Chapter Twenty

It was New Year’s Eve and Jordan was supposed to be leaving for Noah’s dad’s apartment tomorrow afternoon. He had spent the day gathering his things back into his suitcase and mentally saying goodbye to this beautiful, magical house and the two people in it.

Now, after a full, four-week recovery, he was finally feeling well enough to move around and lift heavy things without feeling like his lungs were going to give out. To celebrate, he helped Lucy build a new snowman out in the backyard. They gave him a scarf, sunglasses, two twig arms and a mouth made of rocks. Lucy had decided she was going to call him Jordan, since the real Jordan was moving away. It had taken just about all of Jordan’s strength to not burst into tears right then and there.

Later in the evening, after they’d eaten dinner, the three of them sat down around the television to watch all of the festivities in New York City. Lucy, though she’d been insistent on staying awake until the ball dropped, was fighting to keep her eyes open. Ever since she and Jordan had had their little talk, she’d been catching up on all her lost sleep.

Noah was being uncharacteristically quiet. The two of them hadn’t really talked about the fact that Jordan was leaving tomorrow, and Jordan was absolutely dreading the conversation. He’d somehow managed to stay strong for Lucy’s sake, but he knew that if Noah got emotional, it was all over for him.

By 10:30, Lucy was completely passed out in Noah’s lap. He scooped her up gently in his arms, as if she was as fragile as glass, and carried her up to her room. When he came back downstairs, he didn’t say anything. He just grabbed the remote and turned the TV off, offering Jordan his hand. Jordan took it, confused.

“I wanna go sit out back and see if we can see anyone shooting fireworks over the lake,” he explained. “Put your jacket on.”

Jordan couldn’t argue with a request like that.

As gorgeous as the Andrews backyard was normally, it looked even more amazing at night with the stars gleaming and the moon reflecting off the mostly frozen water. Every couple of minutes someone on either side of the lake’s perimeter would shoot a colorful explosive into the sky, illuminating the winter landscape and inciting cheers from various onlookers off in the distance.

Jordan and Noah stood side by side on the porch, their hands draped over the railing and their bodies pressed close together for warmth. For a long time, neither one of them spoke. It was enough to just stand there and take in this beautiful moment.

As midnight drew closer, the number of starbursts in the sky increased tenfold. They were being shot off in different directions at different times, creating a mesmerizing light show in the sky. Jordan was usually working or sleeping on New Year’s Eve. The last time he’d really gotten to sit down and watch fireworks like this was when he was a little kid. He’d forgotten how magical it could be.

Jordan was so distracted by the display that he didn’t notice Noah’s hand creeping ever closer to his until he felt the extra pressure and heat seeping in through his gloves. He followed the line of Noah’s arm up to his face. He was looking down at Jordan with creased brows and a serious expression.

“Is everything okay?” he asked. “You’ve seemed kind of out of it all day.”

Noah let his hand drop and took a deep breath. Jordan could see the white cloud of vapor escaping his lips when he exhaled.

“I overheard you the other day,” he said slowly. “While you were talking to Lucy.”

Jordan frowned and crossed his arms in front of him to block out some of the chill.

“Uh, you’re gonna have to be a little more specific man. I talk to Lucy every day.”

“It was the day I was out shooting the wolves,” Noah said.

Jordan still didn’t understand. Was he mad that he’d talked with Lucy about her nightmares? Because that seemed rather ridiculous considering how helpful the conversation had been for her. Maybe it was the fact that he brought up Lucy’s mom?

“Look man,” Jordan said. “I wasn’t trying to overstep my boundaries or anything. I was just trying to help Lucy work through some of her issues.”

“Yeah, I know,” Noah said. “And thanks for doing that by the way, but that’s not really what I’m talking about either.”

Jordan scrunched up his eyes and examined Noah’s face for clues, but he came up empty. He was still at a loss. He told Noah as much.

Noah sighed, clearly not wanting to have to spell it out for him.

“You told Lucy you wouldn’t mind dating me,” he said.

Jordan felt like all the blood had suddenly been leached out of him. He couldn’t feel his face or his body or his heartbeat. For a little while the only sensation he was aware of was the intense ringing in his ears.

“Oh,” he said, voice thin and hollow. “That.”

He didn’t know what to make of the tight set of Noah’s jaw. Was he angry, or maybe embarrassed? Jordan didn’t know whether he should just own up to it and tell Noah the truth or make some kind of joke to cut the tension.

“How did you even overhear that?” Jordan asked instead. “You were gone all day and you didn’t get back home until after that conversation was already over.”

“I got home earlier than you think,” Noah admitted. “I was just eavesdropping from the garage and I was afraid if I went inside right away, you’d figure out that I’d been listening, so I waited a few more minutes.”

“But I didn’t even hear the garage open…”

Noah shrugged.

“You were distracted. Even you can’t be on top of everything all the time.”

Noah hung his head and stared down at the ground below them. As he was looking, there was another thunderous boom that lit up the sky and cast an electric blue tinge on the crevasses and bare spots that Jordan and Lucy had pillaged in order to make Jordan the snowman.

“I’m sorry,” Jordan said finally.

“For what?” Noah asked. His voice sounded cautious and carefully measured.

Jordan gave a helpless laugh.

“I don’t even know anymore. For inserting myself into your life and causing all this drama and for having these...feelings. For making things weird.”

“So, it’s true then?” Noah asked, waving off the apology. “You do like me.”

“Of course, I like you.”

“I mean in a romantic way.”

Suddenly the sky lit up all around them. People screamed happy New Year and bullets went popping off, which nearly gave Jordan a heart attack; he was glad that Lucy had fallen asleep for this after all. Noah’s question was left hanging in the air between them as they looked out on all the celebration.

Jordan squeezed the railing and then let go. He didn’t really believe in making New Year's resolutions, but he was fond of the idea that each new year was a chance to leave the past behind you and start fresh. What better way to do that, than with a confession?

Jordan waited until all the excitement died down and the night was dark and quiet once again. Then he turned so that the front of his body was flush with Noah’s, or at least as flush as they could be underneath all their thick winter clothing. He wrapped his arms around Noah’s waist and breathed in the scent of him.

“Yes,” Jordan whispered into his chest. “I like you, Noah. Romantically, spiritually, platonically. I like you in all of the ways.”

Noah brought his arms up around Jordan’s shoulders, returning the embrace without hesitation. He rested his chin on the crown of Jordan’s head.

“Thank God,” Noah said softly. “I’ve been feeling the same way.”

Jordan pulled back and looked at him, stunned.

“Wait, really? Are you serious?”

Noah locked his hands together behind Jordan’s neck and nodded.

“Yeah. I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t think you felt the same way, but then I overheard you with Lucy and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, about you, ever since.”

Jordan shook his head incredulously.

“I can’t believe this is real life. Are you sure I’m not dreaming?”

Noah ran his thumb along Jordan’s stubbly jawline.

“If you’re dreaming, then so am I,” he said. “And I hope that we don’t wake up anytime soon.”

Noah started leaning in and Jordan’s breath hitched. Before he had time to process what was happening, Noah was kissing him. All thoughts of this being a dream instantly vanished from his head as he melted into the kiss. Dream Jordan wished he could have this; Noah’s warm, soft lips nestled between his own, while the rest of the world was so unrelentingly cold.

Noah slipped his tongue in and Jordan moaned softly. He got a nice firm grip on Noah’s bicep, feeling the taut muscle there despite all the layers. Every inch of his body felt raw and delicate and electrified. He was needy and desperate. He wanted more, as much as Noah was willing to give him, and Noah seemed happy to oblige.

They kissed and kept kissing well into the new year, easily losing track of time. Eventually, Noah was the first to break away.

“Let’s go back inside,” he said. “It’s fucking freezing out here.”

“Okay.” Jordan gave him a devilish grin. “I’ve got some ideas on how we can warm up.”