecue joint on the way out of town and grab dinner so he didn’t have to cook. A pulled pork sandwich with a beer nightcap sounded like a damn fine way to end a long day. Bachelor’s delight, tonight.
After driving over and placing his order, he was told to have a seat to wait, so he pulled up at the end of their small bar and sipped on a proffered glass of water. He’d left his cell phone in the truck with no intentions of socializing unless he got an emergency call from the sheriff’s department. But in his month there, that hadn’t happened once, so he figured ten minutes of radio silence wouldn’t hurt anyone.
A pretty bottle-blonde waitress, who was probably younger than Jase but looked thirty, stopped by a couple times to check on him, assuring him his food would be out shortly. Her fluttering lashes made him uncomfortable.
Plus, his attention was more on her very male co-worker who he could see through the open door to the kitchen. Nice ass, face worth writing home about, clearly straight if you were going by the way he leered at the cute blonde waitress. Jase’s usual, then.
“Long time no see.” A familiar feminine voice in his ear drew his attention. Lacey’s smiling face was inches from his when he turned on his stool. She took a step back, smiling. “Hey, you.”
“Hey, Lace. What’s up?” He wondered if he was just being an egomaniac earlier when he’d assumed she was feeling more for him than he’d intended or could follow through with. She seemed back to her normal, friendly self. She was cute with her button nose and curly brown hair tied back in a ponytail. She was closer to thirty, but still looked twenty-one, even without a stitch of makeup, wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and Crocs. That’s one thing he liked about her, she was low maintenance and down to earth. She was also a good friend. Friend.
Lacey had been one of Jase’s friends for years. They’d had an arrangement his first couple months after the Army, before he’d disappointed the whole damn word—or so they’d acted—and took the job in San Antonio instead of Hope Springs. She’d been one of Jase’s mama’s top reasons Jase shouldn’t move away. “You could marry that pretty Simpson girl. You already took up with her.” He’d caved that much back then, thinking maybe he was just not giving it a chance. Lacey had moved to San Antonio for not much longer than six months when they realized she was no more home for him than Hope Springs was any more, and they’d been better off as friends.
That’s why he hadn’t intended this to start back up. One fucking lonely night after having been back for a few weeks, realizing he’d be stuck in Hope Springs longer than he’d intended, and he’d texted her. They’d only been meant to hang out. And they had for weeks, a few drinks here, a football game there. His reasons for hanging out with her hadn’t changed. She was like one of the guys. She was comfortable. And she was decent in the sack.
He could blame it on loneliness, blame it on needing something to do with his frustration. All of that was selfish, and she was all heart; and he didn’t want to be the one to break it. But why should he think that? She knew he was a mess, and she’d listened to him say, ad nauseum, he wasn’t staying in the area more than the year he’d signed up with the sheriff if he could help it. And she’d already tried living in San Antonio with him once. He still hated how that’d turned out.
“Not much. Had a late client at the salon, so I thought I’d drop in with Mallory and have a couple drinks before I head home.”
Jase raised a brow.
“I promise we will not drive drunk, Deputy Emery.” She gave the Girl Scout salute. He shook his head, getting an elbow nudge from her. “You eating here?”
“Nope. Carrying out. Had a long day, and I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
He hadn’t intended for that to be innuendo, but the way her face went all smirking vixen made him realize that’s how she’d taken it. She realized he wasn’t playing into it quickly, though, as he shrugged and continued. “Thought I’d grab something to go and take it home to pass out with on the couch.”
She laughed. “Such a guy,” she said, ruffling his hair like a child. Her friend called her so she looked over her shoulder. “Well, I best get to Mal.” She came up short before turning. “Oh, hey, you going to that shindig the Sheriff's wife is throwing this weekend?”
“Yeah,” he drawled, took a sip of his water. She knew damned well he’d be going. Not only would it be rude as one of Sheriff Dean’s deputies not to go, but as a family friend he’d look like a jerk to beg off. And that “shindig” was to celebrate his re-election to a second term. The election was held in the summer, but it’d been too hot up ‘til now in mid-September for the big, outdoor, family fun bullshit. Jase was not thrilled about going, but he’d be there, even if just for a little while.
“Got a date?” she asked, poking his chest with her finger. He paused and gave her a very steady look. It took her a beat but she threw up her hands. “Hey, I don’t mean a date date. We’re friends. Even if… last night.” She whispered the last two words conspiratorially. “I figured we could be each other’s arm candy. Not often I get to doll myself up.”
Jase still looked at her evenly for a moment, studying her. “Yeah, that sounds fine.”
“Excellent,” she said, cheerfully. “Well, I’ll see you Saturday then.”
“Saturday.” It wouldn’t be the worst thing.
His order was dropped on the bar in front of him by the considerably less flirty blonde waitress. Well, if he could say one good thing for Lacey, she kept the vultures from circling.
He snatched up his bag, headed out to his truck, and thanked his lucky stars his phone was still message-free. He might actually get to sleep tonight.