This was the whole reason we had met up tonight. But what I had so desperately wanted his opinion on, felt so awkward coming out of my mouth. I took a long pull from my straw and chewed on my bottom lip for a few seconds. This was Baz, my friend and protector, he wouldn’t make fun of me.

“Gem? Does this have something to do with Geoff?” The concern was evident in his voice all over again. I glanced up to find him studying me curiously. “Did he do something? I thought you said I didn’t need to make any heads roll.”

“You don’t,” I sighed, as I finally expelled the breath I didn’t realize I’d even been holding. “What I want to talk to you about is, well, uh, it’s kind of embarrassing…” I trailed off, looking down at my drink.

Baz reached across the pub table and gently lifted my chin so I was looking into his gorgeous dark eyes, which were completely judgement free. “Gem, what is it? You know you can talk to me about anything. I’ve always been here for you and I always will.”

My heart sped up in my chest as his soft touch warmed me. “Ok, so…” His hand dropped back to the table and covered my own in a show of joint strength, as he waited patiently for me to continue. “Do you think there’s something wrong with me?”

His head pulled back as if someone had hit him and confusion marred his handsome features, his thick eyebrow raising over his right eye. “Wrong with you? What’re you talking about? What do you think is wrong with you?”

“I just,” I paused. “Uh, I mean, ever since, Steve, that asshole…” I drew another long breath. Spit it out Gemma, you wanted his perspective. “As you know, I’m a huge failure at romantic relationships. I guess I have a hard time trusting anyone after…” I stared off into the past for a few seconds.

“Gemma, I think that’s natural. You thought he really cared about you. That was a long time ago though. I thought you had buried all that in the past?”

“So did I. And I refuse to play the victim. I’m going to see Dr. Williams again on Tuesday. I feel like I need to talk with her.”

“Good. I’m sure she’ll help you put all these resurfaced fears back to rest.”

“I hope so. But here’s the thing.” Jeez, this was so much harder than I thought it would be. I tried a different direction. “What do you think of Geoff?”

“What do I think of him?” His free hand touched his chest. “He seems like a good guy. I’ve only been around him a few times when we’ve all hung out. You’ve always maintained that he was a good guy too. What do you really think of him? Is there something you want to tell me about?” His voice took on a hardened edge as he spoke.

“No, it’s just. Ugh. This isn’t really about Geoff. In fact, I think it has more to do with me than him, or any of the other men I’ve been involved with. C’mon, you know it’s no secret that I can’t seem to hold down a relationship for much longer than a few weeks.” I drank another long sip through my straw, a loud slurping of air accompanied it. I was plowing through these like they were water tonight. Almost as if she were psychic, the waitress chose that moment to come by and check on us. “One more please.” I lifted my now only ice-filled glass to her.

I stood to slide my chair closer to Bastian so I wasn’t sharing my private information with the entire bar. It had gotten significantly louder and if I didn’t want to be broadcasting my business by yelling it across the small table, this was the only option. As I stood, I felt the vodka slide happily through my veins and I got light headed. The room spun for a few seconds. And as I was attempting to catch my balance, I heard a loud scraping sound. Then I felt a set of familiar, strong hands grasp my shoulders, as a hard-muscled chest came into contact with my back. Electricity crackled through me.

“Jeez, Gemma. Maybe you don’t need that last drink you just ordered. You ok?” His scruff tickled and his breath was hot against my ear and neck as he leaned in so I could hear him over the crowd. I felt tingles race through me and something inside me begin to melt.

“Yeah,” I giggled out.

I turned in his arms, and there it was again. That elusive spark. The one I had been waiting to feel. But this was Bastian. My friend. He’s the only one who made me feel like this. He is only your friend. And then, for a quick moment, I swear I saw desire flash through his eyes. He felt it too. Unintentionally, I licked my lips, bit down on my bottom one and watched closely as his eyes followed the motion. It was as if I was being pulled forward by a force I couldn’t explain, and my eyes fluttered closed as my head tilted back.

Abruptly, but gently, Bastian turned me back around and helped me into my chair. You fool, now you’re imagining things. It’s the alcohol making you feel like this. He’s your friend, you were only seeing what you wanted to see. Thankfully, he stopped you from making an even bigger fool of yourself.

He sat next to me in his chair and picked up his drink. I watched fascinated as his full lips came into contact with the glass in his hand. “You going to keep me guessing all night here, Gem?” He teased lightly.

“Oh, right. Um, ok, so here’s the thing. How do you know when you’re attracted to someone?” Another change in tactics, but maybe this would make it easier.

“How do I know when I’m attracted to someone?” He repeated my question back to me. “This is what you wanted my perspective on? Well, I guess I’ve never thought enough about it to analyze it. I’d have to say there’s some sort of chemistry that I feel, some sort of connection, something that makes me want to explore the situation a little better.”

“Exactly!” I pointed to him with one hand and touched the tip of my nose at the same time. “Ding, ding, ding, right answer.”

He was looking at me like I had lost my mind.

“See, here’s the thing,” I continued. “I’ve never felt that. I mean, I date these men, and they seem like they should be perfect. Geoff is a prime example. He’s good looking, smart, kind, and successful, right? But I don’t feel anything towards him on a deeper level. I kept thinking it would come, but, well, it just hasn’t. How long does it take for you before you actually feel a spark or something?”

The waitress dropped my drink off in front of me, but I decided to let it sit for a few minutes after my little dizzy spell. Well, that coupled with the fact that I almost made a fool out of myself by trying to kiss my best friend.

“I’m a man, Gemma. I imagine we’re not quite wired the same in that respect. I know when I’m attracted to someone, usually fairly quickly. I will say, at least in my opinion, that chemistry is something that would be important for the long-lasting type of relationship you’re looking for. So, you don’t feel anything like that with Geoff?”

“No. I don’t. He’s such a great guy, and Harper said she thinks he sees us as something that could make it long-term, but I just don’t quite feel like that. It’s like, I’d like for him to be the one, but he’s really just another one in the big picture. Does that make me a horrible person?” I played with the sweat dripping down the side of my glass, sliding my fingers up and down the cool surface.

“I don’t think so. You can’t help what you feel. Why are you stressing about this? So, Geoff isn’t ‘the one’,” he threw his hands up and made air quotes with his fingers. “So what? You’re young, you have plenty of time to meet the one. Maybe you should focus on finding Mr. Right Now, rather than Mr. Right. And who knows, maybe someday that Now part will just fall off and you’ll see he’s been the one all along?”

“Who are you, and what have you done with my friend? Baz, are you still in there?” I teased as I leaned forward and examined his handsome features closely, waving my hand in front of his face. “What happened to your brain? Did some alien being take over your mind and just tell me that I might actually find a Mr. Right someday?” I laughed out loud at my own joke. This man who didn’t believe in love, was actually giving me some pretty sage advice. I took a long sip of my new drink.

“I know you believe in love, Gem. Just because I don’t think it’ll happen for me, doesn’t mean I don’t want it to happen for you.”

“Well, I hope you’re right because it would be nice to not be a virgin for the rest of my life.” My eyes went wide and I instantly clapped a hand over my mouth. I can’t believe I just blurted that out. Damn you, vodka.