Twenty-One

Winnie

The entire walk to the trailer park, I can’t get Jasper’s face out of my head. His pleading eyes and gentle voice will haunt me for a long time. Nothing about saying no to him was easy. Sure, I have this plan in my head about how my life will go, but not once did I think it would be easy. Life with Trey’s going to be nearly impossible as long as he’s working with the boss. That man doesn’t want him to have a life outside of the business, and I have a feeling it’ll get worse before it gets better.

None of it matters though. Dollars in the bank are meaningless if you can’t live a life to enjoy it, and that’s what Trey wants. He wants a life with me.

I thought I’d have to wait a few hours to see him since I didn’t bother going back to class after the talk with Jasper. I couldn’t. Seeing Dray would have only made me feel worse because I got him in trouble with Cindy and Doug. I needed a break from school and all the drama following me around.

What I don’t expect is Trey’s bike to be parked in the driveway when I get to the trailer. He’s here, waiting for me. But, when I turn the knob and push the front door open, I’m not prepared for who’s sitting on the couch.

A woman wearing a leather skirt and a lacy bra top is smoking a cigarette like she just had the best sex of her life. “Who are you?” she asks like I’m not supposed to be there.

I guess I’m not. I don’t live there, and she’s already judging me for my age. I can feel it as her eyes slide up and down my body. Too young to be competition. Pretty enough to be questioned.

Frozen in place, I blink a couple of times, trying my best to remember my own name. Instead of telling her the truth, I slink back into the invisible girl from school and keep my head down. “Nobody.”

“Are you his kid or something?”

“No.”

Her nervous laugh bubbles through the inhale she takes of the cigarette, relief mixed with anxiety. “Well, he’ll be right back. Don’t look so scared.”

I’m not scared of Trey. He’s never made me afraid, and I can feel his presence before I see him.

“What are you doing here?” he says a little harsher than needed.

I can’t figure out if it’s an act or if he’s really upset with me. The woman on the couch stands up and rubs his arm the way the girls do at The Whip when they’re hoping for extra tips. She’s probably one of those girls, and Trey doesn’t pull away fast enough to make me believe otherwise.

He’s pretending, Winnie. He can’t give away that he wants you and not her.

“Here, this is all I can do,” he says as he slips a tiny package into her hand.

Pills.

I’ve seen deals go down before, and despite the touches, this one’s no different than all the others—a woman who can’t pay but shows up wearing next to nothing, hoping her body’s enough to cover the tab. What she doesn’t realize is that Trey would rather sell for less than take what she’s offering. But why is he dealing at all, especially out of the trailer? He has people who do that for him.

“Thanks, baby,” she practically purrs. “I’ll make sure I’m good for it next time.”

“You were good for it this time,” he tells her with a straight face, giving nothing away.

I can’t figure out if that means she paid in full or if she sucked him off.

My thigh starts to burn, and I ball my fists up until my knuckles ache. “I’ll be in the bathroom.”

Trey steps in front of me and catches my arm with his hand. He nods toward the door, and the girl with the pills shows herself out.

Once she’s gone, he closes the door and locks it. “What’s the attitude about, Winn?”

“What attitude? I said I was going to the bathroom.”

“Look,” he says, “it’s not what you think. You’re getting yourself twisted for nothing.”

Maybe I am, but he’s done nothing to convince me otherwise. I can’t help the jealousy.

“You never deal. Why today? To her?”

When he links his fingers with mine, his defensive stance becomes comforting. “We didn’t have sex, if that’s what you’re asking. I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“But you’re not having sex with me either.”

I’ll never be like that girl. If she appeals to him, then we’ll never work.

“You think I’ll automatically cheat on you because you’re not old enough to sleep with me.” It’s not a question, rather a statement.

And he’s right. He reads me like a book.

“Stop,” I tell him before he can reveal any of the other thoughts swirling around in my head.

He cups my jaw and pushes my chin up, so he can look into my eyes. His are extra stormy. “I won’t stop, Winn. If you’re old enough to assume the worst of me, you’re old enough to have this conversation.”

I don’t want to have this conversation. It would hurt too much, so I take away the possibility of his truth and replace it with my own. “I believe you, Trey.”

“Are you sure about that?” he questions with his annoying smirk that hits me right in the gut. It makes his dimple pop out, and then it’s impossible to stay mad or concentrate on anything other than kissing him.

“I’m choosing to believe you. I’ll leave it at that.”

“But that doesn’t mean you do,” he adds.

“I’m still here, aren’t I?”

He nods, and his smile fades a little. “Now, tell me what you’re doing here. Why’d you leave school early?”

“Bad day.”

“You can’t skip anymore, Winn. Social workers aren’t too keen on that shit.”

“Please don’t parent me. Just kiss me.”

His eyes soften even more, and when he licks his lips, my pulse whooshes in my ears like I’m underwater.

“You have to be more careful. That could have been the boss on the couch.”

I don’t imagine the boss makes house calls to random trailers, but I don’t question it. If he says it could happen, then it could.

“I feel the same way about you. Why are you dealing?”

He brushes the hair away from my face, and his knuckles graze my skin. I get instant goose bumps all over my body.

“It’s nothing for you to worry about.”

When I’m told not to worry, that’s usually when I worry the most. Trey’s smart though. He wouldn’t do anything that would jeopardize his life or us.

“Okay.”

He leans forward and presses his lips against my forehead, a sign that we’re okay. He’s not really mad that I skipped school, and he’ll get over the fact that I walked in on a deal, putting myself in danger.

“She thought I was your daughter.”

“We’re done talking about her,” he says way too calmly.

He might be done, but her rosy cheeks, pretty auburn hair, and long legs are ingrained in my brain. Maybe she doesn’t have much common sense, but she’s so much more than I’ll ever be in the looks department.

“She’s really pretty. I get the appeal.”

Trey spins me around so fast, I get dizzy. He has my back pressed against his front and then pushes the hair away from my neck. Once the skin’s exposed, he sucks and kisses his way from my collarbone all the way up to my ear. “I don’t ever want to see that look on your face again, Winn. You hear me?”

“What look?”

The hand gripping my hip fades down my thigh and then between my legs. He presses his palm on my clit, and my back arches. His groan vibrates through me.

“The one where you think I’m cheating on you.”

“Cheating?” I question.

You can only cheat on someone you’re actually with. Trey isn’t mine. At least, not when it comes to titles. He’s always been a part of me.

“Does that mean…”

“Yeah,” he says. “That’s what it means.”

“But I thought we had to wait.”

Three more weeks. Twenty-one days stand between now and a future with Trey.

He turns me around and runs his fingers through my hair. “This is still our secret for now, but you’re mine, Winn. You’ve always been mine.”

With our lips only inches apart, a loud crash and shattering glass rock the trailer. Trey pulls me against his chest and then to the floor beside the bed. His fingers dig into my arms, and if looks could kill, whoever just broke the window would already be dead.

“Get in the closet, and don’t come out until I tell you.”

“Don’t go out there! Wait until they leave.”

“I can’t wait. There’s a stash in the bathroom.”

Trey digs around in the bedside drawer, and by the time I get to my knees, there’s a gun in his hand. Just the sight of it takes my breath away. It’s identical to the one Tess pointed at me, the same black darkness that haunts my dreams.

“Closet. Now,” he barks.

And then he’s gone.

I crawl on my hands and knees across the room and slide the closet door open as quietly as I can. Other than a pair of riding boots and a pair of jeans, there’s nothing to hide behind. All I have to protect myself is a shoe.

Suddenly, I’m back in the parking lot, staring at the puddle of dried blood on the ground. The closet walls close in on me, and I think I hear the bedroom window breaking. I can see little shards of glass spray across the carpet, and I know it’s really happening again. Pressing my body into the corner, I wish I had superpowers to make myself invisible.

There’s no struggle or argument. Not a single raised voice or sign that anyone’s in the trailer. The silence is deafening, and I’m positive something happened to Trey.

I’m tucked into the tightest ball with my arms over my head when the closet door slides open, and the sunshine chases away the darkness. It bleeds into my eyes until I’m forced to open them.

I expect it to be Jax or one of his thugs, but Trey’s standing there with remorse written all over his face.

“Is it over?” I ask him. “Are you okay?”

He bends down, picks me up, and kisses the top of my head. “Everything’s fine. Let’s get you out of the closet.”

His boots crunch the glass into smaller bits, and he checks the bed before setting me on it.

“Do you have a vacuum? I can clean this up.”

“You’re shaking. You’re not cleaning anything. I’ll get it.”

“Who was it?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter,” I tell him. “You have broken windows. Whoever did this could come back, and you can’t call the cops. They probably know that.”

Trey pauses, like he wants to tell me the truth, but changes his mind. I tell myself that, someday, he won’t keep so much of his life a secret. Someday, he’ll see me as his equal and not someone who needs constant protection.

“He won’t be back.”

“He? How can you be sure it wasn’t that girl?”

That makes him laugh. “I promise you, it wasn’t her.”

“Don’t laugh at me. You have so many people out to get you. Every day, you’re surrounded by bad guys. All it would take is one wrong move, Trey. And then…” I trail off, unable to finish the sentence.

I’m so worried about him, but I can tell Trey’s not thinking about himself right now. He’s imagining me on the ground with the gunshot wound. I know because he’s staring at my body in the exact spot the bullet hit.

The warmth I felt as he told me he loved me is replaced by ice.

A different Trey stares back at me. “This is why I tried to push you away. I don’t want this life for you.”

“Don’t you get it? This isn’t your choice or mine. This just happened. We were meant to happen. And I’ll always choose you, no matter who breaks your windows or tries to get you naked by buying some pills.”

“That’s not what she was doing, Winn.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. But she wasn’t here to ask about the weather.”

Five minutes ago, we were a new couple excited about where things were headed. Trey let me in. Now, we’re back to second-guessing everything. That’s how it is with him. One step forward. Two steps back. There’s always an obstacle, always something that gets wedged between us, making life impossible.

“I need you to go home, Winn.”

He doesn’t mean it. I know he doesn’t. We didn’t even get to spend any time together.

“Because I said she was here for you? You’ll just send me away if I tell you how I feel?”

“No. But I don’t want to fight, and I have a mess to clean up. The last thing I want is you getting hurt.”

“I already am,” I grumble.

“What was that?” he asks.

“Nothing. I have to go.”

Trey runs his hands over his face, and I wait for him to get up, but he doesn’t budge.

“This isn’t how I want it, Winn. I want to take you to the city and keep you there until we can get away. But we have to be patient. If you leave now, you’ll get to Sunshine Place by the time the bus drops off. Your foster parents won’t know the difference.”

“They’re not my parents. They just own the home. Why can’t you drive me like you did yesterday?” I’d get there too soon, but at least I’d have a few extra minutes with my arms wrapped around Trey.

“I can’t this time,” he says. “I have a few things to take care of.”

Trey’s rejection stings even if he is trying to do the right thing. I get it; he wants to keep me safe. He’s always felt the less I knew about his job, the better. That way, if I’m ever questioned, I won’t feel compelled to lie for him.

But I’m not a kid anymore.

If I’m old enough to kiss Trey, then I’m old enough to hear the truth.

I can handle his world.

He follows me to the front door, and I dodge more glass along the way. The place is trashed.

“I’m sorry this happened.”

“Don’t apologize,” he tells me.

My step forward gets matched. He doesn’t deny me when I stand on my tiptoes and press my lips against his, finally getting the kiss I’ve been waiting all day for.

“I love you,” I whisper against his mouth.

I’ve never said those words before. But I don’t regret letting them slip out.

He squeezes my waist and tucks a finger in my pocket. “This isn’t how it should be, Winn. You hate this trailer park, and I keep bringing you here. We should be someplace better.”

I don’t care about why we have to come here or why we hide. It’s not a factor in my feelings for Trey. We’ll do what we have to until it’s safe. Those are the rules.

“Just say it,” I tell him. “If you feel it, say it. I don’t care where we are.”

Trey grabs my face with both hands and studies me. I’m not his project, not some fragile girl who needs the world served to her on a silver platter. I know better than anyone that a perfect world doesn’t exist. I’m happy with rough edges and jagged paths.

Right here, right now, Trey and I are as real as we’re ever going to get. I’ve battled demons. I’ve dangled from the side of a cliff and almost jumped. But those demons disappear when I’m with Trey. He’s the goodness of the future, wrapped up in my forever.

“I love you, Winnie Dawes.”

“Winn,” I whisper. “You call me Winn.”

He’s the only one who does. And, every time my name comes out of his mouth, I hang on to that one syllable harder than I’ve ever held on to anything else.

Until now.

Now, I can add three little words I’ve waited a lifetime to hear.

I love you.

“Right,” he says with his signature smile. “I love you, Winn.”

“Say it again.”

I pinch my arm when he says it one more time. This is real. I’m not dreaming. Trey loves me. Nobody’s ever loved me like Trey does. And nobody ever will.