thirty-one
peyton
I watched him sleep, the deep even breathing as his chest rose and fell. I wanted to touch him, brush the hair from his face, trace my finger down his cheek and along his lips. I didn’t. He looked peaceful. I climbed from bed, pulled on my sweats and tee, stepped into my boots. A smile touching my lips remembering earlier.
The cold air hit me as I stepped outside. I dragged one of his sweatshirts over my head and walked to the cliff’s edge. It wasn’t until I was away from him, and the peace he had finally found, that I let his words sink in, the nightmare he shared that I knew would haunt my dreams for a long time. Numbness crept in, a cold that no amount of warming would ease. My legs went weak, the anguish bringing me to my knees. Folding into myself, gripping the grass because I needed to release the rage, the fury, the agony that was threatening to consume me. I had thought his secret was vile, but I hadn’t thought it was unspeakable.
Nine. The sob rushed up my throat, my hand covering my mouth to keep him from hearing. How he survived it, became the man he was, holding onto that. I had thought him special, unique, wonderful, he was so much more.
He thought I’d run. Learning what he’d survived, he thought I would run. He had no idea that his secret wasn’t something to hide, it was something that only enforced how strong he was. How he didn’t let it break him. Something like that broke people, most people. He endured, he survived, he thrived. He had kindness in him, he was capable of loving deeply even despite not learning that from those he should have, all except his grandmother. I hurt for her too and as hard as it was to admit, I understood why he kept it from her. It would have broken her. Like me, he was looking out for the people in his life that mattered.
Run.
From him. Never.
To him. Always.
I didn’t want him to see me like this. At some point, he’d know because I couldn’t hide it, control it like he could, but right now I needed to be here for him. To show him that I wasn’t going anywhere and that his secret didn’t disgust me, it only made me love him more.
I stood, my body drained, my heart sore but I didn’t want him to wake alone. I started for the trailer when someone appeared from the drive. It was early, the sun was still rising, so I couldn’t make out who it was. For a second, I thought it was Willy, come to start work until I remembered he was gone. Thinking it was maybe Herb or another worker, I moved to join them. When I realized who it was, I was so shocked to see them, I didn’t react. Didn’t appreciate that I was in trouble until they grew closer and I saw the look in their eyes. I opened my mouth to scream, right before a sharp pain exploded in my head and everything went black.
***
I came to, my head throbbing. I didn’t know where I was, couldn’t remember what happened. I almost called out for Rut, but I was gagged. My hands bound behind me. Fear rushed through me, panic had me desperately trying to break free. I glanced around the room, didn’t recognize where I was. It was dark, dirty. The old blinds were pulled and there was a smell. I couldn’t identify it but it was pungent, a sickly sweet smell. I heard heavy footsteps, the light under the door showed a shadow just outside the room. My heart moved into my throat, my eyes frantically looking around for something, not that I could move, or defend myself. The door opened, a slow creaking sound, allowing the light to enter right before a figure came into view.
“Well, well,” he drawled. “Look who’s awake.”
I didn’t understand what was going on at first. What the hell was happening? Fear and confusion clouded my head. Understanding was slow to penetrate and with it came a sickening sensation that settled in my gut. Somehow I knew he was the one who had hurt Rut. He raped a child then walked around without a care in the world. All this time it was right under my nose and I didn’t see it. That sickening sensation turned into terror because what the hell did he want? Why was he doing this? The answer hit like a freight train. Rut was back, he could expose this man.
Rut. No! He was back at the trailer. He’d wake with me gone. After last night he’d think I ran. I went crazy, my body thrashing, trying to break free. He wasn’t going to hurt Rut again.
Not again and not using me.
He crossed the room, stared down but I didn’t recognize his face, twisted and demented, the ugly inside easily seen on the outside now. His hand lifted, his fingers curled into a fist. Before I could react, it all went black again.