Epilogue: Ten Months Later

The Northgate mall didn’t reopen its doors until Thanksgiving the following year, and in the middle of it was a brand new memorial dedicated to the thirty one people who had lost their lives there. All the shooting survivors were encouraged to come out for the dedication of said memorial to pay their respects to those who had fallen that day, but also give thanks for the simpler things in life, like being alive for instance.

Jordan, Lucy, Noah, and Kenny, all of whom had been impacted by the shooting in very different ways, felt very strongly about being there with the other survivors. And so, they had gotten up early to prepare Jordan and Kenny’s first ever home-cooked Thanksgiving day meal, sat down to eat it just before noon, and then, bellies full and hearts heavy, they headed in the direction of Northgate.

The whole ride there, Jordan was watching Lucy like a hawk. Now that he was taking some actual child psychology classes, he felt better equipped to handle emotional outbursts when and if they popped up. Lucy actually seemed surprisingly calm though. He wasn’t sure if it was because so much time had passed, or because she was in a different place in her life now, or just the fact that she was about to be around nothing but people who knew exactly what it was like to survive something so graphic and brutal.

Noah found them a parking spot near the outer edge of the lot and they all stepped out of the car. The line to get inside was massive, and Jordan wasn’t going to lie, it did make him feel the slightest bit panicky seeing so many people lined up in the space, just like they had been on the day of the shooting. Lucy and Noah each reached out to take one of his hands. It seemed like they were feeling the same way.

Although the line was long, it was moving pretty quickly. It’s not like this was a Black Friday sale or anything. This was a somber, capitalism-free event. Get in, sort out your feelings, and get out.

As they neared the front of the line, he started hearing murmuring from the people in front of him.

“I think that’s him. The elf.”

Jordan’s head snapped up and he craned his neck to see who was talking about him. Suddenly there was a commotion up in front of them as a woman started fighting her way back through the line to get to him, much to the other line-dwellers’ dismay.

“Are you him?” she asked, shaking and out of breath. “Are you the guy?”

Jordan looked at her wild eyes with mild concern.

“Um, maybe? What guy are you talking about?”

“Oh my God, it is you! I recognize your voice.” She craned her neck behind her and started waving her arms like crazy. “Mary!” she screamed. “Mary! I found him! I found the guy. There was more rustling up ahead as another young woman forced her way over to them. Jordan’s grip tightened on Noah’s hand, unsure what was about to come next.

“We just wanted to say thank you,” the first woman said. “For saving our lives.”

Jordan just stood there dumbstruck, not knowing what to do or say.

“But I didn’t...I mean, I don’t remember you guys,” he got out finally.

“I’m not surprised,” the second woman, Mary, said. “There were hundreds of us. You took charge of the Santa crowd and led us all to safety. That was you right, the elf?”

“I mean, uh yes, but I…”

“Wait, that’s you?” said the man standing directly behind him. “Dude, me and my wife got out of here because of you. You’re a hero man. What’s your name?”

“Uh, Jordan.”

The man turned around and cupped his hands over his mouth to address the crowd.

“Hey everyone,” he said in a booming voice. “This is Jordan. He was the elf responsible for getting more than three hundred of us off the sales floor and out of the building.”

The people in front of and behind him in line erupted into cheers and murmuring. There were so many people with so many different things to say about him, all of them positive and painting him as some kind of hero. Jordan had never expected anything like this. He honestly thought that he was going to go in, see the memorial and the leave, just like everyone else, but he hadn’t even made it inside the building yet and he was already being singled out.

Pretty soon, Jordan and his family had to step out of the line, because he was attracting a line of his own. About one out of every five people going into or coming out of the building wanted to stop and thank him or tell him about one of their loved ones that he saved, or take a picture with him, or simply just shake his hand. There were people who had been pregnant at the time, young parents and children, elderly adults. You name it. He felt completely and wholly overwhelmed by it all.

Noah, Lucy, and Kenny didn’t seem very surprised though. They were standing at his side while he met with all his admirers. All three of them were watching him with so much pride and love in their eyes. Jordan didn’t know what he had done to deserve all this praise.

Jordan and his crew stayed outside saying hi to people for hours, until the sun shifted in the sky and the line dwindled down to nothing. Then, and only then, did they finally get their chance to cross the threshold and step inside.

The inside of the building, although it had been completely gutted and remodeled, was still somewhat recognizable as the place he had worked. The memorial, a large metal wall inscribed with all the names of the people who had lost their lives, had been placed against the far wall of the third floor. It was near where the movie theater used to be, which was where most of the victims had been gunned down in the initial wave of shots.

Security guards lined the way from the entrance to the memorial, escorting people to and from, so that they didn’t run away and end up in the bowels of the not-yet-ready-for-business shopping center.

“Take your time guys,” the nearest security guy told Jordan as they passed. “It looks like you’re the last ones of the day.”

Jordan nodded, thanked him, and made his way over to the monument. The closer he got, the more Jordan realized how large it actually was, looming over everything and everyone with each name being about the size of his fist. At the top of the placard, above all the names, was the date of the shooting, followed by the words, ‘We Remember’ in flowing white script. The ground at their feet was absolutely littered with flowers, pictures, teddy bears and various other bits meant for their fallen brothers and sisters. 

Jordan stooped down and pressed his hand against the cold hard metal. Noah, Kenny, and Lucy did the same. They stayed that way for a good long while. Kenny was whispering prayers under his breath. Noah had his head bowed and his eyebrows creased, deep in thought. Lucy was simply looking up at her tiny hand pressed against this massive wall and trying not to cry. Jordan straightened himself out, took a step back, and read the entire list of names from top to bottom. Then he repeated the process two more times, trying to commit them to memory, but he knew that wasn’t going to happen. There were too many of them. Still, he felt he owed it to them to try.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t save you,” he whispered, making sure that the others didn’t hear him saying it. They would tell him that it was ludicrous, that he couldn’t possibly have saved everyone. Yada, yada. Jordan didn’t want to hear it. He already knew, but that didn’t make him any less sorry that these people had died. That’s all it was. A simple, I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I would have saved you if I could.

At that, Jordan turned around and waited for the others to finish paying their respects. They all did so in their own time, with Kenny, who hadn’t even been there, taking the longest.

As they were leaving the building, the lady manning the door told them that they could come back any time after the mall’s official re-opening in January, but Jordan knew in his heart that he wouldn’t be coming back.

The shooting was something undeniably terrible that had happened to him, and to so many others, but it was also a great catalyst for change as well. A reminder to never take any precious moment for granted and to hold onto the ones you love while you had the chance. Jordan had already learned those lessons over the whirlwind that was the previous year.

He had come to see the memorial and had gotten what he needed out of it; closure. Now he felt like it was finally time for him to move on.

He climbed into the passenger seat of the car and fastened his seatbelt as Noah pulled away. True to his word, Jordan didn’t look back.