Brighton

 

Something was up with Ryland, and I didn’t like it one bit. Now here we stood, the familiar pull of lies and secrets threatening to burst the perfect bubble we’d created.

“What kind of business trip?” I pushed.

He looked frustrated with my questions, but I didn’t care.

“I’m pregnant now,” I said. Yeah, I was playing that card. “You can’t just go running all over the country without telling me where you’re going to be.”

“Brighton,” he sighed and pulled me into his arms. “Believe me, this is the last thing I want to do. I want to be here, buried deep inside of you, but I can’t.”

“Tell me where you’re going,” I insisted. “You’re my husband now. We’re not supposed to have any secrets.”

He looked guilty, and it only made me more suspicious.

“If I tell you, you’re going to assume the worst,” he said.

“I won’t,” I promised. “Just tell me.”

He zipped up his suitcase and sighed. “I have to go to Chicago.”

“Oh.”

Instantly, I had a million questions running through my mind. He was right. I was assuming the worst, and I hated that. I didn’t want to.

“For business,” I clarified.

“Yes.” He looked away. “It’s just some old, unresolved issues. Some checks that need to be cashed, things like that.”

I didn’t know the nature of Ryland’s business so I couldn’t say one way or another if he was lying. But I highly suspected he wasn’t telling me the full truth. I knew his dad worked out of Chicago, and they often flew back and forth from California to Illinois. I hoped that maybe it had something to do with that. But I promised Ryland I was going to trust him, and that’s exactly what I needed to do.

“Okay.” I frowned. “And you’ll come back as soon as you can?”

“The minute I can,” he agreed. “I’m out of there.”

He bent down and kissed my belly and then back up to kiss my lips. “Take care of our baby, baby.”

I smiled in spite of myself. “Come back to me. Soon.”

“Always,” he promised.

 

***

 

Before Ryland left, he’d asked Nicole to come up and stay with me. I didn’t need babysitting, but I was glad she was there. It had been a while since we’d spent time together with just the two of us. We ordered takeout and took up residence on the sofa, watching nothing but romance movies for six hours straight. Even still, we were both on edge, and I knew what my reasons were, but not hers.

Finally, I reached for the remote and paused the TV. “What’s up, Nicole?”

“Huh?” she blinked. “What do you mean?”

“You’re all nervous and fidgety,” I said. “I can always tell.”

“Well, so are you,” she grumbled. “Geez, neither one of us can relax.”

“I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours,” I volunteered.

She let her head fall back against the sofa and blew the hair out of her eyes. “Okay.”

I waited patiently for her to formulate the words. It always took Nicole a while. Something I’d come to know well.

“Matt and I have been seeing a lot of each other,” she said. “But we still haven’t… you know.”

“Really?” I asked. “I had no idea. You guys have been going pretty strong now for the last couple of months.”

“I know,” she whined. “Everything is so good. And I know he wants to, but he’s being patient with me. And I’m so nervous.”

“Why are you nervous?” I asked. “Haven’t you… er… haven’t..”

“Yes, Brighton.” She laughed. “My God, I’m not a virgin. But the only guy I’ve ever been with is Jackson, and that was so long ago. I’m just scared.”

I reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. Something else Nicole was getting better at was allowing people to comfort her when she needed it.

“Tell me why you’re scared,” I suggested. “Is it because you’re afraid it’s going to feel wrong?”

“No.” She picked at her nail absently. “It’s not that. We’ve gotten past that I think, for the most part. But it’s just that Matt’s built me up to be this great thing inside of his head, and what if I’m not? What if this screws everything up somehow?”

My heart squeezed as I gave her a knowing smile. She and Ryland were so much more alike than they could ever know. They were both afraid of losing the people they loved again, and I didn’t blame them. But I also wasn’t certain how to reassure her. Regardless, I would do the best I could.

“Look, Nicole,” I said. “You can spend the rest of your life worrying about something potentially bad happening, or you can make the most of every moment you have together. I know that might be easier said than done, but none of us can ever know what’s in store for us. We just have to make the best of the situation we’re in and hope it works out.”

“I guess I never thought of it that way,” she admitted.

“But you love Matt, right?”

“I do,” she agreed.

“So you could be spending your time being happy with the man you love, or you can spend your time worrying about what the future holds. What sounds better?”

She grinned and gave me a playful shove on my shoulder. “Obviously the first one. You make it sound so easy.”

“I know,” I said. “It’s probably not that easy. But there are no guarantees for anybody. I worry every day that something bad is going to happen. Because I’m so ridiculously freaking happy with Ryland right now, it hurts. And I don’t ever want that to be taken away from me.”

“You are happy.” She smiled. “I love that. I love how happy both of you are. It inspires me to believe I can have it too.”

“You already do,” I assured her. “Matt is crazy about you. And taking things to the next level is only going to make him crazier. I’m sure of it.”

“Oh okay.” She bounced around on the couch and grinned. “Now you’re making me all giddy. I’m going to do this. You’re right, I don’t know what I’m so afraid of.”

“Good.” I grinned. “But I don’t want all the gory details when you do. I consider Matt to be like a brother.”

“Fair enough,” she agreed. “I already know way more about Ryland’s sex life than I ever wanted to.”

“You do?” I asked in confusion.

“Um, well yeah… that day you came home with marks all over your neck, I went and confronted him about it.”

“You did? I never knew that.”

“Yes.” She nodded. “And he tried to explain himself, but I did not want the visual.”

I laughed and hugged my knees to my chest, pouting. “I miss him already.”

“Is that why you’re so uptight?” she asked. “You promised to tell me yours.”

“No.” I frowned. “I’m just worried about Brayden. I don’t know what he’s doing or who he’s hanging out with… but I just have this horrible feeling in my stomach.”

“So why don’t you call him,” Nicole suggested.

“I haven’t talked to him since I told him Norma was in rehab,” I admitted. “I don’t know what I would say.”

“Just ask him, Brighton,” she encouraged. “I’ll sit here with you while you do it.”

“You would?”

“Of course, I would,” she insisted. “That’s what friends are for.”

I reached for my phone and hovered over Brayden’s contact. What if I couldn’t handle his answers?  I wasn’t entirely certain I wanted to do this. But I needed to know the truth, and Nicole was right. There was only one way to find out. So with a deep breath, I pressed send and waited patiently while the line connected.

“Hello?” Brayden answered.

“Brayden,” I sputtered.

“Brighton.” His tone was flat and cold.

I fidgeted while I tried to figure out what to say. It had never been this difficult to talk to him before. So why was it now?

“How have you been?” I asked.

“Are you fucking kidding me with this shit?” he belted out a hollow laugh. “You send your fucking watchdog here to threaten me, and now you want to ask how I’ve been? I can’t believe you married that prick.”

I swallowed and squeezed the phone in my trembling hand. “You’ve seen Ryland?”

“What the fuck do you think?” he snarled. “Why else would he be in Chicago?”

I almost hung up. I didn’t want to hear this. But I kept telling myself that Ryland wouldn’t do this to me again. That he wouldn’t hurt me like this.

“What did he say?”

“He’s trying to tell me who I can and cannot associate with,” Brayden grated. “As if I believe one fuckin’ word that comes out of his mouth.”

“Who have you been spending time with?” I demanded. “Why are you in Chicago?”

“Why don’t you ask your husband,” he suggested. “He seems to know all about it.”

“I’m asking you.” My voice wobbled. “My brother. Because I don’t want to see you screw up your life Brayden.”

“My life was fucked from the day Frankie walked into it,” he said. “And that’s all you need to know, Brighton. You have your perfect little life in San Francisco. Congratulations on the baby, by the way, I hope it doesn’t try to kill you in your sleep.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I snarled. “You’re my brother, Brayden! How can you talk to me that way?”

There was a beat of silence on the other end of the line, and I knew he regretted what he’d said. But it didn’t change the fact that he’d said it.

“Look, Brighton,” his voice softened. “I don’t want to fight with you. You’re my sister, and I’m always going to love you, no matter what. But we’re living two different lives now, and you need to stop worrying about me. I’m a big boy, I can take care of myself.”

“So that’s it?” I whispered. “We’re just not going to see each other or spend time together anymore?”

“And how would that work exactly?” he asked. “I come down to California and spend Christmas with you and Ryland? Or you and Ryland come here and stay in my shitty apartment for a couple of days throughout the year? We can sit around the table, break bread, talk about the stock market. You tell me if that’s how you see it, Brighton. Because you and I both know that will never fucking happen.”

“He invited you to the wedding,” I said. “You didn’t come.”

Silence. Again.

There were a couple of other voices in the background I didn’t recognize. They were talking to Brayden.

“Listen, I gotta go, Brighton. I’ll try to call you later, okay?”

He was brushing me off. Something I’d never thought Brayden would ever do. “Okay,” I agreed. “Talk to you later then.”

I hung up the phone and cried.