I LEFT BEFORE we finished our set. I've never done that, but for Jade, I always will. I’m not perfect by any means. If I could, I’d change the way I handled everything that happened between us, but when Deanna burned me, I became a coward. No matter how many times I said I would tell Jade exactly what I wanted, the what-ifs always held me back. I’m done with the what-ifs, though. Jade gave me a reason to want more, and I’m not letting her slip through my fingers again. She can keep running, but I’ll keeping following and fighting to have her back in my life. No other option exists for me. Jade is my only option.
Day in and day out, while she was gone, I worked in my garage because I didn't want to face anyone. I let Hunter take over my latest project just so I could do what? Wallow in my own pity. Drink more than I should have just to forget her. But it didn’t work.
Josh gave me the kick I needed when he said, “That's it then. You're officially a single man again. I think that's smart. Who needs a smart, classy, sexy as hell woman who made you smile more than you ever have with anyone before anyway, right? I just wonder how long before someone comes along and scoops her up? Hell, maybe I should. Might do me some good to settle down.”
He said this when we finished practice yesterday. The guys had just left, but he felt the need to give me one more jab before he left. Right after that, I told him fuck you followed by my thanks.
I make one pit stop before I drive to her house. It occurred to me that in all the time we were together, I never did anything deemed romantic. We had the passion down pat, but I want to show her there's more to us than that. In one hand, I'm holding the biggest bouquet I could find at the one stop shopping store, and in the other, I have a bag loaded with chocolate, her favorite wine, ice cream, an underwater camera she kept talking about, a selfie stick, and a card saying I'm an idiot. Don't leave me because I need you more than air. I wrote those words inside it since nothing on the shelf said what I needed it to.
As I walk up her stairs, once again I hear music. It's not until I open her door with my own set of keys that I hear what the song is. “Trouble.” Jade is nowhere in sight, though. I go to lower the music that is blaring loudly when I turn around and there she is on the couch.
Jade sits up from her curled position. “What are you doing here?”
“I came to talk to you.” Her face is streaked with makeup which makes me feel like shit. I should've ended this—or better yet, started this—sooner. I never want to make her cry, see her hurting, or feel unwanted ever again.
“You can’t just walk in my house, Jeremy.”
“Technically, it's mine.”
“What?”
“Nothing. I still had the extra key,” I say as I hand it to her. She looks at it like it will burn her if she touches it. Since she won't take it, I place the key on the coffee table and crouch down next to her. The urge to take her in my arms is so fucking strong, but she's doing everything possible to avoid eye contact. Since she's still sitting and not running, I'm calling it a win. “I'm sorry. So fucking sorry, Jade.”
She completely turns her head to avoid me. That's when I have had enough. With my finger, I tilt her head toward me, but she looks down, avoiding my gaze. “Jade, look at me.”
“I can't.”
My heart races even though my entire chest feels like one big knot.
“Please, baby. I need you to look at me.”
“It hurts too much,” she says as one tear falls down her cheek. I wipe it away with my thumb.
“What hurts worse—me being here or me not being here?” I know my answer. It will always be here with her.
“Both the same.”
I take her hand and place it over my heart. “This hurts without you.”
Her fingers curl slightly, digging into my shirt. “Mine too.”
I move to sit next to her, wanting to pull her against me, but Jade stops me. “You have the ability to break me. It wasn't supposed to be like this.”
I sit on the coffee table with my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands like I'm praying. Praying this isn't the end. Praying she'll let me talk. Praying she'll give us another chance. The chance we deserve. “Without you, I'm already broken. I'm nothing without you.”
“This was supposed to be casual.”
“It never was for me,” I tell her the honest fucking truth. This time, when I look up, she's looking right at me.
“I wasn't meant to have that type of relationship, Jeremy. I know that now. Sex is more than biology for me. It's feelings; it's connection and love. I blurred those lines with us every time.”
“You don't believe that it was that way for me too?”
“I don't know.”
“And that's my fault. I should have told you after the first night that I was in.”
“I didn't let you.”
“Doesn't matter. I should have. You're it, Jade. No one else fits me better. How many times did people say that? Well, they were fucking right. We fit in every way. Whether we are talking about your horrible taste in music, or you are asking me for advice on clothing. Having a lazy day at the beach or out with friends. Whether you are sitting right next to me or across a crowded room, you and I will always be drawn to each other because we fit,” I tell her.
“What about Deanna?” she asks.
“There is no Deanna. That night was a goodbye for me. Closure and nothing more. She knew it when she sat down.”
“I saw you kissing.”
This time, I don't allow her to pull away when I sit next to her then pull her on my lap. “What you saw was her kissing me; I was not kissing her. Because I felt nothing. She knows about you and me. “
“Oh. What? How could she?”
“I told her I bumped into you. When I told her I’d moved on, she guessed it was you. She’s even one of the people who said we fit. So believe me when I say that part of my life was over the day she confessed to being with someone else. And I'm sorry I was a jealous asshole when I asked you about your date the day she called. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions about you either.”
“Lexi was right. I guess we both acted like idiots,” she says.
“She said the same thing to me. A few other words too.”
“Can we stop acting like idiots already? Because I really missed my friend.”
“On one condition.”
She tries to climb off my lap, but I tighten my hold on her. “You stop calling me your friend and upgrade our status.”
“To what?” she asks.
“Your man.”
“I like that, but I have a condition too.”
I move the hair away from her face. “Anything.”
“You don't even know what I'm going to say.”
“Okay, but the answer is yes.” She could have the moon if it was possible.
“We deactivate those stupid dating site accounts.”
I smile. “Already done.”
“Mine too. Weeks ago,” she confesses
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah.”
“Can I kiss you now?” I ask her first because this will be the kiss that seals her fate as my woman.
Before she can finish saying yes, my lips are on hers.
“Jeremy,” she whispers softly against my mouth.
“I know. We should stop.” I don't want her to think that I'm trying to get her in bed. I'm not.
“That's not what I meant. What's in the bags?”
Shit. I forgot I had set them down by her stereo when I turned off the music. I walk over and grab them. I hand her the flowers first. “My romantic gesture is probably a melted mess, but at least I tried.”
She laughs as she pulls out the ice cream that's half soup at this point, and it's the best fucking sound in the world. “Don't you love when it gets all soft because now milkshakes?”
She holds up the camera and stares. I tell her, “I know you said you wanted that for when you finally travel.”
“You remembered. Why did you do this?”
“Because you matter. I should have been doing this before. Showing you how much you meant.”
“You did,” she says as she jumps back in my lap. “Thank you.”
“You're welcome.”
“Jeremy?”
“Yeah?”
“Take me to bed.”
“Are you sure?”
She straddles my lap before she starts kissing me against my neck. “Positive.”
Gripping her ass, I stand. I grab the bag and head to the kitchen.
“Where are you going?” she asks me.
“Putting this in the freezer.”
“Oh.”
When I continue to her bedroom, her body curls into mine, hugging me tightly. As I lay her on the bed, she doesn't let go, so I flip us. “We don't have to do anything, Jade.”
“I just didn't realize how much I missed you. Not just you, but the way you smell.”
“I smell?”
“The good kind. Like sawdust and cologne. I really missed that. And the way you hold me.”
“I'm glad you like it. I missed everything about you too.” I grab her wrist and breathe in that familiar peaches scent, which is not smart. Her scent, instead of filling my senses, heads south. Never has a woman, the way she smells, turned me on.
“I can tell.” She smirks until she rubs against me.
Even wearing that old oversized t-shirt, she's sexy as hell. “Jade, I don't want you to think this is just about getting you in bed again. You're not helping my control doing that.”
“Okay, but I want you to stay,” she says as she climbs off me.
Everything down south is telling me I'm a fucking idiot, but she needs time to process what I am saying. I strip down to my briefs, adjust myself, and climb in behind her. Jade is covering her mouth trying to hide her smirk at my big dilemma. Once I have her wrapped in my arms, she tries to torture me some more by wiggling.
“Jade,” I warn her.
“What? I'm just trying to get comfortable.”
She settles. After a few minutes, her breathing evens out. “Night, Foxy.”
“Night, Superman.”
This, right here, is how I want every night to end.