So how was Bible study?” Steve asked.
He was on his way home from the deacons’ board meeting at his church but had called Porsha a few seconds ago.
“It was fine.”
“I was hoping to call you before now. But since our chairman had a prior engagement, our meeting didn’t start until eight. And we’re just getting out.”
“Oh, okay,” she said.
“If it wasn’t so late, I would try to come by.”
“Yeah, I’m sure you would.”
“I’m serious. Especially with you talking all this craziness about some singles ministry for women. What about the men?” he said, laughing.
“I’m glad you find this funny.”
“If you want to know the truth, I don’t think it’s funny at all. I’m sort of irritated by it.”
“I don’t know why.”
“Because you’ve never talked about attending a singles ministry before, let alone starting one.”
“We’ve always had a singles ministry. For men and women. I just realized it was time our women had one just for them.”
“Maybe I’m not giving it to you good enough. Not taking care of my job as well as I thought I was.”
Porsha frowned. “So you think sex is all I’m interested in? That I don’t need a whole lot more than that?”
“No, I’m just saying that if I was taking care of business the way I should be, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
“Well, unless you’re planning to get divorced, you’ll never be able to give me what I want. It’s just not possible anymore.”
“Now I know you’re seeing someone else,” he said. “Because nobody just up and changes like this for no reason. It was just this past Sunday when you were all over me in bed and wanting us to get married. Now, three days later, you’re acting like I’m no big deal. Like you could take me or leave me.”
“That’s not true. I do love you, but I also don’t want to keep foolishly hoping for something to happen. Wishing you would leave your wife. For a long time, I didn’t think about that very much. I guess because I only cared about what I wanted. But now I find myself thinking more about how your wife must be feeling. And how if I was married to you, I wouldn’t want you to sleep around on me.”
“Look, I know you’re not happy with things right now. And that’s why I want us to take this trip together.”
“I don’t see how spending a week out of town is going to change anything. You’ll be busy with the conference during the day, so where does that leave me? Waiting for you in some room?”
“It wouldn’t be like that. We’ll be able to go out to restaurants for dinner or do anything you want.”
“Really? So you’re not worried about your colleagues seeing you with another woman?”
“How would they know who you are? If anything, everyone will probably just think you’re there for the conference. That you own your own health care business.”
Porsha wished he’d stop pressing her about this trip that she didn’t want to go on. At first, she’d sort of considered it, thinking that it might help their relationship—make Steve realize what he was missing by not marrying her. But now she didn’t feel as comfortable with the idea as she had. She dreaded having to travel somewhere in secret.
“I’ll let you know,” she finally said.
“When?”
“Soon?”
“Well, I’m leaving in two and a half weeks, so it would be great if I could get your plane ticket booked as soon as possible.”
Porsha rolled her eyes toward the sky and moved her phone to her other ear. No matter what she said, he didn’t seem to want to give up. “I’ll let you know tomorrow.”
“Good, and I hope you don’t disappoint me because I really want you to go.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow for sure.”
“That’s fine, and don’t forget I’m coming by when I get off work.”
Porsha was a little shocked that he was still planning to. That would make three times this week. But instead of being excited about it, she wondered what lie he would be telling his wife.
“I’ll see you then,” she said.
“I love you, baby.”
“I love you, too.”
“Rest well.”
“I will.”
Porsha hung up, but for some reason, Raven fell on her mind again. Toward the end of Bible study, she’d seemed beyond out of sorts. Nervous even. And her demeanor and body language had only seemed to change just after that mysterious guy had stood up and asked questions. Porsha had never seen him before, not on Sunday mornings or at Bible study, so she wondered who he was. He’d asked some very strange questions, too. But regardless, all Porsha knew was that Raven had seemed uncomfortable and almost as if she was afraid of the man. Which meant Raven must have known him personally.
Porsha removed the jeans and sleeveless white dress top she’d worn to church this evening and slipped on a knee-length black silk spaghetti-strap nightgown. She went into her bathroom and washed off her makeup and wrapped her hair with a satin scarf. It had been a long day, and for some reason, she was a little more tired than usual. So she got in bed and flipped through the onscreen guide to see which guests were going to be on the nighttime talk shows.
But before she could decide which she wanted to watch, Dillon called her. This now made three consecutive days that he’d done so, and she’d be lying if she said she wasn’t happy about it. Because truth was, when she’d been on her way home this evening, she’d found herself hoping he might contact her again.
“Hello?” she answered.
“Hey, you.”
“Hey yourself. What’s going on?”
“Not much. Just thinking about you.”
“Really? And why is that?”
“Because I want to see you, and you won’t let me.”
“You’re not going to start that up again, are you?”
“I don’t see why not.”
“So did you do anything special today?” she asked.
“Oh, I see. You’re just going to change the subject, I guess.”
Porsha laughed. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yeah, okay.”
“But hey, can I ask you something?” she said. “And I’m being serious now.”
“What is it?”
“When you and Raven were married, did she have any run-ins with people from her past?”
“Not that I know of. Why?”
“Because some guy showed up at Bible study tonight, and something wasn’t right with it. He looked a little scary, and he made Raven pretty nervous.”
“Who knows. That witch could’ve crossed anybody. You know how she is. Or at least I know how she is, anyway.”
“I just hope he’s not going to be trouble.”
“Well, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you this, but I really don’t care one way or the other. Raven deserves whatever she gets, and all I want is for her to retract that statement she made on Facebook. We were all checking more web sites today, and we saw a lot of new comments. People wondering if maybe my dad is in fact the pastor Raven was talking about. No one is specifically saying he did it, but his name definitely keeps popping up. That’s why I called her behind yesterday.”
Porsha was a little stunned. “You talked to her?”
“No, she wouldn’t answer. I left her a message, though.”
“Interesting.”
“So I guess she didn’t tell you about it, huh?”
“Nope.”
“I’ll bet she didn’t. She’s the same sneaky witch she’s always been, and she’s not your friend, either.”
“Why do you keep saying that?”
“Because it’s true. But enough about Raven. I want to talk about us.”
“No, I have a better idea. Let’s talk about your fiancée,” Porsha said.
“What about her?”
“Does she know you’re calling me?”
“No, why would she?”
“You’re being sarcastic, but I want an answer.”
“We broke up. Our engagement is off.”
Porsha laughed. “Dillon, I know we haven’t seen each other in a while, but what do you take me for? Some kind of teenager?”
“No, we really broke up. We decided to go our separate ways.”
“When? Today?”
“Three weeks ago.”
“Why? What happened?”
“She went back to her ex-fiancé. The same man that cheated on her for a whole year before she found out about it.”
“Well, I wish I could say I feel sorry for you, but I don’t.”
“I don’t expect you to, and I’ve already told you how I never should’ve started seeing Taylor. I’m not saying I didn’t love her, because I did. But we also didn’t get together under the best circumstances. I should’ve divorced Raven before I started seeing you or Taylor. I know that now.”
“Well, I guess this explains why you all of a sudden started calling me.”
“I won’t lie. Had Taylor and I not broken up, I wouldn’t have. But I still never stopped thinking about you. Then, when Raven made that video, it gave me a reason to call you the other day.”
“So what you’re saying is that you lost the woman you love and then thought you could just start back seeing me? That we could simply pick up where we left off?”
“No, it’s not like that. I know you don’t believe me, but I don’t just want to see you. I want us to have everything you wanted us to have in the first place.”
“Uh-huh. And what’s that, Dillon?”
“An exclusive relationship.”
“Do you want to have that with me or with the money you know I have?”
“I won’t lie to you about that, either. When you and I were messing around before, I did want you to keep giving money to my church. But now I just want to be with you. I want to do things the right way this time.”
“That could never happen.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t trust you.”
“Even with me pouring my heart out and being completely honest about everything?”
“I still don’t trust you.”
“I’m sorry for all the pain I caused you, but my life was really messed up back then. I was selfish, and I hurt a lot of people. But I’m telling you, I’m not that person anymore.”
Porsha heard him and hated that she was allowing him to get inside her head this way. Dillon had proven who he was a long time ago, but she couldn’t help that she still had feelings for him. She didn’t want to, but how did anyone simply stop loving someone just because they knew they shouldn’t? People judged women like her all the time, trying to figure out how they could still care for a man who had betrayed them. But it was only because they’d never been in that kind of situation. They hadn’t been in love with someone the way she’d fallen in love with Dillon. Then, there was Steve, who Porsha still loved, too.
But at this very moment, she knew she didn’t love Steve nearly as much as she’d once loved Dillon. Over the last couple of years, she’d forced herself to block Dillon from her mind as much as she could, but just hearing his voice for the last three days had done wonders for her. She wouldn’t tell Dillon this directly, but when she spoke to him, she felt a certain sense of gladness and contentment she hadn’t felt in a while. Yes, she’d started seeing him when he was married, too, and he’d betrayed her with Taylor—something she’d reminded herself of on Monday, yesterday, and again today. But she still felt a connection with him, and she wasn’t sure how much longer she’d be able to pretend she didn’t. Even now, she wanted to tell him to jump in his car so he could come over and make love to her.
She wasn’t proud of any of what she was feeling, but this was her truth and she couldn’t deny it. At the same time, though, she also couldn’t deny Dillon’s history. She couldn’t ignore everything she knew about him—or forget that some people never changed for the better. So what was a girl to do? Take a chance on love or leave well enough alone? She just didn’t know and wondered if she ever would—that is, without getting hurt again.