It was what both Hudson and Ella referred to as an “uncharacteristically warm day for late February,” and what Tali would refer to as “a miserably cold suckfest that was marginally less overcast than the previous miserably cold suckfests that had come before it.”

She did, in fact, refer to it as exactly that, but they only laughed at her, and Ella insisted she come ice-fishing with them like a true Alaskan before it got too warm. Which is how she came to be shivering on a chair above a hole in the ice, pretending to have fun whenever Ella made eye contact with her. Her practice wearing a fake-ass smile whenever she had to interact with wealthy customers in LA had prepared her well.

So far, there had been two saving graces in the two hours she had been suffering here. One had been the only time where any of them had actually caught something (Ella, who victory danced crazily and shouted “IN YO FACE” directly into Hudson’s face).

The other was the annoying yet witty comments of Hudson, who would lean over whenever Ella was distracted and say things like “And the Academy Award for Best Actress in a Motion Picture goes to Talia Tuesday for her performance in Ice Fishing Faker... a gripping drama about the lengths an urban aunt will go to for love” or something else to acknowledge the fact that Tali obviously was having no fun at all.

At some point Ella was checking her phone and let out a loud, “Oh, shit.”

“What did you say?” she and Hudson asked at the same time.

“I said...oh darn and shucks,” Ella said, giving them her best darn-and-shucks-eating grin.

“What’s up?” Tali asked, choosing to ignore the sarcasm.

“Maddy’s boyfriend dumped her,” Ella said, wincing.

“Maddy’s got a boyfriend?” Hudson interrupted loudly. “Isn’t she like...eight?”

Ella offered up her best eye roll Tali had yet seen. “No, Hudson. She’s like, thirteen. Because we are the same age.” When he only shook his head in disbelief, she went on. “I think I’d better go over there. She’s way heartbroken.”

“Okay. Sure. I’ll drive you,” Tali said, starting to get up, wiggling her stiff toes.

Ella made a face. “I was kinda thinking I could just take the snowmobile over.”

Tali frowned. “She’s on the other side of town. Is that too far?” she asked, looking at Hudson. “It seems like that’s too far.”

“Tali,” Ella sighed. “There’s tons of daylight left. And I have my cell phone. And one final point to support my case that might also make you want to kill me.”

Tali squinted at her. “Lay it on me, kid.”

“Of the two of us...I am the only one who has not totaled a snowmobile.”

Hudson let out a sharp bark of laughter, and Ella, seeing that at least one adult present enjoyed her point, laughed too. Tali glared.

“Low blow. Fine. Go. Just text me when you get there, okay?”

“Okay. I will. Thanks for coming with us, Tali,” she said, giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. “Hope you had fun.”

“Oh yeah,” Tali said. “It was great. You totally owned that fish.”

Ella skipped off across the ice, and Tali turned to glare at Hudson, whose eyes she could feel on her.

“Shut up.”

“Ditched again by the teenager,” he said, shaking his head. “She stood me up last week too. Suppose I should be used to it by now. And little Maddy Cartwright’s got a boyfriend? Feels like just yesterday she and Ella were making me play Barbies with them.”

Tali grinned at the image. “Barbies, huh?”

“Oh yeah,” he said proudly. “At least they always let me be astronaut Barbie. Ken hated the long-distance relationship, but he loved me enough to support my interstellar ambitions.”

Tali buried her face in her hand, shaking with laughter. “Stop. Stop. I can’t handle this. It’s too much.”

He grinned back at her, a little sheepish. “Anyway, I suppose you’re keen to ditch me too, now that you no longer have a niece to impress with your hardiness in the outdoors.”

“What? Oh, no, I don’t mind,” she tried, but Hudson interrupted her.

“Come on, Tali,” he said. “You successfully fooled the kid, but I think I’m a little more astute. You have not, in the past two hours, ‘learned to love’ this activity. You are dying inside.”

Tali snorted. “And outside,” she admitted. “I think I’m gonna find my toes are black when I get these boots off.” Then, not sure if she was being too harsh added, “I mean, it was great to see Ella get so excited about catching her fish.”

“Tali,” he said, reaching out to pat her gloved hand with his. “It’s okay. You can go. I’m letting you off the hook.”

She quirked an eyebrow at him. He really made it too easy sometimes. “You sure you wanna do that? I’m literally the only thing that’s been on your hook all day.” She saw his face contort into a grimace as he got her joke, but pressed on anyway, enjoying it too much to stop. “Get it? Because ice fishing is super boring and you’ve been sitting useless beside a hole for two hours?”

“I get it, Tali. As always, you are colder than the ice we stand on,” he said, shaking his head. But he was smiling.

“Well, Hudson,….I think I am gonna take you up on that escape offer. Because my body is numb. But hey, I guess I get to knock ice fishing off my bucket list. And maybe I can take care of two in one day now. Go poke around in the garage and see if I can tick off the act of literally watching paint dry.”

“You are a monster. Get out of here and let me enjoy my super boring hobby in peace, you callous harpy,” he said, shooing her off.

“I’m only teasing.” She smiled. “Tell you what. If you actually end up catching anything, let me know. I’ll make up for my cruel yet hilarious roast of your hobby by finding some crazy delicious recipe for whatever you catch, and I’ll cook it up.”

“Deal,” he said. “See ya, Tali.”

She started to cut her way across the lake toward the hill where the snowmobile was parked, moving fast because she was indeed freezing and ready to be inside, toasty by a fire, a hot beverage in hand.

She was lost in thought, wondering if she’d spend the rest of the afternoon reading that book she’d been avoiding or just mindlessly scroll the internet instead, when she realized Hudson was calling to her.

“What?” she said, turning around to face him. The hood of her parka tended to block out sound pretty well.

“Don’t go that way! Go back the way we came in!” he was shouting, running toward her.

She looked around. She hadn’t been thinking about it much, just heading in the general direction of where she knew the snowmobiles were parked.

“Oh,” she said, confused, turning all the way around. “Um, okay...”

“The ice. There’s a spring over that way and it doesn’t freeze all the way through over there!” Hudson was shouting, clearly panicked. “Come back this way!”

“Oh. Shit. Shit. Okay,” she called, taking a step, and letting out horrified squeak when she heard the unmistakable sound of the ice cracking beneath her feet. “Oh no. Oh no. Hudson, I think it’s cracking!”

“Shit. Tali, don’t move. I’m gonna...I’ve got rope back there with my stuff. I have to go get it, okay? Just don’t move until I get back, okay? Keep absolutely still.”

He ran back toward their chairs and gear. Tali stood frozen in terror, listening to the creaking and groaning of the ice, and trying not to follow her instinct to run to him.

It’s going to be okay, she told herself. It’ll be okay. Hudson’s here. He can help. He has rope. You can swim. It’ll be okay. Hudson’s here. It’ll be okay.

She took five deep breaths, in and out, slow and steady, just like that yoga instructor taught her that one time that she actually went to the class she’d signed up for.

And then the ice beneath her feet gave out, and she screamed.

The pain of it rendered her senseless, and it was all she could do not to try to suck in air that wasn’t there. She bit her lip hard enough that she was vaguely aware it must be bleeding, but she could barely feel it, being so overwhelmed by the vicious bite of the frigid water. She kicked up desperately, seeking air and her head connected with hard ice. Again, the pain and panic made her want to gasp, to seek precious air, but some part of her was cogent enough to tell the rest of her no and force her to listen.

She groped with her hands, seeking anything other than the cold, hard plane of ice above her head. Chest aching, almost bursting, she finally felt air on her fingertips and kicked up again, sucking in air desperately when her head breached the surface.

“Tali!” she heard Hudson scream. He was close now, closer than he’d been before. “Thank God. Okay, Tali, look at me. You’ve got this. You’re gonna be fine,”

No, I don’t, she thought weakly, gasping for air, gasping with pain. Her boots were so heavy. Her grip on the ice was almost non existent. She tried desperately to pull herself up, and felt a large chunk of ice break off. She fell with it, her head dipping back below the water, and she kicked, and swallowed, and felt herself start to sink.

No. No. No. No.

“Tali, stop!” Hudson demanded. He was closer. She could see he was closer than he had been, but he sounded so far away. “Tali, you can’t pull yourself straight out, okay? It can’t hold your weight that way. Tali, listen to me. You have to stay calm. I’m going to get out, but I need you to stay calm.”

“I can’t,” she gasped. She was hyperventilating, kicking desperately to stay afloat, her head bobbing down into the water with every breath. She couldn’t help it. The panic was taking over. She couldn’t keep her grip on the ice, and she was too heavy.

“Yes,” he said, fiercely. “Yes, you can.” He was crawling to her on his belly. “You’ve got to let your legs float up behind you. Get them up, Tali. Horizontal. Like a seal. They do this all the time right? Don’t even have hands, but they manage it just fine. And so will you. Breathe, Tali. Breathe, come on. Don’t try to get out, not yet. I know it’s hard. Trust me, okay? I’m coming. I’ve got you.”

She shut her eyes tight, tried to force herself to ignore the pain and the fear, and just focus on his voice, on trying to follow his instructions.

Trust me, he’d said. She did. He wouldn’t let anything happen to her.

Her body seemed to be adjusting to the shock of the icy water now, and she concentrated hard on trying to follow his instructions, to hear his voice and not the screaming terror in her own brain.

“There you go. That’s right. Just like that. Tali, I’m going to throw you the rope now. Just get your arms through it, or get it around your torso if you can. Whatever you can manage. Stay calm. You’re doing great. I’m gonna get you out, honey. I’m gonna get you out.”

She continued to bite hard on her lip, knowing that if she didn’t, she’d start taking in gulps of air with her mouth, that the panic would take hold again. She was doing this right. She’d listened to him and gotten herself horizontal. She felt weak, but she had a hold on the ice. The rope landed beside her, and she did as he said, managing to loop both of her arms through it and pull it tight to her chest.

“You got it?”

“Yes,” she gasped.

“Okay. Stay as flat as you can, Tali. I’m gonna pull you out. I’ve got you now.”

And he did. In a few moments, she was out of the water and being dragged across the ice on her belly. Everything was starting to blur. It was cold. It was so fucking cold. But she was out. She was out of the water. Her eyes wanted to close. She could feel it, but she fought it, fought it until he’d pulled her all the way to him, and she felt her head connect with his lap, his fingertips digging into her arm through layers of soaked clothing. She felt arms buckle underneath her, and she collapsed against his legs completely.

The next thing she felt properly aware of was that she was inside. She could recall vaguely the blur of passing trees as they’d sped along on the snowmobile, but her eyes never stayed open for long. Trees and cold. Trees and cold.

There were no trees now, but she was still so cold.

She felt him drop her onto the mattress, and then he was standing over her, tugging at the buttons of her flannel. She didn’t remember losing her parka, but she must have at some point.

“You’ve got to get out of these clothes,” he was muttering, and she could focus enough to see the fear in his wide green eyes. She lifted her hands to try to help him, wanting them off too. They were clinging to her, and she was so cold.

As she did, her stomach turned to lead and her own eyes widened too. “Hudson,” she said, horrified. “I can’t…I can’t move my fingers. Do I have frostbite? I don’t...I can’t move them.”

“Shhhh,” he said, pulling them away, holding them briefly in his own hands as he pushed them down to her sides. “You’re okay. You’re okay. You’re shivering. If you can shiver, it’s not that bad. You’ll be okay.”

She was still too cold to move, too afraid to try again and find that she couldn’t, so she let him help her out of her clothes, feeling woozy, light-headed, and still so scared.

She felt him tug off her soaked jeans and leggings she wore beneath them, and felt the pull of the warm blankets layered on his bed. She could get under them now, she had to. She crawled beneath them, shaking with cold and fear that had not abated. A few moments later he crawled in beside her, massive, broad and hot, drawing her to him like a small object to the sun, and she offered no resistance.

He took her frozen hands in his and placed them against his bare chest. Nestled there between them, she could feel them again. She could. They hurt, but if they could hurt, that meant there was still feeling in them. She wiggled her fingers, gasping with relief as his arms enveloped her, pulling her close, his legs tangling up with hers.

He held her so close they felt like one, his cheek pressed hard against hers, his hands hot against her bare back, his whispered words hard to make out, but soothing. Her head hurt too much to do anything but melt against him, her thoughts fuzzy and clouded, but no longer afraid. Had she really almost drowned beneath an icy ceiling in a frigid lake? It seemed impossible, now that she was here and safe and warm. Absurd. She started to laugh and he shushed her, and kissed her jaw and stroked her back, and her eyes fluttered closed.

She woke later, not sure how much time had passed. He was still there, warm and solid, shirtless, completely enveloping her in the heat of his arms. She was crushed up against him. She breathed in heavily, wiggling her toes. Then the fingers on her left hand, held close to her chest. Then the ones on her right, fingers that were intertwined with his. He’d helped her into a shirt at some point, a thick flannel one that fit her like a nightdress, almost down to her knees. She felt a heavy presence at her back, and realized with a twitch of her lips that it was Koda.

She was pressed too close to his chest to even look up to see if Hudson was awake, and felt too exhausted to even try to move. The memories began flooding back, a mix of shockingly vivid and totally surreal, and her breath started to get fast again. Before she knew it, she was crying.

She felt Hudson stir and shift, and a moment later he was cupping her face in his hands. His fingers were callused but gentle, and his eyes were full of concern.

“Tali,” he said quietly. “Tali, you’re okay. It’s all over, sweetheart. You can feel that, right?” he said, and he moved his feet against hers, and she felt the sensation on each of her toes. “You can feel this.” He squeezed her hand tight. “You’re okay.”

But she wasn’t, and it wasn’t about her toes. It wasn’t about her fingers.

She started to sob, unable to hold back the flood of tears. “It-It’s not that,” she choked, gulping in air as he looked at her, distraught and worried. “It’s…it’s Matty. I-I was drowning, Hudson, and it was so scary. I’ve…I’ve imagined it, I have. Every day, since I heard what happened to him. And it’s always been awful but…but now I know. I know what he…what he felt in his last moments, and he must have been so scared, because I was. I couldn’t find the hole, and I couldn’t get air and—”

She gave up on trying to choke out any more words, and just sobbed, letting him crush her up against his bare chest until she got it all out and shuddered into silence. After taking a few moments to regulate her breathing, she put her palm against the soft fur of his chest and pushed back against him.

“Fuck,” she murmured. “Hudson, I’m sorry. You…you were there. You lived through it. I shouldn’t have...made you go through it again like that. I know it’s been hard enough—”

“Shhh,” he said, taking her hand in his and pulling it up to his mouth, pressing a soft kiss to the back of it. “Don’t apologize,” he said quietly. “You can talk to me about anything you want, Tali. That includes Matty. Anything you could ever need to say. There’s no one else who gets it like we do. You can always talk to me about him. I want you to.”

She gave him a grateful nod, throat too tight to speak.

For a long while, they gazed at each other, neither of them saying anything. Even in the low light of his bedroom, his eyes were a startling green. Her mind had often drawn up the phrase “drowning” to describe the feeling of looking into eyes like his, but that seemed laughable now that she’d nearly gone through it for real. Drowning was painful, terrifying. It hurt inside and outside.

This was nothing like drowning, This was impossibly safe, impossibly warm. She wasn’t drowning, but she did feel lost. She swallowed hard, suddenly much too aware of his body, of her own, and how they were intertwined.

She had his giant shirt on, and he’d pulled on sweatpants at some point, but her legs were bare and tangled up intimately with his. His hand was around her wrist, and his thumb was stroking against her absently, soothingly. She wasn’t cold anymore. Not remotely. It was impossible to be with the heat radiating from his body, and yet she could feel goosebumps prickling up on her skin.

He was gorgeous, unbelievably so. She’d always been aware of it, but she’d never allowed herself to really look before, to notice the cut of his jaw, his strong, defined features, the flecks of gold in his eyes. His lips looked soft, and she knew that they were. She’d felt them before, in a haze, when they’d kissed gently at the back of her hand.

And now she was imagining it, imagining what they’d feel like, hot and hungry against her own.

Would those strong hands of his come up to grip her hair? Would he know that she’d want him to pull it as he deepened his kiss, or that she liked the bite of teeth against her lower lip? He’d come barging into Matt’s house in a temper when they first met, but he’d since proven himself to be a gentle soul beneath it all.

He would be gentle with her, she thought, but not too gentle. He could spar with her, match wits with her. He had fire inside him. She wondered if she said something teasing, witty and cutting, as he kissed her neck, if he’d bite into that spot where it met her shoulder, the spot that made her shudder and slicken? Would he growl the way Cole did when—

Fuck.

Cole.

Cole. Her eyes went wide, and she jerked back as if burned.

She saw his brow burrow in confusion. “Tali,” he started, quiet. His hand still encircled her wrist. She knew she should pull out of his grasp and get the hell out of his bed. She’d been here much too long already. But she didn’t.

“I-I need to get going,” she said, and it came out as a terrified whisper. “It’s…it’s been hours, probably. I don’t even know, but I should—”

“Tali,” he said again, eyes still locked on hers.

“My phone’s probably destroyed. But I-I need to check on Ella. I never found out if she…if she made it to Maddy’s...”

“She did,” he said. “I checked. She’s fine.”

She felt the whoosh of relief, and then a stab of fear. She still had to get out of here.

“Tali,” he said again, voice low, raspy. Pleading. There was no mistaking the desire pooled in his gaze.

“Hudson, I have to go,” she choked out, a plea of her own. His hand was still around her wrist, and she tugged, but she knew it was with much less strength than she was capable of.

He did let her wrist go, but not to free her. There was a flurry of movement, and he was propped on his elbow, above her just slightly. His other hand came up briefly to cup her face, then swiftly moved back into her dark hair as his mouth crashed up against hers in a desperate kiss.

It was electric. As she knew it would be. As she feared it would be.

The moment their lips met, her belly swooped, and every cell in her body came to life, tingling. She gasped against his hot lips, and her hand came up to his chest. To push him away. To push him away, she thought helplessly, even as her fingertips grazed over the hard, chiseled planes of his incredible pecs.

He kissed her hard, his stubble scraping her chin, his hand in her hair tugging just the way it should. His mouth was hot upon hers, so hot she was helpless, melting into it. She felt his lips begin to part, felt a traitorous moan rise up in her throat and—

“No,” she gasped, pulling her mouth away from his, slamming her palm against his chest.

He pulled back too, quite a bit, still leaning above her breathing hard. His eyes were more gold than green now, fierce with desire, but she saw them subtly begin to shift back, softening, filling with confusion. His broad chest was rising and falling hard, and she tore her eyes away from it.

She ought to slap him. A part of her wanted to, to hit him in the face with all her strength. Her eyes flashed with anger, at him. At herself.

“Hudson, what the hell?” she hissed, hand going up to her mouth. God, she was already raw from the scrape of his stubble, and her chest was still heaving as she tried to regain control of her breathing.

“Tali,” he croaked, as she sat up, hand still held over the lips that had started to give in to his so readily. She wanted to bolt. She needed to. She should.

But she also wanted to understand this crazy thing that had just happened here. His eyes were back to normal now for the most part, and she could see he still burned with desire. If she hadn’t stopped him, there was no telling where they might be right now, but she could also see guilt there.

“Why did you—?” she tried, her voice coming out in barely a whisper, stopping when she felt her lower lip quiver.

“Tali,” he said again, desperation in his voice as he sat up too. “I’m sorry,” he said firmly, though his eyes were averted, looking down at his knees. “I’m sorry that I’ve upset you. That I’ve made you uncomfortable.” She saw him swallow hard, steeling himself. He looked up at her again, and the look in her eyes made her breath hitch in her throat. “But I won’t pretend I haven’t wanted to. For a long time.”

Her head was spinning. She could feel the blood pounding in her ears, and she looked away, unable to handle the sincerity blazing in his eyes.

When she managed to look back, struggling to find words to...to tell him off, to tell him it was wrong, that he shouldn’t have done it, he sucked the air right out of her lungs as he said, “I’m in love with you, Tali. I love you.”

What? What? No.

He wasn’t. He… This was a dream. She was hallucinating, still delirious with cold. It was a side effect of the hypothermia…

“Hudson,” she stammered. “You-You can’t be—”

“I can,” he said quietly. “I am. I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t be saying it. But I am and I do. I almost lost you today.” His voice cracked a bit. “Came so fucking close. So maybe I shouldn’t say it, but it’s out now, and I don’t want to hide it anymore. I love you.”

“No,” she said weakly, shaking her head. “That’s… It doesn’t make any sense. From the first day, from the very first day, we’ve been at each other’s throats. We’ve never agreed on anything. We fight, all the time—”

“Not all the time,” he said quietly, still looking at her with those eyes that cut right through her. It was true. She wished it weren’t. She wished she could stare right back at him and tell him she hated him, the way she thought she did once.

Instead, she offered something weaker, more desperate, “We hurt each other, Hudson. We’re out of sync, all the time. Always getting things wrong. I’ve said awful things to you, Hudson, terrible things—”

He nodded quietly. “Yeah. That’s true enough. But for my part,” he said, voice throaty and low, “they couldn’t have hurt if I didn’t care the way I do. And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry again for any hurt I’ve ever caused you.”

She wanted to wail. Didn’t he get it? He was hurting her now! Saying this to her and meaning it with such staggering sincerity.

Because she couldn’t.

She couldn’t love him. She couldn’t say it back.

Her heart belonged to someone else. She thought of Cole, and her chest ached with pain, with guilt.

Cole, who was kind, and sweet, and loved her so much. Who kissed her awake on Sunday mornings, begging her to get up even when she wanted to sleep in so he could get more time with her. Cole, who made eggs in the morning, even though he sucked at it, because he wanted to do something nice for her. Cole, whose smile still made her stomach do flips just like it did the first night they’d spent together.

There was so much to love about him, the man who’d been there for her when she’d been staggering through her life up here, bitter and lonely, out of her depth with Ella, terrified and so alone. Her love for him was blazing, and powerful and real. She saw in him what no one else did. She saw his courage and his heartache and his strength, and she adored him. He’d been so beaten up, so wronged by the harshness of the world, yet he was tender, and good-hearted, and true. Endlessly passionate. A rock for her when things were at their hardest. The kind of partner she’d never really believed she’d have.

She loved him. She loved Cole.

“I have to go,” she said savagely, throwing the covers off her lap and jumping to her feet.

“Tali, wait,” he said, and she could see the hurt in his eyes. She looked away and began desperately searching the room for pants and not finding any. She had half a mind to just storm out in what she had on. Her truck was parked outside.

“Tali,” he said again, also getting up.

“No,” she said, voice cracking. “You shouldn’t have done that. I’m with someone else, Hudson. I love someone else.” She wouldn’t look at him. She couldn’t.

“Tali,” he said again, coming around the bed toward her. “Wait—”

“No, I said!” she spat fiercely, stepping back. “Get away from me!” Emotions started flooding in, ones she couldn’t handle, not even a little bit.

She saw him flinch at her words, visibly wounded. “That’s not what I’m...I’m not trying to touch you. I just want to talk to you. To talk about this.”

“I don’t want to talk to you!” she hissed. “I need to get out of here. Now!”

“I’ll go,” he said firmly. “I don’t want you tearing out of here in this state, okay? I know…I know I fucked up. I’m sorry. I’ll go. Please, just take your time. Stay here. Warm up. Drive home when you’re ready. There’re clothes in the drawer. Take whatever you need.”

She could hear the fear and concern in his voice. She hated it. She hated him. She turned away as he walked out the door, shutting it softly behind him.

Her stomach churned and her chest ached. Her knees buckled. What the hell had just happened? She shuffled through the room, feeling lost. Koda came over to her, whining softly, and padded around her feet. She reached out to grip his thick fur, desperate to hang onto something. She petted his head, giving his ear a soft squeeze.

A moment later, she heard the front door slam, much more loudly than his bedroom door had shut. She walked over to the window and saw Hudson burst out onto the lawn. What was he doing? He was still just in his sweats, his chest bare. Was he...even wearing shoes? She squinted, trying to see in the low light provided by his porchlight.

And then she let out a gasp as she saw him hunch over and become the bear right before her eyes. Enormous, brown and shaggy. Bigger than Cole had been. She watched him lumber across the lawn and disappear into the woods. She sank to the floor, pulling Koda to her, clutching at his fluffy coat, hands shaking.