I curl up with my Kindle at home, and it seems to be the same every day. My only enjoyment is this time of night when my son, Daniel, is out is being alone in bed with my Kindle. Reading filthy, steamy novels is the only thing to keep me going these days because I get to escape for a moment and enjoy a whole new, filthy world.

Especially my latest download, 12 Inches. The idea of a 12 inch cock makes me so wet reading about it. Aidan Stone talks dirty and has an even dirtier mind; I love it. But as soon as I finish the book, I know that it’s back to reality.

My reality.

The goal of getting away from my parents led me to a marriage that they set up; I figured I could escape and that being married was going to to be a damn dream come true. Instead, I had a husband who’s parents had also wanted to be able to get him a wife.

Tom, my now deceased husband and father of my son, Daniel, didn’t want a wife. He confided in me after the first — and last — night we had sex that he was gay. I’ll never forget how he begged me not to tell anyone; Tom begged me to stay married to him because it mattered to his parents.

I cared for Tom, even if it wasn’t love, and when I discovered I was pregnant, that was that. Now I live through my Kindle because I’m a mom, and I’m alone.

I still remember how my parents set me up with my husband. They introduced me to Tom. He was sweet, hardworking and his town was bigger than ours. Just slightly bigger, but it was enough for me to agree to marry him because I could practically smell freedom. Tom and I went out on a few supervised dates, and after Dad saw me talking to Nick, the son of the local bike store owner because I always had eyes for much badder boys that Tom.

It was clear that I was living in prison and I needed a way out, and Tom really did seem sweet. I didn’t realize he was living in his own prison, and for the sake of our son Daniel, we decided to stay trapped together. I have a wonderful son. I’m not complaining. I’m just telling you now because I want you to understand how much I need my Kindle romance novels!

Daniel is a wonderful son and he enriches my life. Maybe without him, I would have left Tom a long time ago, I don’t know. I thought about leaving Tom, but that would mean giving up our nice home. Nice things. Everything that made Daniel feel like he had a home and a stable life. The idea of going out there and having to do everything on my own felt too much of a burden to me if it would mean that I would be tearing apart my son’s life. For Daniel’s sake, I gave up my other chances at happiness. I gave up my sexual needs to stay with Tom. I wonder if some part of me died from the moment I made that decision and I just don’t know if I’ll ever be truly happy.

Daniel’s eighteen and I would always say that I said the moment he goes to college, I would leave too, but I never did. I promised myself that by the summer. By the time Daniel finished his first year at college, I’d be brave and do it. I’d leave my gay husband and stop living in his secret because I started to realize that Tom let me stay home and parent while he went out and did absolutely anything he wanted.

I am only thirty-six and I’m dying to be more than I am. But Tom beat me to ever getting free. He died on top of a male prostitute in Vegas three months ago.

Tom was sleeping with everyone and anyone at the time. Maybe the older he got, the more he felt frustrated in the marriage. He had nothing to feel frustrated about like I was! He was having sex. I only had my secret fantasies while reading my Kindle.

Everything about my life’s dead, and I want to change it.

I sit up thinking about where to start on my new adventure. There’s only one thing that I need to happen before I make my final decision.

My phone rings, and it takes me out of my unhappy thoughts.

“Hello. Is this Jennifer?”

I recognize the voice immediately. It’s my lawyer, Frank. He must be calling me about the probate.

“Yes, sorry I was miles away. I was just taking a nap.”

God, I sound as if I’m seventy-six and not thirty-six. A nap at this time of day. That’s what happens when you have no job prospects. No child to take to school. Nothing to keep you in that routine. The one that you had when at least your child was at school.

He says, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have called so…”

I interrupt him before he looks at the time and realizes that it’s only four in the afternoon. “How can I help you, Frank? I suppose you’re calling about the probate.”

He clears his throat. “Sorry it took so long. It took a while to find the updated will and then there were some issues about the way that Tom died too and his health insurance.”

I nod my head thinking about the little boxes they made us tick when we took out the new policy. I’ve been hoping that the autopsy can show that Tom had some decency and practiced safe sex. Otherwise, Daniel will be at college and I’ll be left homeless. Eighteen years in a loveless and sexless marriage for nothing!

“Well, I’ll get to the point, so that you can get on with…everything’s in order. The insurance is going to pay out, and the house will be paid in full. You’ll be a very rich woman, Jennifer, in the next few weeks.”

I sigh. “Thank God. I was worried that the insurance policy wouldn’t pay out after they found out the events that caused Tom’s death.”

He chuckles. “Never mind about all that, just think about your freedom. You’ll have enough money to sail around the world. Especially now that Daniel’s in college. I hope that you enjoy it. You deserve it after the shock that you’ve been through lately.”

I nod my head; I don’t know what upset me more, the idea that Tom was dead or the idea that everyone knows Tom’s secret. Even family friends such as Frank. He knows why we never had more than one kid. He knows why Tom was always traveling and that it wasn’t always for business. If anything it was for pleasure. I’d turned a blind eye for so many years thinking that Tom was a good man. A good father. His sexual preference was something that I could live with, by the time I’d decided that I couldn’t take it any longer, he’d left not only this marriage but this world.

I had time to cry, to grieve, but the tears never came, because my life had been a lie and the realization of that came the moment he died. No longer did I have to keep his dirty secret. His parents knew the truth, and the only thing they could say about it was, “Please don’t tell anyone how he died.”

I agreed to it, because I wanted this chapter of my life over. I wanted it to be buried along with Tom.

“Thanks for calling, Frank. I’ll come to your office and sign the necessary paperwork.” “Whenever you’re ready. Good night, Jennifer.”

He's being polite because it’s not exactly evening.

As I curl up in my bed, I should want to scream and run around the bedroom and shout out about my new found wealth and freedom, but I curl up once more with my Kindle because the story I’m reading is so much better than my reality. Now I’ve got freedom and I can do whatever I please, but I’m alone. At least with my stories I can enjoy myself, because I can’t seem to let the reality of my coming freedom sink in enough to really enjoy what my life is going to be.