TWENTY-TWO
Jade
The next morning, waking alone, I missed Cooper. Why did he have such an effect on me? Had I made a mistake giving Laura Max’s number? Was he the better man for me? I couldn’t have both and at this rate might not even get one.
As I dragged myself out of bed and through my morning routine, I wondered whether I should call Cooper or not. I decided against it and went to visit my father instead.
I usually visited him at least one Saturday a month, and I hadn’t done so yet in June. He lived in Staten Island, which would take me a while to get to by train.
The time I spent with him was worth it. Growing up, my father had also played the role of mother after my mother died. Whenever I felt stuck in life, I went to see him.
Lately, I’d been bogged down quite a bit. Did I really need either man? Sure, Cooper could make me feel good in bed, but he kept secrets from me. And Max.
In the kitchen, eating toast and jam for breakfast, I wondered how he and Laura had gotten along. Had I made a mistake bringing those two together?
I would talk to her before the weekend was over. In the meantime, I prepared myself mentally for visiting with my father. There was no telling what mood he would be in.
Over the years, he had sacrificed so much to give me a chance to attend a decent university. My school loans were still not paid off, but I’d been sidetracked after losing my job as a freelance journalist.
The editing gig paid reasonably well, about double the national poverty rate. It wasn’t much, but it paid the bills and kept me in my general field of writing. Yet there I sat, eating toast and jam every morning instead of having brunch out with someone I loved. Fuck my life.
* * *
I found myself sitting across from my father at his round kitchen table. The leaf for the middle hadn’t been used in years. He stared at me with his disapproving eyes, never satisfied with me.
“Go on,” he said.
“That’s it. I can’t decide between two men. It’s an obvious choice, really. I don’t know why I’m telling you.”
“Well, I have my mother hat on, but let me take that off a moment.”
“Please don’t, Dad. How’s work going?”
“Fine. I’ll be traveling again soon.”
“I still don’t see how being a traveling salesman is your dream job.”
“You’ve got a lot to learn about life, young lady.”
“I’ve been places in the world, Dad. I’m not a little kid anymore.”
“Thank God for that,” he said.
I smiled, cherishing the good moments.
“Now, let’s talk about these men. They are men, right? Not boys again? Who are they?”
“I told you about Cooper and Max, Dad. Remember when I got back from Afghanistan?”
“Yeah, that’s when your career went to shit and started to work for those smut publishers!”
“They publish romance novels, Dad. It’s not even like that.”
He shook his head.
“If your mother was around…”
Both of us fell silent a few moments. I took another drink of his fresh squeezed lemonade. The bittersweet taste reminded me of childhood, back when my dreams seemed possible and nothing was capable of standing in my way.
“You haven’t even met either of them yet, but Cooper is the one for me.”
“Max sounded like a man who would keep you safe.”
“Love is about more than that, Dad.”
“If your mother were here, she would tell you that’s not true.”
A wave of sadness washed over me as I saw my father’s pain wash over his face. I put my hand on his arm. He pulled it away.
“You can’t keep using her death to beat yourself up, Dad. It’s not healthy.”
“She died because of me. I’m going to carry that the rest of my life.”
“It’s not like you were trained to be able to save her,” I said.
* * *
Later that evening, my phone rang. I grabbed it, thinking it might be Cooper, but I saw Max’s name on my screen. What the hell? Is Laura okay?
“Hello?”
“Hey, Jade. What’s going on?”
“Um, not much. Is Laura okay? Why are you calling?”
“Laura was fine when she left this morning, although it hurt a bit to walk if you know what I mean.”
He guffawed while I groaned internally.
“That’s great, I think. Why are you calling?”
“I wanted to thank you for hooking me up with her. Damn! She’s fine.”
“No problem. Just be nice to her. Don’t fuck her over.”
“I fucked her over, under, and around, if you know what I mean.”
His laughed screeched through the phone again. I scrunched up my face, thankful he couldn’t see me.
“That’s great. I’m going to go now, okay?”
“Wait,” he said. “Hold on.”
“Yeah?”
“Will you do a story on me?”
“Um, what kind of story? I don’t do journalism anymore.”
“But you know people, right? You could submit it somewhere?”
“Maybe.”
“I’m opening a new security company, and I need to launch big, you know? Kinda like me.”
“Whatever you say.”
He chuckled.
“Come on, now. Your friend must have told you.”
“I haven’t talked to her yet.”
“Well, she might not tell you, but it’s fucking huge.”
“What’s huge?”
“What do you think?”
“Look, Max, I should go…”
“I mean the story, you dirty woman!”
“Seriously, I need to go.”
“Fine, but consider it, okay?”
“Okay, I will.”
“Thanks again.”
“No problem. Bye.”
I ended the call, not wanting to deal with him any longer. My instincts about Cooper being the better man had been correct, but that did not necessarily mean we were meant for each other.
He still hadn’t called me. Did he find someone else already? Self-doubt and worry tried to show their ugly faces in my thoughts, so I went outside for a walk to soak up the last rays of sun.
Life would work itself out or it wouldn’t. I would keep working hard, but I had to stop sweating the small details like having a love life. As I walked around the neighborhood, Cooper kept popping up.
Why can’t I get him out of my mind?