Twenty-seven
Natasha
I was ecstatic that the nanny was sticking around, because taking care of five children was a lot. Between feeding and changing two of them and chasing the other three around, I was in a constant state of sweating. Isabelle had become a massive part of how our family dynamic worked. I was glad it was working out with her, because I was in dire need of help.
Though I would never admit that to Carter.
We stayed in the hospital for five days with the babies before we were sent home. Carter had taken two months of paternity leave to be with all of us and help out while I continued to recuperate. And he was a major help. I was trying to increase my milk supply with specialized teas and cookies as well as pumping regularly, which meant I couldn’t always attend to the twins every time they cried. I was on a strict schedule so that hopefully I wouldn’t be the only one having to feed these two milk guzzlers.
But once he went back to work, the pressure was felt.
Once I got my supply up and was able to fill the freezer with milk, I started getting a little more lenient with my schedule. I was willing to let Carter handle a couple of the night feedings and Isabelle convinced me on a couple of occasions to spend the evening with Carter while she tended to all of the kids at bedtime. It was nice, having that little slice of alone time with him.
But I knew he was craving more.
The twins were three months old and we were finally finding our footing with having five kids. With Clara in full-time school, it helped to even out the older kid’s schedules a lot. Which meant that during the day, there were only two babies to run after.
And most of the time, they were napping.
“Natasha?”
“Carter? What are you doing home so early?” I asked.
“Got finished with work early, so I figured I would come home.”
“Well, don’t yell too loudly. I just put Rachel and Michael down for their naps.”
“How are they today?” he asked as he kissed my cheek.
“They’re doing okay. Though it’s about time for me to pump again.”
“Breasts hurting?”
“A bit,” I said
“So, don’t get mad, but I made a phone call today.”
“Is this one of those moments where you corner me while I’m pumping so I can’t get up and leave?”
“Possibly, but just hear me out,” he said.
“What did you do?”
“I know you’re wary about leaving the kids at the house for an evening, but I called my mother.”
“Carter, come on. We’ve talked about this.”
“She’s going to come over here to give Isabelle some time off, and it’ll give us some comfort so I can take you out. If you don’t want to think about it in terms of us, then think about Isabelle. Don’t you think she deserves the break?”
“Really? You’re guilting me with our nanny?” I asked.
“Don’t you want to get dressed up and go out and have a nice adult night without having children attached to you?”
“Do you not count as a child?” I asked with a grin.
“We’ve hardly had a date since you got back from Africa. The last time we truly had some alone time-”
“Was the babymoon weekend. I know, I know. But I don’t know if the kids are ready.”
“Is it the kids you’re worried about, or you?” he asked.
I turned on my pump as I closed my eyes. Yes, I was worried about the kids. Of course I was worried about the kids. But… I was a little concerned about something else as well.
And Carter was finally starting to pick up on it.
“Look, I know the doctor cleared me for sexual activity, but I’m not sure if I’m ready to delve back into that facet of our relationship yet,” I said.
“I’m not asking you to,” he said. “All I’m asking is to take the mother of my children and the woman I love out for a nice dinner.”
“I don’t think I’m going to fit in any of the dresses I have.”
“I’m sure there’s an outfit in there that will fit your body perfectly.”
“I’ve changed. A lot, Carter.”
“And you think that makes me see you differently?”
“I don’t know. Does it?” I asked.
I watched Carter scoot his chair closer to me before he took my hand. He brought it to his lips like he always did when trying to comfort me, and he kissed every knuckle on my hand. I snickered and shook my head before I looked down at what I was wearing. A loose t-shirt covered in baby puke, my boobs hanging out into a breast pump, and sweatpants that were two days old.
That I’d also slept in the night before.
“I’m not with you for your body, or your appearance, or even for how you see yourself. I’m with you because of your smile. Because of your laughter. Because of the light you bring to my life every time I wake up next to you. You are just as beautiful as the day you walked into my office for that interview, Natasha.”
“I’m hardly as beautiful as I was before my body ripped itself open for two kids,” I said.
“No,” he said. “You’re right. You’re more beautiful than the day you walked into my office. And all I’m asking is for one night to enjoy that beautiful woman I came to love with all my heart. Natasha, will you go on a date with me tonight?”
I giggled and shook my head before my eyes met his.
“You really know how to lay it on thick, Marshall.”
“So that’s a yes?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said. “I’ll go out with you tonight.”
“Good. I’ll go give my mother a call. She’ll be ecstatic to get some time with the twins.”
I watched him walk off with a pep in his step as I shook my head. His mother had been so unwavering in her love for those children. And part of me was excited to have some alone time with Carter. Life had been a whirlwind of doctor’s appointments and diagnoses that kept me in a bed for months on end, and we’d hardly had time out of this house to spend with one another.
And the more I thought about it, the more excited I became.
I just wasn’t sure what I was going to wear in the process.
I zoned out during all of the pumping that I didn’t catch the overflowing of the bottles connected to my boobs. I jumped up and shut off the pump, then disconnected it from my chest. My breasts flopped to my body as two deflated balloons, and I groaned as I looked at the stains on my pants.
I had really become a mess as a mother.
I poured the milk into freezable bags, then stuck them in the back. I cleaned out the pump as my shirt hung over my body, the milk drying on my pants. I set everything off to dry and made my way upstairs, and I could hear Carter still talking to his mother on the phone.
I enjoyed that he had such a good relationship with his parents.
I went into our room and stripped out of my clothes. I needed a shower and I needed it badly. I hadn’t taken one in almost three days and I could only imagine how I smelled standing next to someone. I turned on the hot water and sighed as the steam hit my body.
Then, I heard one cry waft into the stone shower.
I sighed, waiting for the second one to hit my ears. And like clockwork, Michael’s cry started up just after Rachel’s. I turned off the shower and picked up my dirty clothes, resolving myself to whatever their issue was instead of scrubbing my disgusting body down.
Yes, I definitely needed a night away with Carter.
Otherwise, I didn’t think I was going to have another excuse to shower.