It was later that night that she brought it up with Cole. She’d worked the bar that evening, and Hudson was at home watching Ella. The last patrons had stuck around later than usual, and normally she would have just texted Cole to say as much, apologize, and head right home so as not to keep Hudson waiting, but she knew she had to see him bring it up or it would eat away at her.

She’d already spent the whole day trying not to fret about it and failing.

She entered his cabin to find him stretched out on the couch with the radio on, the only thing in the place that connected him to the outside world. There was a fire going and his eyes were closed. He lifted his head when he heard her come in and gave her a sleepy smile.

“There you are,” he said, sitting up. “I was starting to think you were gonna bail on me.”

When she reached him, he stuck a finger through her belt loop and pulled her down onto his lap, kissing her deeply. Even after a month, it still managed to make her toes curl when he kissed her. She could feel him already hardening against her. She shifted a little, knowing it would make her weak.

She wasn’t here to fuck, even though he’d proven he could get her off in minutes if he wanted to.

“I can’t stay,” she said, pulling away reluctantly. She pushed herself out of his lap and settled on the couch beside him. “But I wanted to come by to see you. To talk to you.”

She was nervous and it obviously showed because he immediately looked concerned, taking her hand in his. “What is it, darlin’? Something go wrong with Ella again?”

“Oh no. It’s not that. No, it’s still been really good on that front. But it is...loosely related.”

She explained Ella coming to her about spending Thanksgiving with the Callaways and Mabel’s response.

“Oh. Well. That was really nice of her,” Cole said, with a neutrality that made her want to die, or at least shake him hard by the shirt.

“Yeah, it was,” she said through gritted teeth, exuding frustration.

He gave her a puzzled, almost wary look.

“So, are you going to go?”

Why was he being so...ugh. She forced herself to sound as neutral as he did as she said, “Well, I’m not sure. I wanted to talk to you first,” she said, and her facade of calm was already falling apart. She’d never had this issue before, never had a boyfriend she worried about discussing her relationship with in a serious manner, never had to worry about coming on too strong or pushing too hard because she’d always been the lukewarm one. Now she was flailing.

“Oh,” he said, and she could tell he was nervous too. He didn’t offer anything beyond that.

“I was wondering whether you might want to spend the day together. Or maybe you could...come with me? I could ask Mabel. I’m sure she’d be fine with it.”

“Oh,” he said, frowning. “Tali, I don’t know…”

Her heart sank. It wasn’t as though she didn’t see this coming. “Cole, I know you’re not...the most social person, but we wouldn’t have to stay that long. And Mabel really is the sweetest and I just think—”

“Tali. Baby. No,” he said, shaking his head, looking truly upset. “I’m sorry but I don’t think so. But that shouldn’t stop you from enjoying the day. Go. I’m sure it’ll be great, but I just...don’t think I should join you.”

Why? She wanted to demand. Why not? What are you so afraid of? What are you hiding from? I’ve told you so much about me, about my family, my mom, how I let her down, all my guilt and regrets, and you haven’t given me anything...

But she didn’t say any of it. She just nodded and put her other hand over his, sandwiching it between both of hers. “Okay. That’s fine. We’ll do our own thing,” she said in a tight voice, forcing herself to smile.

“What? Oh, no, Tali, I don’t want to hold you back—”

“You’re not,” she said. “Really. It’s Thanksgiving. And I’m thankful to you—for keeping me sane, for making me laugh...for all your various other talents.” She squeezed his thigh. “Other than Ella, who has gone full teenager, prioritizing friends over family, there’s no one else I’d rather spend the day with. I was just in the store today, and they’ve still got a ton of turkeys left. We’ll do it at Matty’s, just the two of us, the full Thanksgiving spread. It’ll be nice.”

He still looked concerned, but she could see the warmth coming into his eyes, and it gave her a pang, wondering what he’d done for Thanksgiving in the past. For her, it had always been associated with warm memories, either helping her mom put together an epic meal at home or having a lovely Friendsgiving with the slew of broke LA friends who were too poor to afford flights home for the holidays.

“Tali...you shouldn’t turn Mabel down on account of me,” he said, clearly determined to put up a fight. “After how nice she’s—”

“Shhh,” she said, covering his mouth with her own in a quick kiss. “It’s done. I’m spending it with you. It’s what I want.”

“Okay,” he said, a bit hoarse. “Thank you, Tali. That means a lot.”

She relaxed a little, satisfied that he understood. But she wasn’t done yet. Not quite. “Cole,” she said quietly, still holding his hand. “What about…?”

“Hmm?”

“Well, this is.... I mean, it sounds pretty hokey, really, but Mabel keeps going on about the, uh, town dance that they’re having on Friday. It doesn’t sound particularly...cool, but there’s not a lot else to do in town, and Mabel’s shutting the bar down for the night since apparently everyone will be at this other thing. And I know Ella’s going too and probably staying at her friend’s after, and... I’ll have the night off. It could be nice...getting dressed up? Going out somewhere...? We could just get drunk and stumble our way through some weird square dances and maybe find a corner to discreetly make out in—”

“Tali,” he said abruptly.

He’d opened his mouth several times as she’d been talking, clearly looking for an opening and finding none. His interruption made her stop though. “I, uh, I have a charter on Friday. Some guy who’s in Newcomb visiting for the holiday and needs to get back for business immediately after. I’m taking him to Anchorage and staying there for a couple of nights. So I...I can’t.”

“Oh,” she said, disappointed. Then, because she needed to address it even though it was difficult, even excruciating, she added, “But you wouldn’t, right? If you were here? You still wouldn’t come.”

She saw a brief flicker of what looked liked anguish cross his features before he simply looked apologetic and said, “No. I-I wouldn’t.”

“What’s the deal, Cole?” she asked quietly. “You have other girlfriends in town you’re trying to keep in the dark or something?”

He gave her a serious look. “You know that I don’t,” he said quietly.

He was right. She knew deep down she didn’t really need to worry about that.

She almost wished that was the driving factor behind his behavior, because at least that would make sense, would explain things in a way that was logical.

“Then what is it…? I know we’ve never explicitly talked about what this thing with us is, but the fact that you won’t let me kiss you in public or do anything to indicate that we’re—well—anything at all. The fact that you seem so intent on hiding it...it throws me off, Cole, and makes me wonder if you…if you, I don’t know, maybe you’re ashamed of me for some reason—”

“Tali, please,” he said, cupping her face with his hands. “Don’t go down that road. Because it’s so off, it’s so far off from the truth.” His dark eyes flecked with gold and looked so bright, so sincere in the crackling firelight.

“Look,” he said, leaning forward and resting his head against her forehead. “Maybe this is too soon or too much, but I feel like you’re getting off the mark here, so I’m just going to come out and say it. I love you, Tali. I do.”

Her mouth fell open. “I….really?”

“Yeah,” he murmured. “More than you could possibly imagine. And I’m sorry for what a mess I am.” He pulled back, shaking his head. “This is all on me, Tali, and it’s hard to explain, but it’s for the best. The way that I am...the reasons why I am the way I am...they’re hard for me to talk about. I want to tell you. I feel like I’m always standing on the brink of it and I just...can’t get there. I want to explain it to you. I really do. I’m trying to get there. But I love you. That’s not hard for me to say. Not even a little. I just hope it won’t scare you off.”

“No,” she said fiercely, kissing him. “No.” She kissed him again. “It’s fine. It’s good. And I don’t mean to push you into something you’re not comfortable with, or make you feel like you have to talk about it before you’re ready. You don’t like talking to people. That’s okay. You like talking to me.” She smiled. “That’s enough. We don’t have to rush into anything more. I can keep you to myself if that’s what you want.”

“God, I love you,” he said again, kissing her, his hands tangling up in her hair. “Love talking to you,” he added. “Love kissing you. Fucking you.” He came at her again, burying his stubbled face in her neck, nipping at the soft skin there.

She moaned, hands automatically clutching at the fabric at his chest, but when she felt his gloriously hard pecs beneath her hands, she forced herself to push off against him before she got utterly lost.

“I have to go,” she said, getting to her feet. “Hudson’s watching Ella. Can’t keep him up all night. Don’t give me those eyes.” She cupped his cheek, then gave him a light pat that made him start, then laugh. “I’ll see you Thursday though, right?”

“Right,” he nodded.

“Come by around two. I’ll make a Thanksgiving spread that will knock your socks off.” She made her way to the door. As she reached for the handle, her heart pounded, but she forced herself to say what she hadn’t yet, what she needed to and was afraid to. “And Cole?”

“Yeah,” he asked, gazing at her from across the room.

“I love you, too.”

And she did. Even though he was complicated, and brooding, and he had a weird, empty home and secrets he still wouldn’t tell her. She loved him.

She watched his face as she closed the door behind her, watched relief, warmth and genuine happiness spread across it.