This isn’t happening, I think staring at the small screen.

A series of images run through my mind.  I instinctively suspect my former boyfriend. But then again, it doesn’t require to be a rocket scientist to find someone on this social network, as long as they are using their real names, and of course, as stupid as I am, I couldn’t have done otherwise.

 For a second I think Zac, but I quickly shake my head – why would he do this? He doesn’t seem to be such a creep. 

Maybe people at my work? There is actually a young fellow waiter who often stares at me weirdly. It can be annoying but what can I do?

‘Jeez, I don’t really know!’ Now what?  Blocking and reporting this guy again – or this girl maybe? – wouldn’t solve anything since he’s already gotten away with a new account. If I went to the police they’d probably laugh at me. They’d need much more than this to start doing something about it. 

I grumble, and I think I’ll just ignore it. It’s probably one of those fucking trolls with a tiny dick in his hand, trying to release his frustrations by frightening random girls.  Fuck that!

I sit on the grass and put my shoes on before standing and leaving the cozy park.

On my way back, I decide to give myself a little treat and I stop to get a ‘gelato’ on a nice crispy cone - I’ve always loved Italian ice creams - and when I get back to my apartment I call Lisa on Skype.

“Hey!” She squeals, looking as if she’d just woken up.

“Oh, I’m sorry, were ya still sleeping? Isn’t it eight in the morning over there?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I woke up a few minutes ago. No worries. Going to take my time today.” She giggles.

“Oh ok! So, what’s up?!”

“Same old.” She sighs. “How ‘bout ya baby?”

“Same here,” I reply biting the tip of my thumb pensively.

  I don’t want to tell her about Zac’s kiss. 

“Aside from a fucking creep stalking me on Facebook,” I add before chuckling.

“Oh, wait a sec, what?” She widens her eyes looking at her webcam. 

I tell her what happened in detail.

“Hmmm…”  She hums, pouting her lips to one side. “Maybe some random teens or just a damn loser. I don’t know.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” 

“Well, don’t worry about it too much. This shit happens on social networks.”

“Um, yeah, I guess?”

“So, what about the hottie?”  She asks.

I sigh, turning my glance away. “Can we talk about something else please?”

“Oh my, why?  What happened?” She smirks.

“Nothing!” I bite my lip, feeling my cheeks flushing red. 

“Grace seriously, tell me, or I’ll take the first plane to come fight ya!” She grins.

I can’t lie to her, especially being in her apartment.

“He kissed me.”  I blurt.

She chortles.  “Again?   What happened this time?”  She squeals.

“Nothing, I just. Um, I kissed him back but then I changed my mind.”

“Oh my God! Grace! Why? You are fucking crazy.” She chuckles shaking her head.

“Well, you know why. I’m not ready to date guys again.”

“What about a simple healthy fuck?” She says raising an eyebrow.

“Look, we already talked about that.  I’m not that type of girl Lis. And I could never do that anyway!”

She pauses for a couple of seconds.

“How was this half kiss though?” She asks, using finger quotes. 

Suddenly I feel butterflies fluttering into my chest, and I’m taken aback by her question, but I can’t help letting out a grin.

“Amazing!”  I mumble, biting the corner of my lip, unable to refrain from smiling.

“There ya go, babe!” 

I smile and then I grumble. “Ok, so. How’s your job?” I ask, trying to change the topic.

“Grace, don’t dare do that to me!” She laughs. 

I bite my lower lip with my front teeth, smirking slightly. “Lisa, please. I told you so many times, I do not want to date guys now. Not even have sex with them. Ok?” 

“But you don’t-”

“I don’t care Lis! I explained to you why I don’t want sex only. So, do me a favor alright?  Don’t mention guys to me anymore!”

“But Grace I-”

“Let me finish!” I blurt. 

“Ok, ok I’m sorry.”

“If I ever dated a guy, or even slept with one, you’d be the first to know about it. I promise. But for now, I really don’t wanna hear questions on that topic or feel any pressure whatsoever. Ok? You think you can handle that?”  I end my monologue feeling a little guilty for having been so direct and harsh with one of my best friends.

Her eyes widen, and she lets out a soft smile. “Ok, got it. I’m sorry Grace. Yeah, I hear ya. Don’t you worry honey you’ll never hear me talking about guys again.”   She mumbles smiling. “Unless you do it first of course.” She giggles.

“Ok, thank you.”  I smile.

***

 

When I’m done chatting with Lisa, I turn the laptop off and I walk straight to the fridge. I grab a chocolate ice cream box and head back to the living room, curling my legs up on the sofa. 

I can’t stop thinking about Zac. 

‘Jeez, I hate this!’

After a little while, I check the time and I realize I need to get ready to go to work. I put the empty ice cream box on the coffee table, leaving the spoon inside it; then I quickly sniff my foot and decide I need to take a shower - that’s another vice of mine I guess. I’ve always been obsessed with odors, and I get often paranoid about my body parts stinking without me being aware of it.  So, I often check my feet, either by rubbing my toes and sniffing the tip of my fingers right afterward or by directly taking a whiff at my big toe.

The water is hot and steamy. It runs over my body’s smooth curves. I brush a hand on the steamy glass cabinet and I peek through it. My breath starts getting shorter.  I’m so tempted. I can’t help thinking about Zac’s full tender lips. My heartbeats accelerate even more. I close my eyes, recalling his musky scent, and as I do, I suck my teeth, biting the corner of my lip so tightly that I almost cut it open. I frown and gasp.

‘Oh my…’

I tilt my head and lick my shoulder, nibbling it with my teeth. Then I exhale dropping my jaw. My eyes half closed.  My core on fire. The hot water keeps running down on me as I let out timid moans. I need to stop this, I think. But I can’t. 

My gasps are quick and short.

I recall his strong hands on me.

‘Oh God, Zac please!’  

I close my eyes. My brows furrows and my jaw drop again. Then I gasp loudly, and I feel my muscles tightening before intense spasms hit me for a few seconds.

I drop to my knees.

The water drizzles behind my neck as I catch my breath trying to recoup.

‘This is not right.’