Joie

 

“Oh, my gosh. Joie, are you okay?” Jemma was there beside me, her arms wrapping around my shoulders as I watched medical personnel rush onto the field.

“Cole, come on. Move!” I screamed again. Reflexively, I reached into my pocket for my phone and pulled up Cole’s name on my contact list. My thumb hovered over his name. Which was stupid because he was laying unmoving on the football field.

“Joie! That says Cole. As in Cole Parker? Do you know him?” Jemma was looking at me like I’d grown another head. But I didn’t have time for that. Cole was hurt.

“He’s moving,” Sam said behind me, his voice subdued, and it pulled me out of a trance. Self-consciously, I glanced around the room. My friends were all watching me, their expressions ranging from shock to concern. Malcolm just looked curious.

“Oh, my gosh. I’m sorry.” My cheeks flamed, and I reached up to touch them surprised to find they were wet with tears. Tears? I didn’t know-

“He’s okay, Jo,” Jemma consoled, still beside me. She pointed to the screen where they were lifting Cole onto one of those carts. He was awake now and at least one arm was moving. I glanced down at my phone again, dying to talk to him, to make sure he was okay. Maybe I should call Mrs. Parker. I watched as the game went to a commercial break.

“I’m sorry, guys.” And I was. How embarrassing. I had no idea how to explain my behavior to my friends.

“You know that guy,” Dallas asked.

Rising off the floor, I skirted around the recliner and made my way into the kitchen. This situation called for some caffeine. I yanked open the fridge and reached for another Dr. Pepper. After popping the top, I took a long draw, the acidic liquid burning a pleasant trail down my throat. Turning away from the open fridge door, I kicked it closed with my foot and ran right into Jemma and Dallas. They posed a solid front of concern and curiosity.

Admitting defeat, I sat on the bar stool beside the counter. “Cole and I went to school together. We’ve been neighbors since we were little kids.”

“What?” Jemma sank onto the stool beside me. “How have you never told me that?”   

Stalling, I considered about how much more I wanted to tell them. It wouldn’t do me any good to dredge up all the emotional baggage that was me and Cole.

“So... what? You guys were childhood friends? Are you still friends?” Leave it to Dallas to cut to the chase. He could be so cut and dried sometimes.

I shrugged, thinking about the way I’d left things with Cole. I wondered how he would characterize us now. Were we friends? Probably not.

“It’s back on!” someone shouted from the living room.

Sliding off the stool, I started toward the tv.  Cole’s backup was on the field. I didn’t care about the game anymore. I just wanted to hear an update on Cole. I looked at the phone in my hand, so tempted to call Mrs. Parker or at least text. But I didn’t. I wouldn’t.

Notre Dame scored even with the backup quarterback and when they kicked the ball back to the Trojans, USC couldn’t return the favor. The Irish won the game. No one said anything about Cole until the post-game show when the head coach was interviewed. I couldn’t turn away from the tv until I heard how Cole was doing.

Apparently, my concern had transferred to my friends. Not one of them left until after the press conference. According to the coach, Cole was stable, alert, but in a lot of pain. And that was all he would say, refusing to discuss Cole’s future playing football either in the Bowl game in two weeks or ever. It was very dissatisfying. I wanted more. I couldn’t get it out of my mind. How was he? Was he going to recover? Would he still be able to play? I wanted to know, and my heart was breaking to think of a world where Cole couldn’t play football.

Later, after the game, after the interviews, I sat on the porch and tried to get my emotions under control. I couldn’t even understand why I was so out of sorts. I hadn’t spoken to Cole in over two years. Not since graduation.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Malcolm slid down to the concrete beside me. He really was handsome with his copper colored hair curling attractively over his forehead. Bright green eyes shone in his appealing face. I admired his chiseled features, his soft voice. He was a genuinely nice man and I knew if I gave him some encouragement...something could be there. Between us.

Against my will, my thoughts turned back to Cole. Would thoughts of Cole always interfere when I faced another man? The idea was discouraging.

“Yeah, I am.” Neither of us found it necessary to look at the other. Instead, we kept our gazes forward. The street out front was busy with students walking. Snatches of conversation about the game reached us as well as discussions of the evenings selection of post-game parties.

“So, Cole Parker, huh.” It wasn’t really a question.

Sighing, I let my head fall back. The clear California sky seemed so different from the air that settled above South Bend. For the first time ever, I missed home.

“Cole and I grew up together. He lived in the house across the street.”

Malcolm sat silently for a moment. “Acquaintance?”

“Best friend.” The words didn’t do us justice, but I didn’t know which ones would.

“Boyfriend?”

“Not the way you think.” And that was the truth. Had Cole and I ever been on a date? Had he ever picked me up and taken me to a movie? Dinner? Didn’t you have to date someone to consider them a boyfriend? Cole had been a boyfriend to many girls at our high school, but we were different. “It wasn’t like that.”

Again, Malcolm was silent as he considered my words. “But you love him.” This wasn’t a question, either.

I couldn’t do this. I didn’t want to face this. I rose from the porch and stepped toward the front door. Probably, I needed to lock myself in the bathroom and take a long bath. “See you later, Malcolm.”

“Yeah. See you later.”