Trystan
WHILE DRIVING THROUGH downtown, I catch sight of Camryn leaving Declan’s office. I wish I had the time to stop and have a conversation, but I am running late to Caleb’s game. He is pitching tonight and I promised him I would be there. Disappointing him isn’t an option. Taking in her appearance, I am grateful this red light gives me the opportunity to see her from afar, even if only for a couple of minutes. Captivating is the only word I can think to describe her. The physical ache I feeling in my chest from missing her, from being so close to her—yet so far away—is so resolute. Between this case and Caleb, I barely have time to breathe, and it has allowed me no time whatsoever to see her. To talk to her. Something has to change soon. I have been sending flowers or leaving them on her car on occasion. But it is not enough. She pauses in front of the Addy’s Book Nook as if she is contemplating going in. When that store opened, I immediately thought of Cam and her love of books. For as long as I can remember she has loved to read, and I knew when it opened, if she ever returned, she would become a fixture there. Addy, the owner, is a sweet lady full of wisdom. We call them Addyisms. She volunteers at Caleb’s school and brings her love of words, literacy, and books to the students. Maybe she can give me some advice about Cam. Making a mental note to myself, I decide I need to pop in this week for a visit. Hearing a horn honk behind me, I take a parting glance at my girl, and I say my girl because that is who she is and who she will be one day again.
This short drive gives me a chance to reflect about the case I am working on. It is fucking killing me. Each day we get another call about some unsuspecting woman being slipped a drug in her drink at a bar or club, and subsequently getting assaulted sexually, is one day too many. Having spoken to many of these women, I feel their pain. Written across their faces is disgust, sadness, hurt, anger, and an overall sense of why me. There is little comfort I can offer than to assure them I am working as hard as I can to end this madness, once and for all. There is a dealer and a ring supplying these drugs to people, and it is my mission to ensure they are brought down. I have personally spoken to each victim and made assurances to them that I will get them the justice they desperately want and deserve. And for that reason alone, I can’t fail. Giving them a glimmer of hope is really all I can do. Letting them down isn’t option.
This case hits close to home for me personally. I have asked for extra resources and been granted them. The chief has given me carte blanche in regard to this case and in making sure we get justice and bring down the thugs involved. I have had a couple good leads I am hoping will pan out. A few of the female officers have offered to go undercover, but I would like to avoid that, if at all possible. Putting more woman at risk isn’t something I think I can live with. All of the bar and club owners downtown have been helpful throughout this whole process. They have turned over camera footage, provided extra security, added additional training measures within their establishments, and we are still coming up empty. Something has to break and I can only hope it happens fast.
Checking my clock, I see I am only a few minutes late and hopefully haven’t missed a single pitch Caleb has thrown. He was always more interested in hitting and playing in the field, but this year has found a love of pitching, and the coaches say he is a natural. They think with some fine-tuning, extra work, and training he could really beef up his arm and have some long-term success at it. Who would have known? Jackson has popped over a few times and spent some time playing catch and letting Caleb pitch to him. As much as Jackson can be a pain in the ass, he has resources and has taken a strong liking to my boy. He wants to help him develop and hone his skills. Growing up, I was athletic but football was my sport. I have knowledge of baseball, but it is limited, so having Jackson’s support has been amazing for him. Caleb came out of his mother’s womb, and I swear he had a ball in his hand. His love of baseball started as long ago as I can remember and has only grown.
Making my way down to the field, I stop quickly to greet Caleb and let him know I made it.
“Hey, dude. Sorry I’m late. It looks like I did not miss anything though. So that’s good.”
“Dad!” he exclaims, giving me an awkward one-arm hug. “You made it. We are just about to start and I’m going for six strikeouts tonight. Watch me,” excitedly he yells.
Chuckling at his enthusiasm and conviction, I respond, “If anyone can do it, you can. But, Bud, don’t put too much pressure on yourself. If you don’t get six, just play your best, that’s all that matters.”
“Pfffttt you’re crazy! I have been working on my slider and fastball and they are both lit. Straight fire, Dad. You just watch,” confidently he answers.
“Just have some fun and play a good game. I will be over there cheering you on the whole time, Bud.”
Making my way to the stands, I spot my parents and Avery. They had mentioned they were going to try to come, and of course when they say try, they mean they will be here. Caleb and I are really lucky to have all of them in our lives. Being a single dad was not in my plans, but with their help and support I have been able to do what I think is a pretty good job raising my boy. Am I perfect? Fuck no. But I do the best I can and make sure he has everything he needs and is being raised to be a good person. His grades are good. He has a great group of friends. He respects others. And he is a hell of an athlete. I could not ask for a better kid.
“There’s my boy!” my mom exclaims.
“Boy? Jesus, Mom. I am thirty-six years old. All fucking man.”
“Trystan Harrison,” she exclaims, “Watch your language.”
This earns a laugh from Pops and my sister. “Yes, ma’am. But please refrain from referring to me as a boy. You will crush my fragile ego.”
“You will always be my boy. Now hush and give your momma some sugar.” Turning her head, she offers me a wink and her cheek.
After smooching my mom, my pops grabs me in a one-armed hug. “T, when are you gonna learn? Your momma is the boss,” he jests.
“Oh, Pops, believe me I know. She has your balls in her purse and has for as long as I can remember.”
Avery starts laughing, and I am caught with a smack upside my head from my mom. Looking over I see her blushing and smiling. She should be used to my mouth by now. Me being a smart-ass is nothing new.
The game begins and Caleb takes the mound. Watching him play ball is a joy of mine and I couldn’t be prouder. The top of the first inning goes by quickly with Caleb striking out two of three batters and getting the third caught in a ground out. His pitch count was kept low and his excitement over that first inning is written all over his face. A toothy smile and bright red cheeks graces his face. The bottom of the first inning ends with us stranding one runner on the bases, and no score. This goes on for a few more innings and Caleb is taken out of the game after the top of the fifth. My boy made good on his promise and struck out six. He did his job and hopefully the rest of the team can bring home the win. The competitive nature in him hates to be taken out of a game, especially when he pitches like he did tonight. But the coaches have the kids’ health and safety at the forefront of their minds. Pushing them too hard isn’t safe at this age with their bodies changing and growing. The game ends in the ninth inning when the other team loads up the bases with our players and we end up scoring on a passed ball. With pride, I watch Caleb and his teammates celebrate. A win is a win and this brings them one step closer to going to the state championships.
Running over to my family and me with joy all over his face is all I need to see to put a huge smile on mine.
“Told ya, Dad. Six. Just like I said.” His enthusiasm is evident.
“You sure did, Bud. Great game. You’re getting better and better each time I see you. Now how bout we head home? Say good bye to your Auntie Ave and your grandparents. What do you say about grabbing a pizza on our way home?”
“Pizza!” he shouts. “Can we play some video games when we get home? Can Auntie Avery come over? She will play with me if you don’t want to,” he begs.
“If Avery wants to come, she is more than welcome. I was hoping to lay low and watch a movie or something with you, dude, but we can switch that up if you want.”
“Auntie Ave, will you come over? Pizza and video games.” He bats his eyelashes and flashes her a grin. “You know you want to.”
“Well, how can I refuse that offer? It’s the best one I have had in months. How sad is that? My best proposition for a night out comes from my twelve-year-old nephew?”
“Little Sis, you are preaching to the choir. Any luck getting Cam to agree to meet with me and talk? I know I shouldn’t ask you to get involved in that situation, but I am getting desperate.”
“Tryst, let’s not talk about this now. You know little ears and all,” she lectures. “Head home with little man and I’ll grab a pizza and meet y’all there.”
After being dismissed by my sister, Caleb and I head home and wait on our dinner. Sitting on the couch, we do our normal catch up about how he spent his day, and how my day was. These ordinary and simple conversations are some of my favorites. One of my main priorities in raising Caleb has been to ensure we have open dialogue with one another and often. Being a single dad, I never want him to feel like he is missing out by only having one parent present in his life. Having been very close to my parents throughout my life, that is of significance for me in raising my son. Poor communication or lack thereof can ruin any relationship, as I know far too well.
That thought leads me to think about the one person who I wish to communicate with more than any other. Camryn James. My kryptonite. The one person in this world, besides my son, who owns me in every sense of the word. Catching a small glimpse of her today ensures she will be in my dreams once again tonight. There have been many nights I woke from a deep sleep and could feel her all around me. My dreams with her are so vivid and lifelike. When I roll over to grab her in my arms; all I find is empty space, and I’m filled with regret. Should I have tried harder over the years to make her understand? To get her to listen? Her life was on the other side of the country, and I was resolute in the fact that if she was happy, even without me; then I had to be happy for her. With her back in Savannah, all bets are off now. I can’t be this close to her, yet so far away.
“Dad, are you okay? You zoned out for a minute there and haven’t heard a word I have said. Let me guess, you’re thinking about Cam?”
“Bud, you are too smart for your own good. I saw her on the way to your game, and she is most definitely on my mind. Please forgive me for getting lost in my thoughts for a minute.”
“Can I ask you a question?” he ponders.
“Son, you can ask me anything you want, anytime you want. It doesn’t mean I am going to always give you the answer you want. And there are some things young men like you don’t need to know. But you can always ask.”
“You don’t date. You don’t bring women around and never have. Okay, I know you love Camryn. So what happened? Why was she gone for so long, and why are you guys not together now that she is back?”
His questions leave me a little surprised and not sure how to answer. I am always honest with him, but I also have hidden pieces of information away from him because he is too young to understand. We don’t talk about his mother often, and that is mostly because he doesn’t ask questions. She signed over all rights to me when he was an infant. Answering direct questions about Cam will definitely result in more questions, and divulging information about his birth mom, I am not ready to share with him just yet.
Ruffling his hair, I answer, “Well, aren’t you a curious one. I do love Camryn and I have since I was your age or before.” His eyes widen in surprise. “I know that seems crazy, but it is the truth. Some things happened, a misunderstanding, and she decided not to come back home. She was hurt very badly. But I plan to make it right, Bud. You don’t need all the details, but know your dad is doing everything in his power to get her to understand. She just needs to listen first.”
“My age? Really, Dad? Like how is that even possible? Girls are gross. And why won’t she just listen to you?” he peppers me with more questions.
Laughing I reply, “Slow down with the twenty questions, Buddy. Yes, your age. It is most definitely possible. Dude, girls are not gross. Just you wait and see. All I can hope is that she will listen to me, eventually. Some things take time and this is one of those things.”
“Pizza’s here!” Avery exclaims from the kitchen. Thank fuck. Saved by the bell or the pizza in this case. Caleb’s curiosity and perceptiveness makes me smile. But his questions can lead to a place I am not sure I am ready to go with him just yet.