Chapter Ten
“Emily, have you seen the blanket Hunter likes?” Clara asked, throwing couch cushions around.
“Got it,” the nanny replied, waving the fluffy blue cloth like a flag. “Is he fussing?”
“Yeah and I need to get this article finished before my date tonight.”
Emily opened her mouth but closed it before anything could escape.
“What?” Clara demanded.
The nanny shrugged. “It’s none of my business.”
Clara snorted. “You are helping raise my friend’s surprise child. I don’t think much about our lives is off-limits to you.”
Emily joined Clara on the floor where she sat, a baby to one side and her computer to the other.
“I sort of assumed you were already dating.”
“Walker, you mean.”
“See? I told you this wasn’t my business.”
“No, no, it’s fine. I said you could ask.” She sighed. “We’re not a couple. Never have been. We actually met because he was dating my roommate.”
“Dating the wrong woman. How romantic.”
She laughed. “Not quite. Jess was just a little too social for him. Walker likes his space.”
“Not from you.”
Clara stared down at Hunter. “None of my blood flows in this baby’s veins. What does that tell you?”
“That you love his father.”
She jerked her head up.
“As a friend,” Emily said before she could. “Only a true friend would be here right now and you show no signs of leaving.”
“I will,” she said. “When my three weeks are up. When Walker can do this without me. Then you’ll be the last of us standing.”
“A lot can happen in two weeks.”
“It’s been ten years. What’s a few weeks compared to that?”
Emily shrugged. “Depends on the weeks.”
She shook her head. “I’m just the stand-in and that’s fine. This baby isn’t mine to keep.”
Emily tucked the blue blanket around Hunter. “Who could leave this little darling?” she mused.
Who indeed?
She’d never been sure she wanted kids. Not after raising a pack of them already. But Hunter was different. She’d only known him a few days and already she couldn’t imagine giving him up. How had his mother managed to walk away? What sort of woman would leave a baby without a backward glance? She’d expected a phone call this week or, hell, a drop-in at some point, but there’d been nothing but silence. If Walker knew who Hunter’s mother was he was keeping the information to himself.
Besides, it’s not my place to ask.
Clara was the substitute, not the wife. He didn’t owe her any secrets. Just because they’d always shared everything in the past was no guarantee of the future.
“It seems unbelievable, doesn’t it?” she asked.
“I’ve worked with several families, both good and bad, and I have to say I’ve never come across a case like this one before.”
“It’d make a great story.”
Emily laughed. “I haven’t known Walker long, but I’m going to take a wild guess and say he wouldn’t approve of his family landing in the press.”
“No,” Clara agreed. “He’s a private person. The world’s most unusual billionaire.”
There are parts of his past not even I know.
She bit her lip, wondering if she ever would. He was off doing amazing things for his company and she was…waiting. Waiting to see if anything would ever happen with them. Waiting to see what her life would become instead of pursuing a change.
This date will be good for me.
It would give her a chance to think about anything other than Walker and his son for an evening.
But to get to it, she had to finish her assignment.
“Can you watch him for a little while?” Clara asked. “I really need to get to work.”
“Go. We’ll be fine for a while, won’t we, little guy?” Emily asked the baby.
Smiling her thanks, she pushed to her feet. Article first, date second. That was all she had to focus on today.
Which worked in theory but even as she headed for her room, there was no banishing Walker from her thoughts.
…
“Hello,” Walker called as he entered his home.
“We’re in here,” Emily called.
He tossed his keys on the entranceway table and headed for the kitchen to see his son and nanny perched at the island.
“How did your meeting go?” Emily asked.
“I closed the deal,” he said, setting the bottle of champagne he’d bought on the counter.
“Congratulations. That’s amazing.”
“Thank you. The talks were a little more difficult than I’d expected, but in the end, we prevailed. Is Clara around?”
“She’s upstairs getting ready for her date,” she said. “And if you’re in for the night I’ll take off. Unless you changed your mind and wanted me to stay.”
“No, no,” he said. “We’ll be fine.”
“He’s been changed and feed,” she said, passing over Hunter. “I’ll be back bright and early tomorrow. Congrats again on your deal.”
He bounced Hunter as Emily grabbed her purse and headed home.
“How about you?” he asked his son. “Did you and Clara have fun?”
The baby gurgled in response.
“You’ll be happy to know today was an excellent day for us. Your trust fund will be thrilled.”
As he walked around the kitchen, he couldn’t help smiling. Hunter’s life would be completely different from his. Maybe one day he’d even want to take over the company.
“We’ll make it a family business,” he said. “What do you think of that?”
It certainly hadn’t been his vision when he’d started it, but now that Hunter was here, he liked the idea of building a legacy he could pass on.
“Who would have predicted any of this?” he said.
When he’d started his company he’d never thought much would come of it. At the university, he’d never been able to sit still long enough to last through a class. He’d failed most of his courses because he’d been more interested in the math than the grades. No one around him had spoken his language, so he’d created a bridge from his inner world to their outer one through his code and, later, his software. From one simple application, dozens had sprouted. Some had made money and some had floundered. But if there was one thing he knew better than math, it was investing. Soon he’d had a company with a handful of employees. Other awkward geniuses who had been able to create a whole digital world together.
If he hadn’t dropped out of school, none of that would have happened. He never would have been independent, never would have begun a start-up, and never would have grown a basement-based company into a tech empire he might one day leave his son.
I might have taken other paths, though.
If he’d stayed in school, who knew what could have happened? He might have married his college sweetheart and had a child in wedlock.
He might have asked Clara out on their graduation day instead of watching her walk across the stage from the recesses in the back of the hall. The routine, the classes, the peers, none of that had been hard to walk away from.
But Clara had nearly made him stay.
I wouldn’t have Hunter if I’d made another choice.
He’d make this work. His life, his company, his son, he’d find the balance. Not overnight but he would eventually. Especially with Clara’s help.
Except she wasn’t helping right now. No, she was upstairs getting ready for her date.
It should be me she’s out with. Not someone else.
As much as that knowledge burned within him, he’d been honest when he’d said Todd was likely the better man. Years ago, he’d made the choice that her friendship was more important than anything else. Though it had been hard to banish the old feelings, he’d done it for her sake. Sending her to Todd was no different. All he had to offer her was baggage and money, and Clara had never been moved by dollar bills.
“I suppose I have you to offer now,” he said to the baby. “You’re a far bigger draw than I am.”
Hunter stuck his foot in his eager mouth in a move that would put seasoned yoga masters to shame.
A click of heels on the stairs caught his ear. Laying Hunter down in his playpen, he moved toward the doorway.
And wished he’d never seen her leave.
Clara paused halfway down the stairs, one black stiletto heel posed to take the next step.
The dark blue dress she sported hugged her body in a way that made his mouth water. Even in college she’d been concerned about her weight, and he’d never understood why. Her lush curves should make any man who saw her want her. He certainly had, even though he’d been dating her roommate. By the time that relationship had ended, he’d waited too long. They’d become fast friends, and it was a relationship he’d never wanted to jeopardize, even then.
Idiot.
She started moving again, stepping toward him carefully. His eyes ran up her bare legs to the swinging navy skirt that accentuated her waist. The bodice clung to her breasts, and he was tempted to hook a finger on the neckline and see if it would be as easy to pull down as it looked.
Her brown hair was curled and pulled back from her face, which sported more dramatic makeup than he was used to seeing her in. Around the penthouse, she tended to go more natural, probably because touching up her lipstick with a baby screaming its fool head off wasn’t much of a priority. Tonight, however, she’d clearly pulled out all the stops.
For another man.
She stopped on the last step, putting them almost on eye level. Unable to stay away from her, he strode closer.
“You look beautiful,” he said.
A blush stained her cheeks as she nibbled her lower lip. “It’s not too much?”
“If he isn’t a complete moron, he’ll be eating out of the palm of your hand before the appetizers arrive.”
She smiled as fresh confidence flowed into her expression. “Appetizers? Think it will really take that long?”
“No,” he murmured. “I don’t think it will take long at all.”
Her eyes softened and she opened her mouth before closing it. Trying again, she said, “How was work?”
“We got the distribution deal.”
Surprise flooded her face before she grinned. “That’s amazing! You must be thrilled.”
“It’s a big step forward.”
“You’re incredible, Walker. You really are.” She reached out to hug him before he could stop her.
His hands hovered over her back, wanting nothing more than to pull her close.
“I’m so proud of you.”
Giving in to temptation, he wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her freshly curled hair. He breathed in her perfume as he let himself enjoy this brief touch.
How the hell does she fit so perfectly in my arms?
He could hold her forever. But before he knew it, she was pulling back.
“I wish I could stay and celebrate with you.”
“Another night,” he said. “There’s champagne when we get the chance.”
“I like your style,” she teased, walking down the last step. “Are you sure you’ll be okay by yourself?”
“It will be a good trial run for me and Hunter,” he replied. It was the first time in a week that he’d be truly alone with his son with no one to call easily at hand. If his kid started sobbing in a way only Clara seemed to be able to sooth, he’d be in trouble. His plan was to keep Hunter as happy as possible while she was away.
“Okay, then I’ll head out.”
“Yeah, you should go.”
But neither of them moved.
“Walker…” Her voice trailed off. He waited to see if she’d try again.
Rolling back her shoulders as if preparing for a duel, she met his gaze dead on.
“I know we have a million things to think about and this shouldn’t top anyone’s list, but I have to know one thing before I go out with Todd.”
“Know what?”
She exhaled slowly. “Did that kiss mean anything to you?”
His breath shuddered to a stop in his lungs. Trust Clara to go straight for the kill.
This is my opportunity. My chance to tell her what I really want.
Then she’d stay. He knew she would. She’d cancel on Todd and stay with him because of where it might lead. They would pop open the champagne in the kitchen, and the alcohol would take the edge off. When he leaned in to kiss her, she would meet him halfway. He’d have her in his arms the way she always should have been.
And she’d think they had a future. One that could be serious and permanent when he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to offer that.
I’d be asking her for everything and giving nothing back.
He couldn’t be the partner she’d always dreamed of. Not when he knew firsthand what lay down the path of love and commitment.
Meanwhile, the right man for her might be moving on to the next woman all because he’d been selfish enough to try to hold on to her when he knew he didn’t have any right.
It all came down to his choices again. Did he do the right thing or did he try to keep her for himself?
Really, there was only one option. Clara was the one thing in this world he could never hurt. He’d protect her to his last breath.
Even from himself.
“It was the stress,” he forced himself to say. “I’m sorry I crossed a line.”
The light in her eyes died. “Stress.”
“I’m exhausted. Hunter is taking up all my energy. I just…slipped.” He laced his hands behind his back to keep from touching her. “Do you forgive me?”
Her silence was damning.
“I promise—” The words died on his tongue as his body fought against saying the vow he never wanted to give. “I promise it won’t happen again. I’ll never touch you like that without your permission.”
I’ll be your friend. Your goddamned brother. I’ll be whatever you need me to be so long as I don’t lose you.
Her gaze slid from him. “What a relief,” she said, lifting her chin. “I’m glad we sorted that out.”
“Me too,” he said through numb lips. She’d never know what it cost him to lie to her. To put her first. Their kiss would haunt him the rest of his days. And he would regret his promise just as long.
Not giving him another moment of her time, she neatly stepped around him and walked into the kitchen. He stood by silently as she checked on Hunter, tenderly kissing her fingertips before brushing them over the baby’s brow. His heart twisted at the sight. He’d made the right decision. As long as he could keep Clara in his life, she’d be in Hunter’s. His son would have the best role model in the world looking out for him if he ever couldn’t.
With a last glance at the baby, she turned and walked straight to the door without bothering to say goodbye.
The click of the lock behind her might as well have been a death knell.
…
Stress.
He’d kissed her because he was exhausted and stressed out of his mind. It hadn’t been jealously. Hadn’t been dormant feelings awakening. She’d just been the closest woman present when exhaustion had made him snap.
Clara punched the elevator call button with more force than was necessary. Here she was, spinning her hopes around what turned out to be nothing more than a simple mistake. He didn’t feel the way she did. He didn’t want her the way she wanted him.
It might have been stress that made him do what he did, but to her it had meant so much more.
I’m a fool to have thought it was the start of anything.
No matter how long she waited, Walker would never be the man she needed. It was time to pull up her big-girl pants and move on.
Stepping into the elevator she concentrated on what mattered. She had a date with a charming man, and he deserved her undivided attention. Much more than her ridiculous roommate did.
She kept that thought front and center on her journey to the restaurant. They’d have a fun evening out and she’d forget about the man she left behind. It’d been far too long since she made time for dating. This would be good for her. Maybe she was only fixating on Walker because of their current situation. Maybe it was just stress for her, too.
That’s the answer. Nothing more than that.
When she walked into the Italian restaurant and saw Todd already seated at a table near the door, she forced a smile to her lips.
“Clara,” he said, rising to his feet as she approached.
“Hi, Todd,” she replied, kissing his cheek in greeting. “It’s great to see you again.”
He smiled easily, giving him an almost boyish charm. The dark suit he wore fit him well, though at the back of her mind she couldn’t help comparing him to another man she’d seen suited up recently. But when Walker reached for a tie, it was usually because there was a problem at his company that required his personal attention. And when that happened, heads tended to roll. Walker in a suit was always a bad sign, even if he cut through the crowd like a shark through water. The easy-going tech guru vanished beneath the expensive trappings of a powerful CEO not to be trifled with.
His intensity was a far cry from the open, welcoming smile on Todd’s face.
“You look lovely,” he said as she took her seat.
“Thanks. I’m glad we’re doing this.”
“I almost couldn’t believe my ears when Diane told me you’d agreed to come out tonight.” He flashed her another smile. “I was hoping you’d accept, even though my schedule made things difficult.”
Just wait till you hear about the new changes in my schedule.
“Thanks for the invitation,” she said.
“Any time.”
His smile was back and she couldn’t help thinking it was just a touch bright. Walker tossed her those little half smiles that were little more than a quirk of his lips, and it made her heart beat just a little bit faster.
“Diane tells me you’re in the financial sector,” she said.
“Yeah. I always had a knack for numbers. Seemed like the logical path to follow.”
“Absolutely.”
“Everyone in my family is either an accountant or a banker. It was expected that I go into the industry, too.”
“Did you ever want to do anything else?”
He shrugged. “Not really.”
Walker never followed the expected path. Hell, he’d blazed his own trail for most of the time she’d known him. But it wasn’t fair to compare a brilliant entrepreneur to Todd. He liked his lot in life. There was no shame in being…
Normal.
Normal is good for me. Normal won’t screw with my head or keep me awake at night replaying a meaningless kiss.
“I’ve read some of your pieces,” he said. “You must also like what you do to write so vividly.”
“I do,” she agreed. “And Diane is a great boss. I was lucky to end up at the paper.”
“She speaks very highly of you.”
“How did the two of you become friends?”
Todd launched into the story of how he’d first come to meet Diane, and she tried her hardest to pay attention. She was out with a gorgeous guy, at a well-rated restaurant that smelled amazing, and she planned to enjoy the evening.
Even if she couldn’t quite manage to banish the specter of Walker from her mind.