The dinner didn’t last much.

Something has changed between Zac and me. We said goodbye for good, with the usual phony promise of keeping in touch. He said he needed to meet a friend and called a cab for me to get back. I lazily digit the code on the side of the apartment’s door feeling a little tipsy and I remove my heels moaning relieved. I’m gloomy and lonely, and a tight feeling in my throat makes me want to burst into tears. I feel so stupid. It’s not like I’ve lost my boyfriend or my husband.

Zac has never said anything about getting into a serious relationship with me, so why should I feel so blue? We had fun, and I had the best sex ever. Why can’t I just be fond of those moments and move on? I need to think about my career and my future. I’m young and the position they offered me is the job I pursued for years.

I turn the TV on to break the silence but ironically, ‘Someone Like You’ is on, and I can’t help but reviving, like in a movie sequence, my mini story with Zac.

My vision blurs as my eyes get watery and a warm tear inevitably glides down my cheekbone.

‘Why? Why should my life be so miserable? What should I do to be loved?’ 

I start sobbing and I let myself go. That song is killing me, but I masochistically keep it on envisioning the best moments we lived together, also fantasizing about what could have been.

When the song is over I get up and turn on my laptop to confirm the University that I’m available and I’ll be ready to jump on a plane.

I’ll have to tell Nick that I’m quitting, and I feel bad about it. He’s an amazing person and he’ll surely understand I couldn’t give him the standard two weeks’notice. But I’ll miss him. He helped me in every way he could and I’m grateful for that.

On the spur of the moment, I check the time and I dial Lis’s number on my smartphone. I’m not in the mood for a webcam chat, nor I’m in the mood to talk at all but she needs to know I’m leaving in a day. So, the sooner, the better. It’ll be one less thing to take care of.

“Hey, sweetie!”

“Hey, Lis.”

“How are ya??” 

“I’m alright,” I reply emotionless. I just can’t fake it. I should be happy and euphoric to have been called for such a job but instead, I feel empty and lonesome.

She pauses and then clears her throat. “What happened?”

I chuckle, and then I sigh. I knew she was going to find out something was wrong.

“Nothing, I’m leaving on Friday.”

“W- What? You mean this Friday? The day after tomorrow?”  She mumbles on the other end.

“Yeah.”

“Why, what for? What happened?”

“I’m wanted for a job. A damn great job. It’s basically what I used to do in the lab with my ex and you know I love it.”

“Wow! Congrats honey! But wait, so what’s wrong? Why you sound so down?”

“It’s in Hawaii. And I was just about to get closer to Zac.”

She gasps. “Really? Oh, my God. Shit! But what did he say?”

“He said good luck.”

“That’s it? No emotions whatsoever? Didn’t he ask ya to stay??”

“No Lis, he didn’t.”

“Ok, listen, whatcha wanna do?”

“What do you mean Lis? This is a great opportunity ya know? What am I supposed to do? We aren’t together, and we haven’t even talked about it. It’s been a fling that’s it. As much as I am against those kinda things that’s what it’s been.”

“But Grace, you are damn in love aren’t ya? The tone of your voice tells me. The way you talk and the things you say.”

I feel my cheeks burning and my heart going crazy. I wonder if she’s right. Is this love?

“Oh Lis, I don’t think is-”

“Do you love him yes or no? Come on Grace, look inside and don’t lie to yourself.”

I pause feeling butterflies fluttering in my stomach. “I don’t know Lis. I don’t know.”

She sighs. “Oh my God Grace. So, you are just leaving like that?”

“Yeah, I am, and I just wanted to tell you this. Your apartment will be perfect and cleaned don’t worry about it.”

“Oh, shut up, I don’t care if it’s clean or not, but I care about you, and I don’t want you to see you like that!”

“Lis, I’m fine! I’ve found a wonderful job on a spectacular island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean! Is there anything better than that?”

“I’m not so sure about it but hey, you know what I always say about love and faith, so I don’t have to start preaching ya again, right?”

“Oh no, please spare me!” I cry jokingly.

“There ya go.” She laughs.