Porsha snuggled closer to her boyfriend, Steven McKnight, trying to catch her breath. He did the same thing, and Porsha wondered why he wouldn’t just pack up his belongings and leave his wife. More than that, she wanted to know how he could continue to experience such explosive levels of lovemaking with her, the way he had only moments ago, yet ultimately go home to a woman he no longer loved. It simply made no sense to her, and she was getting a little tired of being his secret mistress.
Porsha also wondered if his wife knew that on Sundays, like today, he went to church with her and their son, ate dinner with them, and then hightailed it over to Porsha’s. Sometimes he came here to her home, and sometimes, just to spice things up, they went to a hotel outside of Chicago. But nonetheless, he showed up every Sunday without fail. He came to spend time with Porsha and to make love to her, and he rarely canceled for any reason. Their regular Sunday-afternoon trysts were as common as the sun shining in Jamaica, and as far as Porsha was concerned, he might as well leave Denene and marry her.
But so much for logical thinking.
Porsha took another deep breath. “That was good…I mean really, really good.”
Steve lay on his back, stroking her hair. “Is that right?”
“Very much so.”
“All I want is to make you happy.”
What a loaded statement, was all Porsha could think—the kind that was screaming for a direct response. “Well, if that’s the case then why don’t you leave her? Why won’t you divorce Denene and marry me?”
“Baby, please. Not today, okay? Let’s just enjoy each other. I mean, why ruin our precious time together?”
Porsha had heard similar words before when she’d been having an affair with Raven’s ex-husband, Dillon, but that was a whole other story. “Fine. Whatever.”
“So, how did things go this morning?” he asked, deliberately changing the subject. “You know, with that new inspirational message you told me you were doing today?”
“I think it went well. Everyone seemed to like it.”
“I knew they would. Just like last year when you spoke at that conference we met at.”
Steve was a deacon at his own church, and he was referring to the Christian leadership conference that they’d both attended.
“Hard to believe a whole six months have passed already,” she said. “It’s even harder to believe that we’d never seen each other before then.”
“This is true. Had to go all the way to Charlotte, North Carolina, to find the one woman who drives me wild.”
Porsha glanced up at him, smiling and shaking her head.
Steve laughed. “What? You do drive me wild. Then, on top of that, I discovered that you lived right here in Mitchell. I mean, what are the chances that we’d never met before? It’s not like our city is all that big.”
“I know, it was very strange, but I’m glad it happened.”
“So am I,” he said, leaning over and kissing her on the lips.
Porsha tried not to react, but whenever Steve kissed her, chills streamed through her body. He was everything she wanted in a husband. Everything she needed.
“So, are you still planning to give your message every Sunday?” he asked.
“I am. That is, until I start my own ministry. Or maybe even just join another church.”
“Wow, when did you decide that?”
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while. I just hadn’t said anything.”
“Is there a problem? I mean, why do you want to leave? You’ve always been so committed to New Vision.”
“That’s all fine and well, but for the last few months I’ve noticed some changes with Raven. She’s become a lot more full of herself, and she’s acting as though she built the ministry all on her own.”
“You’re kidding. Have you spoken to her about it?”
“No, because it’s not like Raven really listens to anything I say. She pretty much ignores all of my suggestions. Even when my suggestions make the most sense. That’s why when I decided to add on my own segment, I didn’t leave any room for her to object. I basically just told her, and I could tell it caught her off guard.”
“Geez. Well, I’m really sorry things aren’t going well between the two of you. Especially since you seem to work so well together. And you’re great friends.”
Yes, they were indeed friends…but they weren’t nearly as close as Steve thought. Although Steve didn’t know that Porsha had slept with Dillon behind Raven’s back, either. And if Porsha could help it, he never would.
It was true that Porsha and Raven were cordial enough, though, and as Porsha lay there thinking about it, she couldn’t deny that they were at least fairly good friends. But in all honesty, how close could a wife and mistress actually be? Porsha did believe that Raven had forgiven her, but she also knew that Raven only trusted her to a certain point, and rightfully so. Because, after all, Porsha hadn’t thought twice about having an affair with her trifling husband.
And what a trifling man he was. It was bad enough that he’d been sleeping around on his wife, but it also hadn’t been long before Porsha had discovered that he was seeing another woman, too. Taylor Thomas. Porsha hadn’t spoken to Dillon in over two years, but rumor had it that he and this Taylor were engaged to be married. Porsha knew it shouldn’t matter, but deep down, this bothered her and made her wonder about two things: Why was it taking him so long to marry Taylor, and why hadn’t she been good enough to become his wife? Because being married to Dillon and living happily ever after was all Porsha had wanted—all she’d asked for from the man she’d loved with everything in her.
Needless to say, though, this was also the very reason she’d been trying hard not to become so emotionally attached to Steve—another married man. But she could tell that she was starting to slip into the same pattern she had with Dillon. At first, it had been all about the sex and how great it was between her and Steve, and then she’d found herself thinking about him more and more until more and more had become every single day. Then she’d found herself missing him and wishing she could see him a lot more than just once or twice a week. She wanted to be with him daily and not just when he could sneak away from his wife. The reason: She now had real feelings for him—deep feelings—the kind she couldn’t ignore. She didn’t want to care about him this way, but she could already tell that it was too late.
Porsha lay there thinking and then suddenly sat up. “Look, I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to discuss this, but how long are you going to keep pretending? How long are you going to torture yourself like this?”
Steve rested one of his hands behind his head. “What’re you talking about?”
“Your marriage. Your wife. When are you going to leave her? Because clearly you’re not happy.”
“Baby, I thought I asked you not to do this today.”
“Like I said, I’m sorry. But this is really bothering me.”
Steve just stared at her.
“Why do you stay married to her? That’s all I need to know.”
“Because I don’t want to hurt my son. And, to be honest, even though I no longer love Denene, I don’t want to hurt her, either.”
“But you don’t mind hurting me, though, right?”
“That’s not true, but you knew I was married. I told you the very first night we were together at that conference. The first day we met. So don’t make it sound like I ever lied to you.”
“I’m not saying you did. But I also don’t understand how you can stay with someone you don’t love. But to each his own, I guess.”
“The reason you don’t understand is because you’ve never been married. Yes, I’m not happy with my wife, but I still don’t want to abandon her. And I certainly don’t want to abandon my son. Stevie is only fifteen years old, and if I left now it would ruin the rest of his high school years. He would be devastated, and I could never do that to him. I wouldn’t want to do that to him.”
Porsha raised both her hands toward him and stood up. “You know what? Just forget I mentioned any of this.”
“But baby—”
Porsha never looked back at him. Instead, she slipped on a red silk robe, went downstairs to her family room, and turned on the television. She was angry, hurt, and disappointed. Nothing was going the way she wanted—not with her love life or with her position at the church. On the one hand, Steve didn’t want to discuss leaving his wife, and on the other Raven was acting as though New Vision Ministries was all hers. Maybe as far as Raven, though, her new level of arrogance was a result of how huge her social media and general online following had become. Or maybe it was because of how quickly the local congregation had grown in only two years—which was the reason Porsha wondered why Raven always told that same lie to the congregation about how destitute she’d been when she’d left Dillon. Because truth was, Raven had gotten paid nicely the very first month that the church was founded. She’d taken part of the money from the investment capital Porsha had given her, which Porsha had been fine with, and part of it had come from the tithes and offerings that the initial two hundred members contributed weekly—and she’d even eventually won half of Dillon’s savings in the divorce and half the equity from the house they’d owned. But regardless of what Raven’s reasons were for becoming so vain and obnoxious, none of Raven’s success could’ve happened without Porsha, and more important, her money. Yes, Porsha did collect 50 percent of everything minus expenses, but that wasn’t enough for her. At least not anymore.
What she wanted now was the same kind of online following that Raven had, and more than that, she wanted to be loved by thousands and thousands of people—and to help those thousands and thousands of people. She also didn’t normally envy anyone or anything on any occasion, but she couldn’t deny that she sometimes envied all the love everyone constantly showed Raven—a lot more than they showed Porsha. This, of course, was creating a problem for her because being loved was the one thing Porsha longed for and needed, and now that her mother and father were gone—the only two people who had ever loved her unconditionally—she was desperate to find that kind of love again. She’d sort of shared this very thing when she’d spoken to the congregation this morning. And this was also the reason she wouldn’t lose hope that Steve would eventually divorce his wife and commit to her.
But until he did, she would secure love and appreciation through her ministry. What she would do is work toward figuring out her purpose—her reason for being born. She also believed that this purpose of hers—whatever it was—had to do with helping women who had a specific problem. She had no idea what this problem might be, but she looked forward to discovering it.
But even with her own set of plans for the future, for some reason, she still couldn’t shake Raven’s growing ego. When they’d first started the ministry, the idea that Raven had quickly become much more well-known than Porsha hadn’t mattered to Porsha in the least, but now it sort of did. This whole snobby, superior attitude of Raven’s wasn’t right, and if Porsha was completely truthful, she would also have to admit that she just didn’t like having a woman like Raven—a thief who’d done time in prison—talking down to her. Porsha wasn’t sure why she felt this way, because before meeting Raven, she’d never tried to compare herself to anyone, mainly because she’d lived a very wealthy life since childhood. Not to mention, even though she’d graduated from college with a business degree, she’d never had to work to earn a living. Her parents had given her everything and then some, but now she wanted something more. She wanted to accomplish great things that had nothing to do with her father’s money. She wanted her own gifts and talents to bring her the kind of happiness she deserved. As it was, she was already good at organizing programs and preaching the word, so all she had to do was continue on that same path. The only difference now was that she would be much more focused and diligent about it. She would sit down and create a real plan and then execute it with great passion. She would make her greatest desires her highest priority. She would rise to the occasion in no time.