Chapter 5

Will

I stared at Megan in disbelief, barely recognizing her after all this time. Her skin was fair and perfect, and there was the sweetest look of happiness on her face. She walked toward me, reaching her hands out for mine.

“Will,” she said, her voice echoing into the space around us. “All I want is for you to be happy.”

I sat up straight in bed, breathing heavily with sweat peppering my forehead. I looked around the room and realized I was all alone. It had been nothing more than a dream. I lay back down and turned my head, staring at the spot where Ella had been just a few hours before. I thought about what we had done, what we had felt, and I wasn’t sure whether I should feel guilty or happy. I had an extremely uncomfortable feeling in my chest as the dream linger in my mind.

Just then, my alarm went off, and I hit the button and walked into the bathroom. I took a long, hot shower and got dressed before making Avery and me some breakfast. Once it was ready, I walked into his room and woke him up, got him dressed, and brought him out to eat. Neither one of us were much for mornings, so the house was almost silent as the sun started to come up outside and the dark house began to lighten. I filled a to-go cup with coffee, and we set out for school and work.

Work had always been a place of solitude for me, a place where I could let everything on the outside go and focus my mind on the never-ending cascade of tasks I was always plagued with. However, today was different. Between the dream about my dead wife and the thoughts of the extreme passion Ella and I had shared, I couldn’t concentrate to save my life. I’d start to read e-mails or notifications and then my mind would float off to another place, a place either filled with memories of my wife or lustful replays of sex with Ella.

After spending all day fighting with myself, I decided I needed to concentrate on the most important part of my life. I picked up my briefcase and headed out of the office early. I had become so obsessed with my thoughts about Ella and Megan, I was starting to forget why I was working so hard to begin with. So, I went and picked up Avery from school early. I decided that since he was the reason I did everything I did, I would spend an impromptu day hanging out around the city with him. We wore ourselves out going to the park and then for ice cream, and eventually we headed back to the apartment.

I laughed at Avery as he sang a song he had learned at preschool that day, doing an “I’m high on sugar” dance all the way up to our floor. As we passed Ella’s apartment, she opened the door and stepped out into the hallway with her sister, Taryn, in tow. I stopped for a second, my chest fluttering wildly, and looked at Ella. She shut her door and turned toward me, smiling as her sister made her way down the hall.

“Can we talk later?” I asked.

“Of course,” she said, smiling as she turned and walked after Taryn.

Avery and I went inside our home, and he ran off to play with his toys for a while. I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and walked over to the windows, looking out at the city. I hadn’t been able to read Ella’s response to me in the hall, and I wondered what she was thinking regarding the night before. There was no doubt that Ella was an amazing woman, but I knew there was no forcing anything. I was not at all interested, or ready, for a long-term relationship with anyone. That being said, that didn’t mean I wasn’t highly interested in sleeping with Ella a couple more times before she left for school.

I wasn’t trying to use her at all—I really did enjoy my time with her—but part of me couldn’t help but feel bad. I felt almost like I was taking advantage of her. I placated myself by remembering that she was a grown woman, not a child, and if nothing else, I was helping to advance her sexual education. It sounded stupid and I knew it, but I stuck to my guns.

I sat there staring out at the city for quite a while, visions of Ella dancing through my head. When I had seen her walk out of her apartment in a pair of white shorts and a form-fitting tank top, my dick had twitched while a strange feeling of electricity had surged through my chest. There was no doubt that Ella did something to me not many other women could, but I still wasn’t ready to jump into a relationship, especially since she was leaving for college soon. I sighed and looked over at Avery as he walked out of his room.

“Can we finger paint?” he asked.

“That sounds like the best idea I’ve heard all day,” I said, standing up and walking to his room with him. We set up the easel and paper and decided we would paint a picture together, make it a collaborative effort. I had never realized how much fun it would be to slap paint around on a piece of paper. By the end, we were covered in paint, and the laughter from the event was still echoing throughout the apartment. I loved being around this kid. He always made everything better.

Later that evening, Ella came over, smiling and carrying two bags of groceries. I felt good as soon as she walked into the house, almost as if it were natural for her to be here. I shook the feeling away. She insisted on cooking dinner for us even though I wanted to do something for her, but I could tell it would make her feel good, so I went with it. The three of us sat down at the table and talked about our days. I couldn’t help but notice just how intently she listened to Avery talk. When dinner was over, I went through the normal routine with Avery, letting him watch one thirty-minute show before bath time and then bed time. The kid had overdosed on sugar so much that he was out in about five seconds. I walked out of the room and took Ella by the hand, leading her back to the table and sitting her down across from me.

“I want to be one hundred percent honest with you,” I said. “I more than enjoyed having sex with you. It was amazing. However, I just don’t think I’m ready for any type of relationship. I wanted to have fun, relax, and be with the beautiful woman sitting in front of me.”

I sat there with my hands grasped in front of me, holding my breath and waiting for her reaction. She sat there quietly and contemplated my words. I was terrified that the first woman I had spent real time with, I was going to hurt. She was young and free, and I didn’t want to be the older guy who ruined her for all the others I knew she would one day meet. She took a deep breath and smiled, easing the tension more than a little bit.

“Will, you don’t have to worry,” she said. “It’s okay, really. I enjoyed myself immensely, and I never for one moment had any delusions that it was going to lead to anything more than it was. We are both consenting adults. You are a man with a life, a son, and a really tough past you are trying to move on from. I am single, young, and have a lot going on in my life. I know you are worried because of my age, but let me assure you, I am not ignorant about what this was.”

“Good,” I said, taking her hand. “I just don’t want to hurt you.”

“You’re not.” She smiled. “But I do have to admit, I had a crush on you for years.”

“What?” I said, surprised. “No way.”

“Yep,” she said, chuckling. “Like, for a long time. I’ll just say that it has definitely been something on my mind.”

“So,” I said, lifting my eyebrows and lowering my voice, “does that mean you’ve had fantasies about being with me?”

“Maybe,” she said, blushing.

“Maybe?”

“Okay, yes. I’ve had many fantasies about you,” she admitted with a cute little giggle. “How about you?”

“I would be a complete liar if I said I hadn’t thought about you before what we did last night,” I responded. “Let’s just say that ever since you got back, you and your body have not been far from my mind.”

I stood up and leaned across the table, wrapping my hand around the back of her neck and pulling her forward. I pressed my lips passionately to hers, pulling and pushing her head right where I wanted it to go. My tongue slid across her lips sensually, and she opened her mouth, letting me inside. Just as it started to get heavy, Ella’s phone rang.

“Oh,” she said, looking down. “It’s Taryn. I should answer it.”

I shook my head and backed up into my seat, watching as she greeted her sister. She talked to her briefly, but I could tell she wasn’t going to stay any longer. She hung up the phone and took in a deep breath.

“Taryn wants to watch a movie,” she said. “You know, maybe it’s a good thing.”

“To watch a movie?”

“Well that, but I mean, maybe it’s good that we don’t do anything else,” she said, standing up and straightening her shirt. “I mean, that way we don’t get any more entangled than we already are. Maybe we should enjoy what we had and just leave it at that.”

“I think you’re right,” I said even though I was still really horny.

She stood up and made her way to the door, me following after her. I adjusted myself to hide the erection in my pants and smiled as she turned back around. I wanted to kiss her again, but I knew I shouldn’t.

“Thanks for cooking us dinner,” I said.

“Any time.” She smiled. “Thank you for the lovely night.”

I closed the door and stood there for a second, trying to catch my breath. I walked over to the couch and plopped down, shaking my head at the massive erection in my pants. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down, but my mind went other places. It went to the amazing curves of Ella’s naked body, the moans echoing around my room as my cock had moved in and out of her, the feeling of her orgasming against me and her body writhing underneath mine.

I opened my eyes and shook my head, rubbing my cock, which was gladly restricted by my hands. I got up and went into my bathroom, where I turned on the shower and hopped in before it even warmed up. I needed to stop thinking about Ella. Our conversation tonight had proved that. However, as the water ran over my body and my dick throbbed, I realized that might be easier said than done.