Trixie
I feel free now. I filed for divorce, Sam said that even if Chris tries to stall it, which I know he will, there is nothing Chris can do. We’ve been separated for a year, so Sam said four months max is all I’ll have to wait before it’s complete. Whether Chris tries to fight or not.
Also, I didn’t put anything about his cheating in the divorce papers, just irreconcilable differences. Although if he fights too hard, I’ll have Sam add infidelity to the paperwork.
It should be fairly easy, considering I only listed that I wanted my personal items from the house. I don’t want his money, his home, nothing. Eden and Lilly got me a place to stay, and I’m working full time at Eden’s diner as one of the cooks.
Have I thought about Chris since I left? To be honest, only during my therapy sessions. In my personal time, the only man I’ve been able to think about was Preston. I have dreams almost every night about the way he kissed me before I left. It sounds silly, but I had never felt that way before just over a kiss. I thought I loved Chris, and I did in my own way, but that kiss told me a lot about myself. With Chris, I was settling. I thought I should be with him because of our history instead of wanting to be with him because I couldn’t live without him, his touch, his kiss.
The sad part is, I haven’t missed any of those.
I’m sitting in Lilly’s house, waiting for her to get off work so she can take me to the place I’m going to be staying. I don’t know why they couldn’t just tell me so I could head over there myself. The girls just kept saying I had to wait. They said the same thing when I told them I could just go shopping for items for my new place while waiting for them.
I’m watching re-runs of Slasher, my favorite horror TV show, when pounding comes at Lilly’s front door. I have a feeling I know exactly who that is.
I open it and come face-to-face with my soon to be ex-husband. He looks good, his blonde hair is still short the way he likes and his hands are, as usual, stained with oil from work. He even looks like he gained some weight.
“Trixie,” he whispers as he takes me in.
“Chris, you shouldn’t be here, we should only talk through our lawyers.”
He punches the side of Lilly’s house and curses. “You need to call off that divorce, Trix. I love you, don’t you see that? We can make it work.”
“Chris, we’ve tried that, it’s just not gonna happen. I left because I wanted to start over. I couldn’t be around you and Lita,” I tell him calmly.
“So, that’s it then? You won’t even try to work it out with me?” he asks in disbelief.
I give him a sad smile. “I’m sorry, Chris, but there is nothing to work out anymore. You need to move on, find someone else that can love you, someone that can be a good mother to your daughter.”
“Fuck that, I love you, Trixie. Look me in my eyes and tell me you don’t love me, I’ll leave if you can do that.”
I stare at him. “I do love you, Chris.” His face lights up. “But I’m not in love with you anymore. You need to accept that.” The death of Lola changed us both. But we held on to each other when we really should have let go. Chris needs to realize our love for each other is long gone.
He sees the truth in my eyes as I never once look away from him.
“I’m sorry I fucked us up,” he tells me.
I give him another sad smile. “You didn’t, not really. We just grew apart, Chris. I forgive you for cheating on me. But, us together? I’m sorry, but we’re over. We have to be. Or we’ll fall right back into old patterns. You’re a good man, you’ll find someone else.”
He looks at me, tears streaming down his face, and my heart hurts for him.
“You’re right. If there is anyway to speed this up, to help you, please just let me know what I can do.”
“Just sign, the sooner you sign, the faster we can both move on.” I feel like a bitch for saying that but, really, it’s the truth.
“I still love you, Trixie, I’ll give you this. But it doesn’t mean I won’t stop fighting for you, fighting to be part of your life. Maybe we can date again, start over, you know.”
I shake my head. I knew it wouldn’t be so simple. “We’ll see, Chris.” I hate giving him false hope.
I close the door once he leaves and feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I thought that would go harder than it did, but now I feel as if I can finally begin my life. I’m still young, twenty-nine now, I still have plenty of time to find someone to love me and have a family with.