thirty-four
rutledge
Weeks turned into minutes and minutes turned into seconds. That’s what my life had become. I’d been counting down the days, counting them by the minutes and seconds, my empty life dragging on beat by beat, second by second. It was time I moved on. Found my happy.
During those endless days and nights, my thoughts couldn’t move past the pain I’d inflicted on Peyton. Seeing her face when I told her I didn’t want her, the emptiness that filled those pale eyes. It destroyed me. I found solace in any hard liquor I could get my hands on. I’d never meant to hurt her. But I knew since the moment she’d come down that drive and folded out of the car, I would do nothing but cause her pain. And that’s exactly what I did.
Her sights on the house, my house, her co-worker having it out for her, hunting her down because she bought it. That was my fault. My suggestion of having Herb and Willy doing the restoration of the house brought Willy into her life. A man she found a friend in. A man she’d share laughs and coffee with on most mornings. A friend who had died on her property, her future home. Her being abducted from her own property, her safe haven, only to be held captive by the man who had destroyed my life. Getting back at me by going through her. My fault too.
I did nothing but bring danger and pain into her life. There was love but not enough to balance all that ugly. It was for that reason that I had to let her go. No amount of love could ease all that I’d put her through. She needed to find the dream with a man who would fight for her, who would reach up to the heavens and pull down a star if she wanted it. Who would love her in the way she deserved to be loved.
“You sure about this?” Max said from across the room, breaking into my thoughts.
I kept my eyes to my bag, shoving all my shit in it. “Yeah,” I muttered but didn’t look him in the eyes.
I’d sold my business. The process going easier than I’d expected but that had to do with the fact I wasn’t there. Well, I’d been there physically but not mentally. Every waking moment, which was most of them because I stopped sleeping, I only passed out after enough alcohol allowed me to. But she was there, every damn waking moment. I could see her. I could smell her. Some nights I thought I’d felt her by my side. My mind was gone. It stayed behind, lost in the pain of those pale green eyes.
Smitty had suggested I stay with him, but I couldn’t. I loved the old bastard but I couldn’t listen to him tell me how wrong a move I’d made. I knew very well I fucked up not only my life, but the life of the only woman I’d ever love.
Here I was a very wealthy homeless man. Searching for what I’d lost.
“I hope you find what you’re looking for, man,” Max said as he moved to grab one of my bags.
“Thanks.”
We walked out his front door and down the steps. “I hope she does well for you,” he offered as he patted my brand new truck.
I’d figured since I was moving forward, that I’d start with a brand new ride. “I’m sure she will.” I smiled at Max before getting up into my truck.
Starting her up, loving the rumble of her, I hit the button and the window went down.
“You keep in touch, yeah?” Max called to me over the growl of the engine.
I tipped my lips, gave him a slow nod and said, “I will. Merry Christmas.”
Then I backed out of his drive, put my new girl in gear and headed toward my new life.