When I woke the next day, my eyes burned from the ridiculous amount of crying I had done throughout the night. I had cried over the loss of my first relationship. I cried over the loss of Kane, and the fact that I wouldn’t have him in my life anymore. He had become a regular part of my everyday life, and now I was going to have to find something new to distract me from thinking about him. But most of all, I cried over the fact that I was beginning to lose the me that I had worked so hard to find again.
When I finally sat up in bed, I saw that Jessi was already awake. Was I in a parallel universe? Jessi waking up before me … Jessi having a committed boyfriend … oh, how times had changed since we started college.
“Morning.” She gave me a small smile and came to sit on my bed with me. I pulled my legs up to my chest, then rested my chin on my knees.
“Morning. How long have you been awake? I can’t believe you are up so early.” I gave a small smile and she rested her hand on my arm.
“Kelsey, it’s not early. It’s already two in the afternoon.”
I glanced at my alarm clock sitting on my nightstand. She was right. I had slept most of the day. I sighed and flopped my body back onto my bed, “What is with me lately? I sleep all day. I make bad judgment about people.” I pulled the cover up over my head, “I’m just going to stay right here for the rest of my life. I obviously suck at life so why bother trying to fake it.”
Jessi jerked the cover away from my face and hovered over me. “You listen to me, Kelsey Rien. You are going to get through this. I know you have had a shitty hand dealt to you your whole life, and what Kane did just added to that, but you are stronger than this. You will get through this.”
She was right. I was stronger than this stupid break up. I refused to let Kane and this whole situation drag me back into the dark place I had found so hard to get out of. “You’re right, Jessi. You are so right. I am going to dust this off. Kane who?”
She smiled. “That is exactly right. Kane who? You just wait, babe. If you thought relationship sex was good, wait until you have tried your hand at rebound sex.” She winked and I cringed.
There was no way I was going to go that far. I just wanted to be happy. The sex with Kane was not what had been making me happy. It was just him, but that had been a lie, so I needed to move on.
I hopped up from the bed and looked at Jessi. “I’m going to get ready. Then we are going to go out and do something fun. Sitting in the dorm room will not help matters any, and why should I have to hide away? I didn’t fuck up. He did.”
Jessi stood and hugged me. “Atta girl! You get ready. I will go get us some coffee, then we will go get manis and pedis.” She grabbed her purse and headed toward the door. With her hand on the knob, she paused. “I’m really glad you are not going to let this get you down, Kels. I’m glad to finally have some of the old you back, and I’m not ready to lose her again.”
I smiled at Jessi and she continued on her way to get our coffees, and started getting ready for—another—fresh start.
Jessi and I had spent the first part of the day getting manis, pedis, and massages. It felt so good to have someone rub all the sorrow away from my body that it had been feeling the night before. Walking out of the spa that day, I felt like a new person. I could do this. I could be happy without Kane.
Now that all our problems had been rubbed and soothed out of us, we were left with limited options for what to do with the rest of our night. The town our college was in wasn’t all that big, so the things we could do were sort of limited. The only thing we knew was we wanted to go dancing, but the only place we could do that was Shot’s. I had known that Kane’s schedule had him off tonight because we were supposed to go out. So I at least knew he wouldn’t be working as a bouncer, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t be there.
Jessi had said that she would drive as far as we needed to, to go to a place to dance, but there was no point. I couldn’t avoid Kane forever. We went to the same school. Our best friends were dating. It was better to just rip the Band-Aid off now and just get that first time being in the same vicinity over with.
We went straight from the spa to Shot’s. Landon was helping his parents with something for the night, so it would just be Jessi and me. Just like it always had been. When we approached the door, Jerry gave me a knowing look. I know he had seen me run out last night even though he had made not attempts to stop me or talk to me. He also didn’t bring it up as we walked past him and into Shot’s.
We made our way to the bar where Jessi ordered double shots of Patrón that we tossed back as soon as they were set in front of us. I welcomed the burning sensation the alcohol provided as it went down.
“Woo,” I said, shaking my head back and forth. “It’s been a while.”
“I know right?!” she shouted back. “You are going to have so much fun tonight, Kels. I just know it. Now”—she said clapping her hands together—“let’s get out there and find you some hot piece of tail to play with,” she said, pulling on my hand and dragging me toward the dance floor.
With the alcohol from the shot, I felt my body loosening up more than it already had been. All I really wanted to do was dance. I wanted to lose myself in the beat of a good song. A new Kelly Clarkson was blasting, and the lights were flashing and I let my body flow to the beat.
I felt someone come up behind me and begin to dance with me. My body automatically stiffened, and I turned to tell the person to back the fuck off because I really didn’t want to be pawed at tonight. I wanted to dance by myself and just not have any worries. When I turned to tell the person dancing with me to get lost, I found a familiar set of blue eyes.
“Nate,” I breathed a sigh of relief. I was so thankful it had not been some random stranger. I looked over at Jessi who signaled to me that she was going to go to the bathroom. I nodded at her to let her know I was okay and she began weaving her way through the crowd.
“Hey, Kelsey. Good to see you. It feels like since we finished our project you have been avoiding me.” He leaned down and said into my ear.
“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. I had just thought to myself last night that I should call you and see if you wanted to meet up for coffee sometime this week. But then some stuff went down and I never got around to it.”
I did truly feel bad at the way I had dropped Nate. He was one of the first people I had met when I started school here, and he had been the one to try to warn me about Kane. Though at times, Nate’s attitude had come off a little strange, or jealous of, Kane, he had been right in the end.
“We are friends, Nate. I’m sorry I have been so distant lately.”
Nate smiled at me before leaning down to my ear to speak, “It’s fine, Kelsey. I know we are friends. You have a boyfriend and a life. You can’t be worrying about spending time with me.”
I was shaking my head before he could even finish what he was saying. “One, I don’t have a boyfriend … anymore. Two, even though I had a boyfriend, that does not excuse dropping everyone in my life.”
Nate pulled back to look at me, a puzzled look on his face. “You are Kane are no longer together?”
I shook my head. It hurt worse than I’d thought it would to admit it to someone other than myself. “No. You were right. I didn’t know the real Kane.”
He gave me a sad smile before taking my hand in his. “I’m sorry, Kelsey. I didn’t want to be right about that. I didn’t want to see you hurt. But it’s probably for the best that it ended as soon as it did before you let yourself fall too much for him.”
Little did he know I had fallen to the bottom with Kane, and it was going to be a hard climb back to the top, but I would get there.
Nate smiled before he spoke again. “You know what? You still owe me a dance.”
I owed him a dance? I looked at him confused.
“You remember. The night you wore that amazing pink dress? You promised me a dance and then left before I could get it from you.”
I thought back to that night. He was right. I was so worked up over Kane that night that I had forgotten about even talking to Nate. What a bitch he must have thought I was.
“Look, I know things just went sour with you and Kane, but maybe this is what you need. A good night out with some good friends.” He gave me his million-dollar smile, and I smiled back.
“That is exactly what tonight is about. So I would love to dance with you, Nate.”
Nate pulled my body closer to his and while I was genuinely happy to have a friend like Nate to dance with, I wasn’t sure how I was going to react to all this. Kane was the only person I had ever been this close to, but since Nate was a close friend, I was going with it and hoping for the best.
A new song started up and Nate placed one hand lightly on my hip, watching my face the entire time as if to make sure I was okay with it. His hand, being where it was, sent a jolt through me at first. Kane was the last person who had touched me like this. I shook my head and pushed all thoughts of Kane away. Dance. I just needed to dance.
I closed my eyes again and just felt the beat of the music and everything else faded away again. It was so crazy how music could take you away from all your troubles. How sometimes a certain song could tell your whole life’s story. I loved losing myself in music.
I had been so lost in the beat that I hadn’t noticed how close Nate and I were now. I was straddling one of his knees and had both my arms wrapped around his neck. I tried to pull back a little when I realized how close we were, but the grip he had on my hips tightened.
“Nate…” I started, but he interrupted me.
“Kelsey, just go with it,” he said with a slight begging in his tone.
“Nate, really, we need to put some distance between ourselves.” I was not feeling the least bit of attraction to Nate, but I could now see that by the look in his eye, he was looking at this more than what it was … just a dance with a friend.
I glanced toward the bar and immediately locked eyes with Kane. I didn’t think he would be working tonight.
He was standing there glowering at me and Nate. He wasted no time shoving his way through the crowd toward us. “Oh no,” I mumbled.
“What?” Nate asked.
“Kane.” I gave a nod.
Nate turned his head and saw Kane stalking toward us. “Don’t worry, Kelsey. I won’t let him near you.”
I gave Nate a questioning look. I wasn’t scared for Kane to be near me. In all honesty, the way Nate was acting was what was scaring me.
“What the hell?” Kane growled as he stopped in front of us. “Twenty-four hours, Kelsey. It has been twenty-four fucking hours since our fight, and you are already dancing with this tool?!” Kane shouted, and I couldn’t help but cower at the intensity of his voice.
Nate noticed and automatically jumped to the wrong conclusion. “Look, Kane. You need to leave. Kelsey doesn’t want to be around you. Can’t you see you are scaring her?”
Kane’s eyes slowly slid to Nate, and I could see the hatred laced within them.
“Back. The. Fuck. Off. My girlfriend,” Kane growled.
Nate let out a slight chuckle and wrapped his arm around me, pulling me to his side. “Girlfriend, huh? That’s not what she was telling me a few minutes ago.”
Kane’s eyes shot back to me. “Kelsey?” he questioned. “We had a fight. A misunderstanding. We haven’t even had a chance to talk about it yet and you are already making moves on someone else?” I could hear the hurt in his voice, but he also had an accusing tone and it pissed me off.
How dare him! He was just pressing his lips to someone else’s last night and he wants to give me crap about telling someone else I wasn’t his girlfriend anymore? Finally fed up with the pissing contest these two where having over me, I pushed through them. They both asked me where I was going and I spun on my heel and glared at them.
“I’m leaving. I’m not in the mood for bullshit tonight … from either of you!”
I turned and made my way to the exit of Shot’s. I had made it to the parking lot before I realized I had ridden here with Jessi.
I heard thunder, and lightning cracked across the sky as I stood beside Jessi’s locked car. Rain. Fucking great! I placed both hands on the roof of Jessi’s car and tried to control my emotions. Seeing Kane had be rougher than I thought it would. My heart still fluttered when he was around. Funny thing since I knew it was broken.
“Kelsey … can we talk?”
I didn’t bother to look up. I knew who was standing behind me. “Go away Kane. I. Do. Not. Want to talk to you, not now. Not ever.”
“Kelsey! God damn it! Would you stop and talk to me!” he shouted as he grabbed my elbow and turned me to face him, his gray eyes swirling with turmoil.
“Talk to you? What about, Kane?! Huh? You want to talk about how I knew I should have never taken the chance on you because I KNEW you would break my heart? You want to talk about how I can’t stand to be near you because it hurts too damn much?
Or do you want to talk about the fact that you took my heart, and put it back together, only to smash it into a million pieces?” I took a deep breath. “I’m completely and utterly broken now thanks to you. So, no, I won’t talk to you!” I could feel the tears welling, and before I could stop it, one fell down my cheek. I tried to break loose of Kane’s hold so he couldn’t see me cry; but who was I kidding, that arm was his until he decided to let go of it.
“Kels, if anyone is broken it’s me.” He finally let go of my arm only to gently cup my cheeks into each of his hands. “What happened last night is not what you think. You would know that if you will give me five minutes to explain.” The storm in his eyes seemed to calm for a minute before it came back with a vengeance. He immediately let go of my face and took a step back. “But instead of talking to me about it, you come here and fuck around with Nate? Really, Kelsey?”
“What are you even doing here tonight?” I yelled at him. I wouldn’t have come here had I known he would be working.
“I work here. Remember?”
“But I mean what are you doing here now? I thought you were off tonight?”
“Eddie’s kids are sick. His wife couldn’t get out of work. So I said I would cover for him. Stop avoiding my question. What in the hell would make you do this to me? Of all people, you had to come here with Nate?”
I balled my hands into fists. He had no right to be asking me anything, so I ignored his question and made an attempt to step around him but he grabbed hold of my arm, stopping me.
“Let go of my arm, Kane!” I yelled and jerked my arm free from his grasp. “This is all your fault!” I screamed.
The rain began pouring down on us. His black shirt became soaked through and was sticking to every inch of him, making it easy for me to see the muscles in his arms and chest twitch. He closed the short distance between us and looked right down into my eyes.
“My fault? Really? That’s rich, Kelsey,” he sneered.
My blood was boiling at that point. It was his fault! He was the one who couldn’t keep his lips to himself! I was the fool who thought he could be true to me. “What are you trying to say? That’s it’s my fault?! I trusted you, Kane! I trusted you so much. You kissed Katie! You let me down … you broke my heart.” I hiccupped a sob.
“I’m done playing these games, Kelsey. You say you trust me but then won’t give me the chance to explain anything before you shut me out of your life and move on to the next person.” His voice was hollow. It held no emotion anymore. “I want you, Kelsey. I want you so damn bad, but it’s obvious I can’t change your mind. I can’t make you want me … or love me.” He turned and began walking away from me, straight to the stairs that led to his apartment.
I had nothing left to say. I could no longer feel anything. Not the chill from the rain, or my broken heart. So I just stood there in the rain and watched him go.