Report cards had been sent out a week ago, but Ella hadn’t brought hers back signed. Which was concerning, because she was failing three classes. They understood of course, Principal Waters said, that the tragic loss of her father was obviously having an impact, but Ella had been recently caught in a number of outright lies, which was concerning to the teachers who’d known her for a long time as a bright, kind, honest girl. She apparently had not turned in any homework at all since Matt’s death, and several teachers were concerned about her falling behind.

There had also been a lot of deeply uncomfortable personal questions—including inquiries about what Ella did with her time outside of school. Tali had been totally unable to answer, given that the only thing of Ella’s she tended to see between the hours of 4 p.m. and 7:30 a.m. was the back of her head as she stomped up the stairs to her room. The only time they spent together at all was sullen car rides in the morning.

She could hear the judgment coming at her through the airwaves, and it was utterly humiliating.

She confronted Ella about it as civilly as she possibly could, and the conversation had started out somewhat smooth.

Ella, honey, I need to talk to you about something. Now trust me when I say I totally understand where you’re coming from and why it’s happening, and so do your teachers. But I just had a conversation with your principal about your recent report card, and some of your recent behavior, and we’re concerned about you and want to figure out what we can do to help you get back on track.

That had been the opening she’d rehearsed in the hours waiting for Ella to get home, and she’d managed to get it out almost verbatim.

It had all gone downhill from there.

Ella had pretty much blown up at her, full of volatile fury in a way Tali hadn’t seen since the night of Matt’s wake. No argument, however reasoned and kindly stated, seemed to be enough for her.

Tali talked about sitting down to do homework together, but no, Ella didn’t need that, the work wasn’t hard, it was fucking easy. It was just stupid, and she didn’t want to waste her time on that useless shit because none of it meant anything and it was all pointless. Her teachers were all liars and they had it in for her.

Invoking Matty and the fact that he wouldn’t want to see her failing out of school, that he’d always been so proud of how smart how hardworking she was, hadn’t been remotely effective.

Gentle encouragement had crashed and burned and attempting tough love had straight-up exploded in her face, shutting the conversation down entirely.

At her wit’s end after forty-five minutes of circular arguments, Tali had gone for grounding. Fine then. If you don’t want help, you don’t want help. But Ella, until I hear that you’ve turned in at least these three really important assignments, she said, pointing at the notes she’d taken during her talk with Principal Waters, you’re not going to be allowed to spend your weekends with your friends anymore.

It had fully dissolved after that, starting with Ella spitting out like an enraged cat, You can’t do that! and ending, after Tali assured her that yes, she very much could, with Ella saying I wish you’d gone back to goddamn Los Angeles! and charging up the stairs to her room.

Tali had sat down and cried after that, sobbing in the chair that she knew was Matty’s favorite, wrapping herself in a blanket that still smelled faintly of him.

She talked to him directly then, for the first time since he’d died, not knowing whether or not she believed he could hear her but desperate enough to hope that he might somehow be able to shine a light for her.

“I’m so lost, Matty,” she murmured into the blanket. “I’m failing at this so hard. I don’t know how to help her. Her heart is broken, I know that, because mine is, too. It’s impossible for it not to be, impossible to know you and love you and have you taken away and not feel like the world is just a dark, evil, terrible place.

“But I don’t know her, Matty, and I can’t reach her. She doesn’t want me to. I know you love me, and you always thought I was stronger than I really am, but can’t you see how hard I’m crashing and burning here?

“Do you really want me to stay? Because, Matty, I’d do anything for you, literally anything for you, but I need help. I don’t know how to reach her! It’s just so hard. I don’t know what you’d do if you were here, and if you were here, this wouldn’t even be happening and it’s just so fucking fucked—”

She went on like that, crying and shaking until she was just too tired to move, until her heavy, red eyes closed and she fell asleep, hugging herself close in a blanket that smelled like the person she loved most in the world, who she’d never see again.