This whole thing is nuts; she’s going through a hard time right now. But she’s not the only one. I can’t believe that she’s only had sex only once. That’s a fucking tragedy. I wonder how many times he had sex with male prostitutes?

I dismiss the thought from my mind. I can tell that she’s hurting. The palm of her hand is sweating, and her nipples are so fucking erect that I’m trying to focus on talking, not taking her on top of the sofa right now, but it’s so fucking hard.

“What I feel for you right now, Jason, it’s not right,” she sighs as she takes her hand away from me.

I hate the way that she does that. One minute I feel as if I’m able to let go and just talk to her. I don’t talk to anyone, not really. The only person that I probably say or even ask some things is Mom, and this is one thing that I’ll never talk to her about.

“I don’t understand it, Jennifer. I’m not about to pretend that I do either. You were with a man that never wanted you for eighteen years and to make matters worse, you never left him.”

She laughs. “He left me.”

I tilt my head from side-to-side. “I suppose in a way he did.”

And then the atmosphere that was so fucking thick that you could cut a knife, turns into one that we’re both sitting on the couch and looking at each other for the first time since she came through the door.

“Seems like you have a lot of work to do,” she says as she points to the books that are sprawled out on the table.

“I’m supposed to do one hour per day. But so far after two days. I’ve done zilch.”

She nods. “Right. I better leave you to it.”

I shake my head as she attempts to stand up and leave.

“Don’t go. I couldn’t study because I had too much shit running through my mind.”

She shrugs. “Thanks.”

I shake my head. “No. I didn’t mean that you’re shit. I just meant that I’d been fantasizing about being with you for so long that after it happened well, I just wanted more and then you were cruel about it. Part of me thought that you were mocking me.”

“No, Jason. I wouldn’t do that. I just thought about so many things. Like I’m older. Your mom is my friend. Daniel’s your friend. How’s he going to be about all of this?”

I shrug. “I never even thought about him in all of this, because I just couldn’t get out of my mind about what happened at the pool. Shit, I don’t believe in love at first sight. I’m not even sure if I believe in love.”

She has worked some magic on me; I’m confessing things that I’ve never been able to voice out loud.

“What I’m trying to say is that you made me feel alive in ways that I never thought were possible and I like it.”

Now, she probably does think that I’m a kid. Shit, I sound like a chump. If any of the guys spoke like that on the team, I would probably kick their ass. Tell them to get their head together, but here I am trying to tell the woman that I’ve been thinking about butt naked for so long that I’m into her.

“You want to hear something strange?”

I nod my head.

“I feel the same way too. God, this is nuts.”

I shrug. “Like being married to a man for eighteen years that was gay?”

She smiles. “Something like that. But it wasn’t so much about him being gay. There were other things that were wrong with our marriage. I could never sit down and talk to Tom the way that I’m doing with you right now. I thought that he was a good dad, but I don’t remember him going out of his way to do anything with Daniel, and he used to say some crappy things to me, and I would let him. All the time.”

I ask the magic question. The one that I asked her before. “Why did you stay with him?”

She shakes her head. “I honestly don’t know. Stupidity? Fear? God, knows, Jason. I don’t know.”

“Can you do one thing for me?” I say as I face her.

“What?” “Jennifer, stays here with me.” I pull her closer toward me. I want her right now. I didn’t get enough of her earlier and this time after we make love, I’ll make sure that she doesn’t go anywhere because I need her to stay. Here with me.