Joie

 

This semester was going to kill me. What was I thinking taking so many classes? I hardly had time to eat or sleep between my school work and my part-time job. The scholarship I’d gotten helped, but I still had to pay for my living expenses and food. My mom sent me a little bit of money every now and then. When she was feeling guilty. I knew she didn’t have much. She’d sold the house and taken that money to set herself up in a maintenance free condo closer to Chicago. She was writing again full-time, but hadn’t published anything since getting out of rehab, for the third time, last year. She seemed to be doing better. Whatever, the money always seemed to come at a good time.

My phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out to see a text from Cole. We’d been texting every day. Mostly small talk and silly stuff, but it felt so good.

 

How is Cali today?

Sunny and warm.

Sure, rub it in. My phone says it is twenty-one degrees and the view out my window is cloudy with a chance of snow.

Ha. Sucks to be you. You know you don’t have to stay there. You could go anywhere you want now.

Believe me I’ve been thinking a lot about that.

 

Cole’s shoulder was doing better. He did a lot of physical therapy on his own now at home and I could tell from our conversations all kinds of things were better now, not just his shoulder. He seemed happier, more positive.

 

And? Have you decided?

I’ve narrowed some things down. But nothing is set in stone.

You aren’t going to tell me? Meanie.

Ha! I’m the mean one?

 

Ouch. Sometimes it got weird like that. Something from the past or a trigger about us. And it reinforced the feeling that we had a lot to talk about if our friendship was going to go beyond texting. At some point we would have to clear the air. I just didn’t know how. Or when.

 

Sorry. I didn’t mean that the way you might have taken it.

It’s ok. I am the mean one compared to you.

That’s right you are. You always fought dirty.

Because you are huge and strong and could always beat me at everything. I had to even things up a bit.

You think I’m big and strong?

Ohmigosh. Calm down, Oh Conceited One.

Conceited?! It’s only conceited if you can’t back it up and we both know I can.

Uh-huh. Right.

So, what are you doing?

What do you mean? Like right now?

Yes, right now.

Homework.

Lame. Let’s watch a movie.

What? How are we going to do that? You are two thousand miles away.

No, you are two thousand miles away.

Cole.

Yes?

Goodness, you are ridiculous.

 

I forgot how much fun he could be. Sometimes our friendship had been overshadowed by my crazy life and family, but for the most part- we were just awesome at having fun together. I missed that. I’ve never had another friend that I could be like that around- just myself. Free of whatever else held me down. With Cole, even though he knew everything awful about my life, it was just us being us and it was great.

 

So, about the movie…

How are we going to watch a movie, Cole?

Oh, young Padawan, let me teach you the ways of the long-distance movie.

LOL. You are such a dork.

Dork! Me? Take it back.

Never!

If you don’t take it back I won’t watch a movie with you.

I’m not taking it back but tell me about this movie thing.

Ok, but only because I’m not there to make you take it back.

This is me rolling my eyes.

Noted. I know exactly what that face looks like.

Ok. So here is how long-distance movie watching goes. We pick a movie and we watch it at the same time while either being on the phone or texting. If we are on the phone, the tricky part is pressing play at the EXACT same time and pausing for bathroom breaks. So, I advise no beverages. Because otherwise the sound coming through the phone will be annoying, right?

Holy cow. Have you done this before?

Um. No, but I did think it would be fun. We always used to love watching movies together.

Especially after we started kissing each other.

Ohmigosh! Cole!

Are you blushing? I bet you are. Send me a selfie!

NO

Spoil sport. That’s ok. I know exactly what that face looks like too.

 

Cole

 

That was when it started. My whole plan on what to do with my life. One texting conversation with Joie and I knew what I had to do. That day we watched Princess Bride, the next day we binge watched five episodes of The Walking Dead. Joie put the brakes on our tv watching to catch up on homework the day after that, but I still texted her whenever she crossed my mind. Which was a lot.

For the next couple of months, we talked every day. Sometimes it was just texting, but we talked on the phone, too. I loved the sound of her voice, especially late at night when she was snuggled in her bed. We talked until we fell asleep and I imagined I was beside her, falling asleep with her hand in mine. With my arms around her. Finally, getting to love her the way I’ve always wanted to.

Thank goodness for unlimited minutes.

Christmas came and went. I wanted to see her. So. Bad. But she went to her roommate’s house for the holidays in Northern California and I had to satisfy myself with texting and calling when she wasn’t hanging out with her friends.

We avoided serious talks about our feelings for each other. Not that we didn’t talk about serious things, we did. But we skirted around the why’s. Why did Joie push me away? Why did Joie leave Indiana? Why didn’t she admit she loved me? Because I was coming to believe she did.

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore. The holidays were over, and Joie had returned to her apartment. Jemma, her roommate, was still at her parents’ house. Apparently, her boyfriend was there meeting the family. Joie was convinced the guy was going to propose.

Whatever. I was just glad she was back at her place and I could talk to her without our conversations being interrupted. What can I say, I’m a selfish jerk! I’m not, but I was enjoying our talks since she’d been home.

Maybe that was what gave me the courage to ask her the tough questions, knowing we weren’t going to get cut off by some activity she had to go to with Jemma and her family. Whatever it was, I knew before I even tapped on her name on my phone, I was going to get to the bottom of things.

“Hey,” her soft voice floated across air and time. I loved the sound of her voice. It settled me. It was like coming home.

“Hey, babe.” I’d been calling her that. At first, I didn’t think she knew what to do with it, but I wanted her to know I wasn’t just in this for friendship. We were more than that. We always had been.

“Aren’t you tired? It’s so late there.”

It was late. The three-hour time difference was a beast, but I didn’t mind. It was easier to talk to her for hours when my house was quiet.

“I’m okay. I want to talk to you,” I reassured her.

“I want to talk to you, too.”

I could hear her rustling around in her bed, getting more comfortable and the desire to be with her almost knocked me out, the ache was so deep.

“What do you want to talk about,” I asked. It was a loaded question and I knew it.

“Whatever you want to talk about.” A loaded answer.

“Do you mean that?” I needed to know she was ready.

“Yes. Yes, Cole, I do. I think it’s time, don’t you?”

“For a long time. It’s been time for a long time.”

We were silent for a moment. Neither of us willing to start. Finally, I heard a sigh escape her lips.

“What do you want to know? I’ll tell you anything you want.”

Wow. Where to begin? I wanted to just straight up ask her if she loved me. I almost wanted to make her tell me, but I knew in my heart I wouldn’t be satisfied with that. It would mean more to both of us if she could tell me herself, because she wanted to, was ready to. I decided on something just as important.

“Fourth grade. Lindsay Carstairs. What did you do to get her to stop stalking me on the playground?”

“Are you serious? That’s what you want to know?” I heard the giggle in her voice.

“Yes. This is important stuff from our past. Besides, I’ve been dying to know for years and you need to put me out of my misery.”

“Good grief,” she chuckled.

“Spill.”

“If you must know-”

“I must.”

“If you must know, I cornered her in the girl’s bathroom before lunch one day-”

“Oooh, sounds scary.” I could just picture nine-year-old Joie, messing up Lindsay. Hilarious.

“If you don’t stop interrupting, I’m not going to tell this story,” Joie threatened, making me laugh.

“My lips are sealed.”

“I’ll believe it when you actually stay quiet.” She paused as though expecting me to say something else.

I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. So there.

“Anyway, I pushed her against the wall.”

I almost said something there.

“And told her you were my boyfriend and she better back off. She told me you liked her but hadn’t told me yet. I knew she was bluffing because we talked everyday about how much you didn’t like that girl, so I figured I would do you a favor. I told her that was a lie and that you were my boyfriend and we kissed every day and you thought she was ugly and mean and would never go out with her.”

Yeah, I lost it.

Once I stopped laughing, I had to wipe my eyes from the laughing tears in them. “Wow, Jo, I didn’t know you felt that way back then.” I chuckled again. What a girl!

“Oh, stop it, you freak. Of course, I did. And even if I didn’t, I wasn’t going to let you go out with Lindsay.” She said it all so matter of fact, I stopped laughing.

“You liked me back then?” I couldn’t believe it. Why did I wait five years after that before trying to kiss her?

“Seriously, Cole, is this elementary school? When did we not like each other?” Her voice had gone small.

“When did we not like each other. I don’t know, Jo. You didn’t seem to like me very much for like three and a half years in high school.” There it was. Out for her to hear. The pain of those years without her. The pain of the last two for the same reason.

“I know.” I barely heard her.

“Why?”