Robin:
"Have you heard anything?” Kale turned to me, sharply wrenching his hands through his hair.
Things had not gone well for him over the last few days. Ever since Dia left, he had been more animal than man.
Hopefully, what I was about to impart would improve his mood.
"Yes, puppy, I have."
His head snapped up and he was in front of me faster than a mortal could blink.
"What! What have you found out? Is she ok? The baby? Where is she, is she coming home?"
He looked as if he was near tears, and I knew he was nearing his breaking point. Dianthe needed to be told how close to turning feral her wolf truly was. I understood that she needed this time, but Kale was falling apart and that was something Daniel and I couldn’t help him with.
I gently cupped his cheek and saw both the wolf and the man fighting for dominance.
"They are fine, my mate. Dianthe has sent word that she and the others are well. From what I understand from her companion, Brónach, she had created a pocket universe. It is a paradise, and they are the only ones there. She can rest and grieve in peace, while trying to bring all the broken pieces back together."
"Why couldn't she do that here?” Kale asked, nearly howling.
"Because, my wolf, we wanted her to be the Dianthe she was before, and welcome us with open arms. She isn’t that female anymore. She has grown, loved and lost. She must first find herself again, before she comes back to us."
"Can we go to her?" Daniel asked hopefully.
I briefly considered Daniel's question.
For a mostly human boy he had an astounding outlook on things. He was often overlooked, but I made a mental note to pay more attention to our least demanding mate.
"That is a possibility I had not considered. I don’t know if time flows differently for them there. If it does, it is something to think about. Also, we must consider whether or not she would want us there. I seriously doubt it at this moment. We are the reason she left to begin with."
Kale opened his mouth to argue that point, and then shut it again.
My stubborn wolf was learning, and that meant there was hope for us all.
Dianthe:
"Tamarus, is this really necessary?"
He looked at me calmly and once again ignored the interruption of his lesson to remind me, "Lady, you are now a member of the Sluagh court. As such, you will be required to not only follow all of our laws, but also know them by heart."
I honestly felt like whining that it wasn't fair, but Tamarus gave me one of his stern looks before turning to Rioghan.
"Young Prince, why must you and the Princess know all the rules by heart?"
Rioghan rolled his eyes at me before standing at attention, his hands clasped together in front of him.
"As part of the royal family, it is our duty to know and understand every nuance of the law––both the letter and spirit of them. As rulers, we have been given the gift and curse of leading our people. It is a gift, as the goddess of us all has seen us worthy of the title. It is also a curse as it governs our lives to the smallest moment of time. Everything that we do and everything that we are is for our people. A just king or queen lives for their people––they are always put before our own desires and wants. We are taught this, so that we know, that to be happy ourselves, first our people must be happy."
Rioghan glanced at me and sniffed before whispering out the side of his mouth.
"You should already know that, Dia. You were a lady of The Hunt and the daughter of a god before you became a princess of the Sluagh."
"I didn't ask for any of this, Rioghan," I snipped.
"None of us have, Dia," he snapped back. "Were you not listening to what I just said? It is a gift and a curse––none of us ask for it, but we are given the responsibility, and it is our duty to carry it out."
Ouch! I was just schooled by a six-year-old. As if adding its opinion to Rioghan's, the baby decided to kick me. It was only a flutter, but I still felt it.
I knew when I was beat, and I also knew when to bow down to truth.
"I am sorry, Rioghan, Tamarus," I nodded at them both. “Can I claim hormones? I promise, I will try harder," I sighed. "I know I am being a stubborn brat, but I can't seem to stop myself."
The tutor looked at us kindly and raised his hand.
"Princess, young Prince, you both have just witnessed one of the greatest lessons to be learned. Humility. Pride is one of the hardest things for any leader to overcome, but our Princess has just shown us it is possible." He smiled. “Now, I think it is time for a break. You have both been working hard all morning and could do with stretching your wings."
"Woohoo! Dia, we get to fly!" Rioghan was literally bouncing as his ebony wings unfurled from his back.
"Sweetie, I can't fly." I reminded him.
"Of course, you can, you have wings––just pull them out. Come on, Dia, I want to fly. It's been forever since I have been in the sky!"
"Rioghan, I only have wings in my Sluagh form, and I never learned to use them. It could hurt the baby shifting forms. What if I fell from the sky?"
Right. Having a six-year-old roll his eyes at you as if you were the thickest thing on any plane was not demoralizing at all... nope, nada.
"Come on Dia… don’t be a Reah." he cajoled.
“What is a blinking Reah," I demanded.
Tamarus chuckled. "Princess, it is an idiotic-looking, flightless bird. They have wings, but they are useless. The children often use the term to taunt their friends into doing silly things. However, this time I am with the Prince. Exercise will do you no harm. Shifting will not harm the baby in any way. It is a natural process for you, and therefore, for the baby. The flight portion may be harder. I will work with you on the mechanics. After all, it is instinctual. We no longer toss our children from ledges, but it is a very similar process."
"How similar?"
"Come, let us shift and you will find out."
Why did I trust that sly teacher? I should have known he would be such a sneaky bastard.
Rioghan was winging ahead of us doing loop de loops and other aerodynamic displays, while I was desperately trying to stay aloft.
"You don't throw your young off ledges anymore, huh do you," I snarled, remembering my introduction to the sky moments before.
His face was much more youthful and carefree than normal. The frown lines were smoothed away as he laughed at my resentment.
"Princess, you are hardly my young or a child at all. What did you expect––that you would gently flap your wings and lift gracefully to the heavens?"
I blushed, yeah, I kind of had.
"I will not let you fall, Lady. You are in safe hands," he chuckled.
"I will hold you to that, tutor," I grouched as I wobbled it the air.
"Lady––relax and let the wind carry you. Don’t fight it, and don’t fight me. My name is Tamarus, and I would like us to be friends––when I’m not your teacher, that is."
The look on my face was enough to clue him in to my thoughts.
"No offense, Princess, but not for all the riches in the kingdoms. I have a mate and she is more than enough. I honestly only offer friendship. It is possible you know––between males and females."
I was so embarrassed and had no idea how to back out of the conversation. Bluntness it is.
"I am so sorry, Tamarus, I didn’t mean to imply," I began.
"It’s alright, Princess. It is understandable. Nearly every male you have come across in your short life has wanted you, and it was through nothing that you did to provoke it. You are confused, and wary, and have every right to be. Your confidants are unable to be confided in, for various reasons, and you are alone in the world, bar a hound, a child and a friend who is first loyal to her Lord."
Tears welled in my eyes. How did he see things so clearly? I quickly blinked them away before they were noticed and smiled at him.
"Okay, I would like that, Tamarus. But if we are going to be friends, I think you should call me Dia."
He bowed his head slightly,
"Only in private, Dia––it would not be seemly anywhere else."
"Alright," I agreed. I knew there was no use arguing with him. Propriety was everything when it came to the Sluagh.
"Excellent," he shouted over the wind before he grabbed both of my hands, while flipping his body upside down and underneath me. How the hell did he fly upside down? His brown and gold wings reminded me of a falcon, but I had never seen any bird of prey do that.
"Come Dia, it’s time to show you the freedoms that our wings can provide us."
We flew, and my spirits rose as we did. The heaviness of the past few weeks fell away, until I felt more myself than I had in ages.
By the time we had landed, Rioghan had thrown himself into my arms and hugged me tightly.
"Welcome back, Dia. I’ve missed you so much," He cried happily.
I wished I really were back.
***
I was alone, well mostly. Caomhnóir was with me. He really didn’t leave my side anymore––unless there was someone else to babysit me. Even he looked down in the dumps half the time.
Lying in a field of wildflowers, I had my arms and legs star-fished as I lie, looking at the fluffy clouds gently moving across and endless ultramarine sky.
The silvery color of the clouds contrasted amazingly with the dark sky. The sun shone with gilded silvery and gold accents. It was surreal, and it soothed my battered soul.
I thought back to earlier when I flew with Rioghan and Tamarus. How light and happy I felt then. Now, I wanted to weep. The pain was more of an emptiness at this moment, and I had absolutely no energy to do more than stare at the sky. In fact, I felt I could easily close my eyes and sleep for eternity.
Instead, I sighed.
"Bi-polar," I told Caomhnóir. “Has to be––I am Bi-polar. It is either that, or I have finally gone off the deep end to insanity and left all the normal I had in me far, far behind. My heart hurts, boy, and I am so empty. Why did he die?" My words caught on a broken sob. "Oh God, why did he die, Caomhnóir? He left me! The selfish bastard left me behind. How could he? Damn it, he promised not to leave me. That he would always be with me," I sobbed.
My hound had risen to his feet and placed one paw gently on my belly.
It didn’t help.
"I know," I wailed. "He left me with a part of himself. But I don’t want a part of him––I want him… all of him. Oh God, what am I going to do? Caomhnóir, what am I going to do? I want to lay down here and just let go. Close my eyes and just let it all go away. Why can't it all just go away?"
Tears leaked down my face as it contorted in agony. I began to rock gently, back and forth, trying to comfort myself.
"I wish––I wish you could talk, boy. So, you could tell me what to do. I'm so alone, so scared, and I just don’t know what to do––"
I was lost in my grief. The dam had broken, and the flood was an inevitable flow, which I had no strength or will to hold back.
"I wish you could hug me, Caomhnóir. I really need a hug right now," I hiccupped between sobs.
Arms wrapped around me and I froze in shock. The face of the strange man holding me in his arms released a scream that could shatter glass.
I scrambled back and shrieked like a little girl. All that power of the universe crap––it totally goes out the window when you freak out.
Where was my dog and who the hell was the man trying to grab me?
I jumped to my feet and took a couple of wary steps back. The stranger looked at me in confusion, as if I was the weird one here.
He didn’t seem to pose any threat, but hell, how did he get here and who was he?
I took a moment to take him in, in all his––umm, glory.
He was tall and strong. His chest was broad tapering into a very narrow waist that any woman would envy. I tried to ignore the obvious male part of him and instead, took in his powerful thighs and very long legs.
From top to bottom, he was powerfully built and streamlined, as if he had been purpose built for running and strength. My gaze settled on his face. It was almost familiar.
It was slender and long, yet elegant. Wiry hair in several colors of browns clung shaggily to his cheeks and neck. It was the eyes, so soulful and dark, that pulled me in though.
"Who are you?"
He tilted his head at the question before opening his mouth. He closed it again with a look of concentration before trying again with a confused expression crossing his thoughtful eyes.
"Me," he grumbled.
His voice reminded me of gravel––something that was textured and unused. It was as if he wasn’t used to speaking.
"Yes," I nodded. "But who are you? Do you have a name?"
Ok, having a complete stranger looking at you as if you had lost your mind was a bit depressing. I mean from friends and family… I was used to that. But really––I didn’t even know this guy.
"Of course, I do," he replied.
"Can I know what it is?" I motioned with my hand in his direction. Now who was the simple one?
"Dia, you already know it. You gave it to me," He cocked his head at me.
"I gave you your name?"
"Yes," he said patiently.
"Right," I drawled pursing my lips and nodding my head. "Just remind me again. You know, baby brain and all," I hedged.
Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned the baby. This man could be a total psycho. In my world that would be normal, so… ehh.
The stranger just shook his head and grinned.
"Caomhnóir."
The world tilted around me. Oh crap, I am going to faint.
Before the ground could kiss me ‘hello’, Caomhnóir grabbed me around the waist and gently lowered me into his lap. His arms wrapped around me and hugged me tightly as he snuffled against my hair.
"You're my dog," I said stupidly.
"Hound," he grunted.
I sat up and squealed, causing him to wince at the high pitch.
"You saw me naked! Oh my god, I got naked in front of you all the time! You pervert!"
He looked totally confused at my outburst.
"I don’t understand? Why is that distressing to you, Dia?"
"Umm, hello! You can turn into a man," I motioned at his human form frantically.
"So?"
He was not getting this.
"So––you are not just my d––" His brows lowered, and I quickly changed my words.
"Hound. I mean you are like a shifter, right?"
He thought about it for a moment before answering.
"I can change my forms, yes."
"Then you’re a shifter––and a man. That is why it’s pervy. You were spying on me, naked, and I never knew."
"Why would I care if you are naked?"
Caomhnóir seemed genuinely confused.
"Because you are a guy," I told him. "Imagine if someone was watching you do private things and you didn’t know about it?"
"I don’t understand… you did know about it. You always knew when I was there. Usually, you speak to me and tell me all the things that are on your mind. It is nice to be able to speak with you like this. I had hoped you would speak to me in my mind, as the others do, but you never did. It is rude for a hound to speak to a hunter first."
I face palmed.
"I am such an idiot! All the hounds are shifters?"
"We can all take human form, but it is not something we do often," he agreed.
"Why not?"
"It is not our natural state. We are hounds and prefer to be hounds."
"I don’t think I will be comfortable having bath time talk time anymore," I sighed.
I really enjoyed those times too.
"Why not? I enjoy those times," He said, speaking my thoughts.
How do I explain this to him?
"Well––you are not just a hound," I tried weakly.
Enlightenment lit up his eyes and he pushed my chin up.
"Ahh––I think I see the problem."
"You do," I said hopefully.
"Yes, you think that it is inappropriate for me to see you nude, now that you know I can take human shape."
I nodded enthusiastically.
"Let me ask you a question, Dia. When I am a hound, have you ever been sexually attracted to me?"
"Ewww, no!" I shouted, wrinkling my nose. “That is wrong on so many levels, and illegal in most places."
"You are so young," He laughed. “However, it is the same for me. As much as I love you, I don’t find you attractive in any way. You are human, and I am hound. No matter what form I take, it does not change what I am. Besides," he winked. “I have a sweet little bitch at home. Well––sweet is a generous word; if she thought I was sniffing around another bitch she would have my balls."
My jaw dropped and my lips formed into an O of shock.
Caomhnóir snapped my mouth shut with a finger under my chin and laughed.
"Now, I believe you were in need of a hug?"
I was just shot down by a dog, I thought, giggling to myself. What the hell, it was like having a gay bestie, right? I thought to myself before letting him fold me into his arms, giving me the comfort I so desperately needed.
***
Hours later, the sky had darkened to a black, rarely seen on Earth, lit by billions of stars. As we lay in the field of wildflowers, we watched as hundreds of meteorites swept across the endless expanse of the heavens. Although he felt constrained, Caomhnóir was still in his human form, more for my benefit, as he had already explained.
He was stretched out with me tucked into his side. We had done this many times in the past. The only difference was that now he was a man and not a hound. Well––in shape anyway.
"What are you thinking of now, silly human female?" Caomhnóir huffed in exasperation.
My lips tilted. He had begun to call me that earlier, when I was still finding it hard to get over the fact that just because he could turn into a man, didn’t mean he was one.
"I was thinking," I grinned evilly, "That I could whip you off back to Earth, take you to the nearest vet’s office and have you castrated, like any responsible dog owner should. You know what they say, ‘unless you plan to breed, there really is no need.’”
Caomhnóir lifted his lips and snarled at me.
"Try it, Dia. I dare you."
"I'm joking," I laughed. "I would never do that. Your sweet little bitch would come after me, and she sounds scary."
"Never joke about such things, puny human female. I am an Alpha male hound, and my masculinity is never to be doubted."
He said it so seriously that it made me crack up. I was howling with laughter by the time I was done. My sides hurt from so much mirth.
"Ahh, that is better. Now tell me, what were you really thinking about?"
I sighed, Damn intuitive dog.
"Hound," He huffed. "I can tell when you call me a dog––even when you think it, Dia."
"Cernunnos," I sighed. “I was thinking about Cernunnos."
"Ahh yes, it is disgusting how his cycle began. Taken by treachery and betrayal. I only wish I could kill that damn bird all over again."
"Me too," I whispered.
I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes once more. I was so tired of crying. There just didn’t seem to be anything I could do about it.
"Why did he die, boy?"
"Because Fechin impaled him and ripped out his stomach," Caomhnóir responded, confused. “You were there; I don’t understand the question, Dia. You saw how he was betrayed and killed."
My breath caught in my throat, and for a moment I thought he was being horribly callous. Then I realized that he didn’t see things the same way I did. His perception of the world was from a hound's point of view, not a man's. Never a man's.
"No, I mean, 'Why did he die,' as in, how was it possible? He was supposed to be immortal. He had been around since the dawn of time. Now he is just––gone. It's not right!"
"Ahh," he mused. “It was time."
"Please don’t give me platitudes about how it was his time, and it was meant to be. They don’t mean anything, and never help with the pain."
Caomhnóir tilted his head trying to figure something out.
"I don’t understand your level of grief, little human. Grief, yes––the father of your pup died in your arms. Now you don’t have your mate in a naturally emotional time, but why does your heart break so, Dia? It pains me to see you so sad."
I didn’t know what to tell him. Did he truly not understand what emptiness and sorrow ate at me? In the end, I just went for the simplest answer.
"Because he’s gone, and he’s not coming back."
"What do you mean he’s not coming back?"
I sighed. Maybe he is more dog than I thought.
"He died, Caomhnóir. When you die, you are gone forever. There is no coming back."
"Nonsense," he huffed. “Lord Cernunnos leads The Hunt. He is the green man and a god. He cannot die permanently. His very essence is part of nature. Death is simply part of his cycle."
I jerked away from him.
"What the hell do you mean? What is this freaking cycle I keep hearing about? No one will give me any details about it! What is it, Caomhnóir. Are you telling me that my mate is not dead?"
"No," Caomhnóir began. "He is dead, but he will not remain so. I don’t know why you don’t know these things, but it would explain your excessive sorrow."
I glared at him.
He must have taken the hint because he barely paused before continuing.
"Our Lord Cernunnos is part of all nature and of all the season. In the spring, birth brings new life and it grows and blooms into the summer months. In the autumn, we harvest all that we have sewn, and in winter that life ends, only to begin again come the spring.
Cernunnos is a part of that cycle; in fact, the natural order of our world depends on it. He is the embodiment of nature. He must die so that the land can sleep, and he must be reborn again so that it will come back to life."
My mouth dropped open.
"Are you telling me that Cernunnos dies every year and is reborn every year?"
"No, that is not what I am saying. Yes, he dies and is reborn, but hardly so often. Only when it is needed. As he died this time, I presume it was needed."
I grabbed his shoulders and nearly dragged him to his feet.
"When will he come back? This coming spring? He could be here for the baby being born! Why didn’t anyone tell me this?"
"Dia," he took my chin and lifted my face to grab my attention. “I never said he would be back in the spring, only that his death and rebirth was needed for it. He will not come back until he is needed. That could be weeks or years. I cannot tell you when. My guess would be that no one told you, because the others didn’t want your hopes raised for naught. I am sorry to have told you myself, as it is obviously has raised them prematurely. I am sorry, my lady"
My heart sank into the pit of my stomach, and I suddenly felt ill. It was almost like having him back for a moment, only to have him ripped out of my arms once again.
"No––thank you, Caomhnóir. I needed to know. At least now I know that one day he will be back, even if I don’t know the when or how."
Suddenly, I wanted to be alone with my thoughts.
"Do you think I can be alone for a little while? This is a lot to take in and I just want to be on my own. I promise that I will be careful, and I’ll be back soon."
He looked as if he wanted to argue, but in the end, he nodded. In a blink, he was my hound once more. He gave me one little whine before turning tail and running into the nearby woods. Good thing about hounds… even when they didn’t want to be, they were still obedient to their masters.
Now, I just had to figure out where to go from here. My whole world had just been tilted on its axis by the words of my dog.