A groan rumbles from the sleeping boy next to me. Not boy, I correct. Man. Jesse is a full-grown man, tall and strong, with thick, sharp cords of muscles. So different from when we were kids, yet somehow exactly the same.

His hand darts to the side, smacking the full glass of water I set out for him. It crashes to the ground. His breath hisses. “Shit.”

“Good morning,” I say, my voice louder than necessary as I imprint my spine against the headboard. Back ramrod straight, shoulders squared, hoping it will give me the strength, the support I need for this conversation.

“Riley?” He pushes himself up in bed, the sheet pooling at his waist exposing his toned chest and thick abs, but I keep my eyes trained straight. “Fuck.” He flops back against the pillows and scrubs a hand over the stubble of his jaw. “How much did I drink last night? I feel like ass.”

Despite my resolve to remain cool and unaffected, I snort. I ball my hands together to resist slapping him. “A lot. You drank a fucking lot.” He winces as my voice rises in volume. “What were you thinking?”

“Jesus. What crawled up your ass?” He turns away from me, snuggling back into the soft, clean sheets of my bed. My bed, the bed that’s supposed to be occupied by Dave, not Jesse.

At that moment my cool exterior dissolves, and my hands latch onto his biceps. I roll him onto his back in one quick movement, my face inches from his. “What crawled up my ass?” I repeat the question once. “You!” My voice roars. “You’re what’s crawled up my ass.”

His eyes remain on mine, and his lips curve in a slow smirk. “Is that an invitation?”

My fingers aim to squeeze and twist the flesh, but the muscle beneath is rock solid, so there’s nothing for my needy fingers to latch onto. “Ugh.” I flop down next to him and fling my arm over my eyes. “You’re so...” Infuriating. Exhausting. Sexy. Wait, no, not sexy. Jesse is not sexy.

Of course those words don’t leave my lips, and the silence settles around us. My body intuitively matches the slow, even breaths of his body, and my muscles begin to loosen. It’s always this way with him, an explosive high, a calming low.

“Hey.” He rolls onto his side so we’re shoulder-to-shoulder, hip-to-hip. “I’m sorry.” He clears his throat once. “About last night.”

I close my eyes for a moment and then say what has to be said. “Jesse, this has to stop.”

He shrugs. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine.” My voice is hollow and sad. “You got wasted last night. You know how I feel about drinking.” I pin him with my gaze. “You almost hit Dave.”

“Dave is an asshole.” His voice drops, and the cool tone sends chills across my skin.

“Jesse—”

He cuts me off. “That douchebag cheated on you.” Some of his anger evaporates as he continues, “He doesn’t deserve you.”

“We were broken up.” I speak the words as if they will make what Dave did okay. They won’t. They don’t. But if I’m ever going to move on from the past, I can’t keep being reminded of his slip up. And I love Dave. I think.

“Of course.” Jesse pushes himself up, feet hitting the floor like lead, and he reaches for the balled-up t-shirt that rests in the same spot where he dropped it last night.

“Jesse.” I walk in front of him. “Tell me what’s really going on.”

“Nothing.” He shoves his feet into his shoes. “Why do you have to make a big deal out of everything?”

My eyes widen. “I’m making a big deal out of everything?” I shout. “You were loud and obnoxious and jealous, and if I didn’t care about you so much, I’d have kicked you out.”

His eyes flare and he spits. “You care about me? You don’t give a damn about me or my feelings.”

I recoil as though he’d hit me. “What?” I shout, fists clenched at my sides. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Exactly what you think it does.” His tone is so angry, jaw so tight, that I’m afraid his teeth may crack from the tension. He’s never been this irate with me. Never used this tone. “You want to talk? Let’s talk about what happened three weeks ago.”

My stomach tightens as I recall the memory. I’d been reliving the fantasy over and over in my mind, telling myself that it only felt that good because it was wrong—people always wanted what they couldn’t have, right?

“That was a mistake,” I say, trying to keep my voice strong, but it shakes nonetheless.

He shakes his head. “Unbelievable. I’m sorry I fucked up your night. It won’t happen again.”

My eyes stay trained on him as his chest heaves with each angry breath, and I can feel it, the anger transferring from him to me. I try to talk myself down, but I can’t. Maybe if I’d waited, maybe if I didn’t care about him so much, maybe if I didn’t love him, but right now my body reacts.

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Jesse,” I argue, moving into his space. “You were an asshole last night. In fact, you’re an asshole every time you drink.”

“So, I had a few beers? Is that a crime now? Because if so, we’d better convict the whole fucking nation!” He stalks around the bed. “And if we’re pointing out each other’s shortcomings…you’re the one who took back a cheating boyfriend because she’s too afraid to be alone.”

The harsh truth of his words sting like a whip, and I blink back tears. “That isn’t fair.”

He shoulders past me, stalks down the narrow hall, and I’m forced to run to catch up with him.

“Jes, don’t go.” I reach for his arm, but he tugs it away. “Let’s talk about this.”

He pauses for a moment, breaths strong and angry like a bull. I plead with my eyes, please stay. And I think he may change his mind, but then he shakes his head and says, “We both need to cool off before we say more things we’ll both regret.”

He’s probably right, but I don’t want him to go. Not like this. “Jesse.”

“I’ll text you later.”

“Jesse!” I shout at his back, as the door slams in my face. My hands pick up the glass candy dish my elderly neighbor, Nancy, gave me as a housewarming present. I don’t think, just react, and throw it against the closed door.

“Goddamnit,” I shout, and I feel a perverse satisfaction as the tiny shards of glass fall to the floor.

With one last glance over my shoulder at the broken mess, I stalk back down the hallway and crawl back into bed.