I opened my eyes to total darkness, and at first, I had no idea where I was. I bolted upright in bed, struggling to breathe against the momentary panic. I reached for the light on my bedside table, but my hand slipped on the emptiness and slammed into something hard.

I cried out and pulled my hand close to my body, fighting back tears.

I’d forgotten I was back in my room at home instead of the small bedroom in Longview with its bedside table and familiar lamp. I took deep breaths to slow the pounding of my heart and then crawled across my bed to the other side and flipped the light switch on the wall.

I squinted against the sudden brightness of the overhead light.

I was home. I was safe. Everything was going to be okay.

I remembered Dr. Millner’s breathing techniques and inhaled slowly to the count of three before releasing my breath in one long exhale. After a few rounds, I felt much better, but I was still disoriented.

What time was it? I remembered passing out in the kitchen and waking up disoriented before my mother sent me upstairs to rest. I must have fallen asleep for the rest of the afternoon.

My hand touched a wet spot on the bed next to me, and I pulled a washcloth onto my lap. Mom had handed it to me just before I fell asleep, but it was warm now. It was summer, so the days were long and the sun was up until almost nine in the evening, so if it was dark already, it had to be late.

Someone knocked on the door. “Marayah?”

“Come in,” I said.

My heart opened wide as my younger sister, Kimi, came into my room, her big brown eyes wide and scared at first and then full of tears.

She ran to the bed and jumped up into it like she’d done so many times before. “You’re home,” she said, throwing her arms around my neck and nearly knocking me over.

I laughed, the sound so completely foreign to my ears it caught me off guard.

“Oh my God, I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too,” she said. “There are no words.”

We held each other for a long moment before she finally broke free.

“I thought I heard something in here,” she said. She glanced at the hand I had cradled against my chest. “Did you hurt yourself?”

I shrugged. “I guess I forgot where I was for a minute and banged my hand on the table,” I said. “No big deal. Did I wake you up?”

“Nah, I was reading, just waiting for you to wake up,” she said. “Mom and Dad went to bed half an hour ago, but they’ve been checking on you every half hour the whole day. I told them they should just let you sleep, but you know them. They’ve been hovering.”

I smiled. “I guess I can’t blame them.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there to pick you up today,” she said, frowning and picking at the edge of my comforter. “I wanted to go, but they said you needed some time to readjust. I’ve been dying to tell you all about what’s been going on.”

“Finally,” I said. “So, what’s the news? I’ve missed so much.”

She flashed a devilish smile. “Well, first of all, you know that I’m going to be starting school with you next week, right?”

“Oh my gosh,” I said. “Freshman year. Are you excited?”

Her eyes widened. “I’m terrified,” she said. “I’ve been assigned to Mr. Fratelli’s homeroom and everyone I’ve talked to says he’s the toughest teacher in school when it comes to being on time. I heard that he locks the door as soon as the bell rings, and if you’re not in the room and in your seat at that exact moment, he marks you tardy. No second chances. And in high school, if you’re tardy more than five times you get written up. Is that true? Because Lisa Angelo’s sister told me that she was almost suspended just for being late to his class, and she nearly lost her chance at a good college because of him.”

Kimi hardly took a breath as she was telling me all of this. It was great to see someone acting normal for a change.

“He’s not so bad,” I said. “He’s strict, but trust me, you’ll be fine.”

She sighed and relaxed her shoulders. “Well, that’s good. Sometimes I think the older kids just like to tell us stories to scare the crap out of us, and I told Lisa her sister was probably lying, but she swore it was true,” Kimi said. “But anyway, the good news is that I tested into advanced math and literature, so Lisa and Kelsey and I are all going to have most of the same classes, which is really great. You know we’ve all been in the same class since forever, so I would have just died if we’d been separated this year.”

“That’s good news,” I said.

“What about you? Do you know if they’re going to let you start school back with your class?” she asked. “Because a lot of people have been asking about you and whether you were starting back as a senior or a junior, because, well, you know.”

Yes, I definitely knew. In a way, I was surprised people were even talking about it. I guess since none of my friends had even been to visit me, I’d figured they’d all forgotten about me entirely.

“The counselor said that with the homeschool program I did while I was away, I should be able to start back with my regular class as a senior this year, but that we’d reevaluate after the first month and see how things are going,” I said. “I’m going to have to work really hard if I want to keep up.”

“You can totally do it, though. You’re like, one of the smartest people in your class,” she said.

“Well, I used to be.” I brushed my hand across the scar near my temple. They’d said I suffered minor brain damage in the accident, and they still weren’t entirely sure how that would affect me for the rest of my life. Only time would tell, they’d said.

Super comforting.

So far, I’d been able to easily keep up with my schoolwork online, so I hoped it wasn’t going to be an issue, but it was hard to say until I was actually in the thick of it.

“You know Mom’s already freaking out about colleges for you,” she said.

“Why am I not surprised?” At least that was a normal thing for my mom to be freaking out about.

Kimi rolled her eyes. “You know how she is. She’s not comfortable unless she’s worried about a million things, and it’s only gotten worse since, well...”

“Right,” I said. At least she wasn’t avoiding the obvious. It was much easier when people didn’t act like I was so fragile that they couldn’t mention the accident around me.

“I think they’re going to try to convince you to enroll at the local community college for the first two years so that you can live at home,” she said. “But just so you know, I think that’s bullshit.”

“Kimi!” I swatted her shoulder. “Since when did you start using that kind of language?”

She smiled and rolled her eyes. “I don’t know. Since I became an almost-freshman, I guess. I’ve grown up a lot since you were gone.” She straightened her shoulders. “I’m thirteen already, you know.”

Her birthday was a month ago, and I’d begged to be released in time to surprise her for it, but Dr. Millner said we couldn’t rush the process. Of course, Mom and Dad had refused to let Kimi visit me at Longview.

Man, I’d missed her.

“I’m sorry I didn’t see you for your birthday,” I said. “But I’ll make it up to you. We should go do something together, just the two of us. Maybe before school starts, if you’re up for it.”

She made a face, but didn’t say anything, which was very unlike Kimi.

“What?” I asked.

She slowly shook her head and avoided my eyes. “I don’t think they’re going to let you drive,” she said. “They’ve had a few arguments about it when they don’t think I’m listening.”

“Are you serious?” I asked. Anger pulsed through me. Surely they didn’t expect me to get rides from them every time I wanted to go somewhere. Talk about bullshit.

“Mom is deadset against it, but Dad was trying to make the argument that it was better for you to get back to normal as soon as possible,” she said. “Mom just worries that it’s going to be traumatic for you to be back behind the wheel.”

I threw up my hands, letting them fall back to my lap with a loud pop. “I wasn’t even the one driving that night,” I said. “Hailey was.”

“I know that,” she said. “But seriously, maybe Mom has a point.”

“Oh, so now you’re taking their side on things?” I asked.

“I’m not,” she said, sticking out her lower lip. “It’s just that they said you passed out earlier just out of nowhere. Boom. Total blackout for hours. What if something like that happened when you were driving?”

“It’s not going to,” I said.

“How do you know?”

I crossed my arms and leaned back against the pillows. I didn’t know, and that was the problem. I hadn’t had an episode like that in months, and it didn’t exactly make me feel good about my ability to cope with all this now that I was home. If something as simple as a cell phone could give me a panic attack, who knew what driving a car would do?

“I guess I can just take it easy for a while,” I said.

“I think that’s a good idea,” she said. “Look, if you want, I can see if we could all ride with Jennifer and Lisa. That way we don’t have to have our parents driving us to school like we’re babies or something.”

I shrugged. “I’ll think about it, okay?”

“Good enough for me,” she said. “Really, I’m just glad you’re home.”

“Me, too,” I said.

She smiled and we shared a long quiet moment together before she yawned and glanced at the door.

“Are you tired?” I asked. “What time is it anyway?”

“It’s like eleven, I think? Eleven-thirty?”

I frowned. The last I remembered, it was only one in the afternoon. I couldn't believe I’d been passed out for over ten hours. That was just crazy, but the loud rumble in my stomach told me otherwise.

I clutched my tummy, and we both laughed.

“Wow, someone’s hungry,” she said.

“Yeah, it sounds like there’s a beast in there,” I said.

“Want to raid the kitchen for old time’s sake?” she asked.

“You don’t have to ask me twice.”

We raced each other down the stairs and into the kitchen. I threw open the fridge and started pulling out cold cuts, cheese, fruit, and bottles of water while Kimi raided the cabinets and grabbed chips, bread, and a package of oatmeal raisin cookies. My favorite.

We spread the food out on the kitchen island and didn’t even bother sitting down or taking out plates. We made sandwiches and stood together, one leg propped against the other like flamingos as we leaned against the island and stuffed our faces.

Kimi told me stories about her friends and people from the neighborhood. She filled me in on all the good gossip I’d missed, and for the first time since I’d left Longview, I finally felt like I was home.