It took Tali the rest of the day to convince herself to go back to Hudson’s tent. When she did, her heart thudded in her chest. This is Hudson, she told herself. Not some boogie-man. You can do this.

She’d half-hoped he’d be asleep (he’d been in and out, what with the “special bear tea” they kept making him), but when she lifted the tent flap, he sat up and those green eyes softened.

“Hi,” she said quietly, coming over to his bedside, kneeling beside him on the ground. “You’re awake. Finally. I keep missing you.”

“Hey,” he said, smiling at her. “Yeah, I hear you’ve been the bane of our healers’ existence for the last couple of days. Not at all surprised.”

“How are you?” she said. She handed him a leather canteen. “Thirsty?”

He took it from her and took a sip, frowning. “Damn. Just water? I thought I could count on you of all people to know when someone could desperately go for some whiskey.”

“Hey,” she glared, deftly swatting at the one part of his arm that seemed uninjured. “You make me sound like some kind of lush.”

“You’re not?”

She sighed heavily, but decided to ignore that comment. “You’re half-dead. I’m not going to give you alcohol.”

He scowled at her. “Half-dead? Don’t be so dramatic. I’d say I’m quarter-dead at best.”

“Don’t try to be funny,” she said rolled her eyes at him. “You’re not that good at it even in full health.”

“Rude,” Hudson muttered.

She looked down at him, his bruised face and battered body, and she softened at once. “Seriously though. Hudson, it came so close. I can hardly believe you’re standing here.” Her eyes were getting moist. She couldn’t help it.

“Standing’s a bit of a stretch,” he said, gesturing at his very horizontal body. “I’ve only tried doing that once so far. Got up to piss. It did not end well. Pretty sure I heard a small child laughing at me.”

She rolled her eyes again, annoyed at him for joking around when she wanted to be serious.

“I’m serious, Hudson. If...if Sheena hadn’t intervened…” she said, unable to finish her sentence due to the painful lump in her throat.

“Yeah, I know,” he said, reaching out to give her hand a quick squeeze. “But she did. And I’m fine. I’ll be fine. A little banged up, maybe, but I hear women thinks scars are sexy. Plus, a bunch of evil bastards are dead and the people of this clan don’t have to worry about them anymore. So all in all, it worked out all right.”

Tali glared at him for being so flippant about his near death, but found she couldn’t keep it up. Her glare turned into just gazing at him, so full of relief that he was here and alive. She could see him starting to shift uncomfortably beneath her gaze, but found herself unable to stop. He gave a small cough, glancing away for a moment.

“So, how’s the kid?” he asked.

“He’s okay.”

“That’s good. He’s a good man.”

“I know,” Tali said. It came out almost like an apology.

He smiled, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes. The air between them shifted a little. She felt more raw. He looked more raw.

No time like the present to bring it up then.

“I...um,” she said, forcing herself to look him in the eyes. “I heard Sheena’s asked you to stay.”

He seemed surprised that she came out with it so quickly. His nod came slowly, followed by an infuriatingly unhelpful, “Yeah. She has.”

“Are you going to?” Tali demanded, unable to even try for subtlety. The thought of it was a knife in her stomach.

Hudson shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. I’m thinking about it.”

No, she thought, dread blanketing her.

Tali knew she had no right to interfere, and all the words about to come out of her mouth were ones he’d probably already thought of, but she was powerless to stop herself from saying them anyway.

“But...what about Ella?” she asked. “You’re just going to-to disappear into the mountains? What about all that-that garbage you gave me, when we first met about kids needing stability during their times of mourning and—”

“Tali, we’re not that far from Newcomb. I’d never actually abandon that kid. Not in a million years. But I...I don’t need to be there every minute. She’s got you now. She’ll be okay. And I trust the kid to keep an eye on you both when I’m not there. You’ll all be fine.”

“But Newcomb’s your home, Hudson. You’ve built a life there.”

“And I abandoned a life here. For selfish reasons. Maybe now’s the time to make up for that.”

“You have made up for it. You saved them. Everyone who was a threat is gone!”

“For now,” Hudson said. “But Sheena’s right. There’s no one else of age to be Alpha. There won’t be for years. Until there is, it makes them vulnerable to outsiders.”

“Yeah, but...like you said. Newcomb’s not that far!” Tali insisted. “You could be here right away if anything went wrong. You could easily—”

“Tali, I’m tired. She just asked me about it. I’ve barely had a chance to think about it myself. I don’t need you busting in here, trying to make my decision for me.” For a moment, he simply looked sad, but slowly his expression hardened. “You haven’t got the right.”

He’s right. He’s not mine. I’m not his. I don’t get to decide what he does.

“I know,” she said quietly, her heart breaking.

There was a spell of quiet, the first since they’d begun arguing back and forth, and it left her feeling vulnerable. It wasn’t her business, but somehow, she still dared to ask. “She wants you back as Alpha. Does that...does that mean she also wants...the two of you to...I don’t know….start over? Start again?”

She was prying. Shamelessly. She couldn’t stop it, couldn’t get a hold of the jealousy that was making her heart beat like a jackhammer.

Hudson sighed heavily, not meeting her eyes.

“Tali. I asked you to drop this. I am physically incapable of getting away from you right now, and it’s not right for you to keep pushing. I can’t do this. Look, Tali, I’m glad you’re here. I appreciate you visiting. And I’d be happy to talk to you about anything else. But if you can’t handle that, would you please just go?”

She knew it was unfair, pushing it on him. She was fueled by feelings of possessiveness, and she hadn’t the right. He wasn’t hers. If Sheena wanted him back, and he was willing, there was nothing Tali could say.

“Hudson, she-she broke your heart to pieces. I know it was a long time ago, but are you...can you really just forgive it? She...it’s not on the level. She wants the power you’d bring, the protection. She’s thinking of her sons and how vulnerable they’d be to-to someone else coming in, without a leader. You’ve proven your strength a hundred times over, and she wants your strength. Not you. I can’t blame her, Hudson, but it’s-it’s not real. It’s not—”

“Tali,” he said, a bit sharply, sharp enough to make her stop talking. “The reasons behind why she wants me to stay are between the two of us. I asked you to go. You didn’t listen. So now I’m telling you. Go. Just get out of here.”

“Yes, I know, but—”

“Tali, please. Don’t do this to me. Please. Don’t.”

“She doesn’t love you,” Tali said desperately, speaking over him.

He looked at her with a stare both hardened and vulnerable. “Yeah,” he said, a controlled calm in his voice, though his teeth were gritted. “I know.” A pause. Then he looked right in her eyes and stated, “Neither do you.”

She shut her eyes hard, not able to look at him.

It was an accusation and a challenge. He looked defeated enough that she thought he must truly believe it, but buried beneath it was a slight glimmer of hope. He was giving her a chance to tell him he was wrong. Only if she were willing to do that, did she have any right to ask him not to stay?

He was wrong. He was so wrong.

She did love him, so much she could hardly stand it.

But she couldn’t tell him that.

It wasn’t fair!

She couldn’t correct him, even though she felt that aching, demanding pull in her stomach to set him right, to profess that she did, she did, she did...but to do so would be a betrayal too terrible to bear. She thought of Cole, beautiful, brave, selfless, still recovering from his own brush with death.

She ached so hard she felt she might burst.

“Hudson…,” she tried. “That’s not...the thing is—”

“They say I need rest,” he said quietly, turning on his side, his back to her. It was clear he wanted her gone. “This is the polar opposite of that. Please, Tali. Just go.”

“Okay,” she said quietly.

She got to her feet and walked away, feeling like she might buckle under the weight of her own helplessness.