Chapter Five
Walker Beckett was holding her.
Clara blinked, trying to sort out what had just happened, but all she could think about was that one impossible fact.
One arm was wrapped around her lower back while the other gripped her waist in a hold she could feel through her yoga pants. With the island behind her, there was nowhere to go but where she was, snuggled up against him, one hand pressed flat to his chest.
He’d never touched her this way. Never been this close other than an occasional platonic hug.
But nothing felt platonic about the way their bodies were pressed together right now.
She glanced up at him, struggling to find anything to say, but when her gaze met his, the words died on her tongue. He was so close. With any other man, she could have risen to her tiptoes and pressed her mouth to his. It would be easy. Such a small movement that would change everything.
And destroy their friendship.
Step away. Step back before this goes too far. Before you do something incredibly stupid.
Like kiss her best friend.
And you know where that would lead.
Nowhere good. She’d seen firsthand how casually Walker viewed his sexual relationships. The fact that Hunter’s mother was a question mark was a testament to that truth. And as much as she might want to think she was hard core enough to be as uncommitted as he was, she knew she didn’t have it in her.
But logic had nothing to do with the butterflies fluttering in her stomach.
As close as they were, there was no mistaking the surprise in his expression. Nor could she miss when it morphed into a different emotion. Something far more interesting.
And forbidden.
There was no escaping the heat that rose in his eyes. The hands that had been holding her to keep her safe from falling moved. He didn’t release her, didn’t drop his hands from her body, but the touch changed until their embrace had very little to do with keeping her upright and far more to do with enjoying an exploration that had never been possible before.
His palm slid down her waist to cup her hip. The heat of his hand seared her through the Spandex, causing her heart rate to kick up in her chest. It didn’t feel like a friend holding her.
Excitement built within her. Was it not all in her head? Had he wondered about her the same way she had about him? Had he wanted to know what it would feel like to cross the line they’d both silently agreed to protect?
Her heart pounded in her ears. A pounding that she could feel mirrored by his heart as her palm pressed against his chest. As sure as his direct gaze appeared, his heart was racing as fast as hers.
Walker…
Her hands curled in his shirt though she didn’t know if she should pull him down to her or push him away. One kiss would change everything. One touch and nothing would be the same again.
If all I have is this one chance, I don’t want to spend my life wondering what if.
It’s not like she couldn’t survive a little humiliation if he pulled away from her.
But could I survive losing him if we can’t go back to being friends?
It was a decision she couldn’t make.
Perhaps her indecision showed on her face because the corner of his lips curved, and he started to lower his head toward her.
“Hunter went right to sleep without any fussing.”
They leapt apart as if they’d just touched a live flame. Turning guiltily, she saw Emily standing in the doorway, suddenly looking unsure of her welcome.
“Sorry,” she said. “I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to interrupt you. Please, ignore me and enjoy a few moments together. I know how hard it can be for new parents to find a moment alone.”
Clara groaned, dropping her forehead against Walker’s arm. “I can’t explain it again. Your turn.”
A warm chuckle filled her ears before she felt the brush of his lips against her forehead. “I’ve got this one.”
Moving away from her, he guided Emily toward the living room.
Dropping back onto the island barstool, Clara watched them go.
Only when she was sure she was alone did she reach up and brush her forehead right where she’d felt his lips.
And tried not to think about how it hadn’t been even close to the kiss she’d really wanted.
…
“Forget the paper. You need to turn your life into a blog. It’s better than a soap opera, these days. Really it is.”
Clara sighed. “I knew I should have taken another day off. Rookie mistake.”
“You’d have to come back eventually,” Diane said. “You’ve got that assignment to finish, after all.”
“Which is why I’m here. You’re the one who pulled me into your office to gossip when all I was trying to do was my article.”
“Sounds like those are some poor working conditions. You should complain to your boss.”
“And what would she do about it?”
“Bribe you with chocolate to give me the goods.” Diane reached into a drawer and pulled out a bag of chocolate-covered almonds. “Do I know you or what?”
With a laugh, Clara accepted a few almonds and tossed them into her mouth. She’d been uncertain if she should come in to work today, but now that she was here she knew it was exactly what she needed.
They’d vetted Emily thoroughly the night before, and she’d agreed to start right away on the daytime shift. Between her and Walker, Hunter would be well looked after, giving her the opening she needed to tie up some loose ends at work. She needed to fulfill a few projects and then she’d max out her vacation days and help Walker at home.
It’s not your home.
Her stomach clenched even as she lifted her chin. For the next few weeks, it was as close as she’d get. Last night had certainty felt homey when she taught Walker the joys of changing a baby’s diaper and then helped settle Hunter to sleep in his crib. She hadn’t been able to look away from her friend when he’d gazed down at his son, oblivious to anything else, even her.
For all his talk about not being ready, there’d been no mistaking the caring in his eyes. Conflicted, perhaps, but caring nonetheless. Hunter was a lucky child.
I just hope he’s really Walker’s. She didn’t think her friend could take the cruelty of growing attached to a child who wasn’t really his. And what woman would have done that to him?
Therein lay a question she wasn’t ready to think about. Somewhere out there, Hunter had another parent. It was a truth they’d have to deal with eventually.
But not today. I need to write this article and get back home. That’s all I can handle right now.
“So, you had your little illicit yet adorable moment of teenage uncertainty in the kitchen,” Diane said. “What happened after that?”
“Nothing,” she said.
“Come on. He didn’t try to make another move?”
She shook her head. “We interviewed the nanny, started babyproofing the house, and went to bed.”
Diane opened her mouth but Clara was faster.
“Separate beds. Where we spent the night. Alone.”
Her boss sighed. “What I was thinking would have been a better twist.”
“My life is not your personal video game.”
“Too bad. I’d help you level up way faster.”
“About that Barlow article…” she tried.
“Did you want him to make a move?”
She leaned back in her chair, grabbing a few more almonds. “He’s my best friend.”
“And you don’t want to jeopardize what you have. Blah, blah, boring blah. Did you want to jump his bones, or didn’t you?”
That was the question. Had she wanted him to cross the platonic line they’d agreed to? Did she want everything to change?
I can’t lose him, too.
Without Walker, she’d be alone. Really, well and truly, no emergency contact on medical forms, alone. Was she ready to risk that?
Being by myself nearly destroyed me last time.
But she’d been a child, barely a few days over eighteen, when she’d walked away from the house she’d spent her childhood in.
House. Not a home. Not for years.
Her mom had ended up with the family homestead in the divorce, but it had come with a price. Her. The mistake neither parent had wanted to claim.
Just like Hunter.
She shook her head to clear the dark thought. Walker wanted him. Or at least, wouldn’t turn him away. That was more than she’d had.
“Hey,” Diane said, breaking into her bleak thoughts. “I’m sorry. I won’t tease you anymore.”
She blinked, banishing whatever expression had put the concern she read in Diane’s eyes.
“Sorry. Just thinking too much.”
“That’s a good trait for a reporter,” she said. “But it can make things tricky in a relationship this complicated.”
“I’m not sure this can get any worse.”
“Maybe not worse, but it can become different. If you wanted it to.”
She ran her fingers through her hair. “If Walker was a stranger on the street, of course I’d fantasize about things I have no business thinking about. He’s a drop-dead gorgeous billionaire for God’s sake. I’d have to be dead not to find him attractive.”
“I sense there’s a but coming.”
“But things are changing so fast right now. Do I really want to throw my attraction into the mix? There’s a child involved, for God’s sake. I need to think with my head and not other parts of my anatomy.”
Diane let out a long sigh. “You’ve got a point.”
I was half hoping you’d talk me out of being noble.
But once again, it was her cross to bear. She always put others first. Even to her own detriment. And missing out on a chance to see what she might have had with Walker was definitely a decision that would haunt her. But if she made a move and things became awkward between them, she’d have to leave and then Walker would be all alone with Hunter. No, it was better to think of the baby. Creating a safe, stable environment for him was the most important factor at play here.
“Well, if you’re determined to be a mature adult and not hop into bed with your ridiculously attractive roommate, then might I ask if you’re still on for Thursday?”
“What’s Thursday?” she asked before it hit her. “Hell, I forgot about Tall Todd.”
“You really need to stop calling him that.”
“It completely slipped my mind.”
“What? That he existed or that you agreed to go out with him this week?”
She shook her head sheepishly. “Am I a terrible person if I say both?”
“Sounds like the start of a promising relationship. I can hear the wedding bells now.”
“You’re right. I should cancel. We made these plans two weeks ago before his trip down South. Then everything happened with the baby and well…”
“You forgot about the lovely giant you begged me to set you up with. You know women are vying for him?”
“Really? He always seemed a little awkward to me.”
“Okay, maybe vying was too strong a word.”
“In fact, wasn’t it you asking me to do you a favor and go out with your friend?”
“That’s one version of the story.”
“It’s the truth.”
“We’re reporters. You know the truth can be spun in many ways.”
“Not this different.”
“All right, the point is, are you seeing him or not?”
Clara chewed on her lower lip. “I’m not sure. With everything going on it’s probably not a good time.”
“Counterpoint, it will give Walker a chance to look after his kid solo for an evening. Isn’t that the goal? To make him confident in his magical fatherhood abilities?”
“It would be a good test,” Clara admitted.
“You know what else it would do.”
She arched a brow. “I have a feeling you’re about to tell me.”
“It’d show Walker your little moment had no effect on you. Or drive him mad with jealousy. Either way, win-win for you.”
“Walker wouldn’t be jealous of me dating. This might be news to you, but I haven’t been celibate and doodling his name in my journal for the past ten years. I have a life that doesn’t include him.”
“Honey, neither of you have that. The only two people who don’t think you should be together are you guys.”
“My point is he won’t care. I’m not the sort of woman he dates. Trust me on that. He’d run in the opposite direction from anything serious.”
“Then go for yourself. You need a night of normalcy, and you have a few days to get Walker’s parenting skills up to snuff. I’m making an executive decision. You should keep your date.”
Where’s the harm? One night away won’t make much of a difference, and it might do us all some good.
“I’m in,” she decided. “It’s just one date, after all. The world won’t end if I take a few hours off.”
“I’m thrilled by your enthusiasm.”
Clara waved away the words. “I’ll confirm with him this afternoon.”
“Great. Though you might want to push telling him that you are currently living with a hunky, fabulously wealthy man and helping to raise his illegitimate child to the second date.”
“Ha ha. You need a mic and a brick wall behind you when you do that.”
“Who’s joking? I’m totally serious here.”
“Maybe I’ll just avoid all deeply personal topics in general on our first meeting. Does that work for you?”
“What does that leave you to talk about? The weather?”
“I’m sure I can get at least an hour out of commiserating about you.”
Diane tossed an almond at her. “So cruel to the woman keeping a roof over your head.”
“As if you’d fire one of your best reporters.”
“I’d be lost without you. Looks like something Walker and I have in common”
Clara looked away. “Just for a few weeks. This is all very temporary.”
“Sure, it is. And I bet it will all end well, too.”
There was no hiding from the disbelief in Diane’s words, and Clara couldn’t blame her. Anyone outside their situation would think it was crazy.
But that didn’t stop her from believing that maybe crazy could work for them. Just this once.