Raven stood in the side hallway with her eyes closed, waiting for one of the church elders to announce her entrance into the sanctuary. When he did, a female usher opened the door, and Raven walked inside, smiling and waving to her members. Their high-spirited applause and standing ovation never ceased to amaze her, and it always sent her adrenaline into overdrive.
She absolutely loved the incredible way her congregation welcomed her every Sunday morning, and she couldn’t imagine them not doing it. She knew this wasn’t the norm—a pastor being formally announced and then making a grand entrance into the sanctuary—but from the first service she’d held, this had been the way they’d greeted her. They’d done it without her even expecting them to, and it had motivated and inspired her so much that she’d decided to make her special introduction permanent. Kane, her significant other of one year, thought her “celebrity-style” intro showed no humility and wasn’t appropriate for a pastor, and she could tell that Porsha basically felt the same. But Raven paid no attention to either of them—not when she believed that all pastors, especially founders of churches, deserved to be treated with unique honor and praise.
She stepped up the pulpit stairs and then behind the glass podium. “Thank you all so very much. Thank you for being the blessing that you are and for showing me more kindness and love than any pastor could ask for.”
The applause continued, but soon Raven raised both her hands, gently motioning for everyone to take their seats. Then she subtly checked beneath the podium, making sure the hospitality staff had poured ice water in her favorite crystal glass and set it on a small sterling silver platter, alongside her lace-trimmed handkerchiefs. Last week, they’d used some other glass that she’d never seen before, and for a few seconds, their reckless mistake had thrown off her concentration. From the very beginning, though, she’d made it clear to everyone who worked for New Vision Christian Center and New Vision Ministries, Inc., that she had pretty high expectations. She’d warned that certain errors wouldn’t be tolerated. So, thankfully, the hospitality staff had gotten things right this time.
As she did at the beginning of every service, Raven scanned the congregation and recited Romans 8:30–31 from memory. “Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified. What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?”
“Amen,” everyone responded.
“It is certainly wonderful to see all of you here today, and as I look out at all your beautiful faces and think about the way you have continued to support me as your pastor and the ministry as a whole, my heart overflows with joy. This is the reason I love Romans eight, thirty through thirty-one so very much. It confirms my calling from God not just to become a minister but to become a pastor. It solidifies my reason for answering His call, even though there were a lot of naysayers. Even though many folks right here in the city don’t believe a woman should organize a church or serve as its leader. But more than that, I am reminded of the woman I used to be,” she proclaimed with tears filling her eyes.
She paused and swallowed hard, just as she’d watched her ex-husband, Dillon, do many times, whenever he wanted his members to sympathize with him. Raven had also seen the good Reverend Curtis Black breaking down and crying before his congregation. He’d go on to tell them about his awful childhood and his sinful past and then announce how God had delivered him from all of it.
So Raven had decided early on that there was no reason to change what worked. She also saw no reason to stop insisting that she was called by God to minister, even though, like her former husband, she hadn’t been. Her position as founder and pastor of New Vision Christian Center had materialized by choice, and there was nothing wrong with that.
“Some of you know my story and some of you don’t, but there was a time when I did some terrible things. And while I never try to use my childhood as an excuse for my actions, I do know that being raised in multiple foster homes and being physically abused and raped at one of them wasn’t good. It was unbearable. Although, I will say this, my childhood nightmare is what made me determined to get good grades and work my way through college so I could have anything I wanted. But before long, wanting material things became a huge obsession, and when my paycheck didn’t cover my expensive tastes, I started to gamble. First I played the lottery. Not like normal people, mind you, but I played it heavily and regularly. There were times when I would buy a hundred dollars’ worth of tickets in one day. And I would win, too…but how many of you know that I lost a lot more than I won?”
“Amen,” the members said, some nodding in agreement.
“Then, when I realized the state lottery wasn’t providing the kind of money I needed, I slowly but surely began heading over to the casino. I took that thirty-minute drive sometimes seven days a week, and the next thing I knew, I’d cleaned out my savings accounts, missed paying the rent on my condo for two months, and I’d refinanced my car. But worse than that, I’d begun working on the side for a dangerous loan shark, handling his finances.”
Some members of the congregation showed expressions of shock, acting as though they’d never heard her story. Others actually hadn’t heard it before and shook their heads in disbelief.
“Then, if that wasn’t enough, I began stealing money from this loan shark, and ultimately, I even stole one…hundred…thousand…dollars from my former father-in-law. I stole from a pastor and his church, and I don’t think there’s anything else I’m more ashamed of. Pastor Black wasn’t my father-in-law back then, but I worked as his church’s chief financial officer. The worst thing about my gambling addiction, though, was that the stealing part of it is what sent me to prison. I did time, and to this day, I’m a known felon. The reason I say ‘known’ is because even though I’m not proud of it, I don’t hide it. I openly share my story as a way to show just how much God can change any of us if we let Him. I tell my truth so that others who might be struggling with gambling addiction or any other kind of addiction—drugs, alcohol, sex, whatever it might be—can hear it and hopefully learn from it.”
Now tears fell from Raven’s eyes.
“But I also stand here, having to accept and admit that all my past sins and dirty deeds led to major destruction. I’m a true example that we all surely do reap what we sow. And for me, prison was just the beginning, because marrying my ex-husband proved to be my harshest punishment of all. You see, I fell deeply in love with a man who claimed to love me, yet he had an affair with not one, but two women.”
Raven quickly glanced toward one of the front pews, where Porsha was sitting, but not long enough for anyone to notice it. She also thought about the fact that Porsha’s decision to bring her that sex tape hadn’t evolved simply because Porsha had wanted to do the right thing. She’d done it only after learning that she wasn’t Dillon’s only mistress, and she’d wanted revenge.
“I couldn’t believe my husband had betrayed me in such a cruel and humiliating way, yet he proudly stood in front of our members on Sunday mornings like it was nothing. Then, of course, once I decided to end our marriage, I suffered through a very humiliating, nasty, and highly public divorce. I even slipped into a deep state of depression, and for a while, I wasn’t sure where I would live. Where my next meal would come from. My husband had withdrawn all the money from our joint accounts and left me with nothing, and I was destitute. But let me tell you about the awesome God we serve. Our God had a different plan for me. My God was true to His Word and forgave me for my transgressions. He brought me out of my depression and gave me all of you! He fixed everything. You hear me? He fixed absolutely everything in my life and showed me that His mercy really does endure forever.”
There was loud applause and some folks stood up again.
Raven wiped her tears with both hands, smiling, and then raised her hands above her head, praising God with her congregation. She may not have been called by God to preach, but she loved each and every one of her parishioners. She loved the way they responded to her and how dedicated they were to the ministry. She cherished the kind of life she was able to live, all because of their generosity, and she didn’t want to lose that.
This was also the reason Raven turned her attention to Porsha again. To this day, no one except Raven, Porsha, and Dillon knew about that sex tape or even about Dillon and Porsha’s affair itself…but Raven still had her copies of it—both the DVD and one on a USB drive. She kept it safe, and no matter how much she’d forgiven Porsha and had become friends with her, Raven would do whatever she had to when it came to protecting her ministry and position as sole founder. This also meant that Raven would have to monitor every one of these new “inspirational messages” Porsha had decided to incorporate. All services were recorded, and Raven couldn’t wait to hear the words Porsha had spoken earlier.
But the more she thought about it, the more she realized she would also have to protect her ministry from Dillon—when he crossed her again. Because if she knew Dillon the way she thought, he wasn’t going to simply accept the idea that she now had as many members as he’d once had and that she’d already surpassed his level of success, thanks to her massive online following. A following of folks who gave consistent financial contributions. She knew Dillon was likely monitoring everything she was doing and was searching high and low for ways to ruin her. She knew this because that was just who he was. But what she also hoped was that Dillon still remembered who she was, too. She hoped he understood that she would stop anyone who tried to destroy all that she’d accomplished.
She would do so at all costs.