Twenty-Three

Winnie

Cindy’s sitting on the chair inside the foyer with her elbows on her knees. As soon as she sees me, she sighs and stands up. “The school called. I had no idea where to look for you. Thank you for coming home.”

“I’m not staying,” I tell her.

This isn’t home. It might have been an illusion for a little while, but these walls and the pretty paintings hanging on them are just a cover-up. You can dress up Sunshine Place however you want, but every foundation is made of the same cement and bricks. It doesn’t matter how wide or how tall you build upon those bricks; the wind will always destroy it the same way.

Cindy takes the backpack out of my hand and sets it on the floor. Normally, she’s lecturing Raven or Matty to put their shit away and keep it off the floor. Mine can go wherever it wants today because she knows I’m about to run.

“Sit, Winnie. Let’s talk.”

“I don’t want to talk.”

“Then, we’ll walk. Go do what you need to do, and we’ll have a conversation while you do it.”

At first, I think she’s kidding, but when I move, she follows. Her footsteps trail mine the whole way up the stairs and then into my bedroom. She glances around at Melody’s things and then mine. We keep it clean, mostly because it’s house rules, but I’m sure she comes in here when we’re at school, searching for trouble. Why would she have any reason to trust the kids living in her home? And that’s all the more reason this will never be mine.

I feel like I’m being chased by the counselor again, and when I open the closet door, I get a flash of Trey’s trailer and the sound of the windows shattering. How could Jasper have done that? If he were messing with anyone other than Trey, he’d be in jail right now for destruction of property and vandalism. Time in juvie is worth proving a point to me—that he wants me and needs me, that he’s better for me than Trey.

Cindy’s breath hitches when she sees my duffel bag. It’s the one I came to Sunshine Place with, and even with my things inside, there was still plenty of empty space. That’s how little I had left.

“Are you staying at a friend’s house tonight?” she asks. “We have a form to fill out, and I’ll need her parents to sign a consent form.”

“I’m moving out, Cindy.”

She stands up and starts messing with her necklace, a nervous habit you don’t see too often from her. She’s always put together and in control. “You can’t leave. Where will you stay? What about school?”

“I’m done with school.”

“I heard about the text. You’re upset. It’s understandable that you want to quit, but you need that diploma, Winnie. Without it, you’ll never get a job. You’ll starve.”

I’ve starved before and survived. I’ll do it again. Eating tuna fish every day really wasn’t so bad. At least I didn’t need to worry about a kitchen or washing dishes like I do here. Dray isn’t coming in and out of my life with his many mood swings and popularity contests. Jasper doesn’t prove himself just to screw me over. And Raven isn’t trying to tank my standings in the house by accusing me of having sex with my housemate.

Where I come from, everyone already assumes the worst about me. There are no surprises. What you see is what you get, and I think I might miss that most. I can just be Winnie Dawes, the girl with zero expectations and the will to fight. I want her back.

“I won’t be alone, Cindy. I have a place to go.”

“Will you be with him?” she asks.

The way she says him, I’m positive she’s talking about Trey. How she knows about him, I have no idea. My secrets have stayed secrets unless she’s been following me like Jasper or she got to Dray for information. Dray swore on his life he didn’t tell, and I think I believe him.

“It doesn’t matter. I know where I come from, and that’s where I belong.”

“I’ll have to call the state if you leave.”

“I know.”

“What can I do to convince you to stay?”

“I’m grateful you took me in. I am. But this isn’t where I belong.”

I thought staying in the same school was a blessing. Now, I almost wish I had been placed in a new one. Somewhere I could have reinvented myself and become a girl people were proud to be seen with. Not one who earned paper-airplane notes to be shot on her desk to remind her of who she really was—Tess.

Cindy’s on the phone the entire time I pack, and I move faster, just in case the cops show up.

Winnie: Going to the trailer now. Meet me?

Trey: Can’t stay long.

Winnie: I just need to see you.

Trey: On my way.

I breathe a sigh of relief and then zip up my bag. Melody’s been a good roommate, but she’s not going to miss me. Without me, she doesn’t have to hide under the covers with a flashlight to write late at night or sleep with earbuds in to listen to her music.

Eventually, my replacement will show up, and she’ll make a new friend. And, if she’s lucky, Jasper will find her at the coffee shop and kiss her again. Just because I hate him doesn’t mean he’s not worth having.

I’m the one who’s hard to love, not him.