Jason McDonovan, asshole that he is, decides to press charges. In addition, he’s suing for medical expenses incurred as a result of the altercation. Because I’d been locked up for two days and missed my shifts at the warehouse, I’d been let go, which is just a slightly nicer way of saying fired. And since I’m unable to collect unemployment benefits in the interim while I look for a new job, I’ve no way of paying my own bills, let alone Jason’s. Basically, my life is fucked.

I’m assigned a public defender who’s working four cases concurrently, so understandably, she can’t devote much time to my case. Communication is slow. Progress even slower.

The only spot of sunshine in my life is Riley. She’s by my side every day, researching, making phone calls, and even offering to let me move in with her at the end of the month when my lease is up. Although I don’t want to freeload, I’m actually considering her offer, because I don’t know how I’m going to make my rent payment.

I hate being weak and in such a vulnerable position. I rely on myself, period. But I don’t have many options. My mom offered to re-mortgage her house in order to pay my debt, but she has her own financial struggles with her own school loans and car payment. I couldn’t put her in that position because I fucked up and lost my temper.

I’d figure a way out of this mess. I had to.

I finally agreed to meet with Riley’s dad. Again. Even though I knew he’d talked to my arresting officer (and essentially) bailed me out of jail, I hadn’t spoken to him since the night in the holding cell.

“In trouble again, Collins?” He looked down his nose at me.

I held his stare, refusing to show any sign of weakness. “Why are you here?”

He snorted. “Why else? I’m here because, yet again, you’ve involved my daughter in your bullshit.”

My arms flexed and I barely resisted the urge to slam my cuffed fists against the table as he continued. “They’ll process your intake as soon as the defendant submits his official statement.”

“So, what? You came all the way down here to tell me what a fuck-up I am?”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” He leaned forward in his chair. “I came down here because my little girl called me at eleven o’clock at night, scared and crying.”

Shit. I hang my head, ashamed that I upset Riley. I never wanted to hurt her. “I’m sorry,” I said, as the consequences of my actions slowly sank in.

“It’s a little late for that.” He sat back in his chair. “I’ll see what I can find out. Until then, keep your head down and your goddamn mouth shut.”

I don’t even get the chance to express my agreement before the door slams shut behind him.

That was three weeks ago, and if I was being honest, I was in no rush to see Officer Jones anytime soon. Riley, however, had different intentions. She’s been nagging me—for lack of a better word—to meet her dad for a cup of coffee to reconcile our differences. He wants to help, she said. He might have a friend at the station. Don’t be an idiot, Jesse, she yelled last night, finally at her breaking point.

Riley was right—of course, she was. Apparently Officer Jones knew someone who knew someone at the Mills Borough Police Department where the original charges were filed. Every fiber of my being did not want to meet with him, but I acquiesced because…I didn’t have any other option, and I wanted to make Riley happy.

I’m early to the coffee shop where we planned to meet. The shop is located about a half hour from Riley’s apartment. Mr. Jones claims it is a convenient spot for both of us, since it is the halfway meeting point, but deep down I know it’s because he doesn’t want to be seen in public with me. Not only am I half-black—which apparently is a crime in itself in his book—but I’m also facing potential criminal charges. He doesn’t want me to taint his squeaky-clean reputation.

A gust of wind sweeps in as he enters and walks past the counter. He slides into the bench seat directly across from me.

“Hi.” I keep my voice polite even though he’s a condescending dick. I try to remind myself that he’s a condescending dick who might be able to help me.

He nods in response. “I’ll make this quick. First of all, let’s get one thing straight. I’m doing this for Riley, not you.”

I grunt in response.

“Second, I need you to tell me what that kid did to her.”

I recoil as though he punched me. Riley told him about Jason? “That’s Riley’s story to tell.”

“Don’t try to be a hero.” He glares at me. “She said he hurt her.”

I find his gaze, my own eyes menacing. “Let’s just say he got what was coming to him.”

He pauses as though contemplating my response, and slowly nods before saying, “I made a few calls.”

“And?” I prompt, to move things along.

“Best they can do is a year probation and a court-ordered anger management program. Plus, you still have to cover his medical expenses.”

“What?” I nearly spit my coffee. “No way.”

He shrugs. “Your call. But you’re taking your chances with a hearing. Magistrate Shoopeck is a tough old bird.”

“Fuck.” I scrub my hands over my face.

He narrows his eyes at me. “You made your bed, now you have to lie in it.”

My palms grip the table and squeeze, as I will myself not to lose it.

“Do you want my advice?” I ignore the question, but he continues anyway. “Take the deal.”

I scowl.

“Your probation officer will be assigned based on your primary residence. You could move in with your dad, work in his shop.” My eyes narrow on him and he shrugs. “I heard you lost your job.”

“You’d love that, wouldn’t you?” I seethe. “You’d love nothing more than to get me away from your daughter.”

I expect him to deny it, but he surprises me when he doesn’t. “Damn right, I would.” He leans forward in the booth. “You think I want my daughter tied down to someone like you the rest of her life? No college education? No career? No job prospects?” He ticks his fingers. “What can you offer her?”

Love. I want to scream. I can offer her love.

But all I do is stare, unable to form a response because he’s right. I can’t offer her anything…substantial. She deserves everything. More than anything I could ever give her.

He continues, “And now with this black mark on your record, it’ll be that much harder to find a job that pays a decent wage. What’s your plan? To move in with Riley and ride her coattails the rest of your life?”

His words hurt more than any physical blow ever could. He’s playing on every one of my insecurities, whether he knows it or not.

I’m not good enough for Riley. I never was. I never will be.

I need him to stop talking, but he keeps going. “You say you love her—”

I cut him off. “I do love her. More than anything.”

“Then let her go.” His harsh words cut my heart in two. “Give her a chance. Don’t tie her down to someone who has nothing going for him, who doesn’t have his own life figured out. You’re both so young. After some time, if you still feel the same way—”

“I will never stop loving your daughter. She’s everything to me.”

“Is she? Because all I see is a selfish punk who’s dragging my innocent daughter through the mud.”

His words, though cruel, aren’t inaccurate. Maybe I am selfish. Maybe I should have been grateful for having Riley in my life—in any capacity—because the truth is she is special. Amazing. Beautiful, inside and out.

“Enough.” I slice my hand through the air.

He pauses, face burning red with emotion.

“Tell your friend I’ll take the deal.”

He nods, satisfied. “And Riley?” he questions, his voice hopeful.

“I’ll be gone before the first of the month.”

He exhales a breath, clearly relieved. “You’re doing the right thing, kid.”

If that’s true, then why do I feel like I’ve just given up the best thing in my life?