Camryn
SITTING ON THE beach, sand between my toes, the waves crashing in that calming, melodic way, I am free with my thoughts. The salt air washes over me and instantly relaxes me. My head has been a crazy place lately, and I really just needed some time alone to be one with them. Wishing more than anything that Gigi was still here so I could pepper her with questions, and seek out her guidance. That is why the decision to come to the beach was an easy one. The feeling of closeness I get to her here is immense. And it is what I need today. Missing her comes in waves, and today I felt like I was drowning. When I got here, I found a somewhat secluded spot, away from families and beachgoers, so I could just be. Might sound crazy to some, but I needed to talk my feelings out. Speak them out loud and maybe get a sign from Gigi as to the path I should be taking.
A week has passed since I last saw Trystan. He has been texting me and communicating with me daily. The flirty, teasing texts have actually been the highlight of my days, as of late. After the call came in about Michael being at Maggie’s, things with the case took off at rapid speed. Michael or Mike, as he introduced himself to me, sang like a canary when cornered and questioned by the Savannah Police Department. His lips spilling information has led to several arrests, which means Trystan has had his hands full for a few days. He has let me know I am on his mind, and his intentions are still very much the same. As much as curiosity has been killing me at what this conversation will entail, my patience is needed. His time and energy is obligated elsewhere.
So that leads me to my beach visit, which is essentially a visit with Gigi. She is not physically here, obviously, but her spirit is all around me. My thoughts and feelings about Trystan have me perplexed. My anger at him has dissipated and I am unsure why. He still has some serious explaining to do, a lot of explaining actually. But for some reason, the explanation seems less important. Does this make me a fool? Am I crazy? Of course I am going to hear what he has to say, but it almost doesn’t matter to me anymore.
“Gigi, I feel a little nuts talking to you like this, but I need some advice, guidance, or maybe a sign. So my accident gave me some perspective. Thanks for looking out for me, by the way. I guess I am lucky to have my very own guardian angel always watching my back. So here’s the thing. Perspective. I feel like I have gotten loads of it lately. No one’s time is guaranteed here on this earth. At any moment, it can all be over. And if it were all over for me, my biggest regret would be him. And you know who that him is I am referring to. You’re probably up there laughing at me and saying ‘I told you so.’ My regret would be that so much time has been wasted. It would be that we breathed the same air, laid under the same moon and stars, but did it separately. Why am I so damn stubborn and hardheaded? For years you urged me to listen, and I brushed you off. What did you know that I don’t? Your opinion always meant more to me than anything, and yet I dismissed it. As far as a good judge of character, you were the best. So I am here to ask you to give me a sign that my head and heart are in the right place, finally. That regardless of what he tells me, I feel like I want to give this a go with him.”
My one-sided conversation is interrupted with an incoming text. A smile graces my face to see it is from Trystan.
Trystan – Hey, Sunshine. What are you up to? Busy?
Me – Actually, I am just at the beach doing some thinking. Enjoying the beautiful night. Waiting for the sunset.
Trystan – The beach, huh? Shouldn’t surprise me. It was always one of your favorite spots. Up for some company?
A huge smile appears on my face. “Gigi, is this your doing? Is your sign to deliver the man right to me?” As soon as the words leave my mouth, a dragonfly lands on my hand. Tears spring to my eyes because dragonflies have become a constant in my everyday happenings. I am convinced each time I see one, Gigi is with me. It may seem silly, but those little bugs give me peace and comfort. The dragonfly is gone as quickly as it came.
Trystan – Is that a no?
Patience isn’t one of his strong suits, I laugh to myself.
Me – Actually, I would like that. I am by the pier.
Trystan – Give me like ten minutes.
Ten minutes? He must close by.
“So where were we, Gi? Regardless of what someone does, can they be forgiven? Until recently, I thought—hell no. Everyone makes mistakes in life. How we come back from those mistakes is what defines us as a person. Right? Forgiving someone isn’t a sign of weakness. I actually think it is a sign of strength. You would probably agree with that line of thinking. Like my biological parents for example. They never gave me an apology for the choices they made, and I don’t want one truthfully, but I forgive them. More than forgive them, I am grateful. Because without their choices, I would not have gotten to have you and Gramps guiding me, loving me, and ultimately giving me the best life. So my plan is to listen to Trystan, make him sweat a little, because what fun would it be if I didn’t? But ultimately, I want to see what there may be between us. So that is why I am here today. Looking to you for a sign that my decision is a good one.”
“Are you talking to yourself, Sunshine?”
Startled, I turn around and see Trystan standing there with a blanket, cooler, and a smile. He only has on board shorts and some flip-flops; I am left stunned silent.
“Cat got your tongue, darlin’? Or maybe you are just enjoying the view?” he counters with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.
“You have a habit of listening to my private conversations, Detective. Don’t you know it’s not nice to sneak up on someone?” I joke. “And how did you get here so quick? That was like record speed.” I wonder how much he heard of my one sided-conversation with Gigi.
“It wasn’t my intent to sneak up on you, but you were deep in conversation. With whom, I have no idea,” he chuckles. “And as far as getting here quickly, I guess there are some things about me you don’t know. See that house right over there, across the street and down a bit? The gray one with black shutters? That’s mine. Caleb and I live there.”
His confession shocks me. Letting out a breath, I didn’t realize I was holding; I am overcome with emotion. My dream had always been to live as close to Tybee Beach as possible. The fact that he was once part of those plans and bought a house here is not lost on me.
“Why did you buy a house at the beach, Trystan?” I implore .
He moves closer to me and stoops down so he is eye level with me. “Well, Sunshine, I bought a house on the beach because I felt closer to you being here.”
His admission is like a punch to my gut. The wall around my heart crumbles a little more.
“Uh. But. How?” I can’t put a coherent thought together to respond.
“Cam, when you refused to talk to me, and I knew you were not coming back anytime soon, I waited for the perfect house to go on the market. I used my inheritance from my grandparents and bought what I felt like would have been the perfect house. Just in case.”
“Just in case what?” The words come as barely a whisper.
“You want the truth?” Without waiting for my answer he continues, “In case you came back. In case we ever had the opportunity to work things out. I am not sure you understand, Camryn, but you have never, and I mean never, left my mind or heart. If you did come back, and gave me a chance to explain, I wanted my house to be the perfect one to not only raise Caleb in, but perfect for you too. Do you remember how many times you told me you wanted to live on the beach? Well, I do, and buying that house made me feel close to you, even when you were across the country.”
A lone tear slips down my cheek. He reaches up with his thumb and wipes it away.
“No tears, Sunshine. You asked, so I gave you one-hundred-percent truths.”
“I don’t know what to say. I am shocked.” Silently I wonder to myself why Avery never told me this. Or why Gigi never did. Knowing them and knowing me, they probably didn’t think it would matter.
Trying to change the subject to something less heavy, I start to ask some questions. “How is the case going? Did you guys get all the bad guys?”
“There will be plenty of time to talk about that another time, but for now I want to talk about something more important to me. And that is you. Us. It’s well past time for a little story. Don’t cha think darlin’?”
Can I do this? Fear washes over me. Ten minutes ago, I was resolute in my decision to listen, to be willing to forgive, and to see what could happen with us, but I am terrified now.
“I see you tensing up over there.” He gets up from his kneeling position, and spreads out the blanket he brought. “But I came prepared.” Opening the cooler, he produces two plastic cups and a bottle of wine. The plastic cups cause laughter to spill from my lips. Once the bottle is open and poured, he hands me a cup. “I am going to need you to come closer for this. I need your eyes when I am talking. You can ask me as many questions as you like, but I am going to ask that you let me tell the story all the way through, and then ask your questions. Can you do that for me, Sunshine?”
Making my way from my towel to the blanket he laid out, I sit down directly across from him. “Silence isn’t my strong suit.”
His head falls back in laughter. “No shit, Sunshine.”
“But I will do my best to save all questions for the end. That is all I can promise. My best.”
“That’s all I ask. So you know how invested in this case I was? It was very personal to me. Once you hear my story you will understand why.”
“I heard you say that when I was in the hospital,” I interject, and then realize I have already interrupted. “Oh fuck. I am not very good at this quiet nonsense. Okay, zipping my lip. Shutting my mouth. Continue.”
Trystan doubles over with a deep belly laugh. “Well, that didn’t last long at all. So back when everything went down, I couldn’t for the life of me remember anything from that night. I had maybe one or two beers at that party, but it certainly wasn’t enough to to wake up feeling like I did the next day. A few months later, when Mandi sprang the news on me she was pregnant, I was shocked. There was no way possible it could be mine. When Caleb was born and the DNA test in fact confirmed it, I was at a complete loss. How was this even possible? I have zero recollection of that night. She was livid I wanted nothing to do with her. So much so that she threatened to put Caleb up for adoption. Over my dead fucking body. I may not have wanted a child with her, but he was a part of me and that wasn’t happening.”
My mind is going a thousand different places with this confession. Biting my tongue is the only way I keep my mouth shut and let him finish.
“Anyway, a few weeks later, my mom was actually out to lunch with a friend. She overheard Mandi speaking to someone. In that conversation, which I am sure she didn’t intend anyone to overhear, she mentioned slipping drugs in my drink.” My mouth hangs open in shock and I feel like I may vomit. He continues on, “My mother was furious, but rather than confront her there, she filled me and my dad in on what happened. Violated. Embarrassed. Ashamed. That is how I felt when I found out. Three people heard her admission, so we hatched a plan. Our plan wasn’t needed however, because the person she admitted this to, also happened to have a father who was a cop. She was so repulsed by what she heard, she immediately went to her father, who also happened to be a good friend of my dad’s.” He pauses and takes me in for a minute. “Are you doing okay? I know this is a lot to take in.”
Tears start flowing from my eyes. I am so angry at this point, none of which is directed at Trystan, who has felt my wrath for years.
“I am not okay. Not okay at all. I want to murder her. Is that an acceptable reason to commit murder?”
“Darlin’, orange is not a good look for you. And I don’t think you would survive jail. No offense.”
“None taken. But I am so damn angry. Angry at her. Angry at myself. So much wasted time. Why didn’t you force me to listen? Tie me up if you had to, and make me hear your story?”
“If being tied up is your thing, I can oblige, Sunshine,” he responds sarcastically.
“Of course that is the one part of my words you focus on. Not anything else,” I huff out. “Where is that bitch? Why isn’t she here and in Caleb’s life?”
“Well, Officer George, my parents, and I concocted a plan. Mandi made it perfectly clear if she couldn’t have me, she didn’t want Caleb. Having me was never going to be an option. My heart kind of belongs to someone else and has for a very long time.” He smiles at me and my heart melts a little. “Basically, long story short, we got her to the house and confronted her with what we knew. She lost it. Assuming because there was a cop there—she was going to jail—she spilled all the details. After her admission, I told her if she signed over all rights to Caleb, and disappeared from Savannah, no charges would be pressed. She agreed on the spot, and within a week, the papers were signed and she was gone. And I became the single daddy of an infant baby boy.”
Tears streak my face. To think of all the time lost, how much of a bitch I had been to him over the years. Guilt overcomes me.
“Tryst, I don’t even know what to say. No words seem appropriate in this moment. What a colossal bitch I have been. And time and time again, you tried. Why? You never gave up on me or us, and I just threw it all out the window without a thought.” The sobs are coming heavy now. My heart actually hurts.
Without a thought, Trystan scoops me up in his arms and crushes me to him. “First things first, Sunshine. You are not a bitch, and I don’t want to ever hear you refer to yourself as one. Are we clear?” I nod into his chest. “Second thing, you were hurt and understandably so. Without knowing all the details, it didn’t look good for me. Before I knew what happened, I wracked my brain and came up with nothing. Nothing that made sense anyway. So your reaction was understandable. For a while, I was too embarrassed to even tell you. And by the time I was ready to have the conversation, you seemed happy in your life. Your happiness has always been the most important thing to me, even at the sacrifice of my own. When you would come home to visit, I would try to talk to you. We know how that went over. When you moved back home permanently, I knew there was nothing, and I mean nothing that would stop me from getting you to listen. It’s taken some months, but now you know. That is my story. When I heard you had been drugged, I lost it, Cam. I remember the aftereffects of that mess. The thought something could have happened to you, made me murderous. If anything happened to you, I am not sure I would survive it.” His voice trails off. We sit in silence. Me in his arms, him stroking my back. After a few minutes, he turns me around and places me between his legs with my back to his chest. “Let’s watch the sunset, and then I want to show you something. If you’re up for it, that is.”
The colors in the horizon are brilliant. The pinks, purples, reds, and blue from the sky mix together in perfection. The sounds of the waves and our breathing is all I hear.
“So is that a yes or no? As for me showing you something,” he questions.
“Sorry, I was lost in this moment. Sunsets are my favorite thing in the world. The way the sun disappears on the horizon is awe-inspiring.” I feel something land on my arm and glance down and see another dragonfly. In that moment, I know I am right where I am supposed to be, in the arms of the only man I have ever really loved. The dragonfly is a sign from Gigi. She is here with us in this moment, and I can only imagine she is smiling down in approval.
“Yes. It’s a yes from me. I want you to show me something. I want you to show me lots of things, actually.” It comes out more seductive than I intended, but he doesn’t seem to mind.
“You don’t have to tell me twice.” He is up so fast and grabbing all of our belongings. Tugging my hand, with me trailing behind him, we are off. Where we are headed I have no clue, but I don’t care in this moment, as long as he is there.