She’d taken a shower, dried and straightened her hair, all with the hope of buying herself as much time as she could. Not that she’d get out of this. Dimitri could be a stubborn ass when he wanted. What she’d often seen as cute and endearing was now messing with her, personally, and she didn’t like it one bit. Not one little bit.
Throwing on a pair of old jeans and her favorite blue sweater, she ventured out into the living room. She found him on her couch, his eyes closed and breathing evenly. Sleeping. The bastard was sleeping. He’d gone and messed with her head, and here he was, snoozing away as if he had not a care in the world.
She walked right up to him and shoved him. “Wake up, asshole.”
He blinked, yawning. “Sorry. I haven’t slept since you sent me that text. Ready to go?”
Normally, she’d call bullshit, but he did look tired, so maybe he wasn’t lying. Maybe he hadn’t slept since she’d quit.
“I’m still not sure about this, D.”
“I am.” He rolled his shoulders. “If I can get my sorry ass on a plane for you, then you can get your sorry ass to breakfast for me.”
Becca watched with growing trepidation as he opened the door and stepped out into the hallway. The smell of stale beer and pot wafted in, but she paid it no mind. Could she do it? Could she step outside? All those people, crowding around her…why was he asking her to do this, dammit?
He held out his hand. “Come on, sweetheart. Just take my hand. It’ll be fine. I promise.”
Why did he have to look at her like that? Like everything that could possibly hurt her would be erased if she only trusted him? It was how he’d managed to blindside her in high school too. The more she thought about his high-handed tactics, the more infuriated she became.
“Don’t you give a shit about how this makes me feel, Dimitri? You’re supposed to be my best friend, and yet you’re pushing me to do something you know might cause a full blown attack. I get that anxiety is something you don’t know anything about, but I’m telling you, I can’t do this. Why can’t you accept that? Don’t you love me enough to love me the way I am?”
“I love you, Becca. Just the way you are. Never doubt that. Why am I asking you out to breakfast after witnessing what just happened to you? Simple. Because I want to help. It’s not to hurt you or embarrass you, babe. It’s to help you. I couldn’t help you when you needed me back in high school, but I’ll be damned if I don’t do it now. I’m guessing you’ll never get the courage to go out on your own, so while I’m here, we’re going out together. I get that you’re terrified, but your doctor is probably right. You need to do this, so I’m not going to let you do it alone. Now let’s go, babe.”
Damn him. He made sense. And he was right. She’d never do this by herself. She just hated that he tried to force her to do it without talking to her about it first. She felt a little better now that he explained his motives, but it still pissed her off to no end. Writer or not, they were going to have to talk about his communication skills.
Maybe she should do this with him. If she couldn’t, then she couldn’t, but she’d regret not at least trying later.
She picked up her purse and keys. Step one down. The next thing would be to actually cross the threshold of her doorway and take Dimitri’s hand. Her breathing sped up, but she forced one foot in front of the other.
“That’s it, babe. Just reach out and take my hand.”
She stopped inches shy of the doorway. One step and she’d cross it. Dimitri smiled at her, that damn dimple showing again. How could he know it would be okay? He couldn’t know that. People were out there. People who might crowd her, ask her questions. She shook her head as the panic started to rise.
This was too much.
“Rebecca. Look. At. Me.”
The bite of the command brought her head up. He looked more determined than she’d ever seen him. He meant to make her do this.
“I can’t.”
“Yes. You can.” His tone left no place for arguments. “Give me your hand.”
Dimitri knew she had to do this on her own. If he yanked her out the door, it would mean nothing. Small victories. He’d already been shipped to his uncle’s house in Virginia when his father came back from a particularly bad tour. He was in the military, and this time, whatever he’d seen had been too much. He’d been diagnosed with PTSD and prone to panic attacks. His mother told him she’d helped him get through it with small victories. He had to learn to get through the panic.
He wished he’d been home so he could help Becca now. He made a mental note to call his mom and talk to her about panic attacks. Right now, he needed Becca to come to him. Sooner rather than later. This neighborhood, this building, it all made him uneasy.
She closed her eyes, and he held his breath. It was a now or never moment if there ever was one. The kind of moment he wrote about in books. Her chest was heaving and her face pinked up. He followed the blush all the way down her neck to where it disappeared under her sweater. He forcefully reminded himself once more there would be no fucking his best friend. Wasn’t going to happen.
When her hand reached out blindly, he grinned. His girl always trusted him, even when she was terrified. He twined his fingers with hers and tugged her gently toward him. She stumbled and fell into him. Her scent, warm vanilla, hit his nose and he inhaled deeply. Shit. This was bad. He was getting a serious hard on, here. He needed to get this show on the road.
“Good girl.” He stroked her hair and shifted so he could take the keys out of her hand to lock the door. “Open your eyes, babe.”
When she did as he asked, a small gasp escaped her. “I’m outside.”
“You sure are, sweetheart. Now let’s get out of this shithole and find some food.” If he still had a car outside.
“It’s not a shithole.”
“Becca, there are at least half a dozen dealers on the street outside. Your building reeks of pot. Gangsters hanging on the corner. This is a shithole.”
“But it’s my shithole.” She wrapped an arm around him when they reached the stairs. He wasn’t sure if it was for her or for him. Either way, he liked it. Too much.
The stairs were his nemesis. He eyeballed them with a mix of anger and disgust. When her low chuckle reached him, he aimed a glare her way. “This isn’t funny. How do you live in filth?”
“Because my apartment is clean, and I don’t come out here.” He noticed she took her time and didn’t try to rush him down the stairs. His legs started to burn after a half a flight. By the time they hit the bottom, he was cussing in a mixture of Russian and English.
His rental car was still there when they emerged from the cesspit, but it also had several guys with gang tats within a few feet of it. He glanced down at Becca, worried. If it came to a fight, he wasn’t sure he could protect her with his shitty legs.
“Hola, chica.” The biggest of the three standing there grinned lazily at Becca, and Dimitri tensed.
“Hola, Louie!” Becca smiled up at the guy covered from head to toe in tats, even his shiny, bald head. She knew him? Dimitri knew he had to have a what-the-fuck look plastered on his face, but he didn’t care. How did she know the guy if she never went outside her apartment?
“This hombre belong to you?”
“Sí. He does. I’d appreciate if nothing happens to his car or him while he’s here, please?”
“As you wish, bonita.”
“Dimitri, this is Louie. His mother lives down the hall from me.”
“Nice to meet you.” Dimitri tightened his hold around Becca, and it didn’t go unnoticed by Louie. The man’s eyes went cold. “You ready to go, Becca?”
“Yeah.” She frowned up at him, probably pissed with his bad manners, but fuck this. The man across from him liked her, and it didn’t sit well with Dimitri. Not one little bit. “Tell your mother I said hello, Louie, and to come by. I haven’t seen her in a few weeks.”
Dimitri pushed her in the car before they could say much of anything else and strode around to the driver’s side, well aware of the stare that followed him.
“What was that?” Becca demanded the minute he pulled out into traffic.
“I don’t like him. He’s a gang member, Becca.”
“He’s also really nice. He’s never brought any of that around me. I’ve known him since I moved in. There wasn’t any reason to be rude to him.”
“I wasn’t rude, I just wasn’t overly friendly.”
The snort that reverberated through the car was enough to tell him what she thought about that. Time to change the subject.
“So, you realize you made it outside, talked to people, and are now safely secured in my car, and all without a panic attack?”
Becca gasped. Holy shit. He’d gotten her outside. “Oh my God, D. I’m outside!”
He grinned, and she forgot about being pissed at him. He was too gorgeous for his own good. She was never able to stay mad at him for long.
“Told you, Krasivaya. You just needed a little push. Now, let’s eat.”
She nodded and watched the landscape. So much had changed in two years. There were more buildings, more stores, more everything. When she spotted the small diner he’d told her about, she expected him to slow, but he kept cruising along.
“Where are we going? You just passed Eddie’s.”
“We are going someplace where I’m not worried about my car getting stripped down for parts.”
“You’ll be fine in this neighborhood. Louie will make sure. Can’t we please go to Eddie’s?”
Her hands started to shake and her lungs tried to constrict on her. He’d promised they’d go somewhere without crowds. She couldn’t handle anything else right now.
“Easy, sweetheart. We’re headed to a place that’s quiet and low key.” He reached over and twined his fingers with hers. “I promise.”
She clenched his hand tight. He better not be lying to her.
They drove for another twenty minutes and hit the heart of downtown. Less crowded, her ass. They were in the middle of the city. He drove for another few minutes, humming, and then pulled into The White Palace Grill. He thought this wasn’t crowded? This place was featured on Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives. She knew it, one of those places open twenty-four-seven. Great food, according to the show, but there were also a lot of people in there.
“Relax, Becca. It’s almost ten. The breakfast crowd is done, and lunch won’t be rolling in for another hour or two. It’s not that crowded.” He parked the car and got out, going around to open her door. “Come on, babe. Give me your hand.”
Becca looked back at the window and saw more people than she was comfortable with. Why was he pushing this? He’d seen what happened when a bad panic attack struck. Why would he want her to go through that again?
“No, D. I can’t. There’re too many people in there.”
He leaned down so he was looking at her. “How do you know you can’t do it if you don’t try, sweetheart? That’s all I’m asking you to do—to try. Take my hand, and if you can’t handle it, we’ll go back to the car and I’ll take you home. We’ll order some crappy takeout and binge watch whatever show you want on Netflix all day. But first, I want you to try, Becca. Just take my hand and try.”
Why did he have to make it sound so easy? And how could she ask him to go to his signing and try if she wasn’t willing to do the same thing? Damn it.
“I really hate you.”
He laughed, but gently pulled her out of the car when she grasped his hand. She held on for dear life. “Come on, grumpy pants, let’s get some food in you. This place is supposed to be great. Viktor swears by it.”
She took a deep breath as they entered the building, and her nose was assaulted by the most delicious scents. It wasn’t enough to take her mind off all the people who turned to look at them. She quickly turned her eyes down, focusing instead on her and Dimitri’s hands. He gave hers a quick squeeze and asked the hostess for a booth in the back, away from everyone.
It didn’t take long for them to be seated in a quiet corner. Dimitri ushered her into the booth facing the back wall. “When was your brother in Chicago?”
“About a month ago.” Dimitri pulled out his phone and saw Charlene’s face grinning at him. He ignored the call and laid the phone down on the table. “He was here for some consulting work with a firm who’s thinking of hiring them to handle all their IT security.”
“I didn’t realize he was into all that.”
“He’s not, but Mason is.”
“Your youngest brother? Isn’t he still in college?”
“Yeah.” Dimitri laughed. “Kid thinks he’s going to be the next big YouTube star or something.”
“If he’s a YouTuber, then how…”
“He’s a computer whiz, just like Nik. He’s been messing around with computers since before he could talk. Add in everything Nik taught him, and he’s dangerous with a computer. Viktor decided to put his skills to good use before the kid got himself into some serious trouble. He’s going to have him work at his security company, even if the kid doesn’t realize it yet.”
“He’s not hacking, is he?”
Dimitri wished he could say no, but he had some strong suspicions his little brother was going to get himself into deep shit. The kid was a hacker. It was why Viktor wrangled him. He’d rather have him hacking legally than get into something none of them could get him out of.
“Honestly? I don’t know, but Viktor will straighten him out.”
“Speaking of Viktor, how’s Conner?”
Conner was Viktor’s twin. The two of them had gone into the Marines together. When Viktor came out, Conner stayed in for an additional tour. He’d gotten out last year, but he wasn’t the same man who went in. He hadn’t even stayed in the full four years. He wouldn’t talk to any of his brothers about what happened. All he’d say was it was classified. Just that one word. It had to be some deep, fucked up shit to completely change his brother. Conner had always been the fun one, more so than even himself. Always laughing and joking. Not anymore. He was hard, cold, unapproachable.
“I wish to God I knew.” He took the menus and thanked the waitress, asking for a few minutes. “We’re all worried about him.”
“Why, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t know.” Dimitri sighed and leaned back. “He won’t let any of us in. Papa says to leave him be, that he’ll talk when he’s ready, but I don’t think that’s such a good idea. Whatever’s wrong is festering. There’s a monster lurking in his eyes now that was never there before.”
“Your dad knows what he’s talking about, D. Just give him time. God only knows what he saw or had to do. Patience and time will heal him.”
He wanted to believe her, but something about Conner nagged him. The darkness that lurked in him was so foreign he wanted to grab the man and demand to know where his brother was.
“You gonna answer your phone?”
Charlene again. “No.”
“Does Christy know she’s last week’s flavor?” Becca closed her menu and stared at him expectantly.
“Charlene,” he snapped and hit the ignore button. “I told her to stop calling.”
“Do they ever just move on, no fuss, no muss?”
He narrowed his eyes, suspecting she was going somewhere with this. “Sometimes.”
“And how does that work, anyway? Do you tell them up front it’s temporary, or do you give them hope, or…?”
He didn’t want to sound like an ass, especially to Becca, but there was no way to put it delicately. “They know they’re a booty call. I tell them up front I don’t do relationships, and when I get bored, I move on.”
“Wow.” She leaned back and stared at him, disappointment stamped all over her expression.
“Would you rather I lie and let them think there’s a chance? That would be cruel, Rebecca, and you know it. It’s better if we just go out, have fun, enjoy ourselves, and have as much sex as we want in the interim.”
He rubbed his neck, uncomfortable. Rebecca’s opinion mattered to him, and the look on her face didn’t sit well. She knew he was a manwhore, though. She teased him about it all the time. Why was she getting upset now?
The waitress saved him by coming to take their order. He went with a burger and fries since it was closer to lunchtime than breakfast. The need for greasy comfort food prompted the decision. He needed the willpower. If she didn’t stop biting her damn lip, he wasn’t going to be responsible for what he did. It was sexy as hell and driving him nuts.
As soon as Becca noticed she wasn’t alone with him and in a place full of people, he could see her start to close off. She spoke so softly the waitress had to ask her to repeat her order. She shrank back against the seat, her head down. Nope, sweetheart, you are not doing that. After observing her behavior, he thought her psychiatrist was right. She needed to face this head on. It wasn’t as bad as she had it built up in her mind. Making her see that was going to be the challenge.
“Tell me about Louie.”
“What?” Her head snapped up. “What about Louie?”
“How did you get to know a gang member when you don’t go outside your apartment?”
“I didn’t always not go outside my apartment, you know.” She looked out the window, away from him. “I was okay until about two years ago. Before that, I went out. Not a lot, but I did.”
Her closed-off tone told him she was done with that particular line of questioning. “So, Louie?”
“His mother lives down the hall from me. I used to help her with her groceries and things. She has rheumatoid arthritis in her hands, so it’s hard for her to hold things. Sometimes I would do her shopping for her, other times she would hit the buzzer to let me know she needed me. We went on like that for about a year. Then one night she comes banging on my door at three in the morning, scared out of her mind, and begs me to come to her apartment. Her son was on the couch, beaten, stabbed, and he had a gunshot wound. He refused to go to the hospital, and she didn’t know what to do.”
Gang violence. His knuckles whitened where they gripped the table. She should not be in the middle of all that danger.
“I was able to get the bullet out and patch up the rest of his wounds…”
“Wait, what the hell do you mean, you got the bullet out? You’re not a doctor or a nurse, Becca.”
“No, but my dad was in a motorcycle club. He was their Sergeant at Arms. He came home with enough bullets in him over the years, I learned how to get them out. I used to doctor them all up until I moved.”
What the ever-loving fuck? He knew he had to be sitting there gaping like an idiot, but what the fuck?
She grinned. “Even I have secrets, Dimitri.”
“Secrets are one thing. Biker gangs, street gangs, playing doctor…”
“Make a pretty good book, huh?” She winked, and he caught his breath. One second he was reeling from all these crazy facts, and then the next, she had him wanting to yank her across the table and kiss her. He needed to lock this down before it got out of control, but he had no clue how to do it. For the first time in his life, he was at a loss on how to control the situation.
He shifted in his seat, trying to alleviate pressure. “I guess.”
His phone buzzed again, and being tired of it, Becca snatched it before he could hit ignore. “Hello?”
“Who the fuck is this?” The screechy voice only made her grin. The women he dated.
“This is Becca. Who’s this?”
“Charlene, and why the fuck are you answering Dimitri’s phone?”
“Because I’m at lunch with him, and he didn’t want to answer your call?”
Dimitri’s eyes widened and he mouthed, “What are you doing?”
The shriek that came out of the phone was loud enough she had to pull it away from her ear. She would almost feel bad for her if the woman wasn’t cussing so much it would make her biker dad blush.
“Look, Carlie…”
“Charlene!”
“Whatever. Look, he doesn’t want to talk to you. He broke it off, and you calling him like this, it’s sad. Don’t you have any kind of self-respect?”
“You listen to me, you little whore. Dimitri is mine, and if you don’t leave him alone, I will hunt you down and hurt you. Do you understand me?”
“Honey doll, you were his flavor of the week. He got bored and moved on to his new flavor of the week. You need to grow up, get a life, and do the same.”
Becca disconnected the call then blocked the number. I swear. Where the does he find them?
“That is one crazy lady.” She handed back his phone. “I blocked her so she can’t call you anymore.”
“She did get a little intense toward the end.”
Intense? That was an understatement if she was anything like she was on the phone just now.
“Do you put out an ad in the personals or something, looking for crazy, homicidal women?”
“Homicidal?” He tilted his head curiously. “What makes you say that?”
“She threatened to hunt me down and hurt me. You’re hers, apparently.”
He shook his head and muttered something Becca couldn’t hear. Probably for the best. It would only piss her off. His attitude toward women usually did. She might joke about it to keep from yelling at him, but it wasn’t one of his better habits.
She wasn’t prepared, however, when he swung the conversation back to her. “Let’s forget about Charlene. That’s over and done with. Are you okay? No signs of a panic attack?”
Strangely, no. There was an uneasy feeling that haunted the very edges of her psyche. She knew if too many people came near her, that unease would swallow her. Being with Dimitri kept the panic at bay. He always did do that for her, though. Even in high school, being near him comforted her. Maybe because she knew he’d never let anyone hurt her, and if she needed him, he’d be there. Not something she’d ever had with anyone except her brother. Certainly not her parents. She trusted Dimitri, and that was the simple truth of it.
“I’m okay.”
“Then you can come with me to South Carolina.”
She rolled her eyes. “How does okay transform into me going with you to South Carolina?” The man wouldn’t leave it alone. He was bound and determined to take her with him, even if it was something she couldn’t do.
But could she? She wasn’t freaking out here in the diner. It wasn’t a room filled with hundreds of people either. But if they talked to Dimitri and she just sat there, handing him books and ignoring everyone, would that work?
“You’re stronger than you think, Becca, and the only way to prove it to you is to show you.” He reached over and took her hands, squeezing them gently. “I’m not going to put you through something I don’t think you can handle, sweetheart. If it’s too much, we’ll leave, no explanations to anyone. We’ll just get up and leave. I promise.”
“No, I’m not.” It was true enough. She’d spent most of her life hiding away. She wasn’t strong. She spent each and every day terrified of going outside, of being part of the world. It was safer to do it from the comfort of her living room, behind a computer screen. That way, she could be as confident as she wanted without fear. It was easier to hide.
“Becca, I need you. It’s as simple as that. If you can’t go, then I’m not. And no buts. I know what I can do just as much as you know what you can handle. You have to give me the same respect as I’d give you if you really can’t do this.”
Damn him. Why did he always know exactly what to say to make her do something she didn’t want to do? He didn’t understand how hard this was for her. How could he, though? He thrived on being the center of attention, loved the crowds, the adoration. The public was his forte.
“Just try, Becca. Please.”
She closed her eyes to block out his pleading image. Damn him to hell and back.
“Fine. I will try, but if I break down in front of all those people, I will never speak to you again, Dimitri Peter Kincaid. That’s a promise. Do you understand me?”
“You won’t regret it, sweetheart.”
Somehow, she thought she would.