THE NEXT MORNING, I decide that drinking and ice cream aren't a good combination. Drinking, in general, doesn't solve anything. It only creates a whole different problem. I pay for doing that by spending a good hour in the bathroom, sick.
Tonight, I have plans with the girls to go out to dinner. I spend the better part of the day begging my stomach to stop, and it finally settles around the time I step out of the shower. When I wipe the steam from the mirror, I determine an extra layer of makeup will be needed to take care of the mess I see facing me.
By the time I arrive at the restaurant, I feel more like myself. Being with my girls will help keep my mind off Jeremy. Times have officially changed for us. Just a few years ago, we would have been dancing out at the club. Now, we are content with eating and reminiscing. I need this. I need them.
We meet at one of our favorite restaurants because of their drinks, but I take note that no one is drinking. I mean, Kat can’t, and my stomach won’t even think about it after the concoction I made last night. While Kat and Aly are talking about their blissful marriages, Lexi talks about her hot fiancé. Everyone looks at me, waiting for some news of a man in my life.
“Don’t look at me. The only thing that is constant in my life is chocolate.”
“Chocolate sounds good right now. How about we skip dinner and just have dessert?” Kat says.
“Did you cancel your membership to that dating site?” Lexi says without thinking.
Simultaneously, Kat and Aly turn to me. “You joined a dating site?”
“Yes. Can we please not discuss it?” I beg.
“Oh, we are so talking about it. Why would you do that?” Kat asks.
“I don’t know. Maybe because my four best friends found such great guys, and I wanted to find one for myself. I’m not getting any younger,” I reply.
“I thought you just were looking for casual now? Just a release,” Lexi chimes in again. This time, I kick her under the table.
Kat and Aly both start laughing, loudly.
“Jade, casual? Right? Good one, Lexi; Jade has never gone home with a hookup since we met her,” Kat says.
“Have you even been serious about anyone since we’ve known you? My gosh, we are shit friends. How did we not notice this?” Aly says after her.
I want to confide in them. Tell them all that’s been going on, but I’m not ready yet. And I’m going to kill Lexi for bringing it up because she knew I needed to forget tonight. Then I think she did it because she wants me to get the other girls’ advice. I’m too embarrassed to tell them, though.
“No. Hence the dating site. Can we not discuss this? I went on two dates, and neither of them is worth a conversation. What’s everyone having tonight?”
Thankfully, everyone starts looking over the menu.
“Hey, Deanna,” Aly says. I was so busy trying to decide what I would eat that I didn’t see anyone walk up to the table.
“Hi, everyone. What are you girls doing way up here? Don't answer that. I know, dinner,” Deanna says.
We all know that Deanna and Jeremy broke up, but I'm the only one he confided in about what really happened. It's making me want to scream at her, “Why would you do that? You won't get a better guy than he is. And add in why did you have to call him after all this time? He’s not yours anymore.”
“Do you want to join us?” Kat asks. Everyone always liked Deanna. She fit in our group just fine, but I'm praying with every fiber in me that she says no. I came here to forget my woes, not have them stare me in the face.
“Thanks, but I can't. I'm meeting Jeremy here.”
For a second, I'm relieved, but when she said his name, my head snaps up to look at her. Then the only feeling I have is pure jealousy. When I see her playing with the necklace she's wearing, my eyes zone in on it.
“You can’t be serious,” Lexi whispers under her breath.
“Yes, in fact, I see him now. Hopefully, I'll be seeing you guys more after tonight,” she says as she cups the engagement ring that was dangling from the end of the chain in her palm, and I instantly feel sick.
“Are you okay?” Lexi asks me quietly.
The girls are already chatting away, but I can only make out bits and pieces of the conversation.
“I wonder what happened with them?” I hear that question clearly, and it was asked by Kat.
“I have to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back,” I tell them.
“Me too,” Lexi says and follows me.
The only problem I didn't think about is the bathrooms are in the back, the same way Deanna headed. So when we walk past the area we are sitting, I get the perfect view of Jeremy and Deanna kissing. I stop dead in my tracks, causing Lexi to bump into me.
When she sees where my eyes are focused, she says, “Oh, shit.”
Time seems to stand still, but it was really only a second that Deanna was cupping his face, Jeremy's hands were on her shoulders, and their mouths were pressed together. When I see Deanna take his hand, I can't watch anymore. My feet finally allow me to move, and I practically run to the bathroom.
Lexi follows me inside. “I’m sorry I said what I did back there. I should have been a better friend. I just wanted you to clue the girls in. I’ve been giving you shit advice. But what we just saw? I don’t think it meant anything, Jade. It was probably just a kiss hello.”
My heart feels like it's crumbling. With every breath I take, I'm willing it to stay strong, but it's no use. I turn toward her as the first tears start to fall.
“If it was nothing, they could have talked over the phone. It's something. Did you see what she had around her neck?”
Lexi shakes her head. “No.”
“A nice, big diamond ring.”
“So what? It wasn't on her finger.”
I can't do this again. I can't stay here and have someone tell me that the second man I gave my heart to is about to give his to another woman. No, the only man because I'm sure the way my chest is feeling, my heart is on the floor of the restaurant, right by Jeremy.
The bathroom walls feel like they are closing in on me. I'm suffocating. “I have to get out of here, Lexi. I can't let him see me like this. I'm about to break. Help me.”
“Let me tell the girls you aren't feeling well. We can get an Uber back home.”
“You stay because the girls will get too suspicious. I want to be alone. Just tell them I'll talk to them tomorrow.”
“Okay. And, Jade, deep breaths. It's all going to work out.”
As I nod my head, she takes my wrists in her hand. It's something that I always did for her when she would panic.
Lexi heads back out, and I take some time to compose myself. My phone tells me the driver will be here in four minutes, so I check my face. I'm holding back what really wants to come out, and the drive home is going to be hell. As I walk out of the bathroom and past the bar, I walk straight into a wall of muscle.
“Jade,” Jeremy says while carrying two drinks in his hands.
“Hey. I’d better run. Uber is here,” I blurt out then run out the back exit. I don't look back because if I did, he would see. It's bad enough the driver had to put up with my sobbing the entire time. He was nice, though. He just handed me a box of tissues before we pulled out of the parking lot and drove me home in silence.