Chapter 2
They say there is nothing stronger than a mother’s love; that it can overcome anything––even the strongest grief. It must be true, since that is the only thing keeping me in this world. I want to fade away. Every day is harder than the last. Every night, I lie in my solitary bed, knowing that three men, who love me more than their own lives, are but a door away. Yet, here I lie, pining for another, that can no longer hold me.
I want to die, but I want my child to live. My mates hurt. I am hurting them, but I don’t want to. What do I do? The knowledge of the pain I was causing, was tearing me apart. Was there even an afterlife for beings like us? Where was he now? Did he exist somewhere in the fabric of creation, in a place that I couldn’t reach right now?
If I let myself fade into nothingness, would we be together once more?
My thoughts continued to circle, running through my head as though on replay. I hurt. I was going insane; slowly, a little more each day. I felt how reality was slipping further away and I could care less. I felt pain and emptiness to the point that it encompassed everything else. I didn’t even feel sorry for myself anymore. I felt nothing, but the agony of the hole where Cernunnos once lived in my heart.
My heart: that is what he called me.
I didn’t understand at the time, but he was mine as well. I didn’t understand that a portion of that heart could be ripped out in a bloody, ragged chunk, while the remainder still beat.
***
Rioghan didn’t leave my side during the day anymore and Caomhnóir stayed with me at night. All the while, Brónach watched.
Robin, Kale and Daniel stood helplessly by, not knowing what to do. With all the power at their combined command, none of them knew what to do with a single, broken, pregnant woman.
That was about to change from the fury of a tiny human whirlwind.
***
"Where the bloody hell is she?" a voice screeched down the hallways. "I don’t give a flying fuck what time it is, you gobshite. If you don’t take me to my best friend right now, I swear to all that is holy, that I will have every bleeding bobby in London down here. Right, Sean? Tell him––tell him you will arrest his sorry arse if he doesn’t move and show me where Dia is."
I was lying in my bed with Caomhnóir beside me when I heard her. A smile played at my lips; the first hint of a positive emotion I had felt since coming back.
Closing my eyes, I just listened to her. It was normal, everyday Annie. And from the sounds of it, she had Sean with her as well.
I hadn’t seen either of them in months, and until that moment, I hadn’t realized how much I missed my family. My body was moving before my brain had time to catch up. Sitting up, I slid out of the bed, not bothering to look for something to put on.
Wearing only a pair of yoga pants and a vest top, my hair hung in a tangled unwashed mess down my back. But it was Annie and Sean––they didn’t care what I looked like.
My bare feet silently pad across the polished floor, as I made my way out of my room, past the boy's room. The sound of Annie's ranting grew louder the closer I got to the foyer. In fact, I was able to stand in the doorway, leaning against it, watching the scene for several moments before anyone noticed me.
Annie had cornered poor Matt, and was working up to a full steam. I almost felt sorry for the Beta, but this was actually pretty damn entertaining. As I continued to watch, Annie’s arms were waving in the air, while she threatened Matt and his future generations. Sean was watching them shaking his head, every now and again rolling his eyes at their antics. It was during one of his eye-rolls when he noticed me.
"Ahem," he said, nudging Annie.
"What," she snarled.
Nodding in my direction, that was all it took before a tiny blonde dervish attacked.
Even Caomhnóir, who had crept up beside me, had the sense to whimper, taking refuge behind me.
"Where have you been? Oh my God, Dia. No one has heard from you in weeks. Those boyfriends of yours kept trying to put us off with shit about you being under the weather, and that you promised to call us when you got over some bug! Have they been keeping you hostage as a sex slave? They haven’t locked you up in some BDSM dungeon room, and tied you to the wall so they can have their wicked way with you, have they?"
"Annie," I chuckled. "You shouldn’t sound so hopeful when you say things like that, you know. But if you’re into that, I do know of a place or two." I told her, pulling her into a hug.
She hugged me fiercely before pulling back to look me up and down.
"You don't look like you are on deaths doors. I mean, you could use a shower––you are ripe."
Her words came to a halt as her eyes widened, to the point they were ready to pop out of her head.
She took another step back, her hand rising to her mouth. Probably in an attempt to filter whatever she was about to say. I sighed, Too bad there was no chance of that working.
"You sly little tart you! Oh my God," she squealed, looking at me for confirmation.
I nodded with a slight smile. That was the only proof she needed.
She shrieked and every wolf in the house came running. Before, the sound had even come to a halt the room was filled with at least twenty members of the pack. Ignoring them all, she grabbed my hands, jumping up and down.
"Oh my God, oh my God! Sean, get your arse over here. You are not going to believe this!"
My brother stood beside me protectively, looking confused and concerned at the number of people that had come running at Annie’s outburst. Ahh, bless him, I didn’t need it, but it sent a warmth deep into the remainder of my heart.
"What is wrong with you, Annie? I mean more than normal," he grumbled. Now that is the brother I know and loved.
"Annie," I cautioned. It was a wasted effort, as usual, she was going to play this one up.
"Sean, don’t you think Dia looks radiant? I mean, I would go so far as to even say she's glowing."
I scowled at her. He was not going to be happy when he got the punch line.
"Annie, maybe we should have a nice, private conversation," I warned.
Nope, that was not going to work. I could see the satanic glint in her eye. She even pulled out her phone and turned the camera on, before mouthing 'pay back bitch.'
It seemed as if it had been years ago that I took the picture of her asleep on my couch and uploaded them to Facebook. Who knew that was going to come back to bite me in the ass now?
Sean looked both confused and exasperated.
"What are you talking about, Blondie? Your crazy is showing more than normal. Dia, I think you should start doing background checks on your friends," Sean joked.
Annie reached up and grabbed Sean's chin before jerking it down, so his gaze was on my belly.
"Wouldn’t you even say she has put on a bit of baby fat?" she cackled.
The smile slid right off his face when it finally dawned on him. I knew that she was recording this in the background while chuckling to herself. The bitch knew things were about to go south.
"Dia," Sean said quietly, before meeting my gaze. He looked around the room, seeing my guys a few feet behind me, watching the whole scene carefully.
"I am going to kill you," he said over my shoulder quietly. “All three of you bastards." His accent changed slightly, making him sound a lot more like dad.
"I told you lot if you got her pregnant, there had better be a bloody ring on her finger, and I don’t see a fucking ring," he seethed.
"Dia, get your fucking clothes. I'm taking you home."
"She is home," Kale growled.
"The hell she is," Sean snapped. "Like I said––no ring. Come on, Dia, you can send someone back for your things later. Hell, I should have known better than to trust these bastards to take care of you."
"You dare," Kale snarled. “We took care of her, loved her and treasured her. It's not my bloody fault she spread her legs when she wasn’t with us."
His mouth snapped shut knowing what he said was wrong. It was too late though; the words could not be snatched back, no matter how much he may have wanted them to.
Breaking away from Sean, I turned to face Kale and the others.
"You are right, Kale––you had nothing to do with me spreading my legs for someone else. At least now I know what you really think of me and the baby."
"Dia––baby, no. I didn’t mean it like that," he began.
"I know exactly how you meant it. I saw your reaction when I came back, Kale. Robin knew, and he didn’t tell you, so that also speaks on his true feelings as well. It eats you up that I chose to be there. Not at first, but in the end. I always planned to come back, but the plan was to come back with Cernunnos."
I laughed bitterly.
"You would have never accepted him would you, Kale? Robin and Daniel––yeah. Whether they would have let him into your little boys’ club, who knows? It doesn't really matter anymore though, does it?"
I held up my hands in defeat. "I'm done. I just can’t do it anymore. I am leaving, and you will not follow me. I won't let you," I lowered my voice to make sure he could see the threat in it.
"Brónach," I called.
"Dia," she gently slid in beside me.
"Collect Rioghan and the others that came with us. We are leaving."
Turning to Annie and Sean, I leaned forward to kiss them gently, using my power to put them to sleep. Two wolves caught them before they hit the floor.
They wouldn’t understand what had happened, and I didn’t want them to be drug any further into this mess than they had to be.
Rioghan appeared with the rest of my people, waiting patiently for their lady to command them.
"Where will you go," Daniel finally spoke.
"Somewhere that is not here," I whispered.
The last thing I saw before we all walked away was the anguish in Robin's eyes, anger in Kale's and understanding in Daniel's. I could only hope that one day it could be made right.
Unfortunately, right now was not that time. I knew if I stayed, things would be said or done that couldn’t be taken back. Though, despite what they thought, I was not running away, just retreating. A leader had to know when to draw back during a battle. Sometimes, that was the only way to win the war.
***
The Boys:
"What the hell is wrong with you," Daniel snapped once Dia was gone.
"Do you have any idea what you have done, puppy," Robin sighed sadly.
"I," Kale began but stopped before rubbing the back of his neck. "Hell, I don’t know. I didn't mean to say it like that. I didn’t even mean it. I don’t care that she's pregnant. Though it does piss me off that it wasn’t us that got her that way––but I'm not upset about the baby."
"She is grieving, you insensitive cur."
"Fuck off, fairy, I know that. I’m just having trouble understanding it."
Suddenly, Kale was thrown against the wall, hard enough to break the plaster and leave an imprint of his body where he landed. One very pissed off Fae, looking more feral than any wolf watching the scene unfold ever could, very carefully enunciated his next words.
"You had better learn to understand quickly, Kale. If she leaves us because of your selfishness, it will not go well for your continued existence."
Kale's eyes widened with understanding before whispering.
"You said that Fae fade when their mates die.”
"Exactly," snarled Robin. “Without her I have no reason to go on."
"How do I fix this?"
"Pray puppy––all you can do is pray, and hope that if she gives you another chance, you don’t fuck it up."